Legen- (wait for it?) -dary? (CREDIT: Jonathan Wenk/Columbia Pictures)
Starring: Ben Wang, Jackie Chan, Sadie Stanley, Ming-Na Wen, Ralph Macchio, Joshua Jackson, Aramis Knight, Wyatt Oleff
Director: Jonathan Entwistle
Running Time: 94 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Violence, Officially Sanctioned or Otherwise
Release Date: May 30, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Li Fong (Ben Wang) is a perfectly pleasant teenage boy living in Beijing with his doctor mother (Ming-Na Wen) who must make his way to the Big Apple when she lands a job in NYC. But his head and his heart remain behind in China, particularly the kung fu school of the legendary Mr. Han (Jackie Chan). Alas, Mom has forbidden fighting for this new beginning, but little do they know that Li is just the latest protagonist in a generations-spanning martial arts saga. In the meantime, he also becomes close with a girl named Mia (Sadie Stanley) and her dad (Joshua Jackson) from the local pizza place, which only draws him further into the world of combat sports.
What Made an Impression?: The New Kid in Town: The first Karate Kid movie arrived in theaters more than 40 years ago. But I haven’t seen any of them, nor have I watched the Cobra Kai spinoff series, though I have absorbed the key details by dint of cultural ubiquity. Which is all to say: Karate Kid: Legends is perfectly easy to follow for newbies. Its main focus is on the characters introduced in this chapter after all, and any connections with the returning favorites are thoroughly explained to ward off any potential confusion. Was it already established in the 2010 Karate Kid remake that Mr. Han knew Mr. Miyagi? I don’t know, but also, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t know. Does it make sense that Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) is recruited all the way from L.A. to help train Li? No, but I guess that just happens when you’re putting together a supergroup. The Other Story: A good chunk of Legends‘ plot is devoted to a story lane that isn’t even hinted at in the trailers. I wouldn’t call it a spoiler to reveal it, but I won’t say much more, since it can be fun when a movie shamelessly breaks the promises it made with its audience in the promo material. But at least let me tease what I’m hinting about by wondering aloud: who knew that Joshua Jackson would have a bigger role than Ralph Macchio in a Karate Kid movie in 2025 (or any year)? And who could have ever guessed that would be a good thing? Give Me a Slice: When Li first visits Mia and her dad’s pizza shop, he cluelessly asks them if they have any stuffed crust pies. He immediately gets chewed out for his very un-Manhattan request and then gets stuck with “Deep Dish” for a nickname. And that’s what passes for a joke in this movie. Although the script doesn’t really commit to this razzing, since he’s addressed by that epithet just a handful of times. I wish it had happened more often.
Karate Kid: Legends is Recommended If You Like:Dawson’s Creek more than Karate Kid
Starring: Benicio del Toro, Mia Threapleton, Michael Cera, Riz Ahmed, Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston, Mathieu Amalric, Richard Ayoade, Jeffrey Wright, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Rupert Friend, Hope Davis, Bill Murray, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Willem Dafoe, F. Murray Abraham
Director: Wes Anderson
Running Time: 105 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Gunshots, Plane Crashes, and Mid-century Tobacco
Release Date: May 30, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: It’s 1950, and businessman Zsa-zsa Korda (Benicio del Toro) is at an impasse. He’s trying to complete a major infrastructure project, but he finds himself the victim of several assassination attempts and a consortium of rival tycoons trying to box him out from all of his moneymaking endeavors. Sensing that his demise may be imminent, he summons his nun-in-training daughter Liesl (Mia Threapleton) from the convent to inform her that he’s making her his sole heir. Then the two of them journey off along with his sons’ tutor Bjørn (Michael Cera) to close the funding gap for his project and maybe also discover who killed Liesl’s mother years ago.
