This Is a Movie Review: ‘2:22’ Has No Idea What Makes Patterns Compelling

June 30, 2017

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This review was originally posted on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Michiel Huisman, Teresa Palmer, Sam Reid

Director: Paul Currie

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Stray Bullets and Falling Chandeliers

Release Date: June 30, 2017 (Limited)

What if you noticed a pattern of ominous occurrences happening at the same time every day? Would you conclude that you were going insane, or that you were the star of a movie with a nonsensical screenplay? Is there a difference? The makers of 2:22 would like you to think so. The trouble is, they do not seem to realize how ridiculous their film is. It is bad enough when stories about the patterns that secretly dictate our lives are silly when they mean to be profound, but 2:22 makes it a trifecta by adding inscrutable and boring to the mix.

The first half hour or so is at least agreeably intriguing. Dylan (Michiel Huisman) is an air traffic controller who prides himself on getting his landings and takeoffs right by fastidiously sticking to his routines. But when a random lapse in focus nearly leads him to cause a crash between a departing and an arriving plane, he ends up suspended from his job. He uses the resulting free time to investigate an inexplicable pattern of events happening in the same order every day, always culminating at Grand Central Station at 2:22 PM. One would assume that the near-crash is a prologue that provides vital info relevant to the 2:22 business, but as far as I can tell, they have nothing to do with each other.

Dylan also strikes up a romance with art gallery worker Sarah (Teresa Palmer), one of the passengers in the near-crash. When she discovers his part in her almost dying, she brushes it off and declares that he in fact saved her, a turn that is maddening, but Palmer’s immense charm makes it (barely) palatable.

2:22 throttles towards attempting to provide some sort of concrete explanation for the pattern and why only Dylan recognizes it. Sarah’s ex-boyfriend Jonas (Sam Reid) debuts a virtual reality art exhibit set in Grand Central, leading Dylan to suspect that he is the one behind these strange occurrences, toying with him in some sort of jealous lover’s quarrel. Physically, that appears impossible, but Jonas’ motivations suggest otherwise. That explanation would be the formula for a cheap emotional thriller, which could easily be overly manipulative but at least potentially understandable.

Instead, the ultimate reveal is some mumbo-jumbo about a metaphysical time loop, wherein Dylan, Sarah, and Jonas are repeating an event that happened decades ago with different people, and/or they are resurrected versions of those people, or they are those people but stuck in limbo, or maybe every generation is doomed to repeat this same disaster. Something something something, be careful about being too committed to your routines?

2:22 is Recommended If You Like: Paranoid Schizophrenia, Endless Theorizing About Everything

Grade: 1.5 out of 5 Algorithms

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Despicable Me 3’ Plays to Its Strength Just Often Enough

June 30, 2017

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CREDIT: Universal and Illumination

This review was originally posted on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Trey Parker, Pierre Coffin, Miranda Cosgrove, Dana Gaier, Nev Scharrel

Directors: Pierre Coffin and Kyle Balda

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Rating: PG for Off-Color Minionese Jokes

Release Date: June 30, 2017

“I miss the Minions,” Gru laments about halfway through Despicable Me 3. Ever since the 2010 release of the first in this series, missing the Minions could only ever be relative. But when those little yellow pills are not on screen, you feel it. They may be divisive, inspiring just as much ire as they do unbridled joy, but there is good reason why they have been the breakout characters. As much as they inspire little kids (and some adults) to babble incessantly in Minionese, they are not lacking in ingenuity. Indeed, their moments in the spotlight continue to be the most imaginative, inventive, and playful in the DM-verse. When in DM3 they stumble into a live singing competition and are forced to come up on the spot with a signature babbling version of the Gilbert and Sullivan classic “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General,” their versatile ability to think on their feet is as inspiring as ever.

Alas, this buoyancy is not present throughout, as directors Pierre Coffin (also the voice of most of the Minions) and Kyle Balda and writers Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio commit the cardinal sequel sin of splitting up their characters into dispersed storylines. Gru (Steve Carell, having a ball as always), Lucy (Kristen Wiig), and the girls all head out to the European mash-up/Marx Brothers reference country of Freedonia to meet Gru’s long-lost twin brother Dru (Carell pulling double duty), but everyone has their own thing going on. The much more outwardly charming Dru tries to pull Gru back into a life of villainy to fulfill a family legacy, while Lucy is more focused on getting the girls (who have their own subplots that have essentially nothing to do with anything else) to really truly think of her as a mom.

