Gnarly (CREDIT: Roadside Attractions)
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julian McMahon, Nic Cassim, Miranda Tapsell, Alexander Bertrand, Justin Rosniak, Rahel Romahn, Finn Little
Director: Lorcan Finnegan
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: R for Toxic Masculinity and References to Suicide
Release Date: May 2, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: A native of Western Australia (Nicolas Cage) is absolutely dead-set on buying a house for his family in the neighborhood where he grew up, and he’s just as dead-set on taking his son (Finn Little) out surfing on the nearby beach. Trouble is, the locals don’t approve. It’s a public beach, but that’s not exactly the message being delivered by Scally (Julian McMahon) and his crew, who are sure to punch you and steal your board if you try to press your luck. But the Surfer is undeterred, as he stays put in the parking lot for as long as it takes to obtain what he’s owed. But the police and anyone else who could possibly lend a sympathetic ear sure aren’t helpful. So he has only himself to rely on, which isn’t exactly good news, as he gradually loses his sanity and all of his possessions as the blazing sun rips his skin apart. But maybe, just maybe, his stubborn willpower will be enough to eventually turn the tide in his favor.
What Made an Impression?: This Test Has All the Wrong Answers: The explanation for why everyone is so firmly against the Surfer is narratively satisfying, but it is not morally satisfying. It’s an endurance game that makes for a bona fide psychological thriller, but it’ll tear your soul apart if you try to reconcile it with a belief in a reasonable universe. Plan accordingly.
Lost in the Cage: On a scale of Pig to Vampire’s Kiss, this is about a National Treasure on the Cage-o-meter, minus any semblance of mental health. The feature-length breakdown on display is like muscle memory for Nicky C. at this point.
The Boys from Oz: I spent most of The Surfer thinking that Scally was being played by Murray Bartlett, so the revelation that it was actually Julian McMahon was a bit of a relief, since Murray usually portrays much more pleasant fellows, whereas McMahon has a reputation for bringing scallywags to life. Still, I guess there’s something sinisterly delicious about fiftysomething Sydney residents with sharp cheekbones, isn’t there?
It’s Not Worth It: If The Surfer teaches us anything, I hope it’s this: spend time with your family, and be flexible! If buying that fancy mansion means keeping yourself away from the people that are supposed to live in it with you, then you can live somewhere else. And if hanging ten on your favorite waves means getting pummeled to a crisp along the way, I promise there are better spots to do it!
The Surfer is Recommended If You Like: The idea of The Game crossed with (Insert Your Favorite Surfing Movie Here)
Grade: 3 out of 5 Locals
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