This Is a Movie Review: As Above, So Below

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As Above, So Below has one of the most unique horror premises in a while: a team of explorers go spelunking in the catacombs below Paris and as they enter rarely-explored sections, they discover that they might be in a portal to Hell, or something like it.  Too bad it takes forever for the story to actually get around to exploring that premise.  The lead spelunker is multilingual, multi-degreed Scarlett (Perdita Weeks), who is carrying on the work of her late father of finding the Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary substance said to have alchemical and life elixir powers.  A prologue of Scarlet searching for clues in an Iranian cave suggests that the hellish nature of underground locations may not be limited to one place, as she sees a vision of a man hanging himself that serves as a bit of foreshadowing.  Following this prologue is approximately 45 minutes of Scarlet and her crew in Paris figuring out how they are going to enter the catacombs, and it is just as boring as it sounds.

Much has been made of the fact that As Above, So Below is yet another in horror’s found-footage sub-genre, and the talk I have seen is generally bemoaning that there is yet another fake documentary in the arena.  As Above would have worked perfectly fine without this gimmick, even though it actually does attempt some interesting techniques with it, such as placing mounted cameras on everyone’s cave headgear, which solves the problem of limited realistic camera angles.  But, ultimately, this movie does not make sense as found-footage because there is no reason for this footage to be found, because (SPOILER ALERT) multiple characters survive and presumably hold onto the footage.

The failing of As Above, So Below is that all of its worthwhile elements are crammed into the last act.  This is either a failure of pacing, or a failure of not having enough ideas to fill out a feature length.  I actually think it is mostly the former, as the last 15 minutes or so show the weird, exciting adventure that this film could have been all along.  Ultimately the catacombs are less Hell but something closer to purgatory.  It is a gauntlet that can be survived, if those who pass through it prove worthy.  Scarlet and her crew are haunted by terrible memories of their past, specifically, moments when a loved one died that they fear they could have done something to prevent. The ghosts of these loved ones can serve as agents of either retribution or forgiveness, which could have led to some fascinating psychological territory.  But this pattern is a little inconsistent, and it takes too long for it to become clear for it to have its fullest effect.  As Above, So Below does, however, feature a first-person perspective of Scarlet punching not one, but two, monsters in the head, after more than an hour of everyone having no idea how to fend off the evil creatures. C+

What Won TV? – August 31-September 6, 2014

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Masters of Sex
Monday – U.S. Open
Tuesday – Drunk History
Wednesday – The League (and Paul Scheer was also great on The Meltdown Show)
Thursday – TIE: The best episode of You’re the Worst/U.S. Open Quarterfinal: Federer-Monfils, one of the 3 best matches of the year
Friday – A repeat of the Jeopardy! Battle of the Decades, because I wasn’t home in time to catch any of the ladies’ semifinalsSaturday – I didn’t catch most of the U.S. Open men’s semifinal upsets, but they were still the best of the day.

VH1 Top 20 Countdown – 9/6/14

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Each week, I check out VH1′s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
2. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
3. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
4. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
5. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
6. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
7. Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd – “Really Don’t Care”
8. Kiesza – “Hideaway”
9. Magic! – “Rude”
10. Sia – “Chandelier”
11. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
12. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
13. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
14. Coldplay – “A Sky Full of Stars”
15. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
16. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
17. Jessie J., Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj – “Bang Bang”
18. Train – “Angel in Blue Jeans”
19. American Authors – “Believer”
20. Rita Ora – “I Will Never Let You Down”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Latch
3. Black Widow
4. Hideaway
5. Shake It Off
6. Stay With Me
7. Rather Be
8. Bang Bang
9. Boom Clap
10. Don’t
11. Am I Wrong
12. I Will Never Let You Down
13. Really Don’t Care
14. Maps
15. A Sky Full of Stars
16. Angel in Blue Jeans
17. Rude
18. All About That Bass
19. Love Runs Out
20. Believer

