‘Fast X’ Asks If This Can Really Last Forever


Family (CREDIT: Peter Mountain/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jason Momoa, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, John Cena, Jordana Brewster, Brie Larson, Alan Ritchson, Jason Statham, Daniela Melchior, Leo Abelo Perry, Scott Eastwood, Charlize Theron, Helen Mirren, Rita Moreno

Director: Louis Leterrier

Running Time: 141 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Flying Cars and Bullets

Release Date: May 19, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: We’re ten* films deep now in the Fast & Furious franchise (eleven if you count the spinoff), and things are getting pretty X-treme! Of course, you might well reasonably note that extremity was this series’ m.o. from the very beginning. But this is the first time that an “X” actually managed to sneak its way into the title. And that’s not the only unique bit of business. Usually these movies are pretty self-contained, and the plot is generally besides the point, but Fast X calls back directly to a previous adventure. Luckily for anyone who needs a refresher, there are plenty of flashbacks to Fast Five, when Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew pulled off a heist in Brazil against drug lord Hernan Reyes. Now Hernan’s eccentric and sadistic son Dante (Jason Momoa) is out for revenge. He prefers to make his victims suffer, and for someone who values family as much as Dom, there are innumerable ways to poke at that nerve.


I Think ‘Dune’ Gave Me a Message From the Deep

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Dune (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Ferguson, Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Stellan Skarsgård, Dave Bautista, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Zendaya, David Dastmalchian, Chang Chen, Sharon Duncan-Brewster, Charlotte Rampling, Jason Momoa, Javier Bardem, Babs Olusanmokun, Benjamin Clementine

Director: Denis Villeneuve

Running Time: 156 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: October 22, 2021 (Theaters and HBO Max)

I was fully asleep for about the last third of Dune. I thought I was just nodding off, but next thing I know, Timothée Chalamet was heading off into the desert with Zendaya and Rebecca Ferguson as the credits started to roll, and it sure didn’t feel like two and a half hours had passed.

If this sort of thing happened back when I used to work at a movie theater, I would just peek in the next day while working to catch what I missed. Luckily, HBO Max can now serve that purpose for WB flicks, so that’s what I did in this case. Also of note in terms of what happened the day after: I attended an event at my church during which a priest talked about how he’s fine with people nodding off during mass because that means they’re just quietly meditating. Ergo, I was just quietly meditating during the journey on Arrakis.

I don’t think Dune put me to sleep because it was boring. It wasn’t. Rather, it was just so dark and overwhelming. Those spaceships were HUGE! That all contrasts heavily with the protagonist, who’s awfully skinny and named simply Paul. I have an uncle named Paul, and he’s not traversing planets in a quest for the most valuable item in the universe. This is all to say, what we have here is a mix of accessible and gigantic.

Grade: Sure, I’ll Take Another Go-Round in the Desert

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Aquaman’ is Overstuffed, But It’s Got Some Fun, Wet Weirdness

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CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/DC Comics

This review was originally published on News Cult in December 2018.

Starring: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Dolph Lundgren, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Nicole Kidman, Temuera Morrison

Director: James Wan

Running Time: 143 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Combat Taking Place Undersea and the Sea Being Turned Into Weapons

Release Date: December 21, 2018

Everybody loves Aquaman. (Unless you have an opposing claim to the throne of Atlantis, that is.) This wasn’t always the case. In fact, it used to be that in all corners of the pop culturesphere, he was the biggest punch line among all well-known superheroes. But now Arthur Curry is everyone’s buddy. Although, in terms of how much he’s keeping his identity a secret and the level of hero worship, this movie does not make it entirely clear what the world thinks of him. It seems like the audience is expected to come in with some familiarity of last year’s Justice League. But that team-up picture was not completely comprehensive about how the terrestrial world felt about him. Suffice it to say, Jason Momoa is pretty much able to play him like the jolly giant that he is, and one scene that tells us all we need to know features a gang of bikers who look like they are about to beat him up but instead excitedly request a selfie.

The meat of the story, in a movie that has about a half-dozen active plot threads, is the half-Atlantean/half-human Curry attempting to ascend to the throne of Atlantis. As the eldest son of Queen Atlanna (Nicole Kidman), it should be his birthright. He does not really want to be king, though, but the throne’s current occupant, his younger half-brother Orm (Patrick Wilson), is planning a war against land dwellers. But that storyline gets interrupted while Arthur and his love interest/personal conscience Mera (Amber Heard) ascend back to the surface and go on a scavenger hunt to track down a MacGuffin. So for about a half hour, the two globehop and track down clues, turning Aquaman into Indiana Jones for a stretch. Then all the other Atlanteans re-appear, and just about every plotline finds time to be resolved, because this sucker is nearly two and a half hours long.

