Are the Oscars on TikTok? (CREDIT: Universal Pictures)

If I were in charge of unilaterally selecting the Oscars, here is who would be selected. Nominees are listed alphabetically, winners in bold.

Best Picture
All of Us Strangers
American Fiction
Are You There God? It’s Me, Magaret.
The Holdovers
M3GAN

Best Director
Kelly Fremon Craig, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers
Cord Jefferson, American Fiction
Gerard Johnstone, M3GAN
Alexander Payne, The Holdovers

Lead Actress
Eve Hewson, Flora and Son
Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
Storm Reid, Missing
Emma Stone, Poor Things
Teyana Taylor, A Thousand and One

Lead Actor
Jay Baruchel, Blackberry
Zac Efron, The Iron Claw
Glenn Howerton, Blackberry
Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
Joaquin Phoenix, Beau is Afraid

Supporting Actress
Erika Alexander, American Fiction
Viola Davis, Air
Tiffany Haddish, Landscape with Invisible Hand
Anne Hathaway, Eileen
Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Supporting Actor
Jamie Bell, All of Us Strangers
Tom Conti, Oppenheimer
Robert Downey Jr, Oppenheimer
Conan O’Brien, Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain
Hidetaka Yoshioka, Godzilla Minus One

Original Screenplay
Justine Triet and Arthur Harari, Anatomy of a Fall
Ari Aster, Beau Is Afraid
David Hemingson, The Holdovers
Akela Cooper and James Wan, M3GAN
Celine Song, Past Lives

Adapted Screenplay
Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers
Cord Jefferson, American Fiction
Kelly Fremon Craig, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Matt Johnson and Matthew Miller, Blackberry
Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer

Original Score
Joe Hisaishi, The Boy and the Heron
Ludwig Göransson, Oppenheimer
Jerskin Fendrix, Poor Things
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
Mica Levi, The Zone of Interest

Original Song
“Can’t Catch Me Now,” written by Olivia Rodrigo and Dan Nigro, The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
“High Life,” written by Eve Hewson, Gary Clark, and John Carney, Flora and Son
“Live That Way Forever,” written by Richard Reed Parry and Laurel Spangelmeyer, The Iron Claw
“Peaches,” written by Jack Black, Aaron Horvath, Eric Osmond, John Spiker and Michael Jelenic, The Super Mario Bros. Movie
“What Was I Made For?”, written by Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell, Barbie

Cinematography
Robert Yeoman, Asteroid City
Erik Messerschmidt, Ferrari
Jo Willems, The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Hoyte van Hoytema, Oppenheimer
Robbie Ryan, Poor Things

Animated Feature
The Boy and the Heron
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Costume Design
Jacqueline Durran, Barbie
Trish Summerville, The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Jacqueline West, Killers of the Flower Moon
Ellen Mirojnick, Oppenheimer
Holly Waddington, Poor Things

Film Editing
Pietro Scalia, Ferrari
Kevin Tent, The Holdovers
Daniel Garber, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
Jeff McEvoy, M3GAN
Jennifer Lame, Oppenheimer

Production Design
Barbie
Beau Is Afraid
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Oppenheimer
Poor Things

Sound
Godzilla Minus One
Landscape with Invisible Hand
Oppenheimer
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
The Zone of Interest

Visual Effects
The Creator
Godzilla Minus One
Oppenheimer

Makeup and Hairstyling
Blackberry
Evil Dead Rise
Poor Things
Talk to Me

Documentary Feature
Every Body
Kokomo City

International Feature Film
Anatomy of a Fall
The Zone of Interest