August 29, 2026
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Candi Milo, carrot festival, Coyote vs. Acme, Dave Green, Eric Bauza, Jim Cummings, John Cena, John Early, Kenneth Choi, Lana Condor, Luis Guzmán, Martha Kelly, P.J. Byrne, Tone Bell, Will Forte

Pictured: How It’s Been Going Lately (CREDIT: Ketchup Entertainment)
Starring: Will Forte, Lana Condor, John Cena, Tone Bell, Luis Guzmán, Martha Kelly, P.J. Byrne, Kenneth Choi, John Early, Eric Bauza, Candi Milo, Jim Cummings
Director: Dave Green
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: PG
Release Date: August 28, 2026 (Theaters)
Here’s what I have to say about Coyote vs. Acme: I understand why the Acme Corporation would choose to utilize cartoon characters as test subjects for its dangerous products. They’re quite elastic and resilient, after all. Yes, I suppose they feel pain, but that appears to be temporary, and they also appear to be effectively immortal. Nevertheless, I believe that Mr. Wile E. Coyote has a legitimate complaint, as this testing ought to be carried out with the cartoon subjects’ consent. So there you go. Also, why don’t all major American cities have a carrot festival? (Or do they, and I’ve just not heard about them?)
Grade: 4 Meep Meeps out of Infinity Sisyphuses
January 31, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Argylle, Ariana DeBose, Bryan Cranston, Bryce Dallas Howard, Catherine O'Hara, Chip the Cat, Dua Lipa, Henry Cavill, John Cena, Matthew Vaughn, Richard E. Grant, Rob Delaney, Sam Rockwell, Samuel L. Jackson, Sofia Boutella

Wait a minute — the cat! (CREDIT: Universal Pictures/Apple Original Films/Marv)
Starring: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O’Hara, Samuel L. Jackson, John Cena, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Sofia Boutella, Rob Delaney, Richard E. Grant, Chip the Cat
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Running Time: 139 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Violence That Makes the Main Character Constantly Wince
Release Date: February 2, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) is a super-duper successful espionage novelist, so much so that some actual spies have started to take notice of her. It turns out that the plot of her books have somehow mirrored the actual activities of an underground spy ring known as The Division. At least that’s the story that a bearded man named Aidan (Sam Rockwell) tells her when he randomly pops up like he’s in a Terminator movie to say that she better come with him if she wants to live. And well, he might be onto something, as there do seem to suddenly be a lot of people with guns and knives in Elly’s vicinity. Meanwhile, she keeps having visions of Argylle (Henry Cavill), the titular hero of her novels who seems to know her better than she knows herself.
What Made an Impression?: We’re in a Spy Movie!: I found it difficult to embrace Argylle, because it just never felt like any of these characters were particularly spy-like. Instead, they felt more like people who were excited to be in a spy movie. Now look, I’ve never met a secret agent (that I know of!), so I can’t say with authority what genuine espionage dialogue truly is. But I’m still a little skeptical that the cloak and dagger set would refer to their adversaries as generically as “the bad guys.” And that seeming lack of authenticity is doubly felt by how antithetical it is to Argylle‘s premise.
Dance For Your Life: In general, I’ve found Matthew Vaughn’s films to be at best only fitfully compelling. But I can’t deny that he knows how to choreograph some marvelously kinetic action sequences, particularly when they marry combat with dance. In 2015’s Kingsman, the standout set piece was a massacre in a church set to “Free Bird,” while Argylle ups the ante with a battle royale on a train soundtracked by Sylvester and Patrick Cowley’s disco hit “Do You Wanna Funk.” Vaughn’s characters might be fighting over nonsense, but these melees are something special.
Stupid Fun or Just Stupid?: In the interest of avoiding spoilers, I won’t reveal why Elly’s novels are so prescient, but I will say that once we do get an explanation, Argylle really kicks into a higher gear. Suffice it to say, the explanation is a classic trope based on presumably bogus science. But as far as hokum goes, it’s enjoyable-enough hokum that can push the plot along in zippy directions. It justifies at least a little of all this silly business.
