Just Try to Resist ‘Anaïs in Love’ – I Dare Ya!

April 28, 2022

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Anaïs in Love (CREDIT: Magnolia Pictures)

Starring: Anaïs Demoustier, Valeria Bruni Tedeschi, Denis Podalydès, Jean-Charles Clichet

Director: Charline Bourgeois-Tacquet

Running Time: 98 Minutes

Rating: Unrated (R-Level for getting Pretty Hot and Heavy)

Release Date: April 29, 2022 (Theaters)/May 6, 2022 (On Demand)

Early on in Anaïs in Love, a soon-to-be ex-boyfriend tells the title character, “You don’t know what human interaction is.” But hey, dude, there are different types of humans and therefore different types of interaction that are recognizably human. Although I do understand his frustration. Anaïs (Anaïs Demoustier) is the type of person who will skip one academic symposium that she’s supposed to be working at to attend another one that she just found out about. She’s also the type of person who will suddenly start having an affair with an older married man, and then just as suddenly end things with him and track down his wife to have an affair with her. We’re not catching Anaïs at the one moment that she happens to be in love, because there isn’t just one moment. Instead, that title refers to an eternal state of being.

Is this just how the French are, and perhaps always will be? There’s a long tradition of the country’s cinema and literature that indicates that this is a mercurial people when it comes to affairs of the heart, after all. But in this case, there are some clear signs that Anaïs isn’t representative of everyone. In fact, she is the outlier in her orbit, and if everyone else seems just as passionate as her, that’s mainly thanks to how infectious she is. It’s as if Cupid or Venus took on the form of a mortal but could never be fully satisfied in such an arrangement.

There’s also a scene in which Anaïs accompanies her brother as they take a monkey to the vet. I don’t know why that little detour exists, but I’m glad it does. Life can’t be all about following the whims of your spirit and loins. Sometimes you find a furry little critter writhing around on the carpet. If Anaïs had just run away from that obligation, or if she had ignored her mom’s cancer diagnosis, I probably would have been a lot less patient with her. Or maybe not! Her charms are pretty irresistible, I must say, and they make for a compelling sexual journey I can’t help but witness without judgment.

Anaïs in Love is Recommended If You Like: Jules et Jim, Madame Bovary, Tips for leg stretches

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Love Letters

Finnish Body Horor ‘Hatching’ is for the Bird in All of Us!

April 27, 2022

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Hatching (CREDIT: Andrejs Strokins/IFC Midnight)

Starring: Siiri Solalinna, Sophia Heikkilä, Jani Volanen, Oiva Ollila, Reino Nordin

Director: Hanna Bergholm

Running Time: 87 Minutes

Rating: Unrated (But Gnarly Enough for an R)

Release Date: April 29, 2022 (Theaters)/May 17, 2022 (Digital/VOD)

I am excited to spread the word about Hatching, the debut feature from Finnish director Hanna Bergholm. If memory serves me correctly, it’s the first Finnish film I’ve ever seen, and appropriately enough, it’s an auteurist vision that I’ve never quite experienced before. If you’re a horror hound who’s wondering how the Finns spook each other, this would make for a fine introduction. It’s about a 12-year-old girl who forms a unique bond with a ravenous bird-like creature, so if you find that premise eminently relatable, you’re in the right place.

Right from Hatching‘s start (or hatching, as it were), it’s clear that the worst impulses of the YouTube era have made their way to the northernmost reaches of Europe, as the vlogger mom (Sophia Heikkilä) introduces us to her “Lovely and Ordinary Finnish Family.” But that picture-perfect image is quickly punctured when a crow flies into the house from out of nowhere. Young Tinja (Siiri Solalinna) is curious about the bird, but her mom breaks its neck and tells Tinja to throw it in the trash. But that was just a harbinger of what’s to come, as Tinja discovers a giant egg that she brings into her bedroom, only to quickly realize that’s she invited much more than she bargained for.

