‘Black Bag’ Review: The Couple That Spies Together, Rides or Dies Together

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What’s in the Black Bag?! (CREDIT: Claudette Barius/Focus Features)

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Cate Blanchett, Marisa Abela, Tom Burke, Naomie Harris, Regé-Jean Page, Pierce Brosnan

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: R for Adults Talking About Their Adult Affairs, as Well as a Few Bursts of Violence

Release Date: March 14, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: George Woodehouse (Michael Fassbender) and Kathryn St. Jean (Cate Blanchett) are a happily married childless couple. But it’s a little complicated because they’re both spies and therefore can’t exactly always be 100% honest with each other. But somehow they’ve managed to make it work! It perhaps helps that they carefully cultivate relationships with some of the younger employees at their agency, even if things do occasionally get a little (or a lot) messy. When Kathryn flies out for her latest covert meeting, it looks like she might be turning treasonous, or perhaps it’s all a setup. So how far will George go to protect his wife, and is anyone foolhardy enough to stand in his way?

What Made an Impression?: Confusing, Until It’s Not: I’ve long since given up on trying to understand the plots of espionage movies, and the beginning of Black Bag didn’t do anything to change my mind. Instead, it felt like an homage to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? that had me going, “Did the trailer just straight-up lie about this movie’s plot?” But then after about 40 minutes of finely deliberate setup, screenwriter David Koepp and director Steven Soderbergh finally showed their hands, and they had me going, “Ah, there are the stakes.” I won’t delve too much more into this point because much of the pleasure of Black Bag is that “a-ha” feeling. But let’s just say that Soderbergh has demonstrated once again that it pays to figure out what you want to do ahead of time and then go ahead and execute that plan.
Scenes From a Marriage: Are George and Kathryn #couplegoals? I’d certainly be happy to see that conversation play out in the wake of Black Bag‘s release. They undoubtedly have each other’s backs, and they also consistently give each other the benefit of the doubt. But on the other hand, they leave a bit of a trail of destruction in their wake, although that might say more about their profession than it does about them. And though they don’t have any kids, you can kind of think of the characters played by Marisa Abela, Tom Burke, Naomie Harris, and Regé-Jean Page as their stand-in children. But that interpretation makes things go a little wibbly-wobbly, as it probably isn’t the best idea for parents to subject their kids to a round of polygraph testing. And yet, that is something that indeed happens in this movie. In conclusion, George and Kathryn’s ultimate suitability as a couple remains uncertain, but their turns as Spy Daddy and Spy Mommy are finely fulfilled.

Black Bag is Recommended If You Like: Leather and wine

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Satellite Feeds

I Advanced to the Theater to Go See ‘Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves’

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So much honorableness in one frame! (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Justice Smith, Sophia Lillis, Hugh Grant, Chloe Coleman, Regé-Jean Page, Daisy Head, Jason Wong

Directors: Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: March 31, 2023 (Theaters)

I’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, so my previous cultural exposure to this franchise is mostly the Community episodes built around it. To the point that in the leadup to seeing Honor Among Thieves, I kept wanting to call it Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. So… was this movie better than the first Greendale edition of D&D? Of course not! But was it better than the sequel episode, “Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons”? Eh, I guess so.

I ate mozzarella sticks and drank Mountain Dew while watching. It turns out that Doing the Dew is about as treacherous as the quest these characters went on.

Grade: A Sufficient Amount of Dragons and Emotional Beats

Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review: Regé-Jean Page/Bad Bunny

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SNL: Bad Bunny, Regé-Jean Page, Melissa Villaseñor (CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot)

Here’s something I’ve never done before: written a review of an SNL episode hosted by Regé-Jean Page with musical guest Bad Bunny. (How Bad is he?!) Here’s to new experiences!

I got up early on Sunday morning, enjoyed some heart-shaped Honey Nut Cheerios, visited the bathroom a few times, and got to watching the comedy.

If the real Britney Spears were to host a talk show, do you think it would go a little something like Oops, You Did It Again (Grade: “Oops”? Or Maybe It Was on Purpose?). For the purposes of the people who wrote this week’s cold opening, the answer is “Yes.” Much of this sketch was more stuck in the muckety-muck than it was ha-ha, but Pete Davidson as Andrew Cuomo was just plain-old counterintuitively inspired.

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