Keepin’ it 1000 (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)

Jeff “jmunney” Malone watches every new episode of Saturday Night Live and then reviews all the sketches and segments according to a “wacky” theme.

Here we go with the review of the January 31, 2016 episode of Saturday Night Live. I’ve already gone on my Sunday morning run and consumed my Sunday morning scrambled eggs, chocolate chip muffin, and tea, so I’m ready to go!

Providing the funny and the tunes (or at least hoping to) are host Alexander Skarsgård (whom I famously once saw at a karaoke bar) and musical guest Cardi B. I think there might be something to this lineup.

Also of note: this is the One ThOuSaNdTh new episode of SNL (not including specials), so my Review Gimmick shall consist of incorporating 1000 (the number and/or the concept) into my assessment of each segment.

Tom Homan ICE Meeting: This cold opening managed to convey that there are 1000 (million billion) things wrong with ICE right now, along with jokes.

Alexander Skarsgård’s Monologue: That jacket looked pretty sharp (though I of course personally prefer something much more colorful)  – was that a Thousand-Thread Count?

Mom Confession: You could feel about 1000 Decibels worth of angst as the kids attempted to contain their reactions.

Winter Olympics Promo: I would definitely want to be paid more than 1000 bucks to be good at luge, so I understand the sentiment.

Stench of a Family: I give the fact that Alexander welcomed his dad onto his hosting debut 901 out of 1000 Skarsgårds.

Immigrant Dad Talk Show: Alexander’s really taking us on a tour of all of Scandinavia, isn’t he? Normally, that sort of excursion would last more than 1000 Days, but here it only took about a half hour.

The Viking Raid: What version of football were they playing? I guess it was a code that died out about 1000 Years Ago.

Cardi B, “Bodega Baddie”: This performance was giving off Major Manuel Ortiz Show Vibes. Also, who was that Pitbull-looking dude on the accordion? If you had given me 1000 Guesses, I never would have guessed that that would’ve happened.

Weekend Update: The Jokes: This was definitely not Michael and Colin’s 1000th Worst Outing as Anchors. The Kash Patel/Mr. Bean joke was certainly among their highlights.
Weekend Update: Sarah Sherman (Weather Correspondent): I give the “20 but it feels like 15” quip 1000 Degrees of Approval.
Weekend Update: Two People Who Just Hooked Up: For when 2 feels like a 1000.

Play Date (Agnes): Why was there only one box in the pizza order? I give that decision 1000 Thumbs Down.

Cardi, “ErrTime”: I wonder if I’ve pronounced “every time” as “ErrTime” at least 1000 times in my own life.

Tarzan: Remember when Alexander played Tarzan on the big screen? That feels like 1000 Lifetimes Ago. Anyway, he and Sarah have pretty good comedic chemistry.

Snowy Cabin (Cards Against Humanity): Are there 1000 cards in Cards Against Humanity and all of its expansion packs? Or even more? What is the ideal number of Cards Against Humanity? Discuss.

Well, now it’s time for SNL to hibernate for a few weeks during the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics, but they’ll be keeping things icy when they return February 28 with host Connor Storrie and musical guest Mumford & Sons.