Argylle is Recommended If You Like: The Kingsman series, Unknown, Hypnotic
Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Gray Cats
November 8, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alice Eve, Alison Brie, Christian Slater, Freelance, John Cena, Juan Pablo Raba, Marton Csokas, Molly McCann, Pierre Morel

Free your Lance, and the rest will follow! (CREDIT: Relativity Media/Screenshot)
Starring: John Cena, Alison Brie, Juan Pablo Raba, Alice Eve, Marton Csokas, Christian Slater, Molly McCann
Director: Pierre Morel
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: October 27, 2023 (Theaters)
As I write this review, Freelance is currently luxuriating with a 0% Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes. So I went into this frivolous little action comedy with that benchmark (or lack thereof) in mind. And now that I’ve emerged, my ultimate verdict is: it’s not that historically bad. Rather, it’s just a mere trifle. And since I’m in a speculative mood, it probably wouldn’t have remained at zero if more than 25 critics had bothered to review it.
Anyway, the main reason I went to see it was of course because Alison Brie is second-billed. She plays a journalist angling for a Pulitzer who’s recently been brought low by scandal. There are a few scenes of her having to get by on some random celebrity schmoozefest, and I kinda think there should have been more of that. Alison’s really good at elevating characters in low-culture situations who shouldn’t be underestimated, after all.
Grade: 2 out of 5 Fictional Countries
August 1, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Ayo Edebri, Brady Noon, Giancarlo Esposito, Hannibal Burress, Ice Cube, Jackie Chan, Jeff Rowe, John Cena, Maya Rudolph, Micah Abbey, Natasia Demetriou, Nicolas Cantu, Paul Rudd, Post Malone, Rose Byrne, Seth Rogen, Shamon Brown Jr., Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, TMNT

Mayhem in More Than Just a Half-Shell (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies)
Starring: Micah Abbey, Shamon Brown Jr., Nicolas Cantu, Brady Noon, Jackie Chan, Ayo Edebri, Ice Cube, Hannibal Burress, Rose Byrne, John Cena, Natasia Demetriou, Giancarlo Esposito, Post Malone, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Maya Rudolph
Director: Jeff Rowe
Running Time: 100 Minutes
Rating: PG for Stylized Action Violence and Jokes with a Rude ‘Tude
Release Date: August 2, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael (Micah Abbey, Nicolas Cantu, Shamon Brown Jr., and Brady Noon, respectively) just want to spend more time living out of the sewers. Is that too much to ask?! Alas, their adoptive father Splinter (Jackie Chan) insists that they must remain in the shadows. He’s a walking and talking rat, and they’re walking and talking turtles, and all the evidence indicates that humans just aren’t ready to interact with mutated animals. But the boys are growing up, and New York City has plenty of delicious pizza. So when they befriend budding journalist April O’Neil (Ayo Edebiri), they really start to believe that humans are worth getting to know. And when they encounter a cadre of other mutants led by the giant housefly Superfly (Ice Cube) intent on taking over the surface world, they decide that they must become humanity’s protectors.
What Made an Impression?: Not Afraid to Be Scary: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a fascinatingly enduring franchise. What began as a reputedly dark comic book in the 80s turned into an inescapable cheesy phenomenon with the live-action 90s films. It was a supernova that burned out quickly, but it’s hung around with occasional reboots and several TV series. You don’t need to know any of that backstory to enjoy Mutant Mayhem. But you do have to be comfortable with some kid-targeted entertainment that isn’t afraid to get dark. The animation and the fantastical nature softens the edges a bit, but still, this is a movie where the threat of mutant-on-mutant and mutant-on-human violence is very real. Younger viewers might be spooked a bit, but they’ll appreciate how hardy the heroism feels.
Milking the Gags: The turtles are a bunch of adolescent jokesters, so any TMNT flick worth its ooze will deliver the laughs. Mutant Mayhem pulls this off by crafting its own yuks from the ground up. There’s one particularly satisfying running gag about whether or not the turtles can be milked. (They don’t have nipples! … Or do they?) Two of the producers and screenwriters are Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen (the latter of whom also voices mutant warthog Bebop), and you can just feel how much they’ve been itching to put their own spin on these characters for quite some time. These aren’t just tossed-off quips and catchphrases, but zingers and character beats that reward you for paying attention.
