What Won TV? – September 7-September 13, 2014

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – U.S. Open Ladies’ Final, with a ridiculous amount of double-digit rallies
Monday – U.S. Open Men’s Final
Tuesday – N/A
Wednesday – The Meltdown Show with Jonah and Kumail, with Reggie Watts bringing it on home.
Thursday – You’re the Worst
Friday – Girl Meets World
Saturday – Doctor Who

VH1 Top 20 Countdown – 9/13/14

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Each week, I check out VH1′s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
2. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
3. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
4. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
5. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
6. Kiesza – “Hideaway”
7. Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd – “Really Don’t Care”
8. Sia – “Chandelier”
9. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
10. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
11. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
12. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
13. Magic! – “Rude”
14. Coldplay – “A Sky Full of Stars”
15. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
16. Jessie J., Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj – “Bang Bang”
17. Train – “Angel in Blue Jeans”
18. Echosmith – “Cool Kids”
19. Katy Perry – “This Is How We Do”
20. American Authors – “Believer”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Latch
3. Black Widow
4. Shake It Off
5. Hideaway
6. Stay With Me
7. Rather Be
8. Bang Bang
9. Cool Kids
10. Boom Clap
11. Don’t
12. Am I Wrong
13. This Is How We Do
14. Really Don’t Care
15. Maps
16. A Sky Full of Stars
17. Rude
18. All About That Bass
19. Angel in Blue Jeans
20. Believer

Jmunney’s Saturday Night Live Season 39 Host and Musical Guest Predictions Scorecard

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With season 40 of SNL just a couple weeks away, I am taking a look back at last season to get myself back in the Studio 8H mindset.  My predictions for last year’s hosts started out fairly strong, as I identified 5 of the first 7.  But thereafter it was rather disastrous, as I only hit on 3 of the final 14, for a final tally of 8/21.  Oddly enough, I fared better with the musical guests (10/21), which are typically harder to gauge than the hosts.  It helped that I kept predicting my ultimate dream musical guest St. Vincent year after year and that she was finally booked last season.

Hosts I Correctly Predicted
Tina Fey
Miley Cyrus
Bruce Willis
Kerry Washington
Josh Hutcherson
Lena Dunham
Andrew Garfield
Andy Samberg
MG’s I Correctly Predicted
Arcade Fire
Miley Cyrus
Katy Perry
Janelle Monáe
Eminem
Lady GaGa
Kings of Leon
Drake
Imagine Dragons
St. Vincent

Hosts I Missed
Edward Norton
Lady GaGa
Paul Rudd
John Goodman
Jimmy Fallon
Drake
Jonah Hill
Melissa McCarthy
Jim Parsons
Louis C.K.
Anna Kendrick
Seth Rogen
Charlize Theron
MG’s I Missed
Haim
One Direction
Justin Timberlake
Bastille
Beck
The National
Sam Smith
Pharrell Williams
Ed Sheeran
Coldplay
The Black Keys

For my host and musical guest predictions for Season 40, check out my articles on Starpulse:
http://www.starpulse.com/news/Jeffrey_Malone/2014/09/01/saturday_night_live_season_40_host_pre
http://www.starpulse.com/news/Jeffrey_Malone/2014/09/06/saturday_night_live_season_40_musical_

Fuse Top 20 Countdown – 9/9/14

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Each week, I check out FUSE’s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
2. Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj – “Bang Bang”
3. Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
4. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
5. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
6. Sam Smith “Stay With Me”
7. Ariana Grande ft. Zedd – “Break Free”
8. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
9. Sia – “Chandelier”
10. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
11. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
12. 5 Seconds of Summer – “Amnesia”
13. Magic! – “Rude”
14. Echosmith – “Cool Kids”
15. Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX – “Fancy”
16. Becky G – “Shower”
17. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
18. Katy Perry – “This Is How We Do”
19. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
20. Enrique Iglesias ft. Gente de Zona, Descemer Bueno, and Sean Paul – “Bailando”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Fancy
3. Latch
4. Break Free
5. Black Widow
6. Shake It Off
7. Stay With Me
8. Rather Be
9. Bang Bang
10. Cool Kids
11. Boom Clap
12. Don’t
13. Anaconda
14. This Is How We Do
15. Maps
16. Rude
17. All About That Bass
18. Bailando
19. Amnesia
20. Shower

This Is a Movie Review: As Above, So Below

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as-above-so-below-movie-poster-16

As Above, So Below has one of the most unique horror premises in a while: a team of explorers go spelunking in the catacombs below Paris and as they enter rarely-explored sections, they discover that they might be in a portal to Hell, or something like it.  Too bad it takes forever for the story to actually get around to exploring that premise.  The lead spelunker is multilingual, multi-degreed Scarlett (Perdita Weeks), who is carrying on the work of her late father of finding the Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary substance said to have alchemical and life elixir powers.  A prologue of Scarlet searching for clues in an Iranian cave suggests that the hellish nature of underground locations may not be limited to one place, as she sees a vision of a man hanging himself that serves as a bit of foreshadowing.  Following this prologue is approximately 45 minutes of Scarlet and her crew in Paris figuring out how they are going to enter the catacombs, and it is just as boring as it sounds.

