How to Navigate ‘Splitsville’ and ‘The Threesome’

September 11, 2025

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Which of them will end up Split? All Three? (CREDIT: NEON; Vertical/Screenshot)

Splitsville

Starring: Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Simon Webster

Director: Michael Angelo Covino

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

The Threesome

Starring: Jonah Hauer-King, Zoey Deutch, Ruby Cruz, Jaboukie Young-White, Josh Segarra, Kristin Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney, Arden Myrin, Robert Longstreet

Director: Chad Hartigan

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

Whoa, why are relationships getting so tangled and messy at the cinema lately? In the span of just two days, I saw Splitsville and The Threesome, which both had me frequently going, “Now see, are you sure you want to do that?” So I’ll go ahead and turn that question back around to myself and ask if I would like to try on any of these dynamics, perhaps just for the heck of it.

First up, I’ll check in to Splitsville (which I’m writing about before seeing The Threesome, which may or may not matter), in which this lady named Ashley (Adria Arjona) tells her husband Carey (Kyle Marvin) that she wants a divorce. That leads Carey to seek comfort in the ostensibly warm embrace of his friends Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), who it turns out have an open relationship. So Carey and Julie hook up, but Paul isn’t exactly okay with that. Meanwhile, Carey and Ashley eventually decide to try remaining married while opening up their relationship as well. Soon enough, Carey is falling in love with Julie, Ashley is falling back in love with Carey, and Paul and Ashley are teaming up to make their exes-who-are-still-their-spouses jealous. So, uh… yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t fully ensconced within this entire misadventure. If I’m ever part of an open relationship, I’m going to push for us to all sign a contract beforehand. But you know, like a sexy contract.

As for The Threesome, the messiness is baked right into the premise: three people enter a sexual encounter, two pregnancies emerge. At least compared to Splitsville, there’s one less person to keep track of in this case. Although of course, that’s not fully true, because plenty of other orbiting folks end up getting involved. Anyway, the dude in this scenario, Connor (Jonah Hauer-King), has stronger romantic feelings for one of the ladies, specifically Zoey Deutch’s Olivia. But he also wants to do right by their new intimate friend, Ruby Cruz’s Jenny. There are plenty of missteps along the way, but somehow we end on a note of everything turning out more or less okay.

When it comes to comparing and contrasting, the conclusion is: Splitsville is a whole lot messier than promised, whereas The Threesome is just the opposite. Honestly, I wouldn’t hate living through the latter’s scenario, though I wouldn’t exactly seek it out either, except perhaps as a less entangled observer. Connor’s friend Greg (Jaboukie Young-White) and his mom Suzanne (Julia Sweeney) definitely have fun in that role without getting hit by too much crossfire. So yeah, I wouldn’t mind lending a sympathetic ear.

Grades:
Splitsville: I Can Only Split So Much Before I Break
The Threesome: 3.5 out of 5 Threes

‘Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken’ Explores What It’s Like to Be a Sea Monster Family Living Amongst the Humans

June 29, 2023

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What’s Kraken? (CREDIT: DreamWorks)

Starring: Lana Condor, Toni Collette, Jane Fonda, Annie Murphy, Sam Richardson, Colman Domingo, Jaboukie Young-White, Liza Koshy, Blue Chapman, Eduardo Franco, Ramona Young

Director: Kirk DeMicco

Running Time: 91 Minutes

Rating: PG for Colorful, Town-Upending Sea Creature Battles

Release Date: June 30, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: 15-year-old Ruby Gillman (Lana Condor) lives with her parents and younger brother in the oceanside town of Oceanside, but she’s not allowed to ever go in the water. She soon discovers why, as an impromptu attempt to save her crush from drowning results in her blowing up into a certain gigantic legendary sea creature. As it turns out, her mom Agatha (Toni Collette) chose to raise her kids on dry land to escape the eternal underwater struggle for power. But once Ruby discovers that her grandmother (Jane Fonda), who insists on being called “Grandmamah,” emphasis on the last syllable, is the Warrior Queen of the Seven Seas, she happily embraces her royal heritage. On top of all that, Ruby becomes fast friends with a new girl in town who’s also a mermaid (Annie Murphy), whose eagerness to please might just merit a little skepticism.

