This Is a Movie Review: ‘A Simple Favor’ Might Just Be the Most Delightful Missing Girl Movie Ever

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CREDIT: Peter Iovino/Lionsgate

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Anna Kendrick, Blake Lively, Henry Golding, Andrew Rannells, Aparna Nancherla, Kelly McCormack

Director: Paul Feig

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: R for Aggressive Nude Paintings, Plenty of Oopsie Words, a Few Gunshots, and a Little Bit of Skinny Dipping

Release Date: September 14, 2018

What if the most super-prepared overachieving mom started hanging out with the scariest, most workaholic mom who never shows up to any classroom activities? As Andrew Rannells, the ringleader of A Simple Favor‘s Greek chorus of catty parents puts it, she’s going to eat her alive. But in fact prudish mommy blogger Stephanie Smothers (Anna Kendrick) and altogether aggressive fashion P.R. exec Emily Nelson (Blake Lively) become fast friends. They may be the oddest of odd couples, but their chemistry is sparkling and intense. Emily carelessly swears (quite hilariously) in front of her young son and swills afternoon martinis, which is miles beyond any life Stephanie has ever lived. But her unapologetic nature is intoxicating, and Stephanie is happy to latch onto the rare opportunity of discovering true friendship in adulthood.

Stephanie and Emily drinking away the afternoons could be an excellent formula for a twisted sitcom. But Emily, naturally enough, has her secrets, and this story is about her disappearance, and Stephanie grappling with how there is so much she doesn’t know about her friend and how she was always profoundly mysterious for as long as she’s known her. The black comedy of the first half gradually fades away, with Stephanie’s amateur sleuthing signaling a turn into high camp as she starts uncovering some key information.

It all culminates in Stephanie, Emily, and Emily’s husband Sean (Henry Golding) overdramatically play-acting the roles in the ridiculously over-the-top tale of intrigue that they are actually living. The switch between tones is such a hard swerve and a little disorienting. But I am willing to forgive that and call A Simple Favor a rousing success because Kendrick, Lively, and director Paul Feig are so adept at handling both tones, and because there are some genuine lessons about how to be a good, attentive parent in there. That level of grounding is what makes a domestic fantasy like this endure.

A Simple Favor is Recommended If You Like: Gone Girl, Mommy blogs and vlogs, Making fun of mommy blogs and vlogs, Yé-yé music

Grade: 4 out of 5 Real Martinis

This Is a Movie Review: Shane Black’s Version of ‘The Predator’ Has Some Interesting Ideas, But It Could Have Benefited From a Few More Drafts

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CREDIT: Kimberley French/Twentieth Century Fox

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Boyd Holbrook, Olivia Munn, Sterling K. Brown, Jacob Tremblay, Trevante Rhodes, Keegan-Michael Key, Thomas Jane, Alfie Allen, Augusto Aguilera, Yvonne Strahovski

Director: Shane Black

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R for Plenty of Blood and Even More Guts, Tourette’s-Style Profanity, and Predator Sex References

Release Date: September 14, 2018

The Predators from Predator aren’t really predators. They’re sportsmen, hunting for the thrill of it instead of for sustenance. If there’s one thing that The Predator wants you to know, it’s this. And also that “The Predator” is a cool name, so it doesn’t really matter that it’s not accurate. This edition is filled with ideas, most of them more high-minded than the title character’s etymology. That is to be expected, considering that writer/director Shane Black (who acted in the 1987 original) has made his career on somewhat self-aware and slightly askew takes on the action genre. But by his standards, the ideas on display here are a little undercooked.

It turns out that some Predators may not be entirely motivated by killing. In fact, there is now at least one rogue Predator who is interested in helping earthlings survive. That is the idea driving the plot, as Army Ranger sniper Quinn (Boyd Holbrook) procures some valuable Predator tech that multiple parties are interested in retrieving. But this film’s most compelling idea is its definitive stance that spectrum disorder is the next step in human evolution. Boyd’s son Rory (Jacob Tremblay), who gets his hands on his dad’s discovery, is somewhere on the spectrum. His condition is not especially debilitating; it mainly manifests itself in an aversion to loud noises and an aptitude towards accurately interpreting alien devices. He becomes a person of interest to all sides in this struggle, and it is a fairly rewarding avenue for this story to take.

But the issue is, for as much as The Predator wants to grapple with these weighty concepts, the majority of its substance consists of cheeky jokes and action set pieces, which are only sporadically satisfying. There is plenty of energy from a motley crew of military prisoners, like Keegan-Michael Key’s aficionado of “Yo momma” jokes and Thomas Jane’s Tourette’s spouter. But getting in the way of it all are inconsistent explanations about how to dispatch Predators. Do you shoot them in the head? Wear them down with multiple hits until they finally start to fall? Do you need to get their armor off? Sometimes each of those options works, but other times they don’t. Also, there are these Predator dogs that are actually kind of cute but I’m not sure what their purpose is. And that’s pretty much how this whole film goes: it’s pretty cool, but I’m not entirely sure what its purpose is.

