‘Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead,’ Do Become Stressed Out

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I haven’t told my mom that I watched this movie (CREDIT: Iconic Events/Screenshot)

Starring: Simone Joy Jones, Nicole Richie, Donielle Tremaine Hansley, Ayaamii Sledge, Carter Young, June Squibb, Miles Fowler, Ms. Pat, Jermaine Fowler, Gus Kenworthy, Iantha Richardson

Director: Wade Allain-Marcus

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: April 12, 2024 (Theaters)

Y’all know I sometimes like to review movies by asking: would I like this to happen to me? In the case of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead (2024 Version), I don’t think I can go any higher than a “Reply hazy, try again.”

I’ve never seen the original Don’t Tell…, so I don’t know if this 21st century version opted for a totally new direction, but I can say for sure that this is NOT what I was expecting. With a deceased babysitter, I figured the kids would take their newfound freedom and get up to a bunch of unfettered adventures that Mom cannot know about. But instead, the kids need money, so they apply for jobs that Mom cannot know about. Instead of vicarious partying, I had to paddle through vicarious financial precarity. ACK!

Grade: Don’t Tell Mom About the Fraud Either

‘The Blackening’ is Happening

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Oh, by the way, which one’s Black? (CREDIT: Glen Wilson/Lionsgate)

Starring: Grace Byers, Jermaine Fowler, Melvin Gregg, X Mayo, Dewayne Perkins, Antoinette Robertson, Sinqua Walls, Jay Pharoah, Yvonne Orji, Diedrich Bader, James Preston Rogers

Director: Tim Story

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Language, Molly, and Bows and Arrows

Release Date: June 16, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Based on a comedy sketch from 2018 of the same name, The Blackening follows a group of friends converging at a nice little cabin in the woods for a Juneteenth getaway. Alas, there are some bad vibes suggesting that not everybody is going to survive the vacation. At first, it’s just little things, like a creepy cashier staring one of them down in a convenience store, or a park ranger asking to see everyone’s IDs before they enter their rental. But then it quickly becomes a lot more explicitly brutal and racist, with blood on the floor and a creepy board game with a Black Sambo face right in the middle of the board. With a Ghostface-style voice, an unseen gamemaster subjects the friends to a series of ludicrous and sadistic challenges to prove their Blackness (or lack thereof). In these types of movies, it’s usually the Black character who dies first, but when they’ve all got plenty of melanin, it makes for a formula of reckless, satirical shenanigans amidst the mayhem.

What Made an Impression?: See It with a Dang Crowd: I caught The Blackening at its New York Premiere at Harlem’s Apollo Theater, which is pretty much the Platonic ideal for experiencing this type of movie. If it’s been forever since you’ve seen a comedy with a raucous, no-holds-barred crowd, then this is the perfect opportunity to reacquaint yourself with the magic of cinematic social bonding. Watching The Blackening is not the time to be self-conscious. So bring along your whole crew, and then laugh, hoot, and holler to your heart’s content! These characters were written knowing that they would be received that way, and they’re ready for it.
Black History on Juneteenth: The Blackening scene destined to become the most iconic puts everyone’s Blackness to the test with a series of questions about Black history and popular culture. The queries cover such important, wide-ranging topics as Sojourner Truth, the NAACP, and the two Aunt Vivs on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. But then the gauntlet is truly thrown when the players must identify some Black person – ANY Black person! – who ever appeared on Friends. Bona fides will be tested, so feel free to play along … if you dare.
Blunt AND Clever: Parodies and satire of horror are as old as the genre itself, ranging from the silliness of Abbott and Costello and Scary Movie, to the self-awareness of Scream and Cabin in the Woods. The Blackening manages to lie somewhere in the middle, while capturing the best of both approaches. This is the sort of movie where the most prominent white character is called none other than “Ranger White.” But it’s also the type of movie where the villain is genuinely terrifying, with grievances that are taken deeply and seriously. And it’s also also the type of movie featuring telepathic communication that makes you go, “Yeah, that’s pretty realistic.”

The Blackening is Recommended If You Like: Scream, Undercover Brother, Cabin in the Woods, A Black Lady Sketch Show, Black Jeopardy!

