This Is a Movie Review: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

September 29, 2017

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CREDIT: Giles Keyte/Twentieth Century Fox

The Golden Circle is just as exciting as the first Kingsman, and it features a hell of a villainous turn from Julianne Moore. Its attitude is a bit arch, and it often pretends that it isn’t, but that isn’t a huge deal when the action is assembled impressively and the humor does let loose often enough. But ultimately while these flicks are fun, I find it hard to embrace them fully. There is just something weirdly insidious about their politics (or something like politics). It may not even be intentional, but intentional or not, it does unnerve me. I could have forgiven all that if Channing had danced more. Why didn’t Channing dance more?

I give Kingsman: The Golden Circle 2 Cannibal Burgers out of 3 Butterfly Effects.

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Gerald’s Game’ Handcuffs Carla Gugino to a Bed and the Ghosts of Her Past

September 29, 2017

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Geralds-Game_Carla-Gugino_Bruce-Greenwood

CREDIT: Netflix

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Carla Gugino, Bruce Greenwood

Director: Mike Flanagan

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But It Would Easily Be an R for Cuttingly Physical and Psychological Entrapment

Release Date: September 29, 2017 (Streaming on Netflix)

If you watch Netflix’s new movie Gerald Game, chances are you might do so on a computer. Often in such a viewing scenario, it is advisable to wear headphones to get the full aural experience. But in this case, it must be noted that that full experience might be unbearable. Bones are squeezed, flesh and blood is squished around, and the sound mix does not hold back in making all that as nauseating as possible. I generally have decent fortitude when it comes to horror grossness, but I had to look away and unplug my headphones for significant stretches. In case there was any doubt, a personal computer is more penetrative than a public theater.

Based on a 1992 Stephen King novel, the setup of Gerald’s Game is viciously simple. Jessie (Carla Gugino) and her husband Gerald (Bruce Greenwood) head up to a remote cabin to spice up their marriage with a little S&M. He handcuffs her to the bed, but before they can get going, he has a heart attack and dies. And thus the majority of the running time is devoted to Jessie’s attempts to break free.

Gugino is mostly on her own for about an hour and a half, but she does have some visitors, whether real, hallucinated, or remembered. A feral, hungry dog is a nuisance that pays no respect to the dead. Jessie’s internal back-and-forth monologue assessing her chances of escape is represented by the most oppressive version of Gerald convincing her she can’t do it and the most confident version of herself discovering that there might just be a way.

Occasionally Jessie falls asleep, revealing repressed memories of her father (Henry Thomas) sexually abusing her when she was a teenager, which turn out to be the key for how to save herself. This is fascinating, and filled with striking symbolic imagery, but it is also maddening, a classic example of King at his most on-the-nose. Furthermore, it begs the question: why does Gerald’s Game even need the backstory? The action could easily be contained to what is actually physically happening in the room. Although, to be fair, not everyone has the patience or the stomach to withstand this story without any breaks. Ultimately, there are two legitimate of presenting this premise, and considering the one not taken remains for now a fruitful “what if.”

At the end, there is a huge exposition dump that confirms the existence of another villain (Twin Peaks’ Carel Struycken) who easily could have (and probably should have) had his own movie. He is actually present throughout the film, but it sure does not feel that way once it is explained what his deal is. This conclusion comes out of nowhere and serves no narrative purpose other than allowing Jessie to stand up to one more roadblock. Still, despite this and other odd detours, Gerald’s Game is high-quality claustrophobic horror and a powerhouse showcase for Gugino.