What Made an Impression?: Is Redemption Possible?: Zsa-zsa is introduced as a ruthless capitalist who pretty much deserves to be assassinated. He might have even also killed Liesl’s mom! But does this rapscallion have the capacity for change? I must say, it’s hard not to notice some softening. Maybe it’s the visions of pearly gates, maybe it’s Liesl’s pious but nonjudgmental influence, but somehow someway he’s inching towards respectability. By the end, there are still plenty of grievous missteps on his ledger that he must accept responsibility for, but I mostly bought the redemption. They Shoot, They Score!: My favorite scene in The Phoenician Scheme features Tom Hanks and Bryan Cranston as a pair of brothers playing basketball against Zsa-zsa and Riz Ahmed’s prince character. They call it 2-on-2, first-to-5, but it’s really a round of H-O-R-S-E. But who cares about technicalities when H&C relish tossing the rock this much? They might be AARP-eligible, but they’re looking more athletic than they ever have. Silly Voices and Such: I’m not a super-fan of Wes Anderson, but I enjoy him well enough to consistently appreciate his fastidious eye for detail and ability to ground over-the-top fashion and quirky architecture. That works best in this feature in terms of the ridiculous accents that are occasionally revealed as put-ons for outlandishly simple disguises.* I chuckled heartily. (*Richard Ayoade, in contrast, deploys what I believe is his adorably natural voice as a communist revolutionary.) A Star Takes Her Vows: Del Toro may be Number 1 on the call sheet, but I suspect that Threapleton will be enjoying the majority of the buzz. She’s the daughter of Kate Winslet and Jim Threapleton, so gird yourself if you have an aversion to nepo babies. But regardless of her heritage, she sets herself apart as a unique screen presence as she pulls off the neat trick of making us fall in love with a bride of Christ. Or maybe that’s actually the easiest task in the world, because of the taboo aspect of it all. Either way, she nails it.
The Phoenician Scheme is Recommended If You: Have an Endless Wes Andersonian Appetite, Forever and Ever, Amen
Oh wow, did you notice that Saturday Night Live Season 50 recently ended? Whenever that happens, I like to reflect upon the goings-on at Studio 8H from the past several months. What sketches stuck with me the most? What Weekend Update lunatics are most worthy of discussion? Was the music any good?
So here’s how that’s going to go down this time: First I’m going to consult The SNL Archives and my own weekly reviews, and maybe re-watch a few sketches if I have time. Then I’m going to report to you, dear readers, what made the most lasting impressions on me. And please let me know how SNL50 made you feel as well! (And keep your eye on this space in the months to come in case I realize later that there was something that I forgot to mention.)
TV
–Big Mouth Season 8 (May 23 on Netflix) – Final Season Alert! (I’m still I-don’t-know-how-many seasons behind.)
–Pee-Wee as Himself (Premieres May 23 on HBO) – Two-part docuseries about a funny guy.
–Rick and Morty Season 8 Premiere (May 25 on Adult Swim)
Music
-Snoop Dogg, Iz It a Crime? – This came out last week.
-Sparks, MAD!
-Taj Mahal and Keb’ Mo’, Room on the Porch
Sports -French Open (May 25-June 8 on TNT, truTV, and Max)
-U.S. Women’s Open (May 29-June 1 on USA, NBC, and Peacock)
Don’t look down? (CREDIT: Warner Bros./Screenshot; Vertical/Screenshot)
Fight or Flight
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Charithra Chandan, Katee Sackhoff, Julian Kostov, Marko Zaror, JuJu Chan Szeto, Danny Ashok, Hughie O’Donnell
Director: James Madigan
Running Time: 97 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 9, 2025 (Theaters)
Final Destination Bloodlines
Starring: Kaitlyn Santa Juana, Teo Briones, Brec Bassinger, Richard Harmon, Owen Patrick Joyner, Rya Kihlstedt, Anna Lore, Gabrielle Rose, Tinpo Lee, April Telek, Alex Zahara, Max Lloyd-Jones, Tony Todd
Directors: Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein
Running Time: 110 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 16, 2025 (Theaters)
One day not too long ago, I saw the new movie Fight or Flight in a theater. Then the very next day, I saw another new film, Final Destination Bloodlines, also in a movie theater! So that’s two movies in two days about potential disasters and/or very real disasters. FoF mostly takes place on a plane, while the first FD is famous for its exploding plane. Here are a couple of quick lists of what I liked most about both of them:
Jimmy Kimmel Live! celebrated Take Your Kids to Work Day by having some of the writers’ kids craft monologue jokes. I especially liked the part when four-year-old Hannah said, “Unh-unh!”
What is the 50th best things about these people? (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)
Jeff “jmunney” Malone watches every new episode of Saturday Night Live and then reviews all the sketches and segments according to a “wacky” theme.
