Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh vs. Ohhhhohhhhh-ohhhhohhhhh
Original Version
1. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton – “Can’t Hold Us”
2. Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”
3. Jason Derulo – “The Other Side”
4. Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly – “Cruise (Remix)”
5. Imagine Dragons – “Radioactive”
6. Maroon 5 – “Love Somebody”
7. Demi Lovato – “Heart Attack”
8. Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell – “Blurred Lines”
9. P!nk ft. Nate Ruess – “Just Give Me a Reason”
10. Ed Sheeran – “Lego House”
11. Fall Out Boy – “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)”
12. Icona Pop – “I Love It”
13. Phillip Phillips – “Gone Gone Gone”
14. Mariah Carey ft. Miguel – “#Beautiful”
15. Train ft. Ashley Monroe – “Bruises”
16. Bruno Mars – “Treasure”
17. Serena Ryder – “Stompa”
18. Zedd ft. Foxes – “Clarity”
19. Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding – “I Need Your Love”
20. New Kids on the Block – “Remix (I Like The)”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Clarity
2. Radioactive
3. I Love It
4. Mirrors
5. I Need Your Love
6. Blurred Lines
7. #Beautiful
8. Stompa
9. Treasure
10. Heart Attack
11. Can’t Hold Us
12. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
13. Just Give Me a Reason
14. Love Somebody
15. Remix (I Like The)
16. Gone Gone Gone
17. Lego House
18. Cruise (Remix)
19. The Other Side
20. Bruises
The past few weeks, Conan has been presenting video evidence that Alex Trebek has been hosting Jeopardy! for too long and has accordingly gone completely insane. This “evidence” consists of spliced clips of various Jeopardy! clues made to seem like one nonsensical clue (e.g., “This ugly guy, Will Smith [not the black one] can sometimes track down one of these Irish fairies, in this type of marriage”). Think of it as Jeopardy! Mad Libs. And Jeopardy! Mad Libs works so well in large part due to the voice of Alex Trebek, one of the best enunciators in North America.
There were a few fallow periods in the middle of this season, but the fertile portions that surrounded them were aplenty. They more than made up for the weak points, resulting in one of the most overall satisfying seasons of the past several years. Every year has its ups and downs, and this season certainly had its forgettable sketches and unworkable hosts, but I tend to focus on the best of the season rather than the worst when making my final assessment. And there was plenty of the best, and the best of the best was sublime. I don’t know if we are ever going to get back to the status quo of the late 80’s/early 90’s when even the worst was perfectly watchable. But if 2012-2013 represents the best consistency SNL is going to get to nowadays, then I am satisfied.
Most Valuable Cast Member Bill Hader
With a relatively high influx of new talent mixed with a large number of veterans hanging on (for the first time ever, three cast members were in their tenth season or higher at the same time), the screen time was appropriately spread around. No one cast member truly dominated the season, so the one who stuck out the most was by default the most valuable one of the last couple of seasons. Bill Hader may not have been ubiquitous in his final season the way he was in his penultimate and antepenultimate seasons, but he did have enough showcase performances to maintain his top dog status. Fittingly, the two best showcases came in the season premiere (the Grenada veteran in the puppet class) and the season finale, his last show (Stefon’s epic goodbye).
Runners-Up: (Rookie of the Year) Cecily Strong
She was responsible for the two biggest breakout recurring bits of the season (the Girl at a Party, and, along with Vanessa Bayer, the former porn stars), making for the best rookie season since Andy Samberg’s seven years ago. Taran Killam
With plenty of veterans leaving or on their way out, it is time for Taran Killam to step up to the plate. You can stick him in whenever you’ve got a sketch with one role missing a performer, and he is plenty capable of coming up with weird bits on his own, in particular Mokiki doing the Sloppy Swish. In interviews, you can tell that this guy is so happy to be there AND so willing to put in the work.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/486597
Some people were turned off by the no-budget aesthete and the cringe humor elements of the first part of Darrell’s House, which was too bad. But everybody loved the second part, and I believe that is because there was something funny going on in every second and every frame. Each sentence was punctuated by an awkward edit, or a smooth edit that seemed like a non sequitur but was actually meant to be there. Then there were the extra bits that weren’t supposed to be there, some that stood out like a sore thumb (Darrell checking his phone in the background) and those that required an eagle eye (Jon Hamm shaking his head incredulously as he left). The most impressive part was that the final product was edited on the fly during the show in between the airing of the first and second parts.
