This Is a Movie Review: ‘Snatched’ is a Miscalculated Vacation in More Ways Than One

May 12, 2017

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This review was originally published on News Cult in May 2017.

Starring: Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn, Ike Barinholtz, Wanda Sykes, Joan Cusack

Director: Jonathan Levine

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Sloppy Partying and Surprisingly Deadly Slapstick

Release Date: May 12, 2017

Amy Schumer’s acting instincts dictate that she make her characters immature to the point of straining as much credulity as possible. She has no time for the trope of the professionally successful, but emotionally unstable woman. Instead, everything spirals out of control for her all at once, although that implies that things were ever in control in the first place. For Snatched’s woman-child protagonist Emily Middleton, the latter is almost certainly not the case. After losing her job and her boyfriend, she crawls back into the warm embrace back home with mom Linda (Goldie Hawn), where she can spill ice cream on her shirt and whine like a teenager. This is the Platonic ideal – or Platonic nadir, as it were – of a Schumer performance. How Emily was ever able to move out on her own is a mystery.

Linda’s troubles are much less extreme and thus more relatable. In the decades since separating from her husband, she has never gone back to dating, or even really left the house for that matter. So when her daughter insists that they travel to Ecuador together, she is unsurprisingly hesitant, partly because she is so scared to let loose, but perhaps even more so because she knows better than anyone that following Emily only leads to trouble. Even if the premise were not right in the title, it would be clear so quickly that she is the type of person who would skip right into a kidnapping scam. That Emily and Linda survive mostly unscathed makes them either improbably lucky or impossibly superhuman; both options are exhausting after an hour and a half.

While Schumer commits too hard to being pathetic, there is fun to be had among the supporting performances, where caricatures can be more functional. Wanda Sykes gets the majority of the zingers as an outgoing fellow traveler who recognizes the very real dangers of kidnapping, despite her tenuous grasp of statistics. As Sykes’ platonic life partner, Joan Cusack is weirdly perfectly cast in a completely silent role. And Christopher Meloni is the biggest highlight as an adventurer in way over his head, demonstrating that joie de vivre is often essential to making incompetence sing on screen. Schumer could take some pointers from him, though I suspect she enjoys being stuck in the muck.

Snatched is Recommended If You Like: Women behaving just as badly as men-children, Gene the Chef from Wet Hot American Summer

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Tits Out

Billboard Hot Rock Songs – Week of May 20, 2017

May 10, 2017

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Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
3. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
4. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
5. Rag’n’Bone Man – “Human”
6. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
7. Fall Out Boy – “Young and Menace”
8. Paramore – “Hard Times”
9. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
10. Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, & Imagine Dragons with Logic, Ty Dolla $ign ft. X Ambassadors – “Sucker for Pain”
11. Gorillaz ft. Popcaan – “Saturnz Barz”
12. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
13. Lana del Rey ft. The Weeknd – “Lust for Life”
14. Gorillaz ft. D.R.A.M. – “Andromeda”
15. Gorillaz ft. Vince Staples – “Ascension”
16. Ocean Park Standoff – “Good News”
17. Gorillaz ft. Mavis Staples and Pusha T – “Let Me Out”
18. Gorillaz ft. Rag’n’Bone Man, Zebra Katz, and RAY BLK – “The Apprentice”
19. John Mayer – “In the Blood”
20. Gorillaz ft. De La Soul – “Momentz”
21. Gorillaz ft. Danny Brown and Kelela – “Submission”
22. Gorillaz ft. Peven Everett – “Strobelite”
23. Jesse Larson – “Human”
24. Papa Roach – “Help”
25. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Testify”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Human (Rag’n’Bone Man)
2. Let Me Out
3. Young and Menace
4. Feel It Still
5. Saturnz Barz
6. The Apprentice
7. Andromeda
8. Hard Times
9. Lust for Life

Billboard Hot 20 – Week of May 20, 2017

May 10, 2017

jmunney Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music , , , , Leave a comment

Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
2. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
3. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
4. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
5. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
6. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
7. Future – “Mask Off”
8. KYLE ft. Lil Yachty – “iSpy”
9. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO TOUR Llif3”
10. Kygo x Selena Gomez – “It Ain’t Me”
11. Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”
12. Kendrick Lamar – “DNA.”
13. James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”
14. Julia Michaels – “Issues”
15. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
16. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
17. Khalid – “Location”
18. Drake – “Passionfruit”
19. Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul and Anne-Marie – “Rockabye”
20. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Stay
2. Location
3. Humble.
4. Rockabye
5. DNA.

This Is a Movie Review: Aaron Taylor-Johnson and John Cena Evade an Iraqi Sniper Behind ‘The Wall’

May 10, 2017

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CREDIT: David James/Amazon Studios

This review was originally posted on News Cult in May 2017.