Sliced-and-Diced Animation: The sharpness of the comedy meets its match in the animation, with every cel feeling like it’s been lovingly sliced by a katana blade. This is no standard-issue CG rendering; instead, deep thought has clearly been considered about what style fits the story’s personality. It’s an irreverent, adrenaline-filled adventure crossed with a neon sugar rush. Every pixel feels like it’s working, and the whole picture just undeniably pops on screen.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is Recommended If You Like: Pizza, Viral puking videos, The Spider-Verse
Grade: 4 out of 5 Half-Shells
July 20, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alexandra Shipp, America Ferrera, Ana Cruz Kayne, Ann Roth, Annie Mumolo, Ariana Greenblatt, Barbie, Connor Swindells, Dua Lipa, Emerald Fennell, Emma Mackey, Greta Gerwig, Hari Nef, Helen Mirren, Issa Rae, Jamie Demetriou, John Cena, Kate McKinnon, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Lauren Holt, Margot Robbie, Marisa Abel, Michael Cera, Ncuti Gatwa, Nicola Coughlan, Rhea Perlman, Ritu Arya, Rob Brydon, Ryan Gosling, Scott Evans, Sharon Rooney, Simu Liu, Will Ferrell

Hey, Barbie … wassup! (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)
Starring: Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Helen Mirren, America Ferrera, Will Ferrell, Ariana Greenblatt, Kate McKinnon, Issa Rae, Hari Nef, Alexandra Shipp, Emma Mackey, Sharon Rooney, Ana Cruz Kayne, Dua Lipa, Nicola Coughlan, Ritu Arya, Marisa Abel, Michael Cera, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Simu Liu, Scott Evans, Ncuti Gatwa, Rob Brydon, John Cena, Rhea Perlman, Jamie Demetriou, Connor Swindells, Emerald Fennell, Ann Roth, Annie Mumolo, Lauren Holt
Director: Greta Gerwig
Running Time: 114 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Discussions About Doll Genitals, or Lack Thereof
Release Date: July 21, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Barbie has had remarkable staying power. The eternally popular line of dolls represents a sort of perfect womanhood that’s impossible to achieve in real life. But in Barbieland, that perfection is a plain fact. Or so the opening of the 2023 film version of Barbie would have us believe. But that intro also quickly reveals some cracks in the glittery pink feminine utopia. The classic version of the title character, aka “Stereotypical Barbie” (Margot Robbie), is inexplicably starting to ponder her mortality. So she and one of the Kens (Ryan Gosling) head off to the real world to discover where this negative energy is coming from. They get a rude awakening with a very different status quo on Venice Beach, and then they head to Mattel headquarters to meet their makers. If it all works out, our relationship to Barbie and her relationship to us promise to never be the same.
What Made an Impression?: A Thin Line Between Fantasy and Reality: What’s especially striking about the mechanics of Barbie is just how easy it is to travel between Barbieland and the real world. While in the throes of her existential crisis, Stereotypical Barbie seeks counsel with the somewhat outcast Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon). She’s basically this movie’s Morpheus, but instead of offering a blue or red pill, the choice is between high heels and Birkenstock sandals. Once Stereotypical Barbie opts for the hero’s journey, all she has to do is drive, and soon enough, she’s in sunny Southern California. That ease of transport cuts both ways, as the only requirement to travel into Barbieland appears to just be rollerblades. It’s a wonder there hasn’t been more interaction between worlds before this point! But maybe there actually has been. Indeed, the Mattel employees refer to some previous similar incidents, and while Barbie’s fish-out-of-water routine leads to some assumptions that she’s mentally unwell, the ultimate conclusion is that it’s perfectly reasonable that a flesh-and-bones version of this classic doll would appear eventually.