There aren’t a whole lot of cinematic avian monsters out there, and this one’s a doozy. Tinja is hoping that she’s made a friend, as she names the creature “Alli.” But really it’s more of a hellspawn and avenging angel, as it decapitates the neighbor’s dog and then starts taking aim at everyone else who’s ever wronged Tinja. And it’s not like her day-to-day isn’t already stressful enough, what with Mom pressuring her to be the absolute best at gymnastics and the revelation that she’s also starting a new family on the side with her hunky boyfriend (Reino Nordin). Meanwhile, straitlaced khaki-wearing Dad (Jani Volanen) remains blissfully unaware of pretty much everything going on around him until it’s too late.

Hatching easily works as a metaphor about adolescence, with Alli representing a body transforming into something shockingly unfamiliar. Not to mention, the mother-daughter strife that can be so typical of this period is in full force. But I couldn’t help but also make the connection to another recent horror flick that has very little to do with puberty, as Tinja’s visions of Alli stalking her prey are reminiscent of the shared death visions in Malignant. With that in mind, Hatching is really about the terror of being a human with a body who has familial connections, particularly when Alli starts to become Tinja’s doppelgӓnger and threatens to take over her life. Sometimes our own impulses or the ones of those closest to us are the most terrifying of all.

Hatching is Recommended If You Like: Turning Red, Malignant, Single White Female

Grade: 4 out of 5 Giant Eggs

‘The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent’ is Kinda Heavy, Man

April 21, 2022

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The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent (CREDIT: Karen Ballard/Lionsgate)

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Pedro Pascal, Tiffany Haddish, Sharon Horgan, Ike Barinholtz, Alessandra Mastronardi, Lily Sheen, Jacob Scipio, Neil Patrick Harris

Director: Tom Gormican

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R for Mainly Salty Language and a Few Shootouts

Release Date: April 22, 2022 (Theaters)

How self-aware is too self-aware? That’s a question inherent to the life of any movie star, but it’s especially salient in the case of Nicolas Cage. He’s equally beloved, mocked, or lovingly mocked for his over-the-top performances in the likes of Ghost Rider, Face/Off, The Wicker Man, and countless others. Word eventually got around to him that he was more meme than man in some corners, but instead of winking at repudiating this reputation, he’s mostly continued to follow his own particular muse in the form of his self-professed “Nouveau Shamanic” acting style. But now he’s forced to confront his career as thoroughly as possible as he plays a lightly fictionalized version of himself in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. I’m one of the biggest Nic Cage fans in the world, so my feeling coming into this flick was that it would either be my new favorite movie ever, or it would be a little too on the nose. The truth is somewhere in the middle, as Cage is of course up for whatever, but there are some Uncanny Valley-esque vibes.

The setup is basically National Treasure meets Bowfinger: in the midst of an existential crisis that has him contemplating retirement, Cage is surreptitiously hired by the CIA to aid in some geopolitical subterfuge. It all goes down in the sun-dappled vistas of Mallorca, where he’s fulfilling a million-dollar gig to attend the birthday party of Javi (Pedro Pascal), a budding screenwriter who’s also the suspected head of a cartel and supposed mastermind behind a recent kidnapping. But mostly, he’s an audience surrogate, with the obsessive collection of Nic Cage memorabilia to prove it. If you’re thinking that somebody who loves Nicolas Cage this much couldn’t possibly be that bad, then you should know that one of this movie’s core messages is to trust your instincts.

And what do my instincts tell me as I’m writing this review? Mostly, they say that I was kind of weirded out by how similar this Nic Cage is to the real thing without being exactly the same. Offscreen, he has a few ex-wives and two sons, while the Massively Talent-ed version has at least one ex (Sharon Horgan) that’s still a part of his daily life and a daughter named Addy (Lily Sheen). I don’t know what his relationships with his sons are like, but I hope that he’s not forcing them to watch The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari to the point that they need to hash it out in therapy. This is all to say, Unbearable Weight gets the broad-stroke details of Cage’s unique story correct, but it renders his mystique a bit too quotidian. It’s respectful, but not transcendent. It pulls off the requisite action-adventure thrills just fine, but if you really want to know what makes this man tick, just check out any of his interviews.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is Recommended If You Like: Nonstop introspection, Geeking out about German expressionism and Paddington, Emotional straight male bonding

