How to Navigate ‘Splitsville’ and ‘The Threesome’

September 11, 2025

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Which of them will end up Split? All Three? (CREDIT: NEON; Vertical/Screenshot)

Splitsville

Starring: Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Simon Webster

Director: Michael Angelo Covino

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

The Threesome

Starring: Jonah Hauer-King, Zoey Deutch, Ruby Cruz, Jaboukie Young-White, Josh Segarra, Kristin Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney, Arden Myrin, Robert Longstreet

Director: Chad Hartigan

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

Whoa, why are relationships getting so tangled and messy at the cinema lately? In the span of just two days, I saw Splitsville and The Threesome, which both had me frequently going, “Now see, are you sure you want to do that?” So I’ll go ahead and turn that question back around to myself and ask if I would like to try on any of these dynamics, perhaps just for the heck of it.

First up, I’ll check in to Splitsville (which I’m writing about before seeing The Threesome, which may or may not matter), in which this lady named Ashley (Adria Arjona) tells her husband Carey (Kyle Marvin) that she wants a divorce. That leads Carey to seek comfort in the ostensibly warm embrace of his friends Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), who it turns out have an open relationship. So Carey and Julie hook up, but Paul isn’t exactly okay with that. Meanwhile, Carey and Ashley eventually decide to try remaining married while opening up their relationship as well. Soon enough, Carey is falling in love with Julie, Ashley is falling back in love with Carey, and Paul and Ashley are teaming up to make their exes-who-are-still-their-spouses jealous. So, uh… yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t fully ensconced within this entire misadventure. If I’m ever part of an open relationship, I’m going to push for us to all sign a contract beforehand. But you know, like a sexy contract.

As for The Threesome, the messiness is baked right into the premise: three people enter a sexual encounter, two pregnancies emerge. At least compared to Splitsville, there’s one less person to keep track of in this case. Although of course, that’s not fully true, because plenty of other orbiting folks end up getting involved. Anyway, the dude in this scenario, Connor (Jonah Hauer-King), has stronger romantic feelings for one of the ladies, specifically Zoey Deutch’s Olivia. But he also wants to do right by their new intimate friend, Ruby Cruz’s Jenny. There are plenty of missteps along the way, but somehow we end on a note of everything turning out more or less okay.

When it comes to comparing and contrasting, the conclusion is: Splitsville is a whole lot messier than promised, whereas The Threesome is just the opposite. Honestly, I wouldn’t hate living through the latter’s scenario, though I wouldn’t exactly seek it out either, except perhaps as a less entangled observer. Connor’s friend Greg (Jaboukie Young-White) and his mom Suzanne (Julia Sweeney) definitely have fun in that role without getting hit by too much crossfire. So yeah, I wouldn’t mind lending a sympathetic ear.

Grades:
Splitsville: I Can Only Split So Much Before I Break
The Threesome: 3.5 out of 5 Threes

’80 for Brady’ Could… Go… All… The… Way!

January 31, 2023

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Go for 2. (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno, Sally Field, Tom Brady, Billy Porter, Rob Corddry, Alex Moffat, Guy Fieri, Harry Hamlin, Bob Balaban, Glynn Turman, Sara Gilbert, Jimmy O. Yang, Ron Funches, Matt Lauria

Director: Kyle Marvin

Running Time: 98 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Saucy Seniors and One Signature F-Bomb

Release Date: February 3, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: There’s a reason why the Super Bowl MVP says “I’m going to Disney World!” and not the other way around. The NFL championship game and Mickey Mouse’s theme park complex are both eternally popular, but the former tends to be a far more expensive proposition for most potential attendees. But some people refuse to back down from steep odds, even if society insists they’re better off just staying home. In the based-on-a-true-story 80 for Brady, four longtime friends and New England Patriots superfans decide that the 2017 big game is their last best chance to see their hero quarterback in person, so they get up and make their way down to Houston. Here’s the tale of the tape for the starting lineup: ringleader Lou (Lily Tomlin), a cancer survivor who knows a thing or two about beating the odds; recently divorced Trish (Jane Fonda), who’s made a name for herself with her Rob Gronkowski-based fan fiction; recently widowed Maura (Rita Moreno), who’s basically the star of the local retirement home; and statistics-obsessed Betty (Sally Field), who could really use a break from her adorable but needy husband (Bob Balaban).

What Made an Impression?: Circa 2017, I believed that Tom Brady was, if not quite a cheater, still all too willing to bend the rules as far as they could go in his favor. Now in 2023, I think he should retire for the sake of his family. So while it can be thrilling to witness record-setting athletic excellence, I’m not exactly rooting for him to keep adding to his long list of accomplishments. In other words, I’m not exactly the ideal viewer for a movie in which Tom Brady plays himself and all the main characters treat him as the most lovable quarterback ever.

But when the movie in question stars these four ladies, the formula is a little different. If the promise of a Tomlin-Fonda-Moreno-Field roster has your heart aflutter, then you’ll be glad to know that 80 for Brady delivers a touchdown or four. And you don’t need to be a fan of football or the Patriots in particular to appreciate it. In fact, it’s probably better if you aren’t, so that you don’t have to fight through any preconceived biases.

This is the sort of movie that is filled with scene after scene that’ll make you object, “There’s no way it could possibly work that way,” while also forcing you to concede, “But I don’t care! Everyone’s having too much fun!” This is a silly adventure where everything works out a little too perfectly, but because of the camaraderie on display, you’re all too happy to allow it.

80 for Brady is Recommended If You Like: Septuagenarian, Octogenarian, and Nonagenarian Queens

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Super Bowls