What Made an Impression?: Oh, Canada, That Explains Everything: One gag that I wish Ruby Gillman had leaned on a little harder is the Gillman family cover story. They’re non-human creatures living amongst humans, so they explain away their cerulean hue and swishy physicality by insisting that they’re from Canada. It’s like the Coneheads saying that they’re from France: there was nothing particularly French about those SNL aliens, just as there’s nothing particularly maple-filled aboot these krakens. But it’s delightful to witness their neighbors accept that claim at face value. Instead of serving as a running gag, though, it’s just an appetizer to the fantastical adventure.
It Runs in the Family: With its transformational premise, you’d think that Ruby Gillman is primarily a metaphor about adolescence, and I suppose it is. But what struck me more was the focus on conflicting parenting philosophies. Or rather, accidentally similar mothering despite a concerted effort to avoid the previous generation’s mistakes. Agatha appears to be much more sensitive to Ruby’s predicament than Grandmamah ever was to her, but she’s also just as insistent that her kids must live a particular way. In a key scene, Fonda and Collette throw down in a tête-à-tête that illuminates the importance of granting grace to our family members, especially in the face of a wider threat.
Where There’s a Will: Ruby Gillman brings the comic relief in the form of some reliable yukmeisters. First, there’s Sam Richardson as Agatha’s eternally positive brother Brill, and then especially, the good humor cranks up when Will Forte makes waves as the wary but determined old sailor Gordon Lighthouse. This is the sort of character whose maiden is the sea, as he devotes himself to hunting down underwater creatures with Ahab-like devotion. Forte excels at these types who exist on the fringes of society, and he’s a welcome joy to leaven the scary-by-PG-standards action.

Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken is Recommended If You: Suspect that mermaids are hiding something

Grade: 3 out of 5 Tentacles

‘C’Mon C’Mon’ R’view R’view

November 18, 2021

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C’Mon C’Mon (CREDIT: A24)

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Woody Norman, Gaby Hoffman, Scoot McNairy, Molly Webster, Jaboukie Young-White

Director: Mike Mills

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Language (But I Say “Come On!” to the MPA! There’s Only One Scene of Really Bad Profanity!)

Release Date: November 19, 2021 (Theaters)

When you go see a movie with a title like “C’Mon C’Mon,” you can’t help but wonder if it’ll have you yourself yelling “C’Mon C’Mon!” back at the screen. Well, at least I can’t help but wonder that. Your mileage may vary. There are various reasons why one might have this reaction: cheering along, frustration, or maybe you just have to go to the bathroom and it’s a mantra to help you hold it in until the credits start rolling. If I counted correctly, there was precisely one time when I in fact yelled that “C’Mon C’Mon.” And it was merely an internal yell. (It would’ve been a little rude to my fellow moviegoers to scream in the middle of the theater, after all.) But that paucity is actually appropriate, because despite the title, this is a movie designed to be nodded along to as it gently washes over you.

Joaquin Phoenix plays radio journalist Johnny, who pops in for a rare visit to his sister Viv (Gaby Hoffman) and then suddenly finds himself babysitting his energetic nephew Jesse (Woody Norman) while Viv goes off to help Jesse’s father Paul (Scoot McNairy), who’s living with bipolar disorder. Johnny’s currently working on a project in which he and his colleagues are going around to various locales to interview teenagers about what it’s like to be a kid in their home cities in today’s world. That’s not exactly an ideal situation for a nine-year-old to be tagging along, but Johnny’s happy to actually get the opportunity to be an uncle, and he and Jesse develop a quick rapport.

Ultimately, C’Mon C’Mon is a gentle how-to guide about raising a kid. Much of the running time consists of Johnny and Viv texting or chatting on the phone to hash out all the child-rearing stresses that arise on a daily basis. Jesse’s a bit of a handful, though he’s hardly a demon child. The worst things he does are on the level of forgetting to pack his toothbrush or scaring his uncle half to death by wandering off. None of these moments lead to a full-blown emergency; instead, Johnny freaks out and Jesse gets upset, but things settle down soon enough. Then Johnny and Viv discuss the best way to talk to a child after these sorts of things happen. If you’re a new parent, or a new aunt or uncle who’s babysitting for the first time, this is a helpful movie to watch. I’m not quite there yet myself, but I might be relatively soon, so I feel like I must say thank you to everyone involved with making this movie.

C’Mon C’Mon is Recommended If You Like: Mike Mills’ gentle filmography, Texting conversations popping up on screen, Reading parenting blogs and magazines

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Boom Mics