Fuse Top 20 Countdown – 9/2/14

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Each week, I check out FUSE’s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
2. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
3. Ariana Grande ft. Zedd – “Break Free”
4. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
5. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
6. Sia – “Chandelier”
7. Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda”
8. Magic! – “Rude”
9. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
10. Echosmith – “Cool Kids”
11. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
12. Becky G – “Shower”
13. Kongos – “Come With Me Now”
14. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
15. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
16. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
17. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
18. 5 Seconds of Summer – “Amnesia”
19. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
20. Tove Lo – “Habits”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Come With Me Now
3. Latch
4. Break Free
5. Black Widow
6. Shake It Off
7. Stay With Me
8. Rather Be
9. Cool Kids
10. Boom Clap
11. Don’t
12. Am I Wrong
13. Habits
14. Anaconda
15. Maps
16. Rude
17. All About That Bass
18. Love Runs Out
19. Amnesia
20. Shower

The Best of the 2014 Emmys

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Here are the best moments of this year’s Emmys:

1. That part when a woman tells Billy Eichner she can’t feel “it” regarding television’s biggest night:

2. That part where that guy in the orange shirt said that Jimmy Fallon is his favorite talk show host in front of Seth Meyers:

3. That part when Billy Eichner says that Hotmail has picked up Judging Amy in light of Yahoo! picking up Community:

4. That part when that guy with a beard confused Seth Meyers with Seth MacFarlane:

5. That part when Billy Eichner and Seth Meyers took donations for the cast of The Big Bang Theory:

6. That part when a woman had some … interesting guesses about what the Emmy trophy was:

7. That part when that old guy said “Who cares?” about something A LOT of people care about very much:

8. That part when Billy Eichner scared a woman shitless by shouting, “Elisabeth Moss was snubbed!”:

9. “DINKLAGE VERUS PATINKIN!”

10. That part when Billy Eichner thought a straight woman was a lesbian:

This Is A Movie Review: Boyhood

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Boyhood

I don’t know if the filming-over-11-years gimmick made this happen, or if it was just Richard Linklater’s sensibility, but Boyhood avoided just about every coming-of-age cliché it possibly could.  And let’s be clear: the 11 years of filming was a gimmick.  That’s not a knock – I love gimmicks.  You just gotta commit to them.  And the very nature of this gimmick required commitment.

There are so many moments in Mason Evans, Jr.’s boyhood that seem like they are heading towards the typical melodramatic formula of getting into trouble, followed by confrontations, and then tearful apologies.  Take, for example, Mason drinking beer in his friend’s family cabin, or watching porn with his stepbrother.  These are things that could get him into trouble, but instead, they are just things that happen.  These moments are typical of most boys’ lives.  What is important in portraying them is how each particular boy experiences them.  This extended filmmaking technique proves to be a successful experiment in exploring these moments as they pertain to the meaning of growing up.  A decade on one project has led to wonderfully internalized character work, resulting in one-of-a-kind performances from Ellar Coltrane (Mason), Patricia Arquette (Mason’s mom), Ethan Hawke (Mason, Sr.), and Lorelei Linklater (Mason’s sister). A-

What Won TV? – August 24-August 30, 2014

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Masters of Sex
Monday – Billy Eichner saved the 2014 Emmys.
Tuesday – Drunk History
Wednesday – The Meltdown Show with Jonah and Kumail
Thursday – You’re the Worst
Friday – U.S. Open early rounds
Saturday – U.S. Open

VH1 Top 20 Countdown – 8/30/14

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Each week, I check out VH1′s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
2. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
3. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch”
4. Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd – “Really Don’t Care”
5. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
6. Magic! – “Rude”
7. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
8. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
9. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
10. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
11. Kiesza – “Hideaway”
12. Sia – “Chandelier”
13. Coldplay – “A Sky Full of Stars”
14. Ed Sheeran – “Don’t”
15. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
16. American Authors – “Believer”
17. Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off”
18. Rita Ora – “I Will Never Let You Down”
19. Andy Grammer – “Back Home”
20. Train – “Angel in Blue Jeans”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Latch
3. Black Widow
4. Hideaway
5. Shake It Off
6. Stay With Me
7. Rather Be
8. Boom Clap
9. Don’t
10. Am I Wrong
11. I Will Never Let You Down
12. Really Don’t Care
13. Love Runs Out
14. A Sky Full of Stars
15. Angel in Blue Jeans
16. Rude
17. All About That Bass
18. Maps
19. Believer
20. Back Home

Fuse Top 20 Countdown – 8/26/14

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Each week, I check out FUSE’s Top 20 countdown, and then I rearrange the songs based on my estimation of their quality.