The Minions’ storyline succeeds the most by following an instinct of loyalty and getting everyone back together. Dru is not the only one trying to drag Gru back to a life of crime, as his little yellow assistants commence an insurrection that results in a mass resignation. They ultimately wind up imprisoned (if you love the Minions, you will love seeing them become the ruling jailhouse gang), where they see the error of their ways and craft an impromptu aircraft out of prison toilets and washing machines. There’s that ol’ Minion ingenuity, implemented for the purpose of absurd goodness.

This is a busy movie, leaving little room for its ostensible villain to make much of an impression. This series has never really needed strong antagonists, as its most interesting conflicts have been more internal. But with the heroes all now mostly on the side of good, it would help if diamond thief Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker) were more of a complementary counterpoint. Instead, he is just a bizarre presence sticking out like a sore thumb, with his defining characteristic being his fetishization of the ’80s.

There is a weird tension at the heart of Despicable Me 3. So much happens, but so much is left teased. The ending suggests that this has been one 90 minute-long trailer for the next real Dru-centric adventure. But really, the problem here is that there is not a strong enough capitalization on this series’ enduring sweetness. The girls are adorable, they love Gru, Gru’s a great dad, Lucy never needed to try so hard to be accepted, and the Minions are so, so loyal. Everyone is on the same side, thus why it is such a shame that they are not all in the same scenes as often as possible.

Despicable Me 3 is Recommended If You Like: Cramming as Many Plotlines as Possible Into 90 Minutes

Grade: 3 out of 5 Minions Blowing Raspberries

Billboard Hot Rock Songs – Week of July 8, 2017

June 28, 2017

jmunney Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music , 1 Comment

Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
3. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
4. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still
5. Rag’n’Bone Man – “Human”
6. Imagine Dragons – “Walking the Wire”
7. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
8. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
9. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
10. Coldplay – “All I Can Think About is You”
11. Imagine Dragons – “Whatever It Takes”
12. The Killers – “The Man”
13. Paramore – “Hard Times”
14. Foo Fighters – “Run”
15. Electric Light Orchestra – “Mr. Blue Sky”
16. Queens of the Stone Age – “The Way You Used to Do”
17. Bleachers – “Don’t Take the Money”
18. Soundgarden – “Black Hole Sun”
19. Sir Sly – “High”
20. Cold War Kids – “Love is Mystical”
21. Fleetwood Mac – “The Chain”
22. Gorillaz – “Sleeping Powder”
23. Arcade Fire – “Everything Now”
24. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Hard Love”
25. Zach Williams – “Old Church Choir”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. The Chain
2. Human
3. The Way You Used to Do
4. The Man
5. Mr. Blue Sky
6. High
7. Black Hole Sun
8. Sleeping Powder
9. Run
10. Feel It Still
11. Everything Now
12. Love is Mystical
13. Hard Love
14. Hard Times

Billboard Hot 20 – Week of July 8, 2017

June 28, 2017

jmunney Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music , , , Leave a comment

Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.

Original Version
1. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
2. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
3. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
4. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
5. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
6. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
7. Future – “Mask Off”
8. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
9. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
10. Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”
11. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
12. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llif3”
13. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
14. Childish Gambino – “Redbone”
15. Julia Michaels – “Issues”
16. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
17. James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”
18. Kygo x Selena Gomez – “It Ain’t Me”
19. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
20. Selena Gomez – “Bad Liar”

Jmunney’s Revision
1. Redbone
2. Stay
3. Humble.
4. Unforgettable
5. Wild Thoughts
6. Bad Liar

This Is a Movie Review: The Naughty Nuns of ‘The Little Hours’ are Raunchy and Sweet

June 28, 2017

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This review was originally posted on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Alison Brie, Dave Franco, Kate Micucci, Aubrey Plaza, John C. Reilly, Molly Shannon, Fred Armisen

Director: Jeff Baena

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Rating: R for Naked Witchcraft Acid Trips

Release Date: June 30, 2017 (Limited)

Fred Armisen shows up as a visiting bishop about halfway through The Little Hours. It is a hilarious scene, but it encapsulates the trepidation I had upon viewing this flick. In writer/director Jeff Baena’s riff on one of the tales from 14th-century story collection The Decameron, things are getting wild and crazy at a convent, with a trio of central nuns (Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Kate Micucci) getting into sex, witchcraft, and other debauchery. While the premise alone is worth several chuckles, I had worried that it was better suited to a sketch rather than a full feature length, and Armisen’s routine demonstrates exactly what I was thinking of.