Gerald’s Game is Recommended If You Like: Saw, You’re Next, The flashback scenes in Split

Grade: 3 out of 5 Slices of Kobe Beef

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House’ is a Minor Addition to the Watergate Canon

September 28, 2017

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CREDIT: Bob Mahoney/Sony Pictures Classics

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Liam Neeson, Diane Lane, Marton Csokas, Tony Goldwyn, Josh Lucas, Michael C. Hall, Ike Barinholtz, Tom Sizemore, Julian Morris, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Kate Walsh, Maika Monroe, Bruce Greenwood, Brian d’Arcy James, Noah Wyle

Director: Peter Landesman

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for FBI Agents Yelling When Suspected of Leaking

Release Date: September 29, 2017 (Limited)

Former FBI Associate Director Mark Felt has been portrayed or parodied in plenty of movies and TV shows, his presence an easy source of tension, frequently cloaked in the shadows of intrigue and mystery. When Hal Holbrook set the template for all Felt performances in All the President’s Men, he literally remained in the shadows. Of course, for decades, the role was not “Mark Felt” but “Deep Throat,” the pseudonym for the informant who provided The Washington Post with key details about the Watergate scandal that led to Richard Nixon’s resignation. Now that Felt (here played by Liam Neeson) has been revealed as Deep Throat, a fascinating film about the man behind the informant is ready to be made, but The Man Who Brought Down the White House is too erratic and overstuffed to be that film.

The story of the Watergate break-in and its fallout is familiar to basically every American who has lived during the last 45 years. It is an ur-scandal, providing a lens through which all governmental scandals – really all public scandals – are interpreted. We don’t need Mark Felt to re-tell that story, and yet it does. To be fair, seeing everything through Felt’s perspective – the channel through which all information in this affair goes through – is fascinating, but not so fascinating to make the familiar exciting again.

As far as I can tell, Mark Felt’s main purpose is to draw back the curtain on all the hoopla that springs up around any person who exists anonymously for so long. There is plenty of material to mine for a rich domestic drama. Felt’s wife Audrey (Diane Lane) is alcoholic and shares much of the stress he’s under, but her story seems like it could be that of any FBI agent’s wife and not Deep Throat’s specifically. The film’s other major point is that for all the good Felt did as an informant, he was not exactly a hero through and through. He was as guilty as (perhaps more so) anyone else in the FBI who violated American citizens’ civil rights. But save for one compelling scene snuck in at the end, that aspect is merely glossed over.

The major shortcoming of Mark Felt is all it attempts to stuff into just a little more than an hour and a half. Every name in the impressively sprawling cast list brings their bona fides, but nobody has the space to carve out a memorable character. Mark and Audrey reunite with their daughter (Maika Monroe) at a hippie commune in a third act twist that plays like it is so supposed to put everything that came before in perspective but mostly feels like it comes out of nowhere. If Mark Felt makes any cogent point, it’s that you always need folks like Woodward and Bernstein to compile everything together cogently and lucidly.

Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House is Recommended If You Like: Watergate completism

Grade: 2 out of 5 (Nonexistent) Secret Files

Billboard Hot Rock Songs – Week of October 7, 2017

September 27, 2017

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Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
3. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
4. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
5. Fall Out Boy – “The Last of the Real Ones”
6. Linkin Park – “One More Light”
7. U2 – “You’re the Best Thing About Me”
8. Theory of a Deadman – “Rx”
9. Thirty Seconds to Mars – “Walk on Water”
10. Zach Williams – “Old Church Choir”
11. Foo Fighters – “The Sky is a Neighborhood”
12. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
13. The Killers – “The Man”
14. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Hard Love”
15. Blonde Redhead – “For the Damaged Coda”
16. Foo Fighters – “Run”
17. Judah & the Lion – “Suit and Jacket”
18. The Lumineers – “Angela”
19. Vance Joy – “Lay it on Me”
20. Imagine Dragons – “Whatever It Takes”
21. Queens of the Stone Age – “The Way You Used to Do”
22. Weezer – “Feels Like Summer”
23. Beck – “Up All Night”
24. Highly Suspect – “Little One”
25. My Silent Bravery – “Got It Going On”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. The Way You Used to Do
2. Feel It Still
3. Run
4. The Man
5. For the Damaged Coda
6. The Sky is a Neighborhood
7. Up All Night
8. Little One
9. You’re the Best Thing About Me
10. Hard Love
11. Feels Like Summer
12. Lay It On Me