Original Version
1. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”
2. Ariana Grande ft. Zedd – “Break Free”
3. Magic! – “Rude”
4. Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne – “Rather Be”
5. Sam Smith – “Stay With Me”
6. Sia – “Chandelier”
7. Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora – “Black Widow”
8. Charli XCX – “Boom Clap”
9. Maroon 5 – “Maps”
10. Becky G – “Shower”
11. OneRepublic – “Love Runs Out”
12. Echosmith – “Cool Kids”
13. Nico & Vinz – “Am I Wrong”
14. Kongos – “Come With Me Now”
15. Disclosure ft. Sam Smith – “Latch
16. Demi Lovato ft. Cher Lloyd – “Really Don’t Care”
17. Enrique Iglesias ft. Gente de Zona, Descemer Bueno, and Sean Paul – “Bailando”
18. DJ Khaled ft. Chris Brown, August Alsina, Future, and Jeremih – “Hold You Down”
19. 5 Seconds of Summer – “Amnesia”
20. Coldplay – “A Sky Full of Stars”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Chandelier
2. Come With Me Now
3. Latch
4. Black Widow
5. Stay With Me
6. Break Free
7. Rather Be
8. Cool Kids
9. Boom Clap
10. Am I Wrong
11. Really Don’t Care
12. Love Runs Out
13. A Sky Full of Stars
14. Rude
15. All About That Bass
16. Maps
17. Bailando
18. Amnesia
19. Shower
20. Hold You Down

2014 Emmy Predictions and Preferences

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NASA Television 2009 Philo T. Farnsworth Primetime Emmy Award

The 2014 Emmys are airing earlier than usual this year – tonight, August 25. (The nominees can be found here.) Here’s my rundown of who will most likely win, who should win, and who should have been nominated in most of the major categories:

Comedy Series
PREDICTION: Orange is the New Black
SHOULD WIN: Louie
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Review

Lead Actor, Comedy Series
PREDICTION: Ricky Gervais, Derek
SHOULD WIN: Louis C.K., Louie
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Andy Daly, Review

Lead Actress, Comedy Series
PREDICTION: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
SHOULD WIN: Julia Louis-Drefyus, Veep
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Ilana Glazer, Broad City

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series
PREDICTION: Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
SHOULD WIN: Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Danny Pudi, Community/Christopher Evan Welch, Silicon Valley

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series
PREDICTION: Kate Mulgrew, Orange is the New Black
SHOULD WIN: Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Alison Brie, Community/Toks Olagundoye, The Neighbors

Drama Series
PREDICTION: True Detective
SHOULD WIN: Mad Men
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Hannibal

Lead Actor, Drama Series
PREDICTION: Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
SHOULD WIN: Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen, Hannibal

Lead Actress, Drama Series
PREDICTION: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
SHOULD WIN: Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex (Caveat: I don’t watch most of these shows.)
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

Supporting Actor, Drama Series
PREDICTION: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
SHOULD WIN: I don’t watch any of these shows.
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Jordan Gavaris, Orphan Black

Supporting Actress, Drama Series
PREDICTION: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
SHOULD WIN: The only show I watch here is Mad Men, and Joan didn’t have that much to do this season.
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Emily Bett Rickards, Arrow

Miniseries
PREDICTION: Fargo
SHOULD WIN: Fargo

TV Movie
PREDICTION: The Normal Heart

Lead Actor, Miniseries or Movie
PREDICTION: Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
SHOULD WIN: Martin Freeman, Fargo

Lead Actress, Miniseries or Movie
PREDICTION: Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
SHOULD WIN: Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Allison Tolman, Fargo (She submitted as Supporting even though she was the Lead.)

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie
PREDICTION: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
SHOULD WIN: The only one I watched here was Fargo. Colin Hanks was pretty good.
SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED: Bob Odenkirk, Fargo

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie
PREDICTION: Allison Tolman, Fargo
SHOULD WIN: Allison Tolman, Fargo

For more Emmy info, check out this piece I wrote about a couple of the weirdest wins in Emmy history: http://www.starpulse.com/news/Jeffrey_Malone/2014/08/25/the_weirdest_wins_in_emmy_history

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