A Thorough Education: I’m not one to always advocate for the primacy of Showing over Telling, as there are times when exposition is perfectly satisfying. But Barbie does lean a little hard on the Telling side of the equation and ends up a bit in Didactic territory. Characters spell out simple emotions that they’re experiencing for the first time, with a bluntness that threatens to rip away all of the magic. There’s ultimately a similarly blunt conflict that I found surprising, though perhaps I should have seen it coming. When the main Ken encounters the patriarchal systems of the real world, he excitedly smuggles those ideas into Barbieland and transforms the dreamhouses into mancaves with no resistance from the suddenly hypnotized Barbies. Masculine insecurity becomes the enemy perhaps too simplistically, although I do appreciate the fact that Ken thought the patriarchy was actually about horses. That cluelessness is an ace in the hole, while the chauvinism is more run-of-the-mill.
That Mattel Magic: While the title and so much of the dialogue squeals “Barbie!,” the heart of the movie can actually be found in some of the more human characters. To wit: the Mattel office, which initially appears to be as stiflingly patriarchal as the Kens eventually become. And it certainly is in one respect, as all of the top executives are men in suits making decisions about what’s best for girls and women. But it’s a little more complicated than that. Led by Will Ferrell in his most eager-to-please form as the CEO, their core motivation is to genuinely provide the world with the best possible version of Barbie. They embrace the fun and frothiness and rollerblading of it all in a way that I can only hope is true of all toy executives.
But the crux of the narrative lies with America Ferrera as Gloria, the CEO’s assistant, as well as her tween daughter Sasha (Ariana Greenblatt). Whereas Sasha views Barbie as the source of all of the unrealistic expectations heaped on women, Gloria can’t help but hold on to a girly fantasy world. But if Barbie is to still mean anything to Gloria (and by extension everyone) else in 2023, then she needs to embrace the anxiety-inducing messiness of life. Barbie the Movie invites viewers to adapt Barbie the Concept into whatever version they need at whatever particular moment they’re going through. It may be a little frightening to have that lesson centered around a corporate product, but it’s what we’ve got in the culture.
Barbie is Recommended If You Like: The Lego Movie, Rollerblading, eBay-focused nostalgia
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Dreamhouses
May 17, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alan Ritchson, Brie Larson, Charlize Theron, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Daniela Melchior, Fast X, Helen Mirren, Jason Momoa, Jason Statham, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Leo Abelo Perry, Louis Leterrier, Ludacris, Michelle Rodriguez, Nathalie Emmanuel, Rita Moreno, Scott Eastwood, Sung Kang, The Fast and the Furious, Tyrese Gibson, Vin Diesel

Family (CREDIT: Peter Mountain/Universal Pictures)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Momoa, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, Alan Ritchson, Jason Statham, Daniela Melchior, Leo Abelo Perry, Scott Eastwood, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Rita Moreno
Director: Louis Leterrier
Running Time: 141 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Flying Cars and Bullets
Release Date: May 19, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: We’re ten* films deep now in the Fast & Furious franchise (eleven if you count the spinoff), and things are getting pretty X-treme! Of course, you might well reasonably note that extremity was this series’ m.o. from the very beginning. But this is the first time that an “X” actually managed to sneak its way into the title. And that’s not the only unique bit of business. Usually these movies are pretty self-contained, and the plot is generally besides the point, but Fast X calls back directly to a previous adventure. Luckily for anyone who needs a refresher, there are plenty of flashbacks to Fast Five, when Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew pulled off a heist in Brazil against drug lord Hernan Reyes. Now Hernan’s eccentric and sadistic son Dante (Jason Momoa) is out for revenge. He prefers to make his victims suffer, and for someone who values family as much as Dom, there are innumerable ways to poke at that nerve.