Runners-Up: Lincoln
Louis C.K. is not afraid to make himself look embarrassing. In fact, with his stand-up and eponymous sitcom, he has made the embarrassing sublime. And now he has sublimely embarrassed the legacy of Abraham Lincoln. When Louie puts on the top hat and the beard, he looked nothing like Lincoln, but he was Lincoln. That is, if Lincoln had pondered the existentially crushing weight of the universe and grimaced in pain at how awful some of it all is, in a way that amuses and educates us. Crystals
http://www.hulu.com/watch/433368
There have been many great moments in comedy involving stupid characters. But stupid characters are best not when they are completely stupid, but rather when they have at least a smidgen of mental capability, or when they at least make an attempt to display such capability. There is a fascinating sort of warped logic to such attempts, as exemplified by ex-porn stars Brookie and the one who can’t remember her own name, with their hare-brained scheme to shill for luxurious products. Puppet Class
http://www.hulu.com/watch/401534
Puppet therapy is in. While the class in this sketch wasn’t for therapy per se, that is how Anthnoy Peter Coleman was using it, whether he realized it or not. The puppetry of Seth MacFarlane’s teacher was safe, and therefore boring. Anthony Peter Coleman’s puppetry was dangerous, and thus it had something to say. Tippy
http://www.hulu.com/watch/457656
Mid-conversation joiners who request a conversation recap deserved the good-natured poking that Nasim Pedrad provided. Djesus Uncrossed
http://www.hulu.com/watch/457671
A Quentin Tarantino history parody that avoided being too on-the-nose by seeming like an all-too-real possibility. Outside the Lines
http://www.hulu.com/watch/476027
If abuse were this hilarious, would we be calling for the abusers to be fired? Of course we would, but at least we would also be laughing.
(Best Short Sketches) Replacement Refs
http://www.hulu.com/watch/406370
When people look back at the 2012 NFL season, this sketch will give them a good idea of what it was really like having replacement refs officiating the games. Aw Nuts! Mom’s a Ghost!
(Best 10 to 1 Sketches) Darrell’s House (Edited Version)
I have intrigued myself by considering the possibility of Darrell’s House only airing as the edited version with no explanation as to how it came to be. My dad walked in the room while I was watching the edited piece without having seen the first part, and he was confused. I like to think some people would have been confused AND amused. Crystals
Jamie Foxx’s hosting stint was bottom-heavy, with its best bits appearing in the lower portion of the show, appropriately enough for an episode that culminated in a sketch starring ex-porn stars. Coroner’s Office
http://www.hulu.com/watch/426518
Jeremy Renner looked lost during much of his hosting stint; that actually worked to the advantage of a sketch in which he couldn’t understand the concept of identifying the body of a dead family member. The Art of the Encounter
http://www.hulu.com/watch/476028
Hey, remember the 90’s? I do, but somehow I missed dating instructional videos like this one, so clearly my formative decade was incomplete. Last Call
It goes without saying that Zach Galifianakis is going to be a great host nowadays. The question is, will the episode he is hosting be able to meet his wavelength and be just as good as him? As May 4, 2013 proved, when that does happen, it makes him a great host even better than was previously fathomed.
Runners-Up: Melissa McCarthy
Melissa McCarthy earns a spot on this list mostly on the strength of how she says “ham” and “Barb Kellner.” Justin Timberlake
He used his 5-Timers Club induction episode to solidify why he is currently THE SNL host of the 21st century. Louis C.K.
His willingness to commit to the willingly stupid Mountain Pass sketch was unnecessary though admirable, while his work in the Lincoln sketch was existence-defining.
