Wh’ are those, cargo shorts?

Cold Opening – March (Actual) Madness Selection Show
Kenan didn’t even bother to do an impression of Greg Gumbel (no surprise).  Sudeikis already kind of sounds like Jim Nantz.   Andy’s Dick Vitale was serviceable and about what one would expect.  There were some scattershot good lines here and there.  Melissa Leo: huh?   The solidness of the idea elevated the whole. B

Zach Galifianakis’s Monologue
I’ve seen Zach’s stand-up before.   He included parts of his act in his monologue the first time he hosted, and he included some other bits this time around.   The Axe/Ask Body Spray joke is tops.  Gotta love Hoobastank. A-

The Talk
Finally, with Sharon Osbourne, Nasim has found an impression that fits her voice perfectly, but it sounds exactly like Amy Poehler’s version.   It could be worse.  Does the real Leah Remini actual say things like “the British Shakespeare” and “the human Albert Einstein”?   I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh or say, “That makes no sense.”  Vanessa’s Sarah Gilbert was quite the character.   I’m having a little trouble believing that Sarah Gilbert is actually a lesbian, because she is rather sexy, with men, in her guest stints on The Big Bang Theory.   I guess I can believe that she is at least bi-curious, maybe even bisexual.  Or maybe she actually is a lesbian, and thus a great actress.   Like I suppose the real Talk is, this sketch was alternately enjoyably ridiculous and aggravating.  So it was useful to have Zach’s audience member character vent that frustration. B+

The Original Kings of Catchphrase Comedy
Seth Meyers was in a sketch.  Sound the alert.   These are comedians who rely on catchphrases that make no sense, either because they are just so esoteric or because they just make no sense.   They also deliver punchlines without actually telling a joke.   The pinnacle of this was achieved with Pete “Airhorn” Schultz: that airhorn was the epitome of a loud, obnoxious, meaningless catchphrase.  And it was also hilarious. A-

Scared Straight
While Scared Straight sketches will never run out of movie plots, there seems to be only a finite number of ways Kenan can throw a shoe.   But the way he paces back and forth in frustration is poetry in motion. B

Digital Short – Zach Looks for a New Assistant
The humor of Zach Galifianakis can be a little disturbing because he devotes himself so completely to scenes that are absurd or scenes that I think must be absurd, but perhaps they aren’t, as Zach is so convincing that I wonder if there are scenes like these in his real life.  Kudos to those who found kids willing to indulge him.  Well, they probably didn’t realize what they were indulging. B+

Jessie J featuring B.o.B performs “Price Tag”
Could somebody please helicopter in a songwriter who doesn’t tread in only clichés and nonsense? C+

Weekend Update
-The Jokes: Ehh, you know, there were a few good jokes, but otherwise Seth did his normal coasting along. C
-The Segments: -Julie Taymor: I do believe that the real Julie Taymor is this out of touch with the source material. B
-Liam, the Teenager who Just Woke Up: The lead-in that Seth gives to this segment leads one to believe that it will be more politically heavy.   And then it is forcefully clear that it is a throwaway gag.  Albeit one with a few good wild lines. B-

Noodles the Autoerotic Asphyxiating Dog
This started off delightfully wonky.   All the characters had their own quirks, and the jokes came from various sources (avocado trees, God thought Aunt Rita looked like a dog).   And then the truth about Noodles came out, and the sketch turned glitchy and it wasn’t exactly sure what to do with itself. B+

Celebrity Scoop
Why did Zach’s logger sound like he was revving up an engine every time he spoke?   This sketch was nice enough, eh, but the jokes were all telegraphed right from the get-go, you know? B-

Jessie J perfoms “Mamma Knows Best”
This wasn’t exactly a song, but it was a performance.  I’m sure it’s been a while since there was any scatting on the SNL stage. B+

A Message from the Corn Syrup Producers of America
Nasim’s character was too high-concept to be an anti-intellectual.   I don’t remember laughing, but I also don’t remember hating. B-

Titanic Life Raft
Pe-a-nis?   Like the George Washington sketch from the Russell Brand episode, this was a ten-to-one sketch that shouldn’t have been.   It demanded to be longer.   More revelations from the captain’s log would have been appreciated. B

After the Miley Cyrus episode that was filled to bursting with material, this was a more decidedly low-key effort.   It felt like there was room to add or expand.  After all, they didn’t get to the Mr. T sketch.  And Zach was told to keep going during the goodnights.
When Zach Galifianakis hosts, it feels as though he is the one who comes up with every single crazy idea for all of the sketches, which leads to perfectly good monologues and digital shorts (both shorts from Zach’s hosting appearances were centered around him).   But in all the other sketches, several of the cast members looked as if they do not know how to keep up, which can make things a little uneven.