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August 4, 2021
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alice Braga, Daniela Melchior, David Dastmalchian, DCEU, Flula Borg, Idris Elba, Jai Courtney, James Gunn, Joel Kinnaman, John Cena, Margot Robbie, Michael Rooker, Nathan Fillion, Pete Davidson, Peter Capaldi, Sean Gunn, Steve Agee, Storm Reid, Suicide Squad, Sylvester Stallone, Taika Waititi, The Suicide Squad, Viola Davis

The Suicide Squad (CREDIT: Warner Bros./Screenshot)
Starring: Idris Elba, Margot Robbie, Viola Davis, John Cena, Joel Kinnaman, Sylvester Stallone, Jai Courtney, Peter Capaldi, David Dastmalchian, Daniela Melchior, Michael Rooker, Alice Braga, Pete Davidson, Nathan Fillion, Sean Gunn, Flula Borg, Steve Agee, Storm Reid, Taika Waititi
Director: James Gunn
Running Time: 132 Minutes
Rating: R for Various Body Parts Getting Torn Apart, a Full Roster of Potty Mouths, and a Little Bit of Nudity
Release Date: August 5, 2021 (Theaters and HBO Max)
The Suicide Squad feels like it came from another dimension. It shares a few characters with 2016’s (no “the”) Suicide Squad and has essentially the same premise. It’s ostensibly a sequel to that earlier effort, but it’s effectively a do-over. There are plenty of reboots every year at the multiplex, but rarely do we have such an unabashed mulligan. The multiverse theory posits that there is an infinite number of realities with any number of minor or major variations, and it seems that we’ve somehow been visited by the one in which James Gunn directed a Suicide Squad movie instead of David Ayer. Adding to this surreal state of affairs was the fact that I was in a bit of a fugue state while watching The Suicide Squad. It was a 10:00 AM screening, my first morning trip to a movie theater post-pandemic. My body was confused by the lack of sunlight at the early hour and thus my brain was unsure if it should be waking or dreaming. Either way, heads were always fated to explode.
The Suicide Squad takes a cue from Suicide Squad by having multiple beginnings, but this time it’s a cheeky bit of purposeful misdirection instead of stinky studio manipulation. Suicide squads are famously expendable, and it turns out that there are degrees of expendability, as one squad is introduced with plenty of fanfare only to serve as a diversion. Everyone involved clearly wanted to feature as many characters as possible to essentially say, “Can you believe all of the colorful ridiculousness that has actually appeared in DC Comics?” The team that we spend most of our time with consists of the ever-popular Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), a couple of sharpshooters (Idris Elba, John Cena), a queen of rodents (Daniela Melchior), and a guy who shoots polka dots out of his mouth (David Dastmalchian). They’re sent to the fictional South American island nation of Corto Maltese for some top secret political meddling, but a date with the fantastical awaits them.
I wasn’t prepared for the Big Bad in The Suicide Squad to be a giant starfish, but that is indeed what awaited me. And quite frankly, I’m glad that that’s what we got. I can take or leave the gleeful over-the-top violence; it’s good for a few laughs, but after a couple of hours, I’m exhausted by the fact that I’m not really meant to care about any of these characters (although a few do manage to find a small place in my heart). So I’m grateful that there’s a surplus of visual imagination to appreciate. Way too many extraterrestrial cinematic CGI creatures of the past 15 years or so are some variation on big bad bugs, so a massive starfish that squirts out hundreds of smaller starfish is a relief. I’d be happy to see Starro rolling around every future corner of the big-screen DC universe, whether or not the reject crew is around.
So in conclusion, if you like kooky superpowers at their absolute kookiest and rats getting their time in the spotlight, you’ll probably have a decent time with the Suicide Squad.
The Suicide Squad is Recommended If You Like: The trailers for 2016’s Suicide Squad, bodily mutilation played for laughs, Mouse Hunt
Grade: 3 out of 5 Rats
June 21, 2021
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Charlize Theron, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, F9, Finn Cole, Helen Mirren, J.D. Pardo, Jason Tobin, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Justin Lin, Kurt Russell, Lucas Black, Ludacris, Michael Rooker, Michelle Rodriguez, Nathalie Emmanuel, Shad Moss, Sung Kang, The Fast and the Furious, Tyrese Gibson, Vin Diesel, Vinnie Bennett

F9: Explosion (CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot)
Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Sung Kang, Charlize Theron, Vinnie Bennett, Finn Cole, J.D. Pardo, Michael Rooker, Lucas Black, Shad Moss, Jason Tobin, Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren
Director: Justin Lin
Running Time: 145 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for The Usual Cascade of Absurd Action
Release Date: June 25, 2021 (Theaters)
F9 is easily the silliest of the Fast & Furious series, which is saying something for a franchise that already went up to 11 and beyond on the Over-the-Top Scale at least four movies ago. It’s not the level of ambition that’s different so much as the tenor. The main attraction of Fast Five through Furious 7 was how technically brilliant the stunts were; this time it’s all about how they could fit right in with something out of Bugs Bunny and company. Roman (Tyrese) and Tej (Ludacris) definitely have a Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner vibe. (Which one is which depends on any given moment.) Another apt comparison: Muppet Labs’ Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker. (Once again, the roles can flip-flop depending on the situation.)