But there is still some time to leave a few threads dangling, as the sequel must always be set up, which means that a few key issues are left unelaborated amidst all the bloat. The ostensible reason that Orm wants to start a war is because of all the pollution that ends up in the oceans. But that explanation feels so throwaway and never really plays into the conflict between Orm and Arthur. And there is no sense of whether terrestrial humans are or are not going to take responsibility for all their wastefulness. Ultimately, this movie jumps all over the place and does not know where to focus, but there are thrills to be had in odd details, like an octopus playing the drums, an Atlantean fighter sticking his head into a toilet for wet relief, and Randall Park’s all-too-brief appearance as a scientist sounding a call of alarm. And it bears repeating: everyone loves Aquaman (even though he is occasionally called an imbecile).

Aquaman is Recommended If You Like: Jason Momoa’s bonhomie, Water-based weaponry, Superhero movies that stretch past two hours

Grade: 3 out of 5 Water Spears

SNL Review December 8, 2018: Jason Momoa/ Mumford & Sons

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CREDIT: Will Heath/NBC

This post was originally published on News Cult in December 2018.

Love It

A Christmas Carol – I don’t love this sketch entirely, but I do admire what it is going for. So many SNL sketches answer the question, “What if this well-known story were … slightly different?” Oftentimes the small change is something that many others have surely imagined before, while other times it’s a little more offbeat, but you can see how the writers got there from the source material. But in this case, Ebenezer Scrooge being visited by one last spirit who just happens to be a male stripper does not really track in any way at all. Thus, the sketch never really comes together on any firm foundation, but I do enjoy watching Scrooge being confused by the total lack of logic.

The first appearance of Cecily Strong’s Gemma accompanied by a meathead boyfriend is one of the best sketches of the decade, but all subsequent appearances have seen significantly diminishing returns. Sleigh Ride rediscovers a bit of the magic, thanks to Gemma and Jason Momoa as her beau confusing Gene’s new girlfriend for his sister and Gemma’s detailed descriptions of her new vagina.

Keep It

first Impression – This filmed piece is quite similar to the Christmas Carol sketch insofar as I have no idea where the premise came from, so part of the fun of watching is attempting to figure out what the writers were possibly thinking. The lunacy almost seems to make sense thanks to Beck Bennett and Jason Momoa committing so hard as the greased-up boyfriend who thinks that being a master hider will impress his girlfriend’s parents and the dad who is so hellbent on being a champion seeker, respectively. This does not represent any version of reality, or inversion of reality, that I’m familiar with, but it seems to somehow work out for all the characters involved.

I feel like I’ve been too lenient on the current era of political cold opens, and this latest scene in the Trump Tower does not change that, but at least it mixes things up a bit and is mercifully short (although in another time and place, I might have said instead that it’s too short)…Jason Momoa’s Monologue has a very haphazard feel to it, but I can’t fault something featuring P-Funk music too hard…A hardened Elf on the Shelf has some important, fairly non-judgmental things to say about kids entering adolescence…The GE Big Boys commercial tickles me with the idea of a dishwasher with a 70-pound door…Them Trumps makes the point that the current First Family probably wouldn’t get away with everything they do if they were black and also that this sort of behavior is not admirable no matter what the perpetrators’ race…Michael and Colin make some jokes that sound like they could have been on any other late night show this week, but they do infuse their own personalities enough to have a winning outing…Aidy Bryant’s teenage travel correspondent Carrie Krum is pretty cool, though far from a budding Stefon…Che becomes a correspondent to talk about the Tushy bidet, which is a fairly amusing change of pace.

Leave It

Rudolph’s Big Night – This is an example of a bad sketch that isn’t completely dreadful, as it has some elements that could have been put to better use. Rudolph going psycho is certainly a premise there for the taking in the legend of the brightly schnozzed reindeer, and Pete Davidson throws himself into it full throttle. It’s one of the few times when he’s playing someone besides himself that’s actually a good fit. But overall, this is a by-the-numbers approach to a “dark” version of a familiar tale, although Santa so quickly putting down a supposedly rabid reindeer is sufficiently shocking.

Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo likely means nothing to non-viewers, and I doubt that any Game of Thrones fans will find it funny either…Day of the Dorks is too loud and destructive to say anything significant.

Jason Momoa

On a scale of hosts who are so excited to be there, Jason Momoa is the most excited host in quite some time. But is he the most qualified among those super-excited guests? Enthusiasm can go a long way toward success on SNL, but it can also be a distraction, and that is the case with several sketches in this episode, with Momoa being just too loud and big a presence in a way that throws off everyone else’s timing. That is much less of a problem in the pre-taped bits, as you can edit around that issue. Momoa offers some worthwhile avenues for sketch comedy, but if he is going to return to SNL, he should calm down a bit.

Mumford & Sons

On a scale of musicians whose moment has passed, Mumford & Sons might be survivors. The folk-y rock boom of the early 2010s seems to have faded, although it still exists in its own corner. Plus, it is Mumford’s bread and butter, so they’re going to stick with it no matter how the trends are blowing. As it goes for this appearance, their first number, “Guiding Light,” has me thinking little beyond how it is not 2012 anymore, but their #2, “Delta,” is exactly quite the rise-to-a-satisfying-climax experience. I guess I’ll listen to them for a few years longer.