Billboard Hot 20 – Week of October 7, 2017

September 27, 2017

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Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. Cardi B – “Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)”
2. Post Malone ft. 21 Savage – “Rockstar”
3. Taylor Swift – “Look What You Made Me Do”
4. Logic ft. Alessia Cara and Khalid – “1-800-273-8255”
5. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
6. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
7. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
8. Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj – “Rake It Up”
9. Charlie Puth – “Attention”
10. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
11. Niall Horan – “Slow Hands”
12. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
13. Liam Payne ft. Quavo – “Strip That Down”
14. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
15. Demi Lovato – “Sorry Not Sorry”
16. Sam Smith – “Too Good at Goodbyes”
17. 21 Savage – “Bank Account”
18. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
19. J. Balvin and Willy William – “Mi Gente”
20. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Feel It Still
2. Mi Gente
3. Unforgettable
4. Wild Thoughts

This is a Movie Review: With ‘Lucky,’ Harry Dean Stanton Left Us One Final Great Performance

September 27, 2017

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CREDIT: Magnolia Pictures

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Harry Dean Stanton, David Lynch, Ron Livingston, Tom Skerritt, Beth Grant, James Darren, Ed Begley Jr.

Director: John Carroll Lynch

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But Keep an Eye Out for Old Farts Who Don’t Hold Their Tongues and Occasionally Get High

Release Date: September 29, 2017 (Limited)

Not many actors – nay, not many people, period – get to a point in their lives and careers that Harry Dean Stanton got to. He was still performing as he reached his 90s, thereby allowing him to quite naturally play a role that served as a meditation on preparing for death. And while he appeared relatively healthy for a man nearing the century mark (he was healthy enough to work, after all), there is always the chance that a death from natural causes could come calling at any point. Thus, Stanton has left us with the parting gift of Lucky, released only two weeks after his passing at the age of 91.

The directorial debut of prolific character actor John Carroll Lynch (Fargo, Zodiac, Shutter Island, Drew Carey’s brother on The Drew Carey Show), Lucky screams, “Made By and For Harry Dean Stanton Fanboys.” The whole film is basically an excuse for the iconic rail-thin character actor to stomp around and insist that life should be exactly as he demands it should be. As the titular coot, he is a 90-year-old atheist living in a quiet desert town, making him the ideal embodiment for irritable libertarianism. He is the kind of guy who gets banned for life from one bar and then spends all his time in the town’s other bar insulting all his friends. But everyone still loves him, probably because it is impossible for Stanton not to give a deeply humanistic performance.

As a species, we are still reckoning with how to live to an age when our biological functions are partially or completely shutting down. Lucky’s (the film) answer is mostly that the best we can do is make arrangements for death so that our left behind loved ones will not have to deal with the stresses of funereal and actuarial bureaucracy. Lucky (the person) is open to this sort of Zen practicality, but as someone who does not have any close family or friends, his perspective is a little more prickly and a little more ambivalent. Ultimately, the answer is that we really don’t know with absolute certainty how to live and how to die, but we do what we can. And if that includes hearing Lucky’s friend Howard (an always delightful on-camera David Lynch) wax poetic about his pet tortoise President Roosevelt, then it will have all been a little bit worth it.

Lucky is Recommended If You Like: Harry Dean Stanton’s career, David Lynch’s acting career, Gran Torino

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Lollipops Up the Ass

This Is a Movie Review: The Tom Cruise-Starring Biopic ‘American Made’ is a Rollicking Indictment of Governmental Abuse of Power

September 27, 2017

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CREDIT: Universal Pictures

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Sarah Wright Olsen, Domhnall Gleeson, Caleb Landry Jones, Jayma Mays, Jesse Plemons, Lola Kirke

Director: Doug Liman

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: R for High Stress Profanity and a Quick Sex Montage

Release Date: September 29, 2017

Did Barry Seal live the American Dream? The marks of such an achievement are all there. The former TWA pilot rose from relatively modest means, married a beautiful woman (Sarah Wright Olsen), had three beautiful kids, was enriched by his own government, used those riches to move his family into a huge plot of land, and now Tom Cruise is playing him in a biopic. But if this is indeed the American Dream, ideals are not immune to being warped by the harshness of reality. Spoiler alert for a true story: Barry dies at the end. He still manages to accrue an insane streak of good luck, and the deadliest parts of his story are filled with mythic iconography, but his example is a stark reminder that this country’s greatness is not always so straightforward as it purports to be.