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Rap Snacks

‘Coming 2 America’ Actually Goes to Zamunda for the Most Part

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Coming 2 America (CREDIT: Quantrell D. Colbert/Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Jermaine Fowler, Arsenio Hall, Leslie Jones, Tracy Morgan, Kiki Layne, Shari Headley, Wesley Snipes, Teyana Taylor, James Earl Jones, Bella Murphy, Akiley Love, Paul Bates, John Amos, Louie Anderson, Luenell, Colin Jost, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Paul Bates, Nomzamo Mbatha

Director: Craig Brewer

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Occasionally Crude Silliness and a Drunken Sex Flashback

Release Date: March 5, 2021 (Amazon Prime Video)

So the big question we must all ourselves is: does Coming 2 America make me want to come 2 America? Well, I’m already in America, and have spent the vast majority of my life in this country, but I have to believe that there’s a difference between “coming to” and “coming 2,” because otherwise why even make this 30-plus-years-later sequel? Maybe in this case, “2” means the opposite of “to,” considering that this time around, Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy, happy to be surrounded by friends) and company actually spend more time in Zamunda than they do in the U.S. of A. With that in mind, maybe “America” is a state of mind more than just a physical place. Looking back at Queens in 1988, that was a magical place for Akeem, despite its rough-and-tumble exterior. It’s where he found his queen, and it can now be seen as the wellspring of his own family, and in the sequel, it’s been elevated to the level of myth with the recreation of special Queens landmarks in Zamunda (in particular, the McDonald’s-knockoff McDowell’s). Is that feeling of home just as strong in 2021?

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It’s Time to Get ‘Buffaloed’ and Learn About Debt Collection!

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CREDIT: Magnolia Pictures

Starring: Zoey Deutch, Judy Greer, Jermaine Fowler, Noah Reid, Jai Courtney

Director: Tanya Wexler

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But It Would Probably Be R for Everyone Acting Like a Bunch of Jagoffs

Release Date: February 14, 2020 (Limited)

Hey Buffaloed Zoey, what did you kill, Buffaloed Zoey?

Please, dear readers, tell me that you are familiar with the Beatles song “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill,” for otherwise that opening line will sound the ramblings of a madman. (Though even if you get the reference, you might still find me a madman.)

Is Peg Dahl, Zoey Deutch’s character in the Tanya Wexler-directed Buffaloed, indeed in the mood for killing? You could certainly say so. She’s grown up lower-middle class in Buffalo, New York, and her ambitions are a little too ravenous to be contained by a city with a small-town midwestern sensibility. She’d like an Ivy League education very much, please, but that doesn’t seem too likely without crushing student debt. So she turns to hustling, which lands her in prison when she’s barely old enough to be tried as an adult. Ergo, no college loans, but plenty of legal fees. Debt collectors soon get on her back, but she flips the script, realizing that she’s pretty good at convincing people to do things that are not necessarily in their best interest and thus starts working for the collection agency with an eye towards fast-tracking the clearing of her debt.

Peg’s a bit of a wide-eyed idealist, or at least as wide-eyed idealist as you can be when working in an industry built upon preying on people at their most vulnerable. But soon enough she learns about the more unscrupulous practices, like collecting on the same debt multiple times from people who have forgotten they are already in the clear. Collectors get away with this baloney since the industry is nowhere near as regulated as it needs to be. But Peg sets upon forming her own agency, vowing to do it all aboveboard, to the incredulity of everyone around her. Ultimately, naturally enough, she realizes that you cannot ever really clean up something that is dirty to its core. This is activist, occasionally fourth wall-breaking, cinema, delivered with a jagoff spirit. In that way it’s a sort of Big Short Jr. If it somehow, some way, leads to more robust protections for the indebted, then it ought to be considered a positive force for humanity. (And if instead it just makes you cackle for an hour and a half, then that’s okay, too.)

Buffaloed is Recommended If You Like: The Big Short, My Cousin Vinny, Judges who eat while on the bench

Grade: 3 out of 5 Buffalo Wings

This Is a Movie Review: Sorry to Bother You

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CREDIT: Annapurna Pictures

I give Sorry to Bother You 5 out of 5 Hybrids: https://uinterview.com/reviews/movies/sorry-to-bother-you-movie-review-boots-rileys-mind-blowingly-original-debut-is-one-of-2018s-best-films/