More Machine Than Bert (CREDIT: Aleksandar Letic/Screen Gems)
Starring: Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Iva Babić, Jimmy Tatro, Jessica Gabor, Stephanie Kurtzuba, Nikola Đuričko, Oleg Taktarov
Director: Peter Atencio
Running Time: 112 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 26, 2023 (Theaters)
If you’ve read some of my other movie reviews, you might have noticed that I sometimes like to ask, “Do I want to do/be The Thing in This Movie?” So now that Bert Kreischer has taken us on a tour of Russia… do I want to be The Machine? Honestly, I think there’s a little (or a big) Machine in all of us… and I like it! We aren’t all fated to party with the Russian mafia, but surely we are all fated to encounter dangerous fun in our own particular way. So here comes the rise of My Machine*! (*-Hopefully minus the part where I would call any women in my life the C-word.)
Sebastian Maniscalco, next to his father (CREDIT: Dan Anderson/Lionsgate)
Starring: Sebastian Maniscalco, Robert De Niro, Leslie Bibb, Kim Cattrall, David Rasche, Anders Holm, Brett Dier
Director: Laura Terruso
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Some Mildly Off-Color Jokes and A Full Moon
Release Date: May 26, 2023
What’s It About?: Sebastian Maniscalco has now joined the time-honored tradition of comedians making movies about their very own lives. Ain’t that something? It certainly helps that he knows some memorable characters, including one in particular. That would be his Sicilian immigrant father Salvo, here played by none other than Bobby De Niro. Salvo values hard work and frugality above all else, except when it comes to cologne. You might not expect a guy like that to be a hairdresser, but he is in fact an undisputed master of the cosmotelogical arts. As for the plot, Sebastian is finally ready to propose to his girlfriend Ellie (Leslie Bibb) on a Fourth of July trip. He brings his dad along, but a little warily, because he’s not so sure about the impression he’ll make on Ellie’s upper crust family. If that sounds like a formula for gags involving peacock slaughter and accidental indecent exposure, then you know exactly what you’re in for!
What Made an Impression?: I’m fairly certain that the screening of About My Father I attended was mostly filled with Sebastian Maniscalco fans, and they were cracking up the whole way through. So if you count yourself a connoisseur of his comedy, then you should probably check it out as well. I wouldn’t say that he’s fully won me over, but I see the appeal, and it’s an enduring and pretty much universal hook. You don’t have to be Italian-American to understand his family’s immigrant story, and you don’t have to be a child of immigrants to have wacky relatives. About My Father doesn’t break the mold at all with its family dynamics. In fact, it’s as moldy as they come, but it knows exactly what it wants to do, and it pulls it off comfortably.
It certainly helps to have pros on hand who can sell the emotion and trust in the wilder flights of fancy. This isn’t vintage De Niro, but it’s not sleepwalking De Niro either. I imagine he caught some of Sebastian’s stand-up, cracked a smile, said “That’s funny,” and then knew exactly how he was going to play the part. Ellie’s generically conservative parents seem to exist totally divorced from any political reality, but David Rasche is comforting even when you hate what he’s doing, and Kim Cattrall of course cannot be denied. As Ellie’s brothers, Anders Holm is maybe a little too much of a hardcore country club douche (though that’s of course what you hire him for), while Brett Dier is a scene-stealer as a woo-woo positive energy seeker. In conclusion, everyone hits their marks on time, the laughs arrive efficiently, and we all get to go home after an hour and a half.
About My Father is Recommended If You Like: Mining new laughs out of old clichés
Will they hurt YOUR feelings? Let’s find out! (CREDIT: Jeong Park/A24)
Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed, Owen Teague, Jeannie Berlin, David Cross, Amber Tamblyn, Zach Cherry
Director: Nicole Holofcener
Running Time: 93 Minutes
Rating: R for Angry, Hurt, Occasionally Petty Adults Being Annoyed with Each Other
Release Date: May 26, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Don (Tobias Menzies) is a therapist with some crotchety patients who make him question his effectiveness. His wife Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) is a novelist and writing professor who’s struggling through her own neurotic insecurities. They’re close with her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins) and Sarah’s husband Mark (Arian Moayed), who are basically a less prickly version of Don and Beth. There are also check-ins with Beth and Sarah’s kooky mom Georgia (Jeannie Berlin) and Don and Beth’s grown son Elliott (Owen Teague), but it all hinges on the inciting incident of Beth accidentally eavesdropping on Don criticizing her latest book. And then it all unravels from there!
What Made an Impression?: As everyone’s emotions reached a fever pitch in You Hurt My Feelings, I wanted to scream, “Free yourself of the Good/Bad Binary!” Beth is so unrelentingly attached to the idea that she needs her husband to genuinely like her artistic output. He offers her unconditional emotional support instead, but that rings hollow to her, even though Don makes a convincing case for the fact that he might just not be the right audience for her. Quite frankly, this is what so many people need to hear. When it comes to art and creativity, there is no such thing as Objectively Good or Objectively Good. (Or at least, there’s no way to know those platonic ideals with absolute certainty.)
This is all to say, writer-director Nicole Holofcener has crafted quite the anxiety-inducing viewing experience. There are plenty of keenly observed character dynamics at play here that I’m sure will produce laughs in anyone who’s receptive to them in the right way. But instead of chuckling, I discovered that my innards were tied up like a pretzel that threatened to morph into bloating and constipation. I don’t mean that as a criticism, but instead an illustration of one particular emotional response to a deeply personal creative work. I didn’t exactly enjoy watching You Hurt My Feelings, but I appreciate it, and Holofcener has my full support.