As Bishop Bartolomeo, Armisen takes stock of all the sinning that the residents have been getting up to, and it is a potent mix of petty, mundane, and outrageous. Running down kooky lists and taking a few breaks for exasperation is one of Armisen’s specialties. He revels in a litany that includes envy, “being a busy body,” “eating blood,” and “not being baptized.” This recaps everything important that has happened thus far and if this scene had been an SNL sketch (easily imaginable, considering the cast), our imaginations would just fill in the visuals for all that outrageousness. Instead, we get to see all the vulgarity play out, which could be a recipe for exhaustion after ninety minutes, but The Little Hours has some grounding elements to make the whole course palatable.

The focus is on three young brides of Christ – Alessandra (Brie), Fernanda (Plaza), and Genevra (Plaza) – who are either seeking to escape the convent or happy to stay there but not really interested in living the religious life properly. This would all be just a mélange of nuns behaving badly if not for the appearance of runaway servant Massetto (Dave Franco), who strikes up a romance with Alessandra and a deal with the head priest (John C. Reilly) to keep his true nature a secret. The love story is kinda sweet and Reilly is always so invested in the material no matter how ridiculous, elements that help offset all the debauchery, which is fitfully amusing but could have been exhausting if not for these counterpoints. Besides, this film cannot coast on shock value when its ladies do not bother one iota to resemble actual nuns.

The Little Hours is Recommended If You Like: History of the World: Part 1, The sexier scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The To Do List

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Rolls in the Hay

This Is a Movie Review: Bong Joon-ho Wants ‘Okja’ the Super Pig to Be Your New Best Friend

June 27, 2017

jmunney Cinema, Movie Reviews , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

This review was originally published on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Ahn Seo-hyun, Tilda Swinton, Jake Gyllenhaal, Paul Dano, Steven Yeun, Giancarlo Esposito, Lily Collins, Shirley Henderson

Director: Bong Joon-ho

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: Not Rated, But Watch Out for Factory-Grade and Mano-a-Mano Violence

Release Date: June 28, 2017 (Theatrically in New York and Los Angeles/Streaming on Netflix)

There are some people who are perfectly fine with consuming animal products, and then there are others who are staunchly vegan. If a multinational conglomerate were to engineer adorable giant pigs to cure world hunger, I do not imagine that most people would change their stances. Nor, if his latest film Okja is any indication, does Bong Joon-ho. But we are not here to focus on the masses (save for a decadent prologue that establishes that they are here to lap up whatever innovation/new species is fed to them). This is a story about a girl and her super pig, and all the zany, brainy, insane-y forces of the world that get in her way.

It might be possible to find Okja – who looks like a land-dwelling hippo with big ol’ floppy ears and a stretched-out porcine face – completely adorable and still be okay with eating bacon. I know I certainly do. Or perhaps this film will convince to swear off all pork products forever. No matter where you fall on this spectrum, it cannot be denied that Okja’s young farmgirl companion Mija (newcomer Ahn Seo-hyun) has been done wrong in so many ways. Her grandfather sells Okja to the Miranda Corporation, which will purportedly parade her around as the winner of a Super Pig contest, but of course that is just a distraction away from how the sausage is made. A visit to the factory makes it look practically genocidal. A group of activists known as the Animal Liberation Front teams up with Mija to expose Miranda for what it really is, but their motives may not fully align with each other, as Mija just wants to take Okja back home. And taking it all back to the beginning, Okja and Mija’s friendship was practically engineered by Miranda for its marketability.

