Murder is a Legitimate Love Language in the Romantic Gorefest ‘Heart Eyes’

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This is what happens when Eyes are Hearts (CREDIT: Christopher Moss/Spyglass Media Group)

Starring: Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Devon Sawa, Jordana Brewster, Michaela Watkins

Director: Josh Ruben

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Bloody Messes Not Limited to Disembowelment and Beheading

Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A masked serial killer has been targeting couples in major American cities the past few St. Valentine’s Days. His (Her? Their?) ocular organs are covered by a classic symbol, so they call this villain – what else! – the Heart Eyes Killer. Meanwhile, a busy young lady named Ally (Olivia Holt) doesn’t need to worry about any of that, as she and her longtime boyfriend recently ended things. Alas, she does have to worry about her vulnerable emotional state and the fact that she might lose her advertising job after a major blunder. That’s when she meets Jay (Mason Gooding), a sexy superstar consultant who she gets paired up with for a major campaign. When circumstances force them to pretend to be an item, it catches the attention of Heart Eyes, who picks up on some serious electricity flying through the air. Could this be just the sort of stressful ordeal that Ally needs to forge an unkillable bond?

What Made an Impression?: It Feels Like That Sometimes, Doesn’t It?: Heart Eyes is being promoted primarily as a slasher, but this genre mashup more closely follows the beats and resolution of a classic rom-com. After all, sometimes the pressure of desperately seeking the right mate is akin to being stalked by a merciless murderer. The metaphor is unmistakable, and mostly welcome. Director Josh Ruben has mixed laughs and scares before in the likes of Werewolves Within and Scare Me. But the tone is actually most similar to the Happy Death Day series, which makes sense when you realize that one of the three credited screenwriters is HDD director Christopher Landon. Heart Eyes perhaps drifts a bit too far into cloudcuckooland, where just about everyone is a bit too blasé about the probability of having their guts ripped out, but the exaggeration certainly matches Ally’s heightened emotions.
A Different Kind of Laughter: Bookending the mayhem is a wonderfully silly workplace comedy boldly featuring Michaela Watkins as Ally’s boss. She sports a white streak in her hair like Rogue from X-Men and an accent as thick as the New Orleans bayou (even though the movie is set in Seattle). This is far from the first time that an eminently reliable funny person like Watkins has killed it in a supporting horror role. But this is a unique example insofar as she’s providing comedic relief to the other comic relief – and both flavors are pretty funny. An expected treat hidden within the overall feast is certainly one way to keep the passion alive.

Heart Eyes is Recommended If You Like: Man Seeking Woman, Screwball rom-coms, Scream, Shamelessly imitating Scream

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Cupids

Treat Your ‘Companion’ Right

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The Face of Companionship (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage, Megan Suri, Harvey Guillén, Rupert Friend

Director: Drew Hancock

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)

We all need a companion (or several), but what if our real-life companions were like the companions in the 2025 movie Companion? Alternatively, what if we were the companions? I suspect the world would have a lot more empathy if everybody had to spend at least a year working a companion job. (I’m playing a little coy in this review in an effort to avoid spoilers.) Anyway, now that I’ve seen Companion, I promise to follow best practices in how I treat my companions. I hope I was doing this adequately already, but now I’ll make sure to audit myself.

Grade: 12 Mods out of 15 Warranties

I Saw ‘The Colors Within,’ and There’s One Part That I’m Kinda Pretty Enthusiastic About

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It looks like the Colors Within are popping out, I must say (CREDIT: GKIDS Films/Screenshot)

Starring: English Dubbed Cast: Kylie McNeill, Libby Rue, Eddy Lee, Eileen Stevens, Hinano Kuzukawa, Eden Harker, Maxine Wanderer, Lani Minella

Director: Naoko Yamada

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: January 24, 2025 (Theaters)

About ten minutes into watching The Colors Within, I could feel myself getting very sleepy. But please rest assured that that had nothing to do with the movie. It was just one of those days! Fortunately I managed to recover back into full consciousness in time for the concert scene in the last act. If having synesthesia-style aura detection means being able to rock out like that, then please send those colors within to me!

Grade: 8 Colors Within and 4 Colors Without out of 12 Colors on the Color Wheel

Is it a Yes or a No, ‘Dog Man’?

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What’s up, Dog (Man)? (CREDIT: Universal Pictures/DreamWorks Animation)

Starring: Peter Hastings, Pete Davidson, Lil Rel Howery, Lucas Hopkins Calderon, Isla Fisher, Ricky Gervais, Cheri Oteri, Billy Boyd, Stephen Root, Poppy Liu, Laraine Newman, Melissa Villaseñor, Kate Micucci, Maggie Wheeler, Pearce Bunting, Max Koch, Rahnuma Panthaky

Director: Peter Hastings

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: PG for The Typical Animated Mayhem

Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Officer Knight and his canine companion Greg are one of the best crime-fighting duos in the city. That is, until a major accident renders Knight’s head and Greg’s body unusable. So their doctors decide to make lemonade and fuse the two of them together to form the titular Dog Man (barks and whines provided by writer-director Peter Hastings)! That would seemingly make him the perfect foil for the incorrigible feline criminal Petey (Pete Davidson), but alas, Dog Man gets off on the wrong foot with his Chief (Lil Rel Howery) and the Mayor (Cheri Oteri) and ends up having to stay on desk duty. Meanwhile, Petey obtains a clone of himself named Lil’ Petey (Lucas Hopkins Calderon), who may just soften his heart and convince him to become a doting father instead of a criminal mastermind.

What Made an Impression?: You Got to Be Silly: Dog Man is based on the graphic novel series of the same name by Dav Pilkey, who’s probably best known for Captain Underpants, which got its own big-screen adaptation back in 2017. I’m familiar with Pilkey’s output via pop culture osmosis, but this is my first time actually diving into what he has on offer. And now that I’ve been exposed, I must say: I hope I have kids soon so that we can fully explore the Pilkey-verse together. Simply put, this is silly sophomoric humor done cleverly and colorfully. Dopey wordplay and visual gags abound, befitting a world in which a canine-human hybrid is the hero.
Family Matters: Considering all the unabashed silliness on display, you might be surprised to learn that Dog Man also isn’t afraid to get heavy. To be clear, it’s not like it’s an unrelenting tearjerker about cancer and/or addiction. Nevertheless, you might find yourself shedding a tear or two. For example, after Officer Knight and Greg become Dog Man, they’re unceremoniously abandoned by Greg’s wife, who apparently couldn’t bear to ever see her husband and fur baby fused together. Meanwhile, Petey’s villainy seems to be entirely fueled by his abandonment issues with his own deadbeat dad (Stephen Root). These themes don’t weigh down the wackiness, but they certainly make themselves known. So if you want a steady stream of ultra-silly laughs with a side of genuine family therapy, Dog Man has you covered.

Dog Man is Recommended If You Like: Weird Al, Looney Tunes, “Cat’s in the Cradle”

Grade: 3 out of 5 Copz

I Saw ‘One of Them Days’ on One of Them Evenings, and Now I’m Writing One of Them Reviews

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One of them days, Two of them ladies (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Entertainment/Screenshot)

Starring: Keke Palmer, SZA, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Joshua Neal, Aziza Scott, Patrick Cage, Keyla Monterroso Mejia, Katt Williams, Maude Apatow, DeWayne Perkins, Amin Joseph, Gabrielle Dennis, DomiNque Perry, Janelle James, Lil Rel Howery

Director: Lawrence Lamont

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 17, 2025 (Theaters)

Having now watched One of Them Days, would I now like to have one of them days myself? Yes, but minus the financial instability. Although I suppose we all need something to light a fire to get us going. But it’s also important to have a support system to fall back on. Anyway, Dreux (Keke Palmer) and Alyssa (SZA) certainly go through quite the stressful ordeal, but along the way they also make some new friends, meet Katt Williams, and realize new creative and professional horizons. I call that a win! Plus, the honey butter biscuits at Church’s Chicken are SOOO good.* (*-I’ve never actually been to a Church’s, but I’m choosing to trust the ecstasy I saw on screen.)