You Hurt My Feelings is Recommended If You Like: Reading bad reviews
Hey, Rocket Raccoon, what did you do? (CREDIT: Marvel Entertainment/Screenshot)
Starring: Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldaña, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Vin Diesel, Chukwudi Iwuji, Will Poulter, Sean Gunn, Linda Cardellini, Nathan Fillion, Sylvester Stallone, Elizabeth Debicki, Maria Bakalova, Nico Santos, Miriam Shor
Director: James Gunn
Running Time: 150 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: May 5, 2023
I nodded off a fair amount during Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 (post-half marathon recovery), which felt appropriate, because I think my subconscious recognized that I would have been too overwhelmed otherwise. There were A LOT of creatures being mistreated – my emotions can only handle so much!
With that in mind, I feel compelled to be more nakedly emotional than usual:
-Two and a half hours? Egads!
-Rocket, I feel so close to you now!
-Cosmo is such a good dog!
If you’ve ever been studying history and wondered, “When will then be now?,” the answer is “Soon,” as Jeff, Aunt Beth, and returning guest Steven Grade discuss the career of Mel Brooks and the Hulu miniseries History of the World, Part II.
TV
–Beat Shazam Season 6 Premiere (May 23 on FOX) – Nick Cannon steps in for Jamie Foxx.
–Clone High Reboot Premiere (May 23 on Max) – Remember when this was on MTV back in the day?
–Don’t Forget the Lyrics Season Premiere (May 23 on FOX)
–Gremlins: Secrets of the Mogwai Series Premiere (May 23 on Max) – Animated Gizmo.
–American Born Chinese Series Premiere (May 24 on Disney+)
–The Flash Series Finale (May 24 on The CW)
–The Prank Panel Series Premiere (May 24 on ABC) – Knoxville, Andre, Sidibe.
Music
-Graham Nash, Now
-Kesha, Gag Order
-Paul Simon, Seven Psalms
-Sufjan Stevens, Reflections
-Yes, Mirror to the Sky
Family (CREDIT: Peter Mountain/Universal Pictures)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Momoa, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, Alan Ritchson, Jason Statham, Daniela Melchior, Leo Abelo Perry, Scott Eastwood, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Rita Moreno
Director: Louis Leterrier
Running Time: 141 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Flying Cars and Bullets
Release Date: May 19, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: We’re ten* films deep now in the Fast & Furious franchise (eleven if you count the spinoff), and things are getting pretty X-treme! Of course, you might well reasonably note that extremity was this series’ m.o. from the very beginning. But this is the first time that an “X” actually managed to sneak its way into the title. And that’s not the only unique bit of business. Usually these movies are pretty self-contained, and the plot is generally besides the point, but Fast X calls back directly to a previous adventure. Luckily for anyone who needs a refresher, there are plenty of flashbacks to Fast Five, when Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew pulled off a heist in Brazil against drug lord Hernan Reyes. Now Hernan’s eccentric and sadistic son Dante (Jason Momoa) is out for revenge. He prefers to make his victims suffer, and for someone who values family as much as Dom, there are innumerable ways to poke at that nerve.
I said-a hip, hop, hippy-hypnotic! (CREDIT: Ketchup Entertainment/Screenshot)
Starring: Ben Affleck, Alice Braga, William Fichtner, J.D. Pardo, Hala Finley, Dayo Okeniyi, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeff Fahey
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Running Time: 94 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 12, 2023 (Theaters)
Now that I’ve seen Hypnotic, have Robert Rodriguez and company convinced me that I would now like to be a hypnotic myself as well? Well, the ending kind of seems to imply that everybody in the world actually is a hypnotic already. (Spoiler Alert? LOL) Anyway, this movie is kind of like the younger brother that copies everything its older siblings do. In this scenario, those older sibs are head-scratchers like Memento or reality-is-just-a-construct puzzlers like Dark City. It’s pretty dopey, and I kind of dug it for that.
Rating: R for Hijinks That Might Require Invoking a Safe Word
Release Date: May 19, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Hal (Christopher Abbott) is a big-deal businessman on an important phone call. When Rebecca (Margaret Qualley) arrives in his hotel room, she starts conducting a job interview with some surprisingly personal questions about his bodily measurements and sexual history. As it turns out, she’s actually a dominatrix and he’s orchestrated this entire encounter. He’s one of her top clients, but he’s about to end their arrangement in the wake of acquiring his late father’s company. But instead of walking away quietly, she sees an opening to potentially re-negotiate their terms. Will this evening blow up everything between them, or will they find themselves closer than ever before?
What Made an Impression?: It was pretty hot and stuffy in the screening room where I saw Sanctuary, which felt thematically appropriate. I could never quite get comfortable or figure out where exactly Abbott, Qualley, director Zachary Wigon, or writer Micah Bloomberg were guiding us. Surely some of that was by design. But it didn’t make it any less unsettling. I spent the vast majority of the running time wondering if this battle of the wits was all just part of the script that Hal had written for Rebecca. The ambiguity was killing me! And I usually appreciate ambiguity.
I think the issue was that I was never entirely sure what the base reality was. We never see anyone besides Hal and Rebecca, and that claustrophobic setup can really warp your sense of reality. So whenever Hal freaked out the possibility of Rebecca exposing him, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Would that really be a big deal?” The answer to that seemed like it was supposed to be “Obviously, yes.” But also the Terms of Use kept shifting.
Still, this was quite the spirited presentation, with a particularly go-for-broke performance from Qualley. It’s kind of like a screwball-slapstick version of the 90s corporate sex thrillers that Michael Douglas specialized in. If you do check out Sanctuary, I recommend focusing on the pratfalls and not getting too hung up on the contracts.
Sanctuary is Recommended If You Like: Traipsing on the edge
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