Much has been made of the fact that As Above, So Below is yet another in horror’s found-footage sub-genre, and the talk I have seen is generally bemoaning that there is yet another fake documentary in the arena.  As Above would have worked perfectly fine without this gimmick, even though it actually does attempt some interesting techniques with it, such as placing mounted cameras on everyone’s cave headgear, which solves the problem of limited realistic camera angles.  But, ultimately, this movie does not make sense as found-footage because there is no reason for this footage to be found, because (SPOILER ALERT) multiple characters survive and presumably hold onto the footage.

The failing of As Above, So Below is that all of its worthwhile elements are crammed into the last act.  This is either a failure of pacing, or a failure of not having enough ideas to fill out a feature length.  I actually think it is mostly the former, as the last 15 minutes or so show the weird, exciting adventure that this film could have been all along.  Ultimately the catacombs are less Hell but something closer to purgatory.  It is a gauntlet that can be survived, if those who pass through it prove worthy.  Scarlet and her crew are haunted by terrible memories of their past, specifically, moments when a loved one died that they fear they could have done something to prevent. The ghosts of these loved ones can serve as agents of either retribution or forgiveness, which could have led to some fascinating psychological territory.  But this pattern is a little inconsistent, and it takes too long for it to become clear for it to have its fullest effect.  As Above, So Below does, however, feature a first-person perspective of Scarlet punching not one, but two, monsters in the head, after more than an hour of everyone having no idea how to fend off the evil creatures. C+

What Won TV? – August 31-September 6, 2014

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Masters of Sex
Monday – U.S. Open
Tuesday – Drunk History
Wednesday – The League (and Paul Scheer was also great on The Meltdown Show)
Thursday – TIE: The best episode of You’re the Worst/U.S. Open Quarterfinal: Federer-Monfils, one of the 3 best matches of the year
Friday – A repeat of the Jeopardy! Battle of the Decades, because I wasn’t home in time to catch any of the ladies’ semifinalsSaturday – I didn’t catch most of the U.S. Open men’s semifinal upsets, but they were still the best of the day.

VH1 Top 20 Countdown – 9/6/14

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Each week, I check out VH1′s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
2. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
3. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
4. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
5. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
6. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
7. Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd – “Really Don’t Care”
8. Kiesza – “Hideaway”
9. Magic! – “Rude”
10. Sia – “Chandelier”
11. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
12. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
13. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
14. Coldplay – “A Sky Full of Stars”
15. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
16. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
17. Jessie J., Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj – “Bang Bang”
18. Train – “Angel in Blue Jeans”
19. American Authors – “Believer”
20. Rita Ora – “I Will Never Let You Down”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Latch
3. Black Widow
4. Hideaway
5. Shake It Off
6. Stay With Me
7. Rather Be
8. Bang Bang
9. Boom Clap
10. Don’t
11. Am I Wrong
12. I Will Never Let You Down
13. Really Don’t Care
14. Maps
15. A Sky Full of Stars
16. Angel in Blue Jeans
17. Rude
18. All About That Bass
19. Love Runs Out
20. Believer

Fuse Top 20 Countdown – 9/2/14

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Each week, I check out FUSE’s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
2. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
3. Ariana Grande ft. Zedd – “Break Free”
4. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
5. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
6. Sia – “Chandelier”
7. Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
8. Magic! – “Rude”
9. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
10. Echosmith – “Cool Kids”
11. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
12. Becky G – “Shower”
13. Kongos – “Come With Me Now”
14. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
15. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
16. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
17. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
18. 5 Seconds of Summer – “Amnesia”
19. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
20. Tove Lo – “Habits”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Come With Me Now
3. Latch
4. Break Free
5. Black Widow
6. Shake It Off
7. Stay With Me
8. Rather Be
9. Cool Kids
10. Boom Clap
11. Don’t
12. Am I Wrong
13. Habits
14. Anaconda
15. Maps
16. Rude
17. All About That Bass
18. Love Runs Out
19. Amnesia
20. Shower

The Best of the 2014 Emmys

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Here are the best moments of this year’s Emmys:

1. That part when a woman tells Billy Eichner she can’t feel “it” regarding television’s biggest night:

2. That part where that guy in the orange shirt said that Jimmy Fallon is his favorite talk show host in front of Seth Meyers:

3. That part when Billy Eichner says that Hotmail has picked up Judging Amy in light of Yahoo! picking up Community:

4. That part when that guy with a beard confused Seth Meyers with Seth MacFarlane:

5. That part when Billy Eichner and Seth Meyers took donations for the cast of The Big Bang Theory:

6. That part when a woman had some … interesting guesses about what the Emmy trophy was:

7. That part when that old guy said “Who cares?” about something A LOT of people care about very much:

8. That part when Billy Eichner scared a woman shitless by shouting, “Elisabeth Moss was snubbed!”:

9. “DINKLAGE VERUS PATINKIN!”

10. That part when Billy Eichner thought a straight woman was a lesbian:

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