Grade: 3 out of 5 Nouveau Shamans

‘The Northman’: Vikings, Revenge, Blood, and Guts at the Gates of Hel

April 20, 2022

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The Northman (CREDIT: Aidan Monaghan/Focus Features)

Starring: Alexander Skarsgård, Nicole Kidman, Anya Taylor-Joy, Claes Bang, Ethan Hawke, Bjӧrk, Willem Dafoe, Oscar Novak

Director: Robert Eggers

Running Time: 137 Minutes

Rating: R for Lots of Blood and a Fair Amount of Skin

Release Date: April 22, 2022 (Theaters)

If nothing else, Robert Eggers movies are experiences. Sometimes, in the case of The Witch, it’s an experience I very much want to be a part of. Other times, in the case of The Lighthouse, it’s like: hoo boy, this might be a little too much for me. His third feature, The Northman, lands somewhere in the middle. It’s his longest but also perhaps his most straightforward. That might have something to do with the fact that the main character is a legendary Scandinavian figure who served as the direct inspiration for Hamlet. I encountered that factoid after watching the movie, but it makes sense in retrospect, as the story beats are plenty familiar. Despite the hallucinogenic flourishes, this is your classic tale of revenge and bloody familial entanglements.

It’s Viking Times! 895 AD, specifically. Young Prince Amleth (Oscar Novak) doesn’t have a care in the world, but then his uncle Fjölnir (Claes Bang) kills his father (Ethan Hawke) and takes Amleth’s mother Gudrún (Nicole Kidman) as his own queen. If you’ve ever seen The Lion King, you know what’s coming, as we leap ahead several years, with our hero (now played by Alexander Skarsgård) returning with a girlfriend in tow (Anya Taylor-Joy as the witchy Olga of the Birch Forest) and ready to take back what’s his. Now, at this point, you may find yourself thinking, “Hey, didn’t Skarsgård and Kidman play husband and wife a few years ago?” To which I must let you know, The Northman does not flinch at the ickiest of its implications.

Basically, if you’ve ever been watching a Shakespeare production and wished that it was even bloodier, and a whole lot muddier, and also featured plenty of psychedelic freakouts, then The Northman is here for you! And if you also wanted a deadly mashup of lacrosse, handball, and rugby thrown in for good measure, then you can rest easy. I don’t want any beheadings in my own personal day-to-day, but I can approve of a few fictional decapitations serving as the cherries on top of a Robert Eggers sundae. It’s a healthy way to get the violent urges out of our systems.

The Northman is Recommended If You Like: Revenge served as cold as historically possible

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Fratricides/Avunculucides/Matricides/Nepoticides

That’s Okay, Dumbledore, I Don’t Really Need to Know Your Secrets

April 13, 2022

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Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (CREDIT:
Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Mads Mikkelsen, Ezra Miller, Dan Fogler, Alison Sudol, Callum Turner, Jessica Williams, Katherine Waterston

Director: David Yates

Running Time: 142 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Wand Thrusts Knocking People Down

Release Date: April 15, 2022 (Theaters)

There’s one moment in Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore that left me responding with a resounding blank stare. Well, actually, there was more than one moment like that. But there was one particular instance where I’m pretty sure that the hoped-for reaction was instead a pumped fist and a round of hoots and hollers. If you’ve seen the trailer, you know what I’m talking about. One of our heroes informs us that their ragtag crew consists of a magizoologist, his assistant, “a wizard descended from a very old family,” a teacher, and a muggle. I guess the idea is that this isn’t exactly the A-team, but they all sound pretty capable to me! I can understand doubting the non-magical fellow, except that the previous two entries in this franchise have already established his bona fides. This all leads me to suspect that Dumbledore’s secrets aren’t as mind-blowing as advertised.

And that impenetrability doesn’t exactly pair well with the complications of watching something written by J.K. Rowling in 2022. If you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid her public persona the past several years, then I regret to inform you that she’s now just as famous for her highly public transphobic views about gender as she is for conjuring magical fantasy worlds. But hey, the Harry Potter saga preached a message of tolerance that seemed to stand in stark contrast to those opinions, so maybe Secrets of Dumbledore might as well, or at the very least be inoffensive.