Letter Grades:

Trump Tower – C+

Jason Momoa’s Monologue – C+

Elf on the Shelf – B-

GE Big Boy – B-

Khal Drogo’s Ghost Dojo – C-

Them Trumps – B-

Mumford & Sons perform “Guiding Light” – B-

Weekend Update
The Jokes – B-
Carrie Krum – B-
Che on Tushy – B-

A Christmas Carol (BEST OF THE NIGHT) – B

Day of the Dorks – C-

Mumford & Sons perform “Delta” – B+

Sleigh Ride – B

first Impression – B

Rudolph’s Big Night – C

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Justice League’ is Okay, I Guess

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CREDIT: Warner Bros.

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2017.

Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Ciarán Hinds, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, J.K. Simmons, Connie Nielsen

Director: Zack Snyder

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Localized Explosions, Heat Vision Mishaps, and Grotesque Insectoids

Release Date: November 17, 2017

Would you rather have a true auteurist vision that is decidedly ugly and off-putting, or a plainly adequate film with little distinct personality? If you want something to endlessly discuss and theorize about, go with the former. But if you want something to actually watch, go with the latter.

Justice League is perhaps the least Zack Snyder-y film of Zack Snyder’s career. Absent completely is the washed-out color palette. Fabian Wagner’s cinematography is mostly workmanlike, but he does what he can in a limited sandbox, and the result is actually pleasant to look at. Colors are not only present, they’re vibrant! There is an early scene of Bruce Wayne and Diana Prince walking along some lush greenery, and it makes me wish the whole film had just been Justice League Hanging Out in the Park. The action might still fit within Snyder’s kinetic pinball wheelhouse, but it is not as garishly stylized as usual. And because this is a post-Wonder Woman world, the hard-to-be-a-god, brooding cynicism has given way to genuine hopefulness. Really, the only Snyder signature that unequivocally remains is the best one, i.e., the rediscovered rock song scoring the opening credits (this time, it’s Norwegian singer Sigrid’s take on Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows”).

The main duty of Justice League is finding a way forward after the colossal slog that was Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice by way assembling its titular superteam and resurrecting its most iconic member. The returning headliners, namely Affleck’s Batman and Gadot’s Wonder Woman, unquestionably know how to handle this heft. Ezra Miller’s Flash and Jason Momoa’s Aquaman convey their characters economically enough. Ray Fisher could use some more prime time as Cyborg, but it’s an okay start. Overall, it’s refreshing that everyone is eager to team up because they simply recognize how much the entire world is at stake. Isn’t that how superheroes were always meant to be?

As for Superman’s rise from the grave, it isn’t surprising, nor is it meant to be. The (theoretical) fun of it is seeing how it plays out. And on that point, it is fairly entertaining. When Supes comes to, his mind is a bit scrambled, causing him to indiscriminately attack whomever is in the path of his heat vision. Henry Cavill plays it like his body vomiting up the last remnants of Snyder’s inexplicably distasteful take on the Man of Steel. This concession to a lighter version is in fact indicative of the whole Justice League ethos. Finally, the DC Extended Universe is allowed to crack jokes! And I’m not talking glib, Marvel-style one-liners, but actual character moments, like malapropisms and other exposures of vulnerability. Ma Kent (Diane Lane), for one, informs Lois Lane (Amy Adams) that Clark said Lois was “the thirstiest young woman he ever met” (she means hungriest). It’s okay to laugh!

As for the actual story engine, the DCEU is still testing our patience. If this were a pilot episode of a Justice League TV show, it would be fine enough. A little long, but a decent setup. And if you’re in the business of silver linings, that is the best takeaway to come away with here. Future sequels are inevitable, and I can see a roadmap where they might actually be good. The best villains are being saved for later, but this time around the big bad is incredibly perfunctory. Steppenwolf (Ciarán Hinds under a lot of CG) is some sort of gargoyle whose motivation does not go anywhere beyond “try to take over the world.” His army of insect-men is just a nuisance in every capacity. It’s fair to save the best for later, but it helps to actually get to the best at some point.

Justice League is Recommended If You Like: Incremental Improvement

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Doomsday Clocks

This Is a Movie Review: The Bad Batch

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What if Mad Max were a ditz? Suki Waterhouse gets some of her limbs amputated by cannibals in a post-apocalyptic Texas desert. But after a frantic escape, she and her winky face-branded short shorts live to see another day. She samples the rave paradise of “The Dream” (shamanistic-weirdo-in-highly-stylized-flicks specialist Keanu Reeves), but obviously what he is promising is too good to be true. Besides, ultimately she just cares about hanging out (she actually says at one point, “Do you want to hang out or something?”), preferably with Miami Man (Jason Momoa) and his young daughter. The dialogue is often laughable. Is that intentional? I don’t care. It’s delectable no matter the intent.

I give The Bad Batch 4 Unrecognizable Jim Carrey’s out of 5 Always Welcome Keanu Reeves’s.