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Cold Opening – Super Bowl LXVII
The problem with making fun of an announcing crew as bland as that of CBS’s NFL crew is that the parody is probably going to be somewhat bland itself.  Which isn’t to say there were no good gags, it’s just that the whole affair was excessively dry.  Is Shannon Sharpe really that thick-headed?  J.B. admitting that he’s never seen 2 Broke Girls was clutch. B-

Justin Bieber’s Monologue
Who farts more: Whoopi Goldberg or Blake Shelton?  Or Bieber?  This was kind of funny.  Short, though. B-

The Californians
The back-and-forth camera reversal with Devin was the best thing they’ve ever done with The Californians since its first appearance, and it should have lasted even longer. B-

Bieber Doubles
Thank God for Ellen.  She’s Ellen! B

Bravo Spin-Offs
Overall this felt lackluster despite each individual spin-off being funny enough.  “A Coppola Coconuts” and the hashtag (#MDMV) in the vampire show were the highlights.  SNL has done better Bravo parodies before – this really should have been at a higher level. B-

Justin Bieber performs “As Long as You Love Me”
Too frenetic for an acoustic performance, at least as far as I felt it.  It’s a decent song, though. B-

Weekend Update
-The Jokes: I feel obliged to admit that I did laugh – really laugh – a few times.  Pig Symbol, AL: wow, Seth actually finished with his best joke.  This week’s Story That Was Funnier Than the Punchline: Alicia Keys’ record-setting national anthem performance. B-
-The Segments: -Richard III’s Two Best Friends From Growing Up: The Best Friends From Growing Up routine always gives me a few laughs, but it’s way too strictured by its structure. C+
-Corey the One Black Guy in Every Commercial: The one black guy in every commercial?  So, Echo Kellum, right?  The detail that Corey would die if he didn’t high-five every five seconds was good, and should have been played around with more. B-

50’s Romance
Confusing breasts for actual puppies was what this sketch gave us, and for that, I’m happy.  However, the reveal that Billy was actually 11 was just icky, and there wasn’t enough humor to make up for that ickiness. I’m giving this a C+ then, despite the fact that it got into a groove in the middle.

The Miley Cyrus Show
The return of the Miley Cyrus Show should have been triumphant, but instead it was mostly an excuse for Bieber to do whatever nonsense he was doing.  I did enjoy Miley’s quick bit of agreement (“Yeah me too”) regarding marijuana scandals, though. B-

Protective Brother
Bravo, Taran Killam. B+

A Sexy Valentine’s Day Message
So things didn’t go quite as planned is the message here, I guess.  Taco surely deserved a better sketch. C+

Justin Bieber performs “Nothing Like Us”
This really did nothing for me.  I suppose I’m not the target audience, sure, but this really did nothing for me. C

Booker T. Washington Valentine’s Dance
One of the most inexplicable recurring sketches of the past few years has somehow managed to evolve into something that is just about eminently watchable.  Kenan was having a hell of a time going on about Montezuma’s Grenade, while Jay has already developed Principal Frye into something.  Plus, it’s always funny when people are offended by the puppet instead of the ventriloquist. B+

Overall
It is rare, especially in the last few seasons, that a host can really drag down the overall quality of an episode by himself.  But Bieber somehow managed to pull that off.  The material was decent, but there were too many sketches built around Bieber as himself or someone like himself, and he’s a bit of a dork, which I can live with and can explain by saying he’s young and could grow out of it, but it doesn’t work when you’re trying to be funny.  He’s too concerned with looking swaggy all the time, and he really doesn’t know how to make fun of himself.  He was baldly going for cheers more than laughs.  That’s just not how things work on SNL, Biebster.

Attention teachers and students: somehow (somehow!) the Booker T. Washington sketch is now a sketch that can legitimately be recognized as the best sketch of the night: