‘The Lighthouse’ is a Terrifying Portrayal of Isolation That May Just Be Too Much to Bear

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CREDIT: A24

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Willem Dafoe

Director: Robert Eggers

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: R for Sexual Content and Violence Covered in Mud and Seawater, and Uniquely Accented Profanity

Release Date: October 18, 2019 (Limited)

Very scary quite contrary. Ooey gooey muddy yucky.

Movies like The Lighthouse make me wonder if it should be standard practice to hand out programs to filmgoers as they enter the theater. While there is no shortage of assets in 2019 to consult to help with any cinematic confusion, there’s a big difference between visiting Wikipedia or Reddit afterwards and actually having a booklet in hand while watching. (It might be too dark to read during the actual show, but there’s something to be said for the security blanket quality of its mere presence.) Director Robert Eggers’ last film, The Witch, had the very helpful tone-setting subtitle “A New England Folktale,” which calibrated my filmgoing faculties exactly where they needed to be. Meanwhile, The Lighthouse, featuring Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe as a couple of lighthouse keepers struggling with isolation and their growing antagonism twoards each other, is a much more throw-you-over-the-edge-without-a-life-preserver affair.

That’s not to say that I need, or even want, my hand held throughout The Lighthouse. It’s fine, and probably better, that certain things remain a mystery. Like the mermaid that Pattinson gets it on with that’s probably just a vision, though it’s hard to tell for sure in this landscape. Also, why is that seagull so angry? These are discussions I’m happy to have after watching a sensorially pummeling movie like this one! But while watching, I’d prefer it if I wasn’t constantly asking myself, “Where am I?” If Eggers had just given us one little crumb, like a subtitle along the lines of, for example, “A Sea Shanty,” I think I would have been able to digest this one a little more properly.

But despite this major reservation, I cannot dismiss The Lighthouse entirely. I will always encourage visionary cinema, even if I’m not a fan of the particular vision. And this black-and-white freakout about the horrors of isolation, presented in a claustrophobic 4:3 boxy aspect ratio, certainly qualifies as a vision. So I’ll remain open-minded to re-evaluating this ish in the future, but for now it feels like a silly slosh through the mud and an overindulgent assault on our senses.

The Lighthouse is Recommended If You Like: You Were Never Really Here, Mandy, The Witch

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Seagulls

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Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review: David Harbour/Camila Cabello

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CREDIT: Rosalind O’Connor/NBC

Oh wow, we’ve already reached the third episode of this season of Saturday Night Live. Mr. Host is David Harbour, one of the stars of Netflix hit series Stranger Things, Season 3 of which arrived way back on July 4. But I hope that some people are still making their way through it because TV is so much better when you spread it out. Musical guest is Camila Cabello, who is tall enough to ride this ride. I was attending a wedding as this episode was actually airing, which means I was up way past my bedtime. The matrimonial celebrating was quite intense, but it didn’t rob me of my ability to laugh.

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 10/11/19

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CREDIT: Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
The Addams Family (Theatrically Nationwide) – Probably no MC Hammer, though.
Jexi (Theatrically Nationwide) – Rose Byrne has made me laugh in the past.
Parasite (Limited Theatrically)

TV
Arrow Season 8 Premiere (October 15 on The CW) – Final season alert!

With ‘Parasite,’ Bong Joon-ho Weaves Together an Explosively Satirical Meeting of the Haves and Have-Nots

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CREDIT: NEON/CJ Entertainment

Starring: Song Kang-ho, Jang Hye-jin, Choi Woo-shik, Park So-dam, Lee Sun-kyun, Cho Yeo-jeong, Jung Ji-so, Jung Hyun-joon, Lee Jung-eun, Park Myung-hoon, Park Seo-joon

Director: Bong Joon-ho

Running Time: 132 Minutes

Rating: R for Language, Bruising Brawls, and Surprising, Surreptitious Sex

Release Date: October 11, 2019 (Limited)

When I see movies in the theater, I unfortunately find myself nodding off more often than I’d like to. I suppose it has something to do with the combination of the darkened setting and the sluggishness that comes with (as is often the case) having just eaten a meal. It gets even worse with foreign films, as hearing people talk in another language is a natural lullaby and also because my brain has to do the extra work of reading the subtitles. That’s especially bad news, because I usually need to devote more mental energy to foreign films to keep straight in my head all the actors that I’m unfamiliar with. So as I was nodding off a half hour into Parasite, I was so worried that I would miss essential information. But then, miraculously, my bout with Mr. Sandman ended at the perfect time, right as the major twist was about to re-establish everything. This is the latest from Bong Joon-ho, and on the basis of his earlier films like Snowpiercer and Okja, I was primed for Parasite to eventually reveal more ambitions than its modest beginnings. I never could have guessed just how right I was.