Despite how grossly its animal characters are treated, Okja is not about shaming its audience. Its purpose is holding up a cracked funhouse mirror to global capitalism. Or is it just a normal mirror? In which version do we ravenously consume faces and anuses? (They’re American as apple pie!)

Befitting a Bong Joon-ho film and a world in which people feel that they can get away with anything, the production design is a beautiful and lavish rainbow, but also probably extravagantly wasteful. The characterization is similarly outsized, with the heroes, villains, and half-hero/half-villains alike displaying a range of delectable behavior. As the braces-wearing Miranda CEO, Tilda Swinton is an anxious mix of demonstrating her power and proving that she does in fact have power. Her underlings include the preternaturally calm Giancarlo Esposito and the bizarrely squeaky-voiced flibbertigibbet Shirley Henderson. Jake Gyllenhaal is deep in character work as usual as a sweaty, shorts-sporting zoologist TV host. And as the head of the ALF, Paul Dano offers up scary commitment. His brand of ethics is admirable, but not above violent enforcement. Okja asks: do we really want to free the animals if it requires such militancy?

When the film gets into specifics, though, the questions are never that simple. It all rests on the shoulders of little Mija, who has the most clear-cut motivation of anyone. Her focus and resolve allow her to achieve her purpose, but it is not clear that that result makes the world a better place. What do we make of life when every individual story is a MacGuffin?

Okja is Recommended If You Like: Orphan Black, Free Willy, The Hunger Games

Grade: 4 out of 5 Magical Animals

This is a Movie Review: ‘Baby Driver’ is a Fun Thrill Ride, But More Alarming Than Expected

June 26, 2017

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This review was originally posted on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Ansel Elgort, Lily James, Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx, Eiza González

Director: Edgar Wright

Running Time: 113 Minutes

Rating: R for Everything Spinning Out of Control

Release Date: June 28, 2017

I am not sure if the one nagging thing preventing me from fully embracing Baby Driver is a moral one or a storytelling one. I am also not sure if that thing matters and I should just embrace the film unabashedly. But either way, let me let you in on my thought process: am I bothered by not just all the bloody mayhem, but also that we are seemingly meant to cheer on all this violence? Or am I more flummoxed by the lack of context regarding Doc the crime boss (Kevin Spacey)? Part of the issue is that I was prepared for just a fun stylized thrill ride but what I got did not skimp on the consequences. In fairness, I should have been prepared, as writer/director Edgar Wright’s films always grapple with the practical and emotional fallout of even the most outrageous circumstances. While that is alarming, Baby Driver is frankly better for it.

But back to that highly stylized premise for a moment. Baby (Ansel Elgort) is a getaway driver with a drum in his hum (i.e., tinnitus sustained from a car accident that killed his parents) and thus always has earbuds in to keep himself centered and rhythmic. Accordingly, the soundtrack never lets up. It is a toe-tapping mix of classic rock, funk, and R&B that is never too familiar to be too tiresome. It would be impractical to list every track, but I will pick out a few favorites (Bob & Earl’s breezy “Harlem Shuffle,” Golden Radar’s ominous-but-in-a-fun-way “Radar Love,” Focus’ face-melting yodeler “Hocus Pocus”) and note that all of them have everyone’s heart ticking at just the right click.

This could all be a setup for a nearly dialogue-free sensory experience, but instead it has an honest-to-goodness narrative, and the result is more challenging than the alternative. It traffics in clichés, but it spins gold out of them. Baby never meant to get mixed up in this world of thieves, and he is going to get out of the game after ONE LAST JOB. Naturally, Doc threatens to break his legs and destroy his loved ones, but the two also seem to somehow have a genuine friendship. The contradictions are striking but lived-in and convincing. The love story is just as basic and formulaic, with Baby dead-set on driving out of town with diner waitress Debora (Lily James). But their attraction is sparkling and immediately filled with mutual respect. The only improbable thing is how they lucky they are to have met their perfect match by sheer happenstance.

Ultimately Baby chooses to resort to some extreme means to escape his lot in life, and the fate that then meets him somehow feels simultaneously black-and-white and filled with shades of gray. Herein Baby Driver reveals itself as an illustration of the tension between a decent man and an indecent world. We all need to something to keep us centered to get by. For Baby, that is not just his music. Even more so, it is a penchant for mutual acts of kindness and pleasantness. A valuable message absolutely, and one that makes the few moments when Baby slips into darkness so difficult to bear.

