‘Fast X’ Asks If This Can Really Last Forever

May 17, 2023

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Family (CREDIT: Peter Mountain/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Momoa, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, Alan Ritchson, Jason Statham, Daniela Melchior, Leo Abelo Perry, Scott Eastwood, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Rita Moreno

Director: Louis Leterrier

Running Time: 141 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Flying Cars and Bullets

Release Date: May 19, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: We’re ten* films deep now in the Fast & Furious franchise (eleven if you count the spinoff), and things are getting pretty X-treme! Of course, you might well reasonably note that extremity was this series’ m.o. from the very beginning. But this is the first time that an “X” actually managed to sneak its way into the title. And that’s not the only unique bit of business. Usually these movies are pretty self-contained, and the plot is generally besides the point, but Fast X calls back directly to a previous adventure. Luckily for anyone who needs a refresher, there are plenty of flashbacks to Fast Five, when Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew pulled off a heist in Brazil against drug lord Hernan Reyes. Now Hernan’s eccentric and sadistic son Dante (Jason Momoa) is out for revenge. He prefers to make his victims suffer, and for someone who values family as much as Dom, there are innumerable ways to poke at that nerve.

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‘The Invitation’ Review: Suspiciously Enticing

August 26, 2022

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Who’s RSVP-ing, Natahalie Emmanuel would like to know (CREDIT: Screen Gems)

Starring: Nathalie Emmanuel, Thomas Doherty, Hugh Skinner, Stephanie Corneliussen, Alana Boden, Courtney Taylor, Sean Pertwee

Director: Jessica M. Thompson

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for A Few Pokes in the Chest and Neck and Some Tasteful Sexuality

Release Date: August 26, 2022 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: You know, a lot of people nowadays submit their DNA to various companies. The Invitation posits that that might not be the best idea, though. Do we really want distant family members we never knew we had to suddenly be able to contact us? Probably not. Although, maybe it might be nice if they’re fancy Brits who can whisk us away on an all-expense paid trip to a giant mansion in the English countryside. That’s what happens to adult orphan Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) when her newly discovered cousin Oliver (Hugh Skinner) invites her to a wedding. That sounds a little fishy to me, and honestly, it sounds a little fishy to Evie as well, but girl, she could sure use a vacation. Anyway, after she arrives, she has a meet-cute with man of the house Walter (Thomas Doherty), but he’s just a little too suspiciously charming, isn’t he?

What Made an Impression?: The Invitation doesn’t fully reveal its hand until about three-quarters of the way through. But based on the trailer, it’s clear what’s going on, so this appears to be a case of the premise being treated like a twist. Put another way: this movie sure takes its dang time. The teases in the early going are also far and few between. One aggressive character sucks on Evie’s finger after it gets cut, and that’s about the only clue we get. It’s really all we need, though, because what else could that mean?! But this isn’t a mystery movie, it’s an escape-from-the-prison-of-your-toxic-secret-family movie. Unless I’ve completely misunderstood director Jessica M. Thompson and her co-screenwriter Blair Butler’s intentions. And in that case, I just wish they had made something more compelling.

The Invitation is Recommended If You Like: Ignoring obvious red flags

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Cousins

‘F9’ Goes Full Looney Tunes

June 21, 2021

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F9: Explosion (CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Sung Kang, Charlize Theron, Vinnie Bennett, Finn Cole, J.D. Pardo, Michael Rooker, Lucas Black, Shad Moss, Jason Tobin, Kurt Russell, Helen Mirren

Director: Justin Lin

Running Time: 145 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for The Usual Cascade of Absurd Action

Release Date: June 25, 2021 (Theaters)

F9 is easily the silliest of the Fast & Furious series, which is saying something for a franchise that already went up to 11 and beyond on the Over-the-Top Scale at least four movies ago. It’s not the level of ambition that’s different so much as the tenor. The main attraction of Fast Five through Furious 7 was how technically brilliant the stunts were; this time it’s all about how they could fit right in with something out of Bugs Bunny and company. Roman (Tyrese) and Tej (Ludacris) definitely have a Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner vibe. (Which one is which depends on any given moment.) Another apt comparison: Muppet Labs’ Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker. (Once again, the roles can flip-flop depending on the situation.)

So here’s the deal this time around: Dom has a brother that we’ve never seen before! Also, the gang goes to space! How did the former remain a secret for so long? Ehh, don’t worry about it, they’ll figure out a way. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. Did you hear the part I just mentioned about space? This series, and this entry in particular, doesn’t really concern itself with what’s probable. Well, actually I kind of take that back, as it actually does concern itself with probability, but only in terms of playing lip service to the concept. To wit: there’s a running bit in which Roman, Tej, and Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel) ponder if they’re something akin to invincible superheroes. The movie doesn’t actually say that they are, but it doesn’t not say that either.

What’s also making me feel good with F9 is the Tokyo Drift reunion. What had previously seemed like the ugly stepchild in the franchise and what I had originally pegged as a potential so-bad-it’s-good contender has instead evolved into something resembling a cult classic full of hidden treasures. Sung Kang has already returned as Han multiple times, and the trailer has already spoiled that he’s back from the dead for this go-round. But on top of that, we’ve also got Lucas Black, Jason Tobin, and Shad “Bow Wow” Moss back in action. They’re not drifting their rides this time around, but they are more explosive than ever. Remember that Muppet Labs comparison. This is a trio of Bunsen Honeydews right here. Also of note: with appearances by Frog and Robopine, I believe this is the first Fast & Furious movie to feature two (2) Masked Singer alums.

I haven’t talked too much about John Cena showing up and wreaking havoc as Dom’s long-lost brother Jakob, or Jordana Brewster as their sister Mia getting back in the swing of things after skipping the last chapter, even though that is of course the main storyline. And well, that’s because, we all know how this story goes: something threatens the stability of the family, and then crazy stunts are pulled off all over the globe in the name of strengthening the family’s core and opening up that family to new members. I don’t worry too much about the villainy, because nobody stays a villain for very long in this universe. As long as there are enough silly shenanigans going on in the margins – and in the most important moments – then we’re good to go.

F9 is Recommended If You Like: Fast Five, Tokyo Drift, Violent kid-friendly cartoons

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Electromagnets