We meet the Kim family of four living in a ridiculously shabby semi-basement apartment where they have to deal with a wealth of indignities that would be depressing if they weren’t so comical (like a hooligan who keeps urinating on the road outside their window). They’re all struggling to get any work better than folding a bunch of pizza boxes as fast as humanly possible, but then a bit of luck allows Ki-woo (Choi Woo-shik) to get a job tutoring the teenage daughter of the wealthy Park family, though he does have to fudge his credentials a bit. He’s then able to land his sister Ki-jung (Park So-dam) a gig teaching art to the Park’s young son. Pressing forward, the Kim siblings next scheme to get the Park’s driver and housekeeper fired so that their father Ki-taek (Song Kang-ho) and mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin) can take over in those positions. And all this time, the Parks never realize that they’re now employing the entire Kim family.

It seems that the Kims have pulled off their little scam flawlessly, but what was the purpose of it exactly? They do not seem to have any intention of robbing the Parks, but rather, the relative security of a set of service jobs is the end goal. (It makes you wonder, if infamous fraudster Frank Abagnale were a young man today, would Catch Me If You Can have been about him forging his credentials to secure lower-paying jobs like housekeeping and food delivery?) When Chung-sook is tasked with house-sitting as the Parks head out for some overnight camping, the Kims use the opportunity for the fanciest (but also sloppiest) night of drinking they’ve probably ever had, and it’s almost charming how much more they could be taking advantage of their employers. But it turns out that they’ve already pushed things too far, as the old housekeeper (Lee Jung-eun) shows up at the front door that night to ask the Kims for a little favor.

At this point, Parasite reveals itself to be the latest of Bong’s teardowns of modern capitalism, as a major secret reveals what, and who, society buries and pushes aside to prop up its pockets of wealth. Bong has been consistently interested in exploring what happens when people are pushed to the brink and stowed away from the levers of power. Parasite presents that arrangement about as literally as possible. When the hidden contents are unleashed, they spill out to create an unclassifiable mix of satire, chaotic action, and poignant melancholy. This is fascinatingly revealing cinema that won’t soon be forgotten by anyone lucky enough to see it.

Parasite is Recommended If You Like: Movies that resemble Russian nesting dolls

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Falsified Credentials

‘Gemini Man’ Review: Will Smith is the Clone Daddy, and I Feel Fine

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CREDIT: Paramount Pictures/Skydance/Jerry Bruckheimer Films

Starring: Will Smith, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Clive Owen, Benedict Wong

Director: Ang Lee

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Scrapes and Bruises from a Variety of Guns and Errant Motorcyles

Release Date: October 11, 2019

Gemini Man is about Will Smith confronting a younger version of himself, so naturally enough, while watching Gemini Man, I found myself confronting my memories of earlier films that it reminded me of. Smith plays Henry Brogan, a sharpshooting government assassin who’s got retirement on the mind. In his own way, he’s as remarkable a human specimen as Nelson Mandela, except that, as one character helpfully informs us, “Nelson Mandela couldn’t kill a man on a moving train two miles away.” Smith also plays what appears to be a younger version of himself sent to kill Henry, which obviously calls to mind Looper (which I dare say is way up there among the best sci-fi movies of this century). It turns out that that young’un (who goes by Jackson, or more often “Junior”) is actually a clone, which puts me in the mind of Never Let Me Go or even the MST3K-spoofed Parts: The Clonus Horror. Henry and Junior’s well-choreographed fight scenes feature them anticipating each other’s every move, and their subsequent description of each other as a “ghost” had me thinking about Mario Kart‘s Time Trial mode. Even Henry’s choice of dockside retirement locale is strangely evocative of this year’s bizarre head-spinner Serenity.

While at first (and second and third) glance, Gemini Man appears rather derivative, it’s got a big idea on its mind that’s significantly different than its forebears. Although oddly enough, the reason why Henry has been cloned and Junior’s been sent to kill him isn’t revealed until the end, so I guess it counts as a spoiler. I’ll keep it a secret then, but it would have made sense to reveal it earlier and allow the movie a chance to really dig into the ethical conundrums it suggests. Because without the clarity of that thematic schematic, Gemini Man is an oddly limp storytelling endeavor in which globetrotting and lethal situations feel like no big deal when they should feel like kind of a big deal. Furthermore, the script features some stunningly unnatural dialogue, but honestly, those moments are the highlights of the film because that’s when personality (unintentionally [?] offbeat as it may be) shines through. Gemini Man‘s premise and the talent involved suggest the height of ambition, but the execution offers the counter-narrative that this is actually just a goofy little lark.

Note: The screening I attended was projected in the high frame rate of 120 frames per second, five times film’s usual 24 FPS. This is how the film was shot, though only 14 theaters in America will be showing it in 120 FPS. The major noticeable difference between 120 and 24 is the level of detail on human skin (in 120, you can pretty much see every pore and sweat gland). It’s slightly surreal, though I don’t think it’s because 24 is more natural, but rather because that’s what we’re used to, and anything different is going to feel odd.