Baby Driver is Recommended If You Like: Its Trailers – this is a well-advertised movie

Grade: 4 out of 5 iPods

What Won TV? – June 18-June 24, 2017

June 25, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

CREDIT: VH1

Sunday – Twin Peaks
Monday – Better Call Saul, because everything’s blowing up
Tuesday – Downward Dog
Wednesday – Fargo had a fine finale, but The Carmichael Show had one of its best discussions ever.
Thursday – The Gong Show, cheeky monkeys
Friday – RuPaul’s Drag Race, even though my cable cut in and out during one of the lip syncs
Saturday – The Doctor Who/Orphan Black double bill lived up to its promise.

This Is a Movie Review: The Bad Batch

June 23, 2017

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What if Mad Max were a ditz? Suki Waterhouse gets some of her limbs amputated by cannibals in a post-apocalyptic Texas desert. But after a frantic escape, she and her winky face-branded short shorts live to see another day. She samples the rave paradise of “The Dream” (shamanistic-weirdo-in-highly-stylized-flicks specialist Keanu Reeves), but obviously what he is promising is too good to be true. Besides, ultimately she just cares about hanging out (she actually says at one point, “Do you want to hang out or something?”), preferably with Miami Man (Jason Momoa) and his young daughter. The dialogue is often laughable. Is that intentional? I don’t care. It’s delectable no matter the intent.

I give The Bad Batch 4 Unrecognizable Jim Carrey’s out of 5 Always Welcome Keanu Reeves’s.

This Is a Movie Review: ‘The Beguiled’ Proves Sofia Coppola Still Knows How to Weave a Spell

June 22, 2017

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This review was originally published on News Cult in June 2017.

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Colin Farrell, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning

Director: Sofia Coppola

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: R for Natural, Untamed Sexuality

Release Date: June 23, 2017 (Limited)

Comparing films unfavorably to sitcoms is a useful technique in the critic’s arsenal. It is typically applied to movies set in the present day that features characters just hanging out, with few, if any, aspirations beyond that. It is rarely, if ever, applied to films that take place 100 or more years ago. Part of that is because television did not exist then, so the comparison would not make much sense. But it is also perhaps because if a period piece were to achieve a sitcom-esque vibe, it would actually be praiseworthy instead of ill-advised. Weirdly enough, this is how I found myself thinking while watching Sofia Coppola’s The Beguiled, which achieves that sitcom vibe in its quieter moments, which are plenty.

It is not just the characters who are beguiled, but also the audience, as the premise is not one obviously ripe for humor, at least not of the good-natured variety. Based on a novel by Thomas P. Cullinan (previously adapted into a 1971 film directed by Don Siegel and starring Clint Eastwood), The Beguiled tracks the volatility of human behavior in a small corner of a world that has fallen out of its natural order. Set during the Civil War, the film finds injured Union Corporal John McBurney (Colin Farrell) discovered by the residents of a Southern girls’ boarding school. They debate whether to give him up to passing Confederate soldiers or provide him shelter out of the kindness of their hearts. They choose to let him stay, though it is never fully clear why. The firm, but ultimately vague stance from headmistress Miss Martha (Nicole Kidman) sets the tone for the tension that permeates the rest of the film.

The sitcom vibes shine strongest in the middle stretch when the ladies and McBurney have brokered a peace, forming the premise for a show that would be titled something like The Southern Belles and the Yankee Soldier or Everybody Lusts Burnie. But like so many sitcoms, there is a layer of psychopathy or some other propensity for violence lurking just beneath the charm and just rearing to burst out. On TV, it usually never comes to that, at least not to the point of no return. But The Beguiled is all about exploring the scariest implications of a national house divided against itself crossed with burgeoning and repressed sexuality. It is as combustible as it sounds. The passionate ways of nature can be tamped down only so much by human control, and each cast member has their own beguiling and beguiled way of summoning their most passionate whims to demonstrate why that is.

The Beguiled is Recommended If You Like: Cold Mountain, Interpersonal gender dynamics, Double Indemnity

Grade: 4 out of 5 Mushrooms

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