Grade: The Rent’s Still Too Damn High, Though

Emilia Where-ez?

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What’s up? (CREDIT: Netflix)

Starring: Zoe Saldaña, Karla Sofía Gascón, Selena Gomez, Adriana Paz, Édgar Ramírez, Mark Ivanir

Director: Jacques Audiard

Running Time: 132 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: November 1, 2024 (Theaters)/November 13, 2024 (Netflix)

In case anyone was wondering, I did see Emilia Pérez a few days ago. It was pretty ridiculous, and quite frankly I wish it had been even more ridiculous. As it is, it’s caught in a rudderless limbo between respectability and camp. I’ve heard queer audiences criticize it for not truly understanding transgender people and Mexican audiences criticize it for perpetuating a negative stereotype of their country.

To which I say: why not be even less accurate?! Not in an ugly, shallow sort of way, but rather, in a bizarre, incomprehensible manner that’s too confusing to be offensive to anybody. And honestly, it kind of feels like that’s what the makers of Emilia Pérez were attempting. Or maybe that’s just what I wanted them to attempt. Either way, it’s weird how they got so close to that.

Grade: Stuck Somewhere in the Middle of the Atlantic Ocean

‘Flight Risk’ is a Pretty Chillaxing Plane Thriller

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Look at them taking risks! (CREDIT: Lionsgate)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Michelle Dockery, Topher Grace

Director: Mel Gibson

Running Time: 91 Minutes

Rating: R for Guns, Knives, and Choking

Release Date: January 24, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Deputy U.S. Marshal Madelyn Harris (Michelle Dockery) has found her man! His name’s Winston (Topher Grace), he’s the accountant for the high-profile crime boss Moretti, and he’s hiding out somewhere in the wilds of Alaska, just trying to microwave a cup of soup in peace. But he knows his days outside the grasp of the law are limited, and quite frankly he’s very ready to become a cooperating witness. So Madelyn cuffs him up and charters a private flight from a pilot named Daryl Booth (Mark Wahlberg). But it turns out that Booth isn’t exactly who he says he is. Instead, he’s a hit man sent by Moretti to keep Winston quiet. That’s what we call a Flight Risk!

What Made an Impression?: Autopilot: Flight Risk runs a lean 91 minutes, unfolding more or less in real time. You might think that would make for an edge-of-your-seat, white-knuckle thriller, and I suppose it could be described that way. But more than half of the plot is fairly mellow, or at least as mellow as it can be when you’re thousands of feet up in the air and someone with no pilot experience is forced to navigate the sky. That low-key quality is attributable to the decision to keep the villain unconscious or otherwise incapacitated for most of the film. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; in a way, it’s kind of fascinating how Mel Gibson’s directing and Jared Rosenberg’s script allow us plenty of room to catch our breath. So if you have a heart condition and were worried that you couldn’t handle the stress of a movie like this, well, you might actually be able to give it a chance!
Limiting Stress: The most memorable moment of Flight Risk is surely the reveal that Fake-Booth wears a toupee. It doesn’t have any bearing on the plot and doesn’t reveal anything about his character whatsoever, but I’m glad that it was included because it’s definitely worth the laugh. A significant chunk of the movie operates on that vibe of keeping it light. Dockery spends most of the movie on a headset checking in with her Marshall colleagues, as well as a pilot who’s guiding her through to the landing. Many of these conversations had me thinking, “Are these people aware of the death-defying gravity of this situation?” But I appreciated that they were keeping it light, whether or not it was realistic. And in the case of the pilot, it definitely made sense, as he shamelessly flirts Madelyn to put her at ease and get her through an impossible situation. So weirdly enough, Flight Risk is a breezy, talky hangout flick, which is certainly not what I expected out of a Mel Gibson-directed movie with this premise in 2025, but it’s nice to take little surprises where you can get them.