Gemini Man is Recommended If You Like: Feeling Ever So Slightly Off

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Clone Ghosts

‘The King’ is a Slog Through Shakespearean Henriad History

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CREDIT: Netflix

Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Joel Edgerton, Robert Pattinson, Ben Mendelsohn, Sean Harris, Lily-Rose Depp, Tom Glynn-Carney

Director: David Michôd

Running Time: 133 Minutes

Rating: R for Messy War Combat

Release Date: October 11, 2019 (Limited Theatrically)/November 1, 2019 (Streaming on Netflix)

Once more unto the breach, dear friends? It’s awfully muddy in that breach. That seems to be the big advantage of turning Shakespeare’s Henry IV (Parts 1 and 2!) and Henry V into a movie in 2019: you can make it as muddy as you need it to be! And director David Michôd sure wanted that breach to be muddy. And Falstaff (Joel Edgerton, who co-wrote the script with Michôd) won’t let us forget it. Not that we would have been able to miss it anyway.

I majored in English literature in my undergraduate days, so watching The King is like revisiting old friends for me, but excessively grim versions. I know right from the get-go that wary-of-the-crown Prince Hal will soon enough become King Henry V, Beloved War Hero. But even if I’d never read one verse of Shakespeare, I would have been able to figure that out easily enough. That’s how these narratives tend to play out after all, and also Timothée Chalamet is so hot right now. But that predictability is not necessarily a problem. Shakespeare did not establish his reputation on twisty plots, but rather on wonderfully poetic language. Alas, The King does not have the wit to match. I of course do not demand nor expect that every new Shakespeare adaptation feature iambic pentameter, but if there is going to be as much dialogue as there is in The King, it would be nice if it were at least somewhat exciting. But alas, it seems that war is not only hell, it’s also boring.

As we make our way through the muck into the Battle of Agincourt, The King eventually comes alive somewhat in the form of Robert Pattinson as the Dauphin, the French side’s secret weapon, at least in terms of charisma. He seems to have been warped by the warring status quo between France and England into some sort of almost inhuman, devious little sprite. He is less interested in victory or survival than he is into sucking out the life force of his rivals. I haven’t seen any of those Twilight movies, so for me, this feels like the first time Pattinson has ever played a vampire on screen. If only the other combatants had the verve to match.

The King is Recommended If You Like: Shakespeare minus the poetry

Grade: 2 out of 5 Chainmail Suits

Tim Heidecker Expands His Empire with the Political Mockumentary ‘Mister America’

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CREDIT: Magnolia Pictures/YouTube Screenshot

Starring: Tim Heidecker, Gregg Turkington, Terri Parks, Don Pecchia, Curtis Webster

Director: Eric Notarnicola

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R for Language, Mostly and Some Drug Use Apparently

Release Date: October 9, 2019 (One Night Only)

Mister America is the latest, and perhaps most ambitious, entry in the Tim Heidecker/Gregg Turkington Fictional Universe. Now either that sentence is meaningless to you, or you’ve already made plans to see Mister America. For the uninitiated, the backstory is more ridiculous and labyrinthine than you could possibly imagine. Starting in 2011, Heidecker and Turkington started the podcast On Cinema, in which they review films as fictionalized, mostly incompetent versions of themselves. A couple of years later, the show became the webseries On Cinema at the Cinema on AdultSwim.com, and it’s since gone on to spawn spin-offs, like the action spoof Decker on Adult Swim proper, and then “The Trial,” an extended courtroom saga in which Tim was charged with murder following the overdose deaths at a music festival he organized. Mister America is a mockumentary that directly springs from “The Trial,” chronicling Tim’s revenge-fueled campaign to become district attorney of San Bernardino, California.

If you’re a fan of Heidecker (and his frequent partner Eric Wareheim), you’re probably automatically loyal to whatever weird project he’s committed 100%. But if you’ve instead been traumatized by just one moment of exposure to his brand of purposeful amateurism, you probably have no intention of ever giving him another chance. I’m certainly in the former camp, but I do worry how someone who usually works in 5-to-20-minute bursts will handle a feature length space with the same shtick. As amused as I am by Heidecker’s clueless right-wing blowhard altar ego, it can be patience-testing to endure him spouting a bunch of gussied-up nonsense over and over again. Luckily, Turkington is on hand to occasionally lighten up the proceedings with his trademark banal movie trivia “facts.”

Much of the action of Mister America takes place in the drab hotel setup that Tim has made his campaign headquarters (it was necessary to establish residency in San Bernardino). This soul-killing setting reminded me of The Brink, the recent actual documentary about Steve Bannon that was similarly trapped by temporary lodgings. That film had a decently keen insight into the former White House chief strategist, but it was a tough watch because its subject is so devoid of charisma. So with that contrast in mind, Mister America kind of works because it’s about an idiot who’s nonetheless charismatic in a through-the-looking-glass sort of way. If only all the racist dog-whistlers out there were this clueless, the world would be a much better and more amusing place.

Mister America is Recommended If You Like: Tim Heidecker Unbound

Grade: 3 out of 5 Crime Eliminators

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