Best Monologue Vince Vaughn
http://www.hulu.com/watch/478682
One of the supposed biggest draws of Saturday Night Live and live TV in general is the idea that ANYTHING can happen. But over the decades, SNL has become so polished and codified that it really doesn’t seem like anything can happen. That is why I love moments like Vince Vaughn’s monologue, which rambled on and on for nearly 10 minutes and had no point beyond “Vince Vaughn talks to the audience.”
Runners-Up: Zach Galifianakis
http://www.hulu.com/watch/486602
To save time, as soon as Zach Galifianakis is announced as host, you can pencil in his monologue as one of the best of the season. Louis C.K.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/421099
Louis C.K. is the best stand-up comedian working right now. His monologue was a piece of his routine. And that’s the way it is. Melissa McCarthy
http://www.hulu.com/watch/476021
This season had a noticeably satisfying number of abnormal moments. When was the last time a monologue was an extended physical gag? Physical humor is not my favorite genre, and the joke of this monologue could be surmised from a mile away, but commitment to something so different goes a long way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keDbUJPWWHQ
Brittany Howard has the best pure rock voice to emerge in quite some time, and she made sure to sound as good as usual when gracing the SNL stage. Her face might make some weird shapes when she belts her biggest notes, but (thankfully) she lacks the vanity that would prevent her from hitting those notes for the sake of avoiding those faces.
The mini-era of messing around with the SNL music stage began three years ago with Kanye, and now he has returned, to show everybody just how frightening that strategy can be. Phoenix
Somebody had to make sure we had some fun this season. Vampire Weekend
Bang it out quickly and painlessly and go crazy with your pitch, say Vampire Weekend.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/404164
The Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World fits in the same comedy tradition as SNL’s Super Fans and Bill Brasky sketches, so it is only fitting that with Tres Equis SNL would present the opposite of that tradition. How many Ditkas, Braskys, Chuck Norrises, and Most Interesting Men can the world contain? The Tres Equis spots posit going beyond the limit produces dire consequences.
Runners-Up: Gillette
http://www.hulu.com/watch/412893
There is something weirdly cool about the Adrien Brody/Andre 3000/Gael García Bernal Gillette commercials in such a way that recreating them with impressionists is inherently funny and in such a way that adding Jerry Sandusky into the mix is the apex of comedy. Convention Cutaways
http://www.hulu.com/watch/403572
If you watch a lot of footage of … stuff, you’re going to notice patterns of the everyday bizarre.
Best Weekend Update Segment Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with a Party
http://www.hulu.com/watch/406402
A lot of people really do have selfless intentions to change minds and fix the world. But when you don’t really know how things work and you’re slightly drunk, those intentions make you sound like an annoying idiot. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up a hilarious annoying idiot. One worries that Cecily Strong has made too many girls you wish you hadn’t started conversations with at parties believe they are hilarious. But they’re probably not paying attention to anything anyway, so no need to worry.
Runners-Up: Drunk Uncle on the Election
http://www.hulu.com/watch/423756
Drunk Uncle finally covers the topic he was born to explain. Stefon’s Wedding/Farewell http://www.hulu.com/watch/491721
One of the best recurring characters in SNL history gets the most exhilarating, most emotionally fulfilling sendoff any character has ever had. Cecilia Gimenez
http://www.hulu.com/watch/409938
Kate McKinnon may have been doing an Italian accent for a Spanish person, but at least Cecilia’s painting “restoration” was similarly confused.
Best Episode Zach Galifianakis/Of Monsters and Men
When the Jennifer Aniston Look-Alike Contest appeared early in this episode, I thought, “Okay, here’s the one weird sketch of the night.” I figured the rest of the show would fail to live up to the weirdness level set by Zach. That was the formula set by his first couple of hosting stints: one or two Galifianakian bits amidst the disappointing rest. But then we also got the M&M Store, Michael Jordan’s wedding, and Darrell’s House – times two! Thus was ultimately an episode that gelled perfectly with the host and made a case for why it is still worth it to watch SNL live: two big statements from a show that usually does not make any in a typical episode.