Congratulations to all those 50s out there! Yes, the rumors are true, Saturday Night Live has now fully and undeniably completed its 50th season. In the course of doing so, it featured a finale guest lineup of 7-time host Scarlett Johansson and three-time musical guest Bad Bunny. So in honor of ScarJo, I’ll be reviewing each sketch and segment by metrics of seven. So for example, I might convey a grade of “3 out of 5 Seven Deadly Sins.”
Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.
Movies
–Final Destination Bloodlines (Theaters)
–Hurry Up Tomorrow (Theaters) – Worth it for the Jenna Ortega dancing.
Music
-Chuck D, Chuck D Presents Enemy Radio: Radio Armageddon
-Damiano David, FUNNY little FEARS
-Men I Trust, Equus Asinus and Equus Caballus – These came out March 19 and May 6, respectively, but somehow I missed them then.
-MØ, Plæygirl
-tUnE-yArDs, Better Dreaming
Starring: Abel Tesfaye, Jenna Ortega, Barry Keoghan, Riley Keough
Director: Trey Edward Shults
Running Time: 105 Minutes
Rating: R for Some Language, a Few Drugs, and a Scuffle
Release Date: May 16, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: In the woozy fantasia Hurry Up Tomorrow, Abel Tesfaye aka The Weeknd plays an alternate version of himself who’s really going through some stuff right now. His girlfriend has just left him, but he can’t focus on that right now, because he’s in the midst of a tour and his manager (Barry Keoghan) keeps hyping him up to go out and crush it. But what he really needs to do right now is slow down and rest his aching vocal cords. Into this psychological powder keg waltzes an unstable fan named Anima (Jenna Ortega) who’s introduced while burning down a house in the middle of nowhere. She and Abel hit it off, only to then dive headlong into a nightmare.
What Made an Impression?: To Be So Vain: When was the last time we were blessed to witness a vanity project as shameless as this one? I didn’t realize that The Weeknd even had the cachet to get a major theatrical release like this greenlit. (Although I suppose he did play the Super Bowl Halftime Show a few years ago.) Anyway, I’m not complaining. All artists should be given the space to let their creative ids run loose (even if the results are profoundly messy), just so long as nobody gets hurt. Will You Let Us In?: Although I suppose the case could be made that some people could in fact get hurt by suffering through the experience of watching this movie. I wouldn’t go that far, but it would’ve been nice if it had been a little esoteric. I’m enough of a fan of The Weeknd that I’ve listened to all of his albums and sung him at karaoke once or twice, but not so big a stan that I’m attending concerts or scrubbing the lyrics for Easter eggs or whatever. Maybe his most ardent obsessives will find plenty to vibe with in Hurry Up Tomorrow. I however am perfectly okay with keeping all that at arm’s length. The Weeknd’s headspace is just too dang melancholic. Letting a Little Bit Loose:Hurry Up Tomorrow isn’t too bad if you just treat it as a series of dreamy images washing over you and ignore whatever semblance of a plot there is. But within the chaos, there is one genuinely great scene in which Anima has Abel tied up Misery-style as she forces him to listen to her critical analyses of some of his recent songs. And yes, we do get a few new signature Jenna Ortega Dance Moves out of the bargain. It’s kinda stupid, but it breaks the tension nicely.
Hurry Up Tomorrow is Recommended If You Like: Being held hostage
Starring: Katie Douglas, Aaron Abrams, Carson MacCormac, Kevin Durand, Will Sasso, Vincent Muller, Cassandra Potenza, Verity Marks, Ayo Solanke, Alexandre Martin Deakin, Daina Leitold, Jean-Jacques Javier, Bradley Sawatzky, Dylan McEwan, Kaitlyn Bacon, Samantha Hutchings
Director: Eli Craig
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 9, 2025 (Theaters)
Now that I’ve watched Clown in a Cornfield, it’s time to answer the question: would I like to live in a town filled with Frendos? And the answer is: absolutely!
Perhaps that response surprises you, because you never thought that I had a death wish. And you’d be right in that regard. Although perhaps you’ve reasoned that I’ve surmised I would be safe from the massacre since I’m no longer a doofus high schooler. This is all mighty fine deduction, but here’s the thing: I never said I wanted to live among murderous Frendos.
So yeah, as long as we can remove the impalings and the decapitations, then Kettle Springs, Missouri looks like a perfectly idyllic location to inhale some burgers and milkshakes at the local diner and go for a parade. (I also liked it when Mandy’s dad from Georgie & Mandy showed up.)
Grade: 3 Viral Videos out of ⅕ of a Tragic Mom Backstory
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