Shall We Venture Through ‘They Will Kill You’?

April 2, 2026

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Lookin’ alive (CREDIT: Warner Bros./Screenshot)

Starring: Zazie Beetz, Patricia Arquette, Myha’la, Paterson Joseph, Tom Felton, Heather Graham, Angus Sampson, James Remar

Director: Kirill Sokolov

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: March 27, 2026 (Theaters)

They Will Kill You primarily takes place in a hotel, so I can’t help but ask: Would I like to live in Hotel TWKY (even if just for a little bit)? Well,  its calling card isn’t exactly promising, as it’s apparently built on a foundation of human sacrifice. So that’s not great. Even worse, it lets in hardly any natural light. I suppose that making my way through such hardships could build character. But life is already hard enough on its own!

Bangin’ soundtrack, though.

Grade: 131 Impalements out of 177 Bisections

‘Dead Man’s Wire’ Straps Us In and Doesn’t Let Go

January 29, 2026

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You’re probably wondering how they got there… (CREDIT: Row K/Screenshot)

Starring: Bill Skarsgård, Dacre Montgomery, Cary Elwes, Myha’la, Colman Domingo, Al Pacino, John Robinson, Kelly Lynch

Director: Gus Van Sant

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 16, 2026 (Theaters)

Dead Man’s Wire captures the real-life story of Tony Kiritsis (Bill Skarsgård), who in 1977 stuck a contraption onto his mortgage broker Richard Hall’s (Dacre Montgomery) neck that would set off a point-blank shotgun blast if  Hall tried to escape. It’s one of the most exhilaratingly strange and disturbing kidnappings that I’ve ever witnessed, and now I can’t help but ask: what are our own dead man’s wires? If life is just one long march to death, then what are those seemingly ever-present albatrosses that will wipe everything away if we lean forward a little too much? Personally, I like to think that I’ve got enough equilibrium to not be dealing with anything like that right now. Maybe I’m not being reflective enough, or maybe that’s just a sign of healthy baseline security. Either way, I’m thankful. But to anyone out there who feels like sharing: did this movie metaphorically resonate with you in a way that was a little too close for comfort?

Grade: 0 Safeties out of 1 Mood Board