[EDIT, 12/10/12: I forgot to include the “J-Pop America Fun Time Now” sketch when initially posting this review.]

One time, I was with 8 guys at once, and I thought that was a pickle, but now – it’s crystals.

Obama/Boehner Press Conference
This sketch was funny because it captured what I believe to be the essence of the relationship between John Boehner and his colleagues in the Republican Party. B+

Jamie Foxx’s Monologue
Some may have found Jamie’s refrain of “How black is that?” a bit gaudy and too racially obvious.  But he wasn’t really making jokes, so much as he was setting a tone, and set a tone he did. B

Bitch, What’s the Answer?
The fact that there were really no answers for the bitches to give was infuriating.  But it was meant to be infuriating.  The real problem was that the lack of acceptable answers made it so that this sketch had nowhere to go.  At least the bemused reactions of the contestants – especially from Bobby – were somewhat funny. C+

J-Pop America Fun Time Now
I’m getting a real played-out vibe from this sketch.  However, from a technical standpoint, the direction and reaction shots were solid. C

Alex Cross 2
Solid, laugh-worthy premise and the decision to have Tyler Perry play a half-Cross, half-Madea may have seemed like a fruitfully giddy mashup, but it ended up a poorly choreographed mess. B-

Ne-Yo performs “Let Me Love You”
The song is okay; the dancing was worth paying attention to. B

Weekend Update
-The Jokes: This week’s Story That Was Funnier Than the Punchline: YouTube Milking. C
-The Segments: -Mrs. Claus: Oh come on, those are the most obvious, most boring jokes “Mrs. Claus” could possibly make. C-
-Ding Dong: Style can only get you so far. C

Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney?
This was an appropriate sketch for the Jamie Foxx episode, because the last time Jamie Foxx hosted, there was a bit in which Tracy Morgan was talking to Jamie backstage, and Tracy said it was great to have a black guy hosting instead of a white dude like Dylan McDermott.  Anyway, whether or not you can tell Dylan and Dermot apart, it is fun to say their two names over and over again in rapid succession (the same holds true for Djimon Hounsou and Chiwetel Ejiofor). B+

Marcus Banks: Tree Pimp
Most of the gags in this short were rather obvious as far as pimp gags go, but they worked, thanks to the low-key style of the pre-filmedness and the fact that they were pimping trees. B+

Maine Justice
Hey, my cousins live near Bangor!  The Twilight Zone-style nature of this premise sure made those wild N’awlins affectations bearable, and sensible.  Also, Jason seemed to have recycled his Col. Sanders-esque voice and getup from The Potato Chip Thief. B

Ne-Yo performs “She Is”
Eh, this performance didn’t distinguish itself from your typical R&B siren song. C

Swaroski Crystals
“One time I got banged to death for five minutes, then I got banged back to life, thanks crystals.”
A couple of brain-damaged former porn stars shill for Swarovski Crystals.  How can you go wrong with that premise?  Cecily is almost too good at playing flabbergastingly ditzy.  Dirty talk and stupidity: the perfect mix of creepy, sexy, and hilarious, reminiscent of Alison Brie’s “Teach Me How to Understand Christmas” from Community.  I wonder how Vanessa and Cecily feel to know that they do go a great job playing brain-damaged former porn stars. A
“I lost part of my foot, it broke off in a butt, and I regretted it ever since.”

One time, I thought I was asleep, but I was just drug dead, then I noticed a Swarovski Crystal on my wrist, I thought, ‘Okay.’

Usually the personality of an SNL episode isn’t that strongly overtaken by that episode’s host.  Interestingly enough, Jamie Foxx’s episode was one of those infrequent cases in which that did happen.  And the reason was because, well because he’s black.  This episode’s racial identity didn’t provide any Key & Peele-level insight into racial issues, but it did provide a tone, and that’s something.  Offensive?  No way.  Well, unless you’re offended by a lack of imagination and poor execution, which this episode occasionally suffered from.  But then after Update, all bets were off, with the clever McDermott/Mulroney and the naughty, weird, and wild Tree Pimp, Maine Justice, and Swarovski Crystals.

My brain doesn’t function, it got banged off its axis.

As the best sketch of the night reminds us, there’s one thing that never goes out of style (Crys- Anal):