But even beyond any moral reckonings, there is a mighty struggle at the core of watching this film. It has the vibe of a central creative voice given free rein to the point of absurdity. Rowling is credited as a co-screenwriter and one of five producers, but this is her brainchild set loose, unchecked and unbound. I’m not saying that someone needed to say no to her, but a little interpretation for those of us who don’t live in her brain would have been nice. The climactic battle is one of those scenes that’s so typical of modern blockbusters where the fate of the world hangs in the balance, and I just found myself profoundly confused. What are the stakes here? Why is Grindelwald such a bad wizard anyway? Maybe I missed an obvious explanation, and I’ll gladly welcome anyone who can point that out to me. But I can’t help but feel that I was watching someone tell us a story that was supposed to have self-evident importance, and that just wasn’t coming across.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is Recommended If You Are: J.K. Rowling

Grade: 1.5 out of 5 Blood Pacts

‘Father Stu’ Goes All In on Redemption

April 12, 2022

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Father Stu (CREDIT: Karen Ballard/Columbia Pictures)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, Jacki Weaver, Teresa Ruiz, Aaron Moten, Cody Fern, Malcolm McDowell

Director: Rosalind Ross

Running Time: 126 Minutes

Rating: R for Not-Very-Priestly Language

Release Date: April 13, 2022 (Theaters)

Religion and certainty are a dangerous combination. That’s why my skepticism alarms go off whenever stereotypical “faith-based” films saunter in, what with their tendency to be so sure about themselves when it comes to metaphysical mysteries. But a more difficult struggle with Christianity is rife for compelling drama, which brings us to Father Stu. Based on the true story of a boxer who hangs up his gloves and heads to the seminary, it presents a complicated crossroads between these two extremes. The title character doesn’t do half-measures, so when he hears God calling, nobody can stand in his way. But within the certainty of his vocation, he recognizes and embodies the doubts that the faithful wrestle with every day.

Stuart Long (Mark Wahlberg) has plenty of reasons to reject the notion of a merciful deity. His brother died when they were kids, his dad (Mel Gibson) is an alcoholic deadbeat, and he’s getting a little too old for his boxing career to go anywhere promising. And when he first joins the Church, it’s not like his intentions are exactly pure, as he’s just trying to win over the woman he has a crush on (Teresa Ruiz). It’s actually tragedy that leads him to the collar, as a horrific motorcycle accident leaves him in a coma during which visions of the Virgin Mary suddenly steer him to a life of shepherding his flock. After he hustles his way into a seminary despite the skepticism of an image-conscious monsignor (Malcolm McDowell), he is felled once again, this time by a diagnosis of inclusion body myositis, a degenerative disease that will shut down his muscles just when he’s figured out what he wants to do with them.

What struck me most powerfully about Father Stu was its honesty about the contradictions inherent to a priestly life. The hierarchy of the Catholic Church has certain rules and regulations, but they can easily get in the way of the message of redemption at the heart of the religion. And while priests are expected to take a vow of celibacy, that doesn’t take away their capacity for romance. They can choose not to act on these feelings, of course, but that doesn’t relieve them of the emotional fallout that remains in their past, and current, relationships. This is a thoroughly Catholic tale that will probably resonate most strongly with the already converted. Nevertheless, its plea for redemption is fully inclusive: it acknowledges the doubts worth having about religion, while remaining certain that its story needs to be told.

Father Stu is Recommended If You Like: A rousing homily

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Baptisms

Michael Bay Lets His ‘Ambulance’ Loose on an Unsuspecting Los Angeles

April 7, 2022

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Ambulance (CREDIT: Andrew Cooper/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Eiza González, Garret Dillahunt, Keir O’Donnell, Jackson White, Olivia Stambouliah, Moses Ingram, Colin Woodell, Cedric Sanders, A Martinez, Wale Folarin, Jesse Garcia, Jose Pablo Cantillo

Director: Michael Bay

Running Time: 136 Minutes

Rating: R for Explosions Coming Out of Guns and Mouths

Release Date: April 8, 2022 (Theaters)

I’m not entirely sure what to make of my instinctive reaction to Ambulance. In short, it distressed me. But I suspect that may have been intentional. Even if it was intentional, it may have gone a little overboard. That’s hardly surprising, as going overboard is Michael Bay’s whole m.o. So of course I knew what I was in for. It’s just a matter of discerning: did we find the sweet spot, or did we tip the scales? And my verdict is: Ambulance is way too much for this viewer to handle, but I appreciate the spectacle.