As American Made portrays him, Seal is an opportunist, but the opportunities come straight to him, from sources that are pretty hard to say no to. A mysterious CIA agent (Domhnall Gleeson) shows up out of the blue and offers him a deal to fly reconnaissance missions and then act as a courier to the Latin American political figures that the U.S. government covertly supports. His presence leads him into the clutches of Pablo Escobar and the Medellín cartel, who strongarm him into smuggling their product. You might think this would be the end of the road for Seal, but the U.S. is kinda-sorta allies with the Medellíns (anything to oppose the commies!).

Seal’s smuggling does attract the ire of just about every major American law enforcement agency, but he keeps sliding free. While the bulk of his work is illegal, it is also mostly government-sanctioned, even when the CIA erases his existence from their files. Ultimately, though, his government – the same one that made him very rich – hangs him out to dry. As the affairs in Latin America ultimately lead to the Iran-Contra scandal, it becomes unavoidably clear that the highest echelons of government are populated by international geopolitical criminals. And yet it is the Barry Seal’s of the world, who nominally remain private citizens, who bear the bulk of the suffering. True, he chooses to play his part and is not exactly the most upstanding person, but he is never really free to live as he pleases. His life looks pretty fun, but it is not hard to notice the gross abuse of power underneath that slick veneer.

With American Made and 2014’s Edge of Tomorrow, director Doug Liman is now a specialist in subverting the aura of Tom Cruise. If you know nothing of the actor’s personal life, it is pretty much impossible not to be charmed by him. And even if you do know about the Scientology shenanigans and all the rest of it, he still might win you over a bit despite yourself. Cruise cranks the charm at full throttle to get Seal out of so many sticky situations, but it only works if the powers that be say so. American Made shows that his star still shines on but also that he (just like the myth of the American Dream) only endures because powers greater than any one individual allow it to.

American Made is Recommended If You Like: Top Gun, Re-evaluating Top Gun, Deconstructing Tom Cruise, Narcos

Grade: 4 out of 5 Kilos

What Won TV? – September 17-September 23, 2017

September 27, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Rick and Morty was probably the best, but I can’t get that voice of an angel (Tim and Eric’s Bedtime Stories) out of my head.
Monday – People of Earth
Tuesday – Difficult People
Wednesday – Broad City
Thursday – Nathan for You: A Celebration
Friday – VICE
Saturday – Halt and Catch Fire

This Is a Movie Review: In ‘Friend Request,’ the Horror of Social Media is Entrancingly Weird But Off-Puttingly Cruel

September 22, 2017

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CREDIT: Entertainment Studios

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Alycia Debnam-Carey, Liesl Ahlers, William Moseley, Connor Paolo, Brit Morgan, Brooke Markham, Sean Marquette

Director: Simon Verhoeven

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: R for Suicide by Possession and Wasp Swarm Attacks

Release Date: September 22, 2017

Friend Request asks the question: what horrors await those of us addicted to social media? The trouble is, none of its characters actually suffer from such an addiction. Instead, their usage of Facebook is all healthily moderate. Maybe witches don’t understand new technology. Or maybe something got lost in translation with German co-writer/director Simon Verhoeven. In actuality, the only reason that California college girl Laura’s (Alycia Debnam-Carey) life is destroyed by the evil of Friend Request is sheer bad luck. But it also has something to do with her inherent sense of politeness.

Laura is marked for companionship by Marina (Liesl Ahlers), a new student in her psychology class who looks just like a mini-Lisbeth Salander and is just as socially awkward but a million times creepier. Before Laura accepts Marina’s request, the latter has exactly zero Facebook friends, which should be the first sign of trouble, but Laura looks upon the situation with kindness. Alas, allowing Marina into her life leads to obsession, which leads to unfriending, which leads to suicide, which leads to the video of Marina’s death mysteriously appearing on Laura’s Facebook page.