Runners-Up: Christoph Waltz/Alabama Shakes
The best musical guest of the season kept us rocking through an episode that featured no duds and two of the best sketches of the year (Tippy, Djesus Uncrossed). Melissa McCarthy/Phoenix
An episode that utilized the best sensibility of Melissa McCarthy’s Groundlings improv training. Seth MacFarlane/Frank Ocean
The premiere set the tone for a season that was frequently willing to put out unique, original material. Justin Timberlake
The 5-Timers Club makes for an episode that is Party Time, Excellent!
Best Dress Rehearsal Cut Posted Online Kanish
http://www.hulu.com/watch/486609
Along with Darrell’s House, Kanish suggests that bad editing was a theme of the Zach Galifianakis episode. The secret of comedy is good timing, and it seems to be that the secret of making something comedic that wasn’t meant to be is bad timing.
Best (Non-Girl at a Party, Non-Drunk Uncle) Lines
1. “A new survey shows that the number of children that is the most stressful for a mother to have is 3, especially if you had 4 when you left the house.” – Seth Meyers on Weekend Update
2. “Because there’s one thing that don’t never go out of style:” “Crys-” “Anal.” – Sammy Stamina (Jamie Foxx)/Brookie (Vanessa)/The one who can’t remember her name (Cecily), in Swarovski Crystals
3. “One time I got banged through a glass ceiling. I changed everything for women. Turns out I’m a feminist. Thanks, Herman’s!” – The ex-porn star who can’t remember her name (Cecily), shilling for Hermès Handbags
4. “Yeah? Who were the judges?! Mr. Magoo and Helen Keller?!”/”Why are people clapping?! These two?! Who did their make-up?! Helen Keller?!” – Paul Nevins (Zach Galifianakis), in the Jennifer Aniston Look-Alike Competition
5. “No Replacement Refs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Program” – Disclaimer at the end of Replacement Refs
6. “Please don’t talk over me. This is not a movie theater.” – Racist Jim (Zach Galifianakis) chastising “Black” Joe, in M&M Store
7. “Glice.”
8. “I was saying TTYL to my innocence.” – Anthony Peter Coleman (Bill), in Puppet Class
9. “Remember: Dylan McDermott was in The Practice, and Dermot Mulroney was in a movie called Staying Together, where he played a character named Kit McDermott. And that is a true fact!” – The host of “Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney” (Bill)
10. “Now who’s the horse?” – Brookie (Vanessa), shilling for Moët et Chandon
11. “I lost part of my foot. It broke off in a butt. And I’ve regretted it ever since. But I don’t regret wearing crystals!” – Brookie (Vanessa), shilling for Swarovski Crystals
12. “Jesus, why you look like a shark?” – Cecilia Gimenez (Kate)
13. “What happens in Delaware…” – Joe Biden (Jason), in Biden Bash
14. “NOT THE B!!!!!” – Brice (Bill), bemoaning the cancellation of Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23, in Firehouse Incident
15. “I can barely hear you. This is an Altoids box.” – Zach Galifianakis, in his monologue
16. “Wow! Wow! It’s like you’re seeing things, and then, but, what I’m hearing, is she’s a woman and she has breasts and stuff!” – Dan Pants (Louis C.K.), in Last Call
17. “My secret is, I’m not Jon Hamm.” – Wayne Smote (Kenan), in Darrell’s Room
18. “The girl was Chinese or something?” “No! Well, yes, but that’s not the point.” – Tippy (Nasim)/Denny (Christoph Waltz), in the Tippy Sketch
19. “I’m Clark, and I like biscuits and waffles.” – Anthony Peter Coleman (Bill), in Puppet Class
20. “Argon, sir. It’s a noble gas.” – Hotel clerk (Louis C.K.), in Hotel Fees
Best The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party Lines:
“Oh, achoo. Oh sorry, Seth. I must be allergic to indifference.”
“Like if I eat French fries at dinner, then I do the rest of the day good.”
“I asked for an end to genocide. Okay? So maybe next time you’re on your new iPad, look up how to be a decent human being.”
“You mean the Christ-mas spirit? Oh right, you don’t care about Jesus cause you worship Hallmark.”
“Also, I’m sorry, why can’t secret Santa be openly gay? Like, hello, it’s 2010.”