Flight Risk is Recommended If You Like: Conversations in the sky

Grade: 3 out of 5 Pilots

‘Presence’ Review: It’s Time for the Ghost’s Perspective

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Yay, Presence! (CREDIT: NEON, Courtesy of Sundance Institute)

Starring: Lucy Liu, Chris Sullivan, Callina Liang, Eddy Maday, West Mulholland, Julia Fox, Natalie Woolams-Torres, Lucas Papaelias

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Running Time: 85 Minutes

Rating: R for At-Home Profanity and Malicious Drugging

Release Date: January 24, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Rebecca (Lucy Liu) and Chris (Chris Sullivan) are in the market for a fresh start, so they settle into a charming three-bedroom suburban house along with their teenage kids Chloe (Callina Liang) and Tyler (Eddy Maday). Tyler’s trying to focus on the swimming team, while Chloe is reeling from the recent death of a friend. Their parents are also going through a rocky period, with the implication that Rebecca has recently done something illegal, possibly to protect Tyler. Meanwhile, Chloe suspects that there may be a supernatural entity lurking within their walls. And chances are that hunch is very correct, considering that this movie is in fact shot from the POV of the titular presence.

What Made an Impression?: Feels Like Home: As the spectral camera walked along every floorboard and peeked out of every window, I found myself thinking, “This looks so much like my grandparents’ house in southeastern Pennsylvania,” and also, “This reminds me quite a bit of my brother’s house in Westchester County.” Which is to say: it’s a lot like my own childhood home, but not quite. It’s the sort of suburban house right off a busy main road whose origins probably date back a few hundred years, back when the area was all farmland. This is exactly the sort of abode where you’d expect ghosts to be lurking .I imagine I’m not the only one who will find Presence giving them a sense of uncanny familiarity.
Friendly and Curious: If the spirit in Presence operates according to one overriding mission, it is to find the answer to the question “What am I doing here?” Perhaps the most common trope of ghost stories is that the undead have some unfinished business they must take care of before they can fully cross over to the afterlife. That certainly appears to be true of this particular ghost, but it’s taking some effort to figure out exactly what that unfinished business is, beyond the inkling that it has something to do with Chloe. So that results in plenty of aimless activity like just wandering around and moving objects from one spot to another (with the exception of a thrillingly revelatory climax). This existential ghost story requires a fair amount of patience, but it also offers sufficient rewards if you’re willing to stick with it.

Presence is Recommended If You Like: Paranormal Activity, Unsane, Casper

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Gasps

I’ve Heard of the Wolf Man, But the Last Showgirl?

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Couple Goals? (CREDIT: Roadside Attractions; Nicola Dove/Universal Pictures)

Wolf Man

Starring: Christopher Abbott, Julia Garner, Matilda Firth, Sam Jaeger

Director: Leigh Whannell

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 17, 2025 (Theaters)

The Last Showgirl

Starring: Pamela Anderson, Dave Bautista, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kiernan Shipka, Brenda Song, Billie Lourd, Jason Schwartzman

Director: Gia Coppola

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 13, 2024 (Oscar Qualifying)/January 10, 2025 (Wide Theaters)

What’s going on, movie freaks?!😛Well, I’ll tell you what’s up with me: I saw a couple of movies this past weekend that most people probably don’t associate with each other, beyond the fact that they’re both currently playing in theaters. Interestingly enough, they also both feature (opposite) gendered language in their titles.

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‘The Damned’ is a Fairly Interesting January 2025 Movie Release

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Portrait of The Damned in Snow (CREDIT: Vertical Entertainment)

Starring: Odessa Young, Joe Cole, Rory McCann, Siobhan Finneran, Francis Magee, Turlough Convery, Mícheál Óg Lane, Lewi Gribben, Andrean Sigurgeirsson, Guillermo Uria

Director: Thordur Palsson

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 3, 2025 (Theaters)

I don’t want to be damned! Nor do I want to be in the location where the Thordur Palsson-directed movie The Damned is set, i.e., an Arctic bay that’s days away from the nearest village. Brr, that sounds cold! Although that’s not the biggest problem. I could find a way to survive the below-zero temps, but the lack of sunlight would really just not work for me. Also, the hallucinations that are apparently running rampant don’t sound so great. I enjoy analyzing hallucinations from the outside, but actually interacting with them – and living to tell the tale – is a little trickier.

Grade: Frostbite & Brainfreeze

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