So here’s the deal this time around: Dom has a brother that we’ve never seen before! Also, the gang goes to space! How did the former remain a secret for so long? Ehh, don’t worry about it, they’ll figure out a way. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. Did you hear the part I just mentioned about space? This series, and this entry in particular, doesn’t really concern itself with what’s probable. Well, actually I kind of take that back, as it actually does concern itself with probability, but only in terms of playing lip service to the concept. To wit: there’s a running bit in which Roman, Tej, and Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel) ponder if they’re something akin to invincible superheroes. The movie doesn’t actually say that they are, but it doesn’t not say that either.
What’s also making me feel good with F9 is the Tokyo Drift reunion. What had previously seemed like the ugly stepchild in the franchise and what I had originally pegged as a potential so-bad-it’s-good contender has instead evolved into something resembling a cult classic full of hidden treasures. Sung Kang has already returned as Han multiple times, and the trailer has already spoiled that he’s back from the dead for this go-round. But on top of that, we’ve also got Lucas Black, Jason Tobin, and Shad “Bow Wow” Moss back in action. They’re not drifting their rides this time around, but they are more explosive than ever. Remember that Muppet Labs comparison. This is a trio of Bunsen Honeydews right here. Also of note: with appearances by Frog and Robopine, I believe this is the first Fast & Furious movie to feature two (2) Masked Singer alums.
I haven’t talked too much about John Cena showing up and wreaking havoc as Dom’s long-lost brother Jakob, or Jordana Brewster as their sister Mia getting back in the swing of things after skipping the last chapter, even though that is of course the main storyline. And well, that’s because, we all know how this story goes: something threatens the stability of the family, and then crazy stunts are pulled off all over the globe in the name of strengthening the family’s core and opening up that family to new members. I don’t worry too much about the villainy, because nobody stays a villain for very long in this universe. As long as there are enough silly shenanigans going on in the margins – and in the most important moments – then we’re good to go.
F9 is Recommended If You Like: Fast Five, Tokyo Drift, Violent kid-friendly cartoons
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Electromagnets
January 15, 2020
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Antonio Banderas, Carmel Laniado, Craig Robinson, Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Emma Thompson, Frances de la Tour, Harry Collett, Jason Mantzoukas, Jessie Buckley, Jim Broadbent, John Cena, Kumail Nanjiani, Marion Cotillard, Michael Sheen, Octavia Spencer, Ralph Fiennes, Rami Malek, Robert Downey Jr., Selena Gomez, Stephen Gaghan, Tom Holland

CREDIT: Universal Pictures
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Harry Collett, Antonio Banderas, Michael Sheen, Jim Broadbent, Jessie Buckley, Carmel Laniado, Emma Thompson, Rami Malek, John Cena, Kumail Nanjiani, Octavia Spencer, Tom Holland, Craig Robinson, Ralph Fiennes, Selena Gomez, Marion Cotillard, Jason Mantzoukas, Frances de la Tour
Director: Stephen Gaghan
Running Time: 106 Minutes
Rating: PG for Mild Animal Chaos
Release Date: January 17, 2020
It’s not a great sign when my favorite part of a movie is the end credits revealing who all the voice actors were, especially when it’s a movie about talking to animals, because … I love talking to animals! Not necessarily in the Dr. Dolittle sense, but if I did have that ability, I would be happy to use it. As for Robert Downey Jr.’s version of the classic fictional veterinarian, I wouldn’t say that he is unhappy about his interspecies communication abilities, but he is making some odd choices, what with an unplaceable accent while barely opening his mouth whenever he talks to the point that it seems like he is practicing his ventriloquism. Dolittle is a movie whose existence in 2020 I’m having trouble fathoming, but despite that, I can’t say that I doubt Downey’s commitment, however strange it may be.
