‘Gladiator II’ Review: Come for the Son of Maximus, Stay for the Animals and the Denzel

November 19, 2024

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The Gladiator and the Scene-Stealer (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Paul Mescal, Denzel Washington, Pedro Pascal, Joseph Quinn, Fred Hechinger, Connie Nielsen, Lior Raz, Derek Jacobi

Director: Ridley Scott

Running Time: 148 Minutes

Rating: R for Warriors and Beasts Ripping Each Other Apart

Release Date: November 22, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Maybe one day there will be a time when all men will be free in Rome, but today is not that day. Lucius Verus (Paul Mescal) is just trying to live a relatively carefree life with his wife, but then the Roman army shows up. He makes a valiant attempt to defend his city, but instead he’s captured and forced into slavery. Perhaps that was always going to be his inescapable fate all along, considering that he’s the son of Maximus Decimus Meridius, the titular gladiator from the first Gladiator. He ends up in the hands of Macrinus (Denzel Washington) and becomes Rome’s new favorite plaything after displaying his prodigious combat skills. There might also be a reconciliation with his mother (Connie Nielsen) along the way, or perhaps he will just make a series of cynical philosophical declarations in between his stints in the arena.

What Made an Impression?: They Are Not Animals… But What If They Were?: There are a lot of characters to keep track of in Gladiator II. Maybe if you think about Ancient Rome all the time and/or you re-watch the first Gladiator every single day, it might be easy for you to keep up. But for someone like myself whose interest in this setting is much more casual, I can’t pretend that I was able to keep track of all the details. But what did leave an indelible impression were the beasts: specifically the pack of baboons let loose upon the gladiators. They are surely CGI creations, but I felt them as viscerally as any practical effect. And I guess I wasn’t terribly familiar with what exactly baboons look like, or at least not feral ones, because these particular baboons struck me as rather canine in nature. Did the Island of Dr. Moreau wander into Rome for a minute? If so, it was a welcome addition.
Chewing the Colosseum: I just spent the last paragraph making it sound like I didn’t care for any of the human actors, but there are actually a few exceptions. As co-emperor brothers Geta and Caracalla, Joseph Quinn and Fred Hechinger provide the requisite depravity. But the major highlight is unsurprisingly the indefatigable Denzel Washington. It shouldn’t come as any surprise at this point in his career that he’s able to deliver a scene-stealing performance. And I’m not surprised. But what he’s doing here is no less impressive for how expected it is. Every line reading and every simple gesture is oozing finely calibrated personality. He’s the MC guiding us through this barbarism, making it clear how anyone and everyone could ever be seduced by a world that only speaks in violence.

Gladiator II is Recommended If You Like: Laughing at all the violence because that’s the only way to feel

Grade: 3 out of 5 Sandals

Mini-Movie Review: ‘Tolkien’ is Fairly Inessential Bio-Cinema

May 7, 2019

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CREDIT: Fox Searchlight Pictures

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Lily Collins, Colm Meaney, Derek Jacobi, Anthony Boyle, Patrick Gibson, Tom Glynne-Carney, Craig Roberts

Director: Dome Karukoski

Running Time: 111 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Flashes of World War I

Release Date: May 10, 2019

Would you be intrigued to know that some of the elements of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings were inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien’s actual life? The biopic Tolkien is counting on it, although it is not especially committed to that idea. The legendary English fantasy writer (as played dutifully by Nicholas Hoult) is haunted by memories of World War I with rather dragon-esque fire in the sky, and he has a tight group of schoolmates that one might call a fellowship. But beyond those (easily identifiable, not particularly cinematic) connections, this is a fairly straightforward story about a boy of modest, tragic (Dickensian, even) origins who made good. It is a life well-lived, but not necessarily captivating at every little moment. But at least his romance with his future wife Edith (Lily Collins) is compelling, built as it is on mutual respect and fascination. The emotions in their declarations of love are not atypical for the genre, but the language is unique and heartfelt. Focusing the whole movie on this intimate love story might have been a more inspired choice.

Tolkien is Recommended If You Like: Tolkien completism, The less interesting story behind the story

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Cellar Doors

This Is a Movie Review: Kenneth Branagh’s Take on ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ Has a Killer Instinct But Not a Killer Execution

November 8, 2017

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CREDIT: Nicola Dove/Twentieth Century Fox

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2017.

Starring: Kenneth Branagh, Penélope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Judi Dench, Johnny Depp, Josh Gad, Derek Jacobi, Leslie Odom Jr., Michelle Pfeiffer, Daisy Ridley, Marwan Kenzari, Olivia Colman, Lucy Boynton, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo

Director: Kenneth Branagh

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Stab Wounds and Attempted Gun Wounds

Release Date: November 10, 2017

Kenneth Branagh’s take on Hercule Poirot, one of the most famous and prolifically portrayed detectives in English literary history, is the sort of man who cannot enjoy his breakfast unless his two eggs are perfectly symmetrically arranged. As he puts, “I can only see the world as it should be.” His skill at identifying culprits so precisely derives from his distaste for his surroundings being askew in any capacity. And when a crime has been committed, things are certainly askew. For a Poirot newbie like myself, this thesis statement is clear and compelling enough. It points to a tradition that has led to a recently predominant style in which brilliant detectives do not fit on a normative intellectual scale.

As for how this version of this most classic of Poirot cases plays out, Branagh is eager to put his many new spins on locked room mystery tropes. But first, certain typical patterns are unavoidable. Each passenger must be introduced with just enough color to make everyone a legitimate suspect, and the camerawork must be painstakingly particular to note every cabin, door, and hidden compartment. But once the setup is through, there is fun to be had (or at least attempted) in mixing up expectations. Oftentimes, characters in these stories try to get away with little lies or hide pieces of their identities that ultimately prove to be quite telling. In this case, the experiment – and alas, mistake – is that everyone gives themselves away with such dishonesty.

A good mystery should be a few steps ahead of most of its viewers. Branagh does indeed pull that off, but he is also a few steps ahead of his own movie, which is not similarly advisable. The result is an end product in which the love for the genre is clear, but the volume at which it is being poked and prodded is too much weight to bear. Most of the performances are overly stiff, stuck in roles within roles in which the unnatural seams start to show. Only Michelle Pfeiffer manages to truly cut loose. Branagh’s formal openness is a good start, but ultimately a star-studded affair like this one requires much more lasting personalities to really hit.

Murder on the Orient Express is Recommended If You Like: Agatha Christie completism, Marvelous mustaches, the Michelle Pfeiffer Renaissance

Grade: 2.75 out of 5 Symmetrical Arrangements