Typical ferry ride? (CREDIT: Iconic Events Releasing)

Starring: David Howard Thornton, Allison Pittel, Amy Schumacher, Jesse Posey, Rumi C. Jean-Louis, Kailey Hyman, Jesse Kove, Jarlath Conroy, Charles Edwin Powell

Director: Steven LaMorte

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But There is SO Much Blood and Guts

Release Date: April 2, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: It’s time for an evening ride on the Staten Island Ferry! The passengers include a mother and son just trying to get home, a recent Midwestern transplant doing her best to make it in the Big Apple, a crew member trying to prove himself, a wise and reliable EMT, and an outrageously ditzy drunk birthday girlfriend crew. Oh, and also … A MOUSE WITH AN INSATIABLE THIRST FOR BLOOD! You might know Steamboat Willie as the adorably booty-shaking original version of Mickey Mouse, but now that nearly hundred years have passed and Willie is in the public domain, shamelessly over-the-top parodies like Screamboat are legal. So you might want to reconsider that trip across the Hudson. Sure, it’s free, but chances are high that you’ll get hacked to bits by a knife-wielding rodent.

What Made an Impression?: An Imp for All Times: Turning beloved children’s characters into slasher villains once they enter the public domain might be a decent premise for a short sketch, but an entire movie? It didn’t exactly work out for Winnie the Pooh, that’s for sure. But Screamboat justifies itself by actually putting in a commendable amount of effort. It helps more than anything else that Willie is played by David Howard Thornton, aka Art the Clown from the Terrifier series. His Willie hits all the same notes as Art, which is to say: an adorably expressive mime who learns about the world by discovering how much he loves to kill everyone in it. The Staten Island Ferry may be a cruel hellhole, but you can share in Willie’s unbound glee by reminding yourself that all the actors who played his victims are still alive.
As Bloody Disgusting As They Want to Be: The m.o. of Screamboat is essentially, “We’ve got all these gallons of fake blood and prosthetic body parts lying around, we might as well use them for something!” The plot is profoundly silly, the endless violence is tiresome, and the vast majority of the characters are infuriating stereotypes. In conclusion, I was impressed by the thorough commitment to the bit. If movies like Screamboat are allowed to exist in their most fully realized forms, then that must mean that Earth is doing at least a little bit okay.

Screamboat is Recommended If You: Are a Proud Degenerate

Grade: 3 out of 5 Sailor Caps