“Seth, can I use the n-word real quick?”
“Open your eyes, people: hunger, racism, small businesses. It’s like, maybe don’t.”
“Wow. It’s African American-face. And yes, of course I did.”
“Open your eyes, people: war, hunger, diseases. It’s like, pick one.”
Best Drunk Uncle Lines:
“If you wanted a House of Representatives, you built one yourself.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road? Say it with me: to get away from the immigrants.”
“You know what I’m writing off this year? The next generation.”
“So, I didn’t go to ’lectoral college, okay?”
“So Drunk Uncle, were you surprised by any of the races?” “Oh sure, blacks, Hispanics, Koreans, all of them really.”
“And when you voted, you pulled the damn lever, Seth, like a man. You didn’t fill in a little oval like you were taking some preg’ancy test.”
“Yeah, I’m a hoarder! But you know what I hoard? 1950’s Playboys and dignity.”
“You want to talk about equal rights?! A dog can pee in the streets, that’s fine. Drunk Uncle pees on one payphone, gets arrested instantly.”
“Instead, I got my fat niece going, ‘Spotify me! Spotify me!’ Barf! Spot-if-I care.”
“You know what’s in my Tumblr? Regret.” – Peter Drunklage
You’ll recognize this one from that Honda Civic commercial. Stop using our hip artists, corporations! Actually, no, keep using them, I love hearing them on my TV. That doesn’t mean I’ll be buying your products, though. (Unless they’re quality products, in which case, talk to me.)
will.i.am actually threw off Ke$ha’s vibe there, believe it or not.
Original Version
1. Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell – “Blurred Lines”
2. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton – “Can’t Hold Us”
3. Selena Gomez – “Come & Get It”
4. Imagine Dragons – “Radioactive”
5. P!nk ft. Nate Ruess – “Just Give Me a Reason”
6. Icona Pop – “I Love It”
7. Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”
8. Mariah Carey ft. Miguel – “#Beautiful”
9. Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller – “The Way”
10. Fall Out Boy – “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)”
11. Taylor Swift – “22”
12. Zedd ft. Foxes – “Clarity”
13. Demi Lovato – “Heart Attack”
14. Jason Derulo – “The Other Side”
15. Avril Lavigne – “Here’s to Never Growing Up”
16. Maroon 5 – “Love Somebody”
17. Bruno Mars – “When I Was Your Man”
18. Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko – “Stay”
19. Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding – “I Need Your Love”
20. Ke$ha ft. will.i.am – “Crazy Kids”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Clarity
2. Radioactive
3. I Love It
4. Come & Get It
5. Mirrors
6. I Need Your Love
7. Stay
8. Blurred Lines
9. #Beautiful
10. Heart Attack
11. Crazy Kids
12. Can’t Hold Us
13. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
14. Just Give Me a Reason
15. When I Was Your Man
16. Love Somebody
17. The Way
18. The Other Side
19. 22
20. Here’s to Never Growing Up
Original Version
1. Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”
2. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton – “Cant Hold Us”
3. Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX – “I Love It”
4. Demi Lovato – “Heart Attack”
5. Ed Sheeran – “Lego House”
6. Jason Derulo – “The Other Side”
7. Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly – “Cruise (Remix)”
8. Imagine Dragons – “Radioactive”
9. P!nk ft. Nate Ruess – “Just Give Me a Reason”
10. Maroon 5 – “Love Somebody”
11. Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell – “Blurred Lines”
12. Phillip Phillips – “Gone Gone Gone”
13. Mariah Carey ft. Miguel – “#Beautiful”
14. Sara Bareilles – “Brave”
15. Fall Out Boy – “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)”
16. Calvin Harris ft. Ellie Goulding – “I Need Your Love”
17. Train ft. Ashley Monroe – “Bruises”
18. Goo Goo Dolls – “Rebel Beat”
19. New Kids on the Block – “Remix (I Like The)”
20. Serena Ryder – “Stompa”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Radioactive
2. I Love It
3. Mirrors
4. I Need Your Love
5. Blurred Lines
6. #Beautiful
7. Heart Attack
8. Can’t Hold Us
9. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
10. Stompa
11. Just Give Me a Reason
12. Brave
13. Love Somebody
14. Gone Gone Gone
15. Remix (I Like The)
16. Lego House
17. Cruise (Remix)
18. Rebel Beat
19. The Other Side
20. Bruises
Season Analysis: I did not laugh as consistently as I remember laughing during the original run, but there have been plenty of great gags that have been looping through my head the past few weeks. And most episodes could have benefited from leaner editing, but the great Arrested Development Netflix experiment was generally a remarkable success. The parade of guest stars was far from shameless stunt casting, with John Slattery, Isla Fisher, Kristen Wiig, and Ed Helms just a few of the new faces who were woven seamlessly into the Bluths’ world. The satire was still biting, the cultural references were far-reaching and complicated, and the pathetic emotional underpinnings of the Bluth family were more profound than they have ever been.