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, John Cena 

Director: Doug Liman

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Rating: R for Sniper Bullets Whizzing By and the Expletives You Yell When Blood Mixes with Sand

Release Date: May 12, 2017 (Limited)

The Wall feels like the type of movie that should have been released at the end of the George W. Bush era, as the national tide was becoming significantly less supportive of any Middle East military efforts. But considering that the War on Terror and nation-rebuilding operations tend to have no end in sight, the premise is unfortunately evergreen. It is 2007 in Iraq, Bush has declared victory, and the war is supposedly winding down. American soldiers Isaac (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Matthews (John Cena) find themselves at the mercy of the deadly Iraqi sniper Juba, with only a makeshift brick wall to serve as protection.

The film mostly consists of a battle of wits between Taylor-Johnson and Juba, who hacks into the Americans’ local radio. Juba is in control of the situation, and he is mostly toying with Isaac until what is almost certainly an inevitable execution, making for essentially the combat version of Phone Booth. Regarding how this plays out as a cinematic thrill ride, there is certainly constant tension, but there is also constant labored breathing from Taylor-Johnson, and that is never the ideal sound mix.

The most universal truths are often best expressed in the most intimate stories, and that micro-macro metonymy is at the forefront of the tightly composed The Wall. Juba somehow knows the most relevant details of Isaac’s story, taunting him about how he just cannot leave a complete mission well enough alone. His personal struggle mirrors his country’s boondoggle. Taylor-Johnson is not the most compelling actor to bring this point across (he excels more in something more depraved like Nocturnal Animals), but a devastating conclusion ensures that The Wall gets its point across. This film is not exactly anti-war, and not even necessarily anti-Iraq War, but rightness or wrongness does not account for much when all you stand for and behind is crumbling around you. 

The Wall is Recommended If You Like: Lone Survivor, Phone Booth, the ending of Night of the Living Dead

Grade: 3 out of 5 Poetic Snipers

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Lowriders’ Could Stand to Inject Some More Clarity Into Its Engine

May 9, 2017

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This review was originally posted on News Cult in May 2017.

Starring: Gabriel Chavarria, Demián Bichir, Theo Rossi, Melissa Benoist, Tony Revolori, Eva Longoria

Director: Ricardo de Montreuil

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Petty and Felonious Lawbreaking

Release Date: May 12, 2017

A motion picture is a fine method for introducing the masses to a subculture’s rituals and personalities. Thus the intriguing nature of the specimen that is Lowriders. Cars with amped-up hydraulic systems that allow for the vehicle to bounce up and down have served as set dressing in plenty of films, but they have never really been the main attraction. There is admirable moxie to titling something after an entire pastime, thus implying that it is encapsulating the whole culture. Unfortunately, Lowriders does not do the legwork to illuminate newcomers, nor it does not care to let them in.

Danny (Gabriel Chavarria) is a young graffiti artist caught between two worlds that should be one: the traditional lowrider-obsessed space of his father Miquel (Demián Bichir) and the renegade lowrider-obsessed realm of his ex-con brother Francisco (Theo Rossi), nicknamed “Ghost” for the years he gave up to the law. This is a stock family conflict and thus not particularly unique. Chavarria, Bichir, and Rossi commit passionately, but the conflicts – while believable – are not compelling. Specific details must be added to issues like drinking problems and familial abandonment to make them pop.

Lowriders’ means of letting viewers into its world is primarily accomplished by the perspective of Danny’s new girlfriend Lorelai (Melissa Benoist, the current go-to all-American girl). She is a photographer, eagerly snapping up all that Danny introduces her to. Alas, the film never really explains what she has learned. When a winner is declared at the lowrider competition, it is a key moment that sets up the stakes for the rest of the film. Trouble is, it is not clear what the rules of the contest even are, and thus it is hard to be invested in the rightness or wrongness of any victory. That lack of clarity is a plague throughout: subplots are resolved way too cleanly, there is a weakly attempted swipe at the art world, and at least one character’s motivations are impossible to track. Without attending to the story engine properly, the end result just sputters out.

Lowriders is Recommended If You Like: Shortcuts

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Public Urinations

The Simpsons 28.21 Review: “Moho House”

May 9, 2017

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“She barely knows I exist, which is the best thing I got going for me.” https://www.bubbleblabber.com/review-the-simpsons-moho-house/

Bob’s Burgers 7.20 Review: “Mom, Lies, and Videotape”

May 9, 2017

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“Wait, you saw Caligula?” “You saw Caligula? Wait, what’s Caligula?” https://www.bubbleblabber.com/review-bobs-burgers-mom-lies-and-videotape/

SNL Review May 6, 2017: Chris Pine/LCD Soundsystem

May 9, 2017

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This review was originally posted on News Cult in May 2017.