Laura is unable to delete the video, or do anything at all to prove her innocence, as some sort of demonic virus has infected her entire online presence. This leads to everyone at school deciding she is a terrible person, which leads to the film’s big visual hook: a countdown ticker displaying all the Facebook friends that she is losing. The implication is that this would devastate her because of how obsessed she is with social media. But she is not obsessed, and her life is hellish enough with the supernatural presence that is causing all of her friends to kill themselves.

The individual scares manage to pack a bit of a punch, as moments of Marina making her afterlife presence felt are heralded by swarms of black wasps. Plus, the makeup game is on point. Furthermore, Friend Request can be appreciated for its off-kilter weirdness that is probably partly unintentional but is still transfixing. As Laura and all the people in her life are affected more and more by the evil presence, they start to act less and less human. In particular, a pair of cops investigating the string of deaths are so casually frustrated by every new twist. They are incredulous whenever they behold a dead body, despite such developments being a normal part of a law enforcement official’s job.

While there are pleasures to be had from that strangeness, it is hard to fully embrace Friend Request, as it is too unjustifiably cruel. It acts like it needs to teach its main character a lesson, even though she is genuinely nice and level-headed. Sure, true evil does not play fair, but a film about true evil needs to know how evil it is if it wants to win over an audience that is not just as evil.

Friend Request is Recommended If You Like: The weirder elements of The Bye Bye Man, John Mulaney’s routine about Ice-T on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Grade: 2 out of 5 Black Mirrors

This Is a Movie Review: ‘The Tiger Hunter’ is a Cliché, But Harmless, Fish Out of Water Immigrant Tale

September 22, 2017

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CREDIT: Shout! Factory

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Danny Pudi, Jon Heder, Rizwan Manji, Karen David, Iqbal Theba, Kevin Pollak

Director: Lena Khan

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But I Would Peg It as a Light PG-13 for the Shenanigans That Arise When a Dozen Men Live Together

Release Date: September 22, 2017 (Limited)

Shout! Factory is primarily known for its home video releases (particularly its Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVD collections), but the company is now branching into theatrical distribution with the release of The Tiger Hunter. Unsurprisingly given its distribution pedigree, this is a film that has the aesthetics and ambitions of a straight-to-DVD release. There is a certain lo-fi charm to the proceedings, thanks mostly to its largely agreeable cast, but with all the other movies that already exist in that, you have to hope that every new one aims high, and this particular movie mostly does not.

The premise commences as young engineer Sami (Community’s Dani Pudi) leaves his native India for the more promising professional and social prospects of 1970s America. So far, so good, so archetypical. Of course, hijinks ensue when the job he was promised turns out to be already filled by the time he arrives, so he is forced to move in with about a dozen other similarly broke and overqualified immigrants in a cramped Chicago apartment. And of course the big reason he is doing all this is so that he can manage to look like marriage material to the father (Iqbal Theba) of his childhood best friend/one true love (Karen David). And of course he is motivated/haunted by the legend of his late father (the pride of the village, thanks to his titular feline slaying). And of course he concocts a Three’s Company-esque scheme to appear more successful than he actually is to potential dad-in-law.

Ultimately, The Tiger Hunter wraps up in the “just be yourself” platitudes typical of not just struggling immigrant stories but also just about every film genre in existence that ever attempts to be inspirational. That lack of originality could be infuriating, but it manages to be bearable, mostly due to Pudi’s ability to earnestly sell lines like “I want to be a professional American” and his knack for claiming with a straight face that Mary Tyler Moore told him he was going to make it after all. If you are an immigrant yourself, you may recognize parts of your story in this movie, but mostly just the lazy afternoons that you spent watching random movies like The Tiger Hunter.

The Tiger Hunter is Recommended If You Like: Danny Pudi Loyalty, Holding out Hope That Jon Heder Still Has Another Hit in Him

Grade: 2 out of 5 Wacky Roommates

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