‘Venom: The Last Dance’ Might Have Been Better Off If It Were Just an Hour and a Half of Eddie and Mrs. Chen Dancing

Leave a comment

Eddie and Venom horsin’ around. (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Tom Hardy, Juno Temple, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rhys Ifans, Peggy Lu, Alanna Ubach, Stephen Graham, Andy Serkis, Clark Backo, Cristo Fernandez

Director: Kelly Marcel

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Aliens Eating Humans and a Couple of F-Bombs

Release Date: October 25, 2024 (Theater)

What’s It About?: Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his alien symbiote soulmate have been laying low after their last Venom-ous adventure. But then it turns out that Eddie’s one of the most wanted men in America (or at least the Bay Area), and also some guy named Knull (Andy Serkis) who’s the master of all symbiotes is on an intergalactic trek to regain control of Venom and his ilk. So they head out for safer pastures, eventually making their way to Nevada, where they converge with a group of science and military types looking to exploit symbiote technology for their own purposes, as well as Knull’s beastly minions and an extraterrestrial-obsessed family excited about the recent declassification of Area 51.

What Made an Impression?: Science vs. Soldiers vs. Power vs. True Love: At the core of the Venom film trilogy is the unlikely, occasionally destructive, but ultimately mutually beneficial relationship between a broken man and a needy extraterrestrial creature. The Last Dance theoretically could just be about Eddie Brock walking across the desert while talking to the chaotic being living inside him, but their interpersonal tension has mostly been resolved over the course of the two films. So instead there are a few external conflicts that criss-cross with each other, though they all struggle to get their narrative fill. Juno Temple plays Dr. Teddy Payne, the Avatar of Science who wants to keep dangerous aliens alive for the sake of science; while Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Rex Strickland, the Symbol of Law & Order who wants to arrest Eddie and keeps yelling at Dr. Payne about all the men he keeps losing in the line of duty. Meanwhile, Rhys Ifans is the UFO-loving, Hippie Wild Card who throws a kumbaya wrench into the whole proceedings. Ultimately, all of these opposing factions eventually realize that they need to team up to defeat the power-mad Knull, which results in a kinetically conclusive set piece, though the characterization that gets us to that point is a little thin and petty.
Aliens Are Always Bugging Out: How long has it been since insects have become the go-to design inspiration for big screen extraterrestrials? The xenomorphs of Alien are perhaps the proto-example, While the bugs of Starship Troopers were obviously a big deal in 1997. But it’s probably only been in the past decade or so that it’s become frustratingly de rigueur. The Last Dance continues this trend in the form of the creatures that are hunting down Venom and the other symbiotes, although there are some hints of creativity trying to break out. They’re basically giant, apparently indestructible, pointy-legged arachnids that can shoot out supersonic bursts (a weakness of the symbiotes). It sounds like it could be kind of cool in theory, but in practice, it’s just a chaotic swarm of fiery bursts and barely coherent screaming. And that’s The Last Dance in microcosm: there’s genuine personality scattered about, but it’s stuck in an inelegant mess. The desire to have fun is there, but it can’t quite hit it into overdrive.

Venom: The Last Dance is Recommended If You: Keep Your Own Personal Index of Every Single Marvel Comics Symbiote

Grade: 2 out of 5 Codices

Watch Out!* Here Comes ‘The Phantom of the Open’! (*I Should’ve Said ‘Fore,’ Obviously)

Leave a comment

The Phantom of the Open (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Classics/Screenshot)

Starring: Mark Rylance, Sally Hawkins, Rhys Ifans, Jake Davies, Christian Lees, Jonah Lees

Director: Craig Roberts

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: June 3, 2022 (Theaters)

Twice while watching The Phantom of the Open I violently kicked my leg forward as a reflexive response to some frightening golf shots. Luckily nobody was sitting in front of me, and the theater had been recently renovated so the seat had no trouble surviving the impact. On the first occasion, Maurice Flitcroft (Mark Rylance) missed a close putt (and then three more immediately afterwards!), and in the second case, his ball hard-sliced right into a camera lens. Those are the kinds of moments you expect in a biopic about a guy who somehow managed to play in the oldest golf tournament in the world despite having basically zero previous golf experience! But you don’t necessarily expect those moments to be thrilling and so satisfying. And yet that’s what they were, as they helped to peel away the suffocation of the game’s exclusivity and assured us that it would all end up okay.

Grade: 100 Bogeys out of One Birdie (Attempt)

‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’ Actually Presents Many Ways Home, What with the Multiverse and All

1 Comment

Spider-Man: No Way Home (CREDIT: Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures)

Starring: Tom Holland, Zendaya, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jacob Batalon, Jon Favreau, Marisa Tomei, Alfred Molina, Benedict Wong, Jamie Foxx, Willem Dafoe, J.K. Simmons, Thomas Haden Church, Rhys Ifans, Tony Revolori, J.B. Smoove, Hannibal Burress, Martin Starr, Angourie Rice

Director: Jon Watts

Running Time: 148 Minutes

Rating: R for The Usual Punching and Stabbing, Perhaps a Little Darker Than Usual

Release Date: December 17, 2021 (Theaters)

Hey, it’s our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man back on the big screen! Or maybe, that should be our friendly neighborhood Spider … Men? (Hey, wasn’t there another recent movie that asked that same question? With so many years of comic book history to draw upon, you can be multi-universal in multiple ways.)

More