Anyway, the plot is some fever dream logic-driven concoction about how a reclusive Dr. Dolittle, hiding away in his home following the death of his wife, is summoned to set out on an adventure to find a cure for a deathly ill young Queen Victoria (Jessie Buckley). Naturally enough, his animal friends join him to help out, and their presence on this journey just feels too unremarkable. Perhaps that has to do with the reliance on CGI, which renders these creatures less adorable and more just humans with fur or feathers or scales. For the most part, then, Dolittle is a mix of humdrum when it should be goofy and ridiculous when it should be straightforward. Although, there is one part when Dr. Dolittle removes a set of bagpipes from a dragon’s colon, so this endeavor wasn’t a total disappointment.
Dolittle is Recommended If You Have: A Bottomless Appreciation for CGI Animal Hijinx
Grade: 1.5 out of 5 Quacks
December 17, 2018
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Angela Bassett, Bumblebee, Dylan O’Brien, Hailee Steinfeld, Jason Drucker, John Cena, John Ortiz, Jorge Lendeborg Jr., Justin Theroux, Pamela Adlon, Peter Cullen, Stephen Schneider, Transformers, Travis Knight

CREDIT: Paramount Pictures
This review was originally published on News Cult in December 2018.
Starring: Hailee Steinfeld, Jorge Lendeborg Jr., John Cena, Pamela Adlon, John Ortiz, Stephen Schneider, Jason Drucker, Dylan O’Brien, Angela Bassett, Justin Theroux, Peter Cullen
Director: Travis Knight
Running Time: 114 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Deadly Alien Technology That Vaporizes Blood and Guts
Release Date: December 21, 2018
The Transformers series is addicted to origin stories and secret histories. Bumblebee does not break that spell, but it does present it in a much more palatable package than usual. The 2007 franchise starter supposedly presented the first time that the Autobots and Decepticons made themselves known on Earth in a major way. But as the series has rattled on, it’s been revealed that the bots have actually been around on this planet in some capacity for thousands of years, which sounds exhausting to hear about, and is even more exhausting to watch. I checked out after 2011’s Dark of the Moon, but I’ve heard horror stories from folks who stuck around for 2014’s Age of Extinction and 2017’s The Last Knight.
The spinoff nature of Bumblebee offers the potential to go in a fresh direction, but its elevator pitch does not exactly inspire confidence. “What if a teenager finds a beat-up old car that turns out to be a Transformer?” is pretty much the exact same starting point as the first Transformers. But while the setup is familiar, the details are unique and mercifully leaner compared to what’s come before. Wisely, only four Transformers play significant roles. There’s the title little fellow, opting for a modest Volkswagen Beetle disguise instead of his typical Camaro look. On his tail are the Decepticons Shatter and Dropkick, voiced with nasty verve by Angela Bassett and Justin Theroux. And Optimus Prime shows up occasionally to keep Bumblebee’s spirits up, mostly in Princess Leia-to-Obi-Wan Kenobi-style pre-recorded message form. Metal clanking against metal is still no more aesthetically pleasing than it’s ever been, but there’s thankfully a lot less of it this time around.
As for the humans, Hailee Steinfeld is a natural in coming-of-age mode. She plays Charlie Watson, a teenager in 1987 San Francisco who would much rather spend her time fixing up cars (like she used to always do with her dad before he passed away) rather than hang out with her family or classmates. There are plenty of hallmarks of the genre: an awkward neighbor with a huge crush (Jorge Lendeborg, Jr.), an overbearing mom and stepdad (the delightful pair of Pamela Adlon and Stephen Schneider) who try and fail to get Charlie to smile more often, an annoying younger brother, and bitchy classmates. Bumblebee slots into her universe as a sort of wounded animal that she nurses back to health and also as the only one who really understands Charlie. Bumblebee hardly reinvents the wheel, but it’s a perfectly fun and satisfying addition to the girl-and-her-bot genre.
Bumblebee is Recommended If You Like: The first Transformers movie but not the Michael Bay excess, The Smiths, ’80s-set coming-of-age flicks
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Volkswagen Bugs
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