Love It

Song for Peace – Here we have a patently brilliant formula for sketch comedy excellence: I have no idea what is going on, and I do not care. I can tell you what is literally happening: Beck Bennett’s European rapper bemoans the sorry state of the world and his own pornography addiction, while Kyle Mooney provides the minimalist hype and a well-coiffed Chris Pine throws down the chorus. Bennett does an amusing Slavic accent – actual Eastern Europeans can attest to the accuracy or lack thereof, but there can be no doubt about the hilarity – and the digression into mainly focusing on porn (which is softcore, because weird details prompt chuckles) add up to an unforgettable combination.

Auto Shop – The most obvious (and most outdated and backwards) potential joke behind a group of mechanics watching RuPaul’s Drag Race would be that they accidentally stumbled upon it, thinking it was drag motor racing. There is a bit of a feint towards them being embarrassed by how this might reflect on their masculinity, but ultimately they love it too much to care to hide. This sketch is less about comedy and more about the unbridled joy of fandom. It’s infectious. And with the (accurate) appraisal of current contestant Trinity Taylor, it clearly comes from a place of love and knowledge.

Chris Pine’s Monologue song teaches us how to distinguish between all the Chris’s (he’s the one who’s not a Marvel hero, while Evans is the one who hasn’t hosted SNL yet), which isn’t that notable an observation, but the fun is in the details…Kid Actor Alert! I really wanted to see them tease out Where in the World is Kellyanne Conway?, but sometimes when you’ve got a real sharp zinger, you just get in and get out…The SWAT Lookout team wonders when they stopped allowing themselves to have fun, and I have to agree with that sentiment…An HR Meeting that devolves into a “Boy is Mine” contest? Totally up Aidy and Vanessa’s aisle…The House Seattle (the SECOND Beck/Kyle joint in the FIRST HALF of the episode) is basically The Real World by way of Dogville (Do they only do these when Chris’s stop by?)…Michael and Colin go right after the nasty American Healthcare Act, inspiring gasps and groans, and they have the staredown game to throw it right back at the crowd…As meteorologist Dawn Lazarus, Vanessa Bayer’s Fred Armisen influence is showing, as she sprays out a barrage of nervous, loopy wordplay…When a Star Trek sketch revolves around Spock’s Queens-bred goombah half-brother, we know we have gone to the goofy point of no return (also: kudos for letting longtime production designer Akira Yoshimura reprise his role as Sulu)…There was a distinct lack of Cecily Strong in this episode, until the Game Night, where she debuted her gorgeous curls and bewitching black dress and sang the Frasier (or Frazier) theme song, and all was right with the world.

More

What Won TV? – April 30-May 6, 2017

May 8, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Silicon Valley
Monday – Better Call Saul
Tuesday – Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Wednesday – Arrow
Thursday – Riverdale (Maple Syrup Forever!)
Friday – RuPaul’s Drag Race (see also: Trinity Taylor shout-out on SNL)
Saturday – Chris Pine delivering us one of the best SNL‘s of the season

This Is a Movie Review: If ‘The Dinner’ Has Its Way, You Will Lose Your Appetite

May 5, 2017

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This review was originally published on News Cult in May 2017.

Starring: Steve Coogan, Laura Linney, Richard Gere, Rebecca Hall

Director: Oren Moverman

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: R for Children Getting Up to No Good and Their Parents Yelling About It

Release Date: May 5, 2017 (Limited)

Steve Coogan, Laura Linney, Richard Gere, and Rebecca Hall invite you to a very special evening. Coogan and his wife Linney are on their way to meet Coogan’s brother Gere and his wife Hall at the fanciest restaurant in town. Coogan is dreading the evening and would much rather stay home, but alas, there is no wiggling out. This is family, and there is an outstanding issue that must be addressed. Coogan is caught snooping around his son’s cell phone, so that should tell you something about what sort of father he is. It should also be noted that Gere is a politician in the middle of an all-consuming campaign, so that just gobbles everything in its vicinity.

The deal is that both couples’ teenage children have gotten themselves into extraordinary trouble. Far be it from me to reveal any specifics, as the film’s whole raison d’être is gradually revealing the details. But suffice it to say that the event in question has legal and ethical implications that are unavoidably disturbing. They are the kinds of consequences that no child should ever force their parents to face, especially when mental illness, the public eye, and years of seething resentment are in the mix. The formula is set for the most unpleasant outing ever for this foursome and for the audience. It is thrilling to watch a quartet of thespians like The Dinner’s volley vitriol back and forth, but ultimately this meal is more frustrating than anything else.

The Dinner is designed to be challenging, as any story with a clinically depressed character at its center should be. It is unreasonable to expect a cheerier arc, or even necessarily some possibility of relief. But what there ought to be is a chance for understanding. The structure consists of frame devices within frame devices, as flashbacks fill out the motivations forged over the past several weeks and the past several years and lifetimes. When in the outermost frame, The Dinner is naggingly difficult to pierce, but when it opens up to its deepest core, the viewer can say, “I accept you for who you are.”

The Dinner is Recommended If You Like: Having Your Stomach Knotted Like a Fist

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Courses

 

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