If Drunk Uncle says it, I guess we never will be royals.

A Message from the President
This sketch was exemplary of how SNL really hasn’t had much of a satirical edge towards politics lately.  But that wasn’t exactly what this was going for, and you should really judge sketches on what they’re attempting, so that’s what I’ll do.  This was kind of a funny idea, but it was obvious what it was right away, and then it wasn’t anything more.  Doing the “Thriller” dance to mean “thrilled” was amusing, but other than that, not much of note happened. C+

John Goodman’s Monologue
Another musical monologue can be worth it if you do something unusual, and this was somewhat different, indeed different enough to not be predicted.  But it was reminiscent of David Alan Grier singing “let’s get butt naked in the White House,” which this wasn’t as good as. B-

Guy Fieri’s Full Throttle Special
Was it just my crappy TV, or was this really awkwardly edited?  This was too manic and out-of-control that it made me go “wah?” more than “ha.”  The Duck Dynasty family singing was worth a laugh. B-

Dearborn Holiday Pageant
At first I was like, “Is this really happening?  Is this really the first post-monologue sketch?”  But then it got into a solid, appreciably dark rhythm.  That happy ending was a big miscalculation, though. B-

Three Wise Guys
Come on, guys, you can do better than this. C

Kings of Leon perform “Temple”
I loved Kings of Leon when I started hearing them in their “Sex on Fire”/”Use Somebody” days, but now, based on these performances, they’re pleasant enough, but no big deal.  Maybe this song will grow on me, but I don’t feel compelled to listen to it again. B

Weekend Update
-The Jokes: Okay, Cecily, how did you suddenly figure out your style?  Your delivery on the Dubya painting and lesbian Brooklyn/striking out at the bar jokes was so spot-on.  Also, The New School?  I go there!  This is the first I’m hearing of that story. B+
-The Segments: -Santa Claus: This was some obvious racial humor, but I’ll give it a pass because I’ve really never seen this before.  I mean, I’m sure there’s been black Santas before, but more like the black version of Santa, as opposed to the actual Santa is black.  Santa should talk to Bill Brasky about Kwanzaa. B
-Drunk Uncle: Drunk Uncle seems positively arrogant these days.  Humanity 0 perhaps, but Drunk Uncle 5. B+

Sex Discrimination Case
The description of the cartoon wolf was hilariously thorough.  John Goodman’s squeaky giggle was … also something.  The ending really undercut everything that had come before. B-

Fire Safety
There are solid performances here, and some fun crazy lines, but I don’t know if something’s off in the staging, or the timing, but these Shaolin sketches feel just short of completely working. B-

Hallmark Countdown to Christmas
I laughed at “Scrooge, Jr.”  Actually, I laughed at all the titles.  But this was just too much of a wisp of a sketch to be truly memorable. B

Kings of Leon perform “Wait for Me”
See above. B-

The Christmas Whistle
I didn’t realize it completely at the time, but this was a supremely weird sketch.  And not intentionally weird or weird because of someone’s unique sensibility.  Weird as in inscrutable, weird as in wandering totally off the reservation.  What … was this? C

Very busy, barely comprehensible.  What was this making fun of? D+

Last Call
“My heart and my genitals say no, but my hypoglycemia says yes” was quite a line.  This was more disgusting than I remember the other two last call sketches being, but I guess that’s what they were going for. B

John Goodman was game, of course.  The material was meh.  Even the sketches that looked like they were going to be interestingly bad were just meh.

There was just a Best Sketch of the Episode last week.  Now it’s like, “Best Sketch this week-Christmas-New Year’s-Arbor Day-4th of July-Crimmas again!”