“It Gets Better”
I am hesitant to say that the success or failure of an individual Season 4 Arrested Development episode is indicative of the strength or weakness of the character that the episode focuses on. While “Borderline Personalities” and “Double Crossers” were probably the most underwhelming of this bunch, George, Sr. is still a viable source of hilarity. However, “It Gets Better” really does showcase how strong a character George Michael is. And since most people skipped Youth in Revolt, this episode should be offered as the prime evidence that Michael Cera roles are not all the same (his This is the End performance notwithstanding, which provides more proof than should be necessary). George Michael, having taken full advantage of the college experience, is the one Bluth who has developed the most since we last saw him, for better or worse – his confidence has gone way up, which for better has led him to grow a mustache and develop a bit of a ladykiller strain (and always leave on good terms with his ladies), and for worse has made him a true Bluth, the kind who could weave a grand lie about creating privacy software and create a new identity for the sake of wooing a girl (who his father also happens to be dating). “It Gets Better” also naturally benefits from arriving late in the season and therefore providing plenty of resolution to the season’s running threads, with it finally becoming clear what FakeBlock really is. This episode also gloriously plays up Michael Cera’s resemblance to Jesse Eisenberg, going full bore in having the FakeBlock saga parallel The Social Network, leading to the best “On the Next…” gag of the season, in which P-Hound plays the role of Eduardo Saverin or the Winklevoss twins. A couple more things to note: George Michael’s late mother Tracey (played by the always lovely Maria Thayer) makes her first on-screen appearance, in a flashback with toddler George Michael, and it is the most heartwarming moment of the whole series, and this episode also features the best celebrity guest appearance we didn’t know we needed, with David Henrie popping in as himself.
Honorable Mention: “Señoritis”
With “It Gets Better” succeeding in large part thanks to weaving together many plot threads that had been set up in earlier episodes, it is interesting that “Señoritis,” the episode that preceded it, succeeds about just as well despite much of it existing independent of the rest of the season. Perhaps that it is appropriate, as one of Maeby’s key characteristics is her invisibility to her parents. This episode works as a sort of long con comedy-thriller, with Maeby repeating senior year of high school several times more or less just to see how long she can get away with it. The stealthiest cultural reference of the season appears in this episode, with Maeby’s Opie acceptance speech serving as an homage to the Maryland sorority girl’s e-mail.
Apparently, some television actors don’t know how big or small their roles are on their shows. Or they just don’t care. Or they prefer to be in the category that they think has easier competition. Whatever the reasons, every year, there are lead performers who submit in the supporting category, or vice versa. I scoured the ballot (http://www.emmys.tv/ballots/2013) to find this year’s offenders. Here they are, listed in order of “Definitely Wrong Category” to “Probably The Right Category But An Argument Could Be Made Otherwise.”
-Amy Schumer (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for Inside Amy Schumer) – The show’s named after you, you’re in every sketch, and at least 90% of the sketches revolve around your character…
-Anthony Jeselnik (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for The Jeselnik Offensive) – Umm, again, look at your show title.
-Rob Lowe (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for Parks and Recreation) – Rob Lowe, you are not a lead. You’re just not. There are four others (Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Adam Scott, Rashida Jones) with bigger roles than yours, two of whom submitted as Supporting. And there are three others (Aziz Ansari, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt) whose roles are at least as big as yours.
-Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein/Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for Portlandia/Key and Peele) – Guys, these are your shows. Keegan and Jordan, it’s your eponymous show. You can support each other as co-leads. Also, Fred, you’re competing with yourself on the Supporting ballot (SNL) instead of spreading yourself around!
-Portia De Rossi (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for Arrested Development) – I don’t know if you could really say that anyone had enough screen time in AD S4 to be considered a lead. We can accept Jason Bateman, because everything more or less still goes through Michael, but other than that, I don’t see the justification.
-Sarah Wayne Callies (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for The Walking Dead) – When you die about halfway through the season, that kind of makes it hard to be a lead.
-Katie Cassidy (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for Arrow) – This is not a show with multiple leads.
-Sarah Paulson (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for American Horror Story: Asylum) – There were a lot of characters in AHS: Asylum, and somehow just about everything went through Lana.
-Jim Beaver (submitted as Guest instead of Supporting for Justified) – The whole seasonlong storyarc kind of revolved around him.
-Jake Johnson (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for New Girl) – Yeah, his screen time was aplenty, but this is still Zooey Deschanel’s show.
-Adam Scott (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for Parks and Recreation) – Despite being the husband of the main character, I would argue he is at most the third most significant character.
-Freddie Highmore (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for Bates Motel) – Apparently the focus is more on Mrs. Bates, but I’m hearing this is just the latest example of a child actor apparently not being old enough to enter in the lead field.
-Jessica Lange (submitted as Lead instead of Supporting for American Horror Story: Asylum) – She could maybe make a case as a secondary lead.
-Mike O’Malley (submitted as Guest instead of Supporting for Justified) – He may have been in only half the episodes, but he was the season’s main villain.
-Walton Goggins (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for Justified) – He had about as much screen time as Timothy Olyphant. Who says the antagonist can’t be considered a lead?
-Mads Mikkelsen (submitted as Supporting instead of Lead for Hannibal) – I haven’t started watching yet, but I hear this may actually be the right choice despite his name being in the title.
-Garret Dillahunt (sumbitted as Lead instead of Supporting for Raising Hope) – You gotta call Lucas Neff the top lead, but I guess he, Dillahunt, and Martha Plimpton all have enough screen time for there to be 3 leads. Apparently Lucas Neff didn’t even submit himself anyway.
-Tatiana Maslany (submitted as Lead instead of Everything for Orphan Black)
I’m going to change the pace a bit and get real for a minute: just in the past week I’ve realized how awesome Zedd’s “Clarity” really is.
Original Version
1. Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell – “Blurred Lines”
2. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton – “Can’t Hold Us”
3. Selena Gomez – “Come & Get It”
4. Imagine Dragons – “Radioactive”
5. P!nk ft. Nate Ruess – “Just Give Me a Reason”
6. Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”
7. Icona Pop – “I Love It”
8. Fall Out Boy – “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)”
9. Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller – “The Way”
10. Mariah Carey ft. Miguel – “#Beautiful”
11. Zedd ft. Foxes – “Clarity”
12. Taylor Swift – “22”
13. Jason Derulo – “The Other Side”
14. will.i.am ft. Justin Bieber – “#thatPOWER”
15. Demi Lovato – “Heart Attack”
16. Avril Lavigne – “Here’s to Never Growing Up”
17. Bruno Mars – “When I Was Your Man”
18. Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko – “Stay”
19. Maroon 5 – “Love Somebody”
20. Emeli Sandé – “Next to Me”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Radioactive
2. I Love It
3. Clarity
4. Come & Get It
5. Mirrors
6. Stay
7. Blurred Lines
8. #Beautiful
9. Heart Attack
10. Can’t Hold Us
11. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
12. Next to Me
13. Just Give Me a Reason
14. When I Was Your Man
15. Love Somebody
16. #thatPOWER
17. The Other Side
18. The Way
19. 22
20. Here’s to Never Growing Up
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