The premise is tailor-made for a lean, nasty thriller. Will Sharp (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) is a desperate man. Insurance won’t cover his wife’s surgery, so he turns to his adoptive brother Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal, matching Bay’s maximalism note for note), who’s about to pull off a massive bank heist. It’s supposed to be a simple in-and-out job, but a beat cop (Jackson White) just had to choose this day to ask out the bank teller he has a crush on. So Will and Danny are forced to take him hostage as they commandeer the ambulance of EMT Cam Thompson (Eiza González). If this had all been wrapped up in a cathartic hour and a half, I imagine I would have emerged from the theater reinvigorated and ready to crush everything on my bucket list. But instead, it’s a plodding 136 minutes that left me wondering if I would ever be able to feel like myself ever again.

The whole thing made me sick. Part of that has to do with the lengthy, surprisingly graphic abdominal surgery scene. Let’s just say my physiology is not optimally designed to handle the sight of that much blood. That could have been alleviated if this were a friendlier world, which it just isn’t. There are a few characters who are more or less pure, or at least gold-hearted despite their bad decisions. But every villain is surprisingly brutish, especially Danny, who’s one of the most frightening characters I’ve seen on screen in quite a while. He promises you loyalty and protection, but he’s really just an agent of chaos, much more violent and manipulative than you expect him to be.

But as distressed as I was, it’s hard to call Ambulance a failure. This is basically an extended metaphor for how L.A. traffic can turn your entire day into an Adventure Through Hell. And Bay’s clearly having himself a blast, what with the references to some of his earlier iconic films and the unbound use of drone cinematography. Oh, the drones! Have I mentioned the drones? If you need B-roll from every possible angle, there’s a new way to do it, and Ambulance works best as a how-to guide for pulling it off. Just order a drone, stick a camera on it, inject it with the mechanical equivalent of methamphetamine, and conquer the skies!

Ambulance is Recommended If You Like: Adults playing with their toys, New authority figures pulling up to take over the operation, The L.A. River

Grade: 3 out of 5 Drone Cameras

‘¡Viva Maestro!’ Review: Get to Know Gustavo Dudamel!

April 6, 2022

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¡Viva Maestro! (CREDIT: Greenwich Entertainment/Screenshot)

Starring: Gustavo Dudamel

Director: Theodore Braun

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: Unrated (But It Would’ve Been a G or PG)

Release Date: April 8, 2022 (Theaters)

I’m not much of a patron of classical music performances, but I do love going to the movies (obviously). Which is to say, despite not being in his target audience, I am familiar with Gustavo Dudamel, as his conducting of the L.A. Philharmonic was featured in a “One Night Only” event broadcast to cinemas several years ago. And I saw the pre-show ad for that performance a lot. Even in that one 30-second snippet, it was clear just how preternaturally charismatic he was, even considering the baseline of gesticulation in his line of work. So when I found out that I would be going to see a documentary about him, I figured it wouldn’t take much to make him compelling. Suffice it to say, ¡Viva Maestro! doesn’t get in the way of itself.

When making a documentary about a living person, one central question is (or at least should be): Why now? What about this particular moment in time is so significant to this particular person’s life? Considering the inherently difficult and mercurial nature of filmmaking, I imagine that the main reason is that this just happened to be when director Theodore Braun was finally able to put together everything he needed. But whether it was planned or serendipitous, ¡Viva Maestro! captures Dudamel at a crossroads, as political strife in his native Venezuela prevents him from being able to return home while he’s in the middle of an international tour. Ultimately, that is more of a backdrop than anything else. Dudamel has always been reluctant to publicly share his political views, and ¡Viva Maestro! doesn’t press him much on that matter.

Thus what we have here is a mostly straightforward portrait of what it’s like to be one of the most famous and acclaimed conductors in the world today. I found the most compelling scenes to be Dudamel’s rehearsals with his orchestra. The word to describe them is “exacting.” Every note has to be played correctly to the exact right fraction of a second. That might sound like something out of Whiplash, but there’s also warmth at the core of Dudamel’s instructions to mitigate the intensity. This isn’t the life for me, but it is the life for people who have dedicated themselves to playing an instrument. People flock to this guy; ¡Viva Maestro! keys right in on his loyalty and dedication.

¡Viva Maestro! is Recommended If You Like: Holding your arms at perpendicular angles

Grade: 3 out of 5 Batons

‘Aline’ is 90% Normal Biopic, 10% Really Weird

April 5, 2022

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Aline (CREDIT: Roadside Attractions and Samuel Goldwyn Films)

Starring: Valérie Lemercier, Sylvain Marcel, Danielle Fichaud, Roc LaFortune, Antoine Vézina, Jean-Noël Brouté

Director: Valérie Lemercier

Running Time: 126 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Some Colorful Language About Bodies and Body Parts

Release Date: April 8, 2022 (Theaters)

I don’t think I’m fully immersed in all the necessary context to fully enjoy Aline, although I’m at least aware enough of the basics to understand what’s happening. It’s not a Céline Dion biopic, except that it very much is a Céline Dion biopic. Sure, the main character is named “Aline Dieu,” but the broad outline of her fictional story is pretty much exactly the same as Dion’s real life journey. And perhaps the name changes allow the Aline team more leeway to take artistic license, but it’s not as if more official biopics don’t also feature fictionalized scenes.

Then there’s the matter of 58-year-old director Valérie Lemercier playing Aline throughout the entire film, from five-year-old sensation to superstar mother of three. I’ve gleaned that Lemercier is popular enough in her native France that this sort of thing is pretty much expected from her. Meanwhile, for the rest of us who don’t know her beyond Aline, the shock value wears off fairly quickly and turns into something else. Specifically, it looks like young Aline has something like Benjamin Button Syndrome, and her family has just accepted that. Besides, the narrative cuts ahead to adult Aline’s portion of the story soon enough that any potential cognitive dissonance more or less disappears.

Ultimately, despite the name change and the age-blind casting, Aline mostly comes off as one of the most straightforward biopics I’ve ever seen. That is to say, it attempts to cram everything significant about one person’s life in a two-hour package, and there are some highlights here and there. Maybe the sight of an adult Lemercier playing a teenager falling in love with her much-older manager/future husband is supposed to be a commentary about how Dion’s relationship with René Angélil transcended (or didn’t transcend?) the bounds of age. But that’s hardly underscored. Maybe this really is just as right-down-the-middle as it feels like it is. And yet, I feel like if I could dig around Lemercier’s subconscious for a little bit, wonders would be uncovered.

Aline is Recommended If You Like: Forced perspective cinematography, Sudden hard cuts skipping years at a time, Lip synced cover songs

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Shoes

I Saw ‘Mothering Sunday’: Here’s What I Saw

March 31, 2022

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Mothering Sunday (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Classics/Screenshot)

Starring: Odessa Young, Josh O’Connor, Colin Firth, Olivia Colman, Sope Dirisu, Patsy Ferran, Glenda Jackson

Director: Eva Husson

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: March 25, 2022 (Theaters)

For a good stretch of Mothering Sunday, Odessa Young walks around a big English country estate while totally naked. She’s by herself, just exploring the place, luxuriating in her own body. There’s a few moments when it cuts to some other characters and you think she’s about to be discovered, but that’s just misleading editing, because they’re in some other time and/or place. Anyway, it’s the most long-lasting incidental nudity I can ever remember seeing in a movie, and it had me thinking, “Well, I guess she’s comfortable.” Anyway, her character starts out as a maid and eventually becomes a highly acclaimed writer. Not a bad way for a life to turn out. Elsewhere, Colin Firth and Olivia Colman play characters who get very emotional.

Grade: 3 Typewriters out of No Clothes

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