The Predator is Recommended If You Like: The Hulk Dogs from Ang Lee’s Hulk

Grade: 2.75 out of 5 Predator-Human Hybrids

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Lizzie’ Brings the Queer Subtext to the Fore in the Latest Telling of Ms. Borden’s Ax Murders

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CREDIT: Courtesy of Saban Films and Roadside Attractions

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Chloë Sevigny, Kristen Stewart, Jamey Sheridan, Fiona Shaw, Denis O’Hare, Kim Dickens

Director: Craig William Macneill

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R for Brutal Deadly Violence and Practical Nudity

Release Date: September 14, 2018 (Limited)

Lizzie is in some ways a throwback to an era when queer attraction was subtextual and coded and never explicitly acknowledged. Except that this time there’s a lot more nudity, which would seem to defeat the purpose, save for the fact that this lack of clothes is not about sex but rather avoiding the evidence of blood stains. Otherwise, the structure fits, as this telling of the Lizzie Borden story plays up the angle of an affair between Lizzie and her family’s housemaid without ever uttering the word “lesbian,” instead opting for whispers and implications and the occasional “abomination.”

The real Borden was accused and ultimately acquitted of ax-murdering her father and stepmother in 1892 Massachusetts. While popular perception has treated her as the no-doubt-about-it culprit, much of the case remains officially uncertain, lending fictional retellings a lot of leeway in how they approach the material. Director Craig William Macneill and screenwriter Bryce Kass choose to emphasize psychological abuse from Borden’s father Andrew that gradually wore Lizzie down to murderous intent. Chloë Sevigny plays Lizzie as a perfectly dignified and intelligent individual who cannot quite handle the cognitive dissonance of her father insisting that she in fact has no place in polite society. As Andrew, Jamey Sheridan actually finds some tender notes, but his foundation of disgust is just too implacable.

Of course mention must be made of Kristen Stewart as the Bordens’ maid, Bridget Sullivan. Most of the family call her “Maggie” instead, which might be an archaic form of discrimination I was previously unfamiliar with (any turn of the 20th Century American historians, please let me know). Her bond with Lizzie is forged a great deal by the latter making it a point to actually call Bridget “Bridget.” Alas, but unsurprisingly, their time together is not meant to last, partly because of their power differential, partly because of the fallout of co-conspiracy, but mostly because society would force them to remain a secret. Yet in the end that suppressive atmosphere is a double-edged sword: it allows Lizzie to get away with murder because her peers cannot believe that someone from such a respectable family could commit such a heinous act. If they knew her true orientation, perhaps they would have come to a different conclusion. That’s a warped sort of privilege that this version of Lizzie could never fully psychically bear.

Lizzie is Recommended If You Like: Twisty/twisted/stomach-twisting feminist narratives

Grade: 3 out of 5 Axe Chops

This Is a Movie Review: ‘The Nun’ is Creepy, But Not Fully Committed to the Cause

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CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Taissa Farmiga, Demián Bichir, Jonas Bloquet, Bonnie Aarons

Director: Corin Hardy

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Rating: R for Disturbing Images (but like the main Conjuring movies, it should really be PG-13)

Release Date: September 7, 2018

My favorite part of The Nun is a scene lifted wholesale from The Conjuring, not so much because The Nun is disappointing, but rather because The Conjuring is so great, and I am happy to revisit it. Alas, though, it is indeed the case that The Nun does not offer much that is on the same level as the films it has spun off from.

Every entry in The Conjuring universe thus far, including The Nun, has demonstrated superior craftsmanship, with the original Conjuring perhaps the best example in the entire horror genre this century. The two Annabelle spin-offs have fallen a little short of the two Conjuring proper entries, as the latter have been buoyed by a religious foundation that lends some decently weighty thematic resonance. The paranormal investigations of the Warrens might not be mainstream Catholicism, but they do present an interesting struggle between God and evil. The Nun would seem to be well-equipped to grapple with these same metaphysical ideas, but the fact that it takes place in a monastery feels practically beside the point.

Nevertheless, two religious figures – shown the way by their villager guide Frenchie (Jonas Bloquet) – are indeed the people sent to investigate some paranormal goings-on. In this case, it’s courtesy of the demon Valak (Bonnie Aarons), who walks the Earth by blending in with his surroundings, which for our purposes means that he stalks around the monastery in a nun’s habit. Father Burke (Demián Bichir) seems like an upstanding-enough priest, but way more in over his head than he realizes. Then there is young and enthusiastic novitiate Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) – much is made of the fact that she has not taken her vows yet, which one might imagine might make her more susceptible to Valak’s or alternately to make her more pure and thus harder to corrupt. But in practice it just gives hope to the clearly smitten Frenchie that she might change her mind and not become a bride of Christ. And that is emblematic of the entirety of The Nun. It’s got the right ingredients for a horror classic – foreboding setting, creepy atmosphere, combustible character motivations – but its mind seems to be elsewhere.

The Nun is Recommended If You Like: Discovering connections between movies in the same franchise, whether or not they make sense

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Habits

This Is a Movie Review: Jennifer Garner is a Little Too Successful as a Vigilante in ‘Peppermint’

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CREDIT: Michael Muller/STXfilms

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Jennifer Garner, John Ortiz, John Gallagher Jr., Juan Pablo Raba, Annie Ilonzeh

Director: Pierre Morel

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: R for Wanton Lethal Violence

Release Date: September 7, 2018

Early on in Peppermint, Riley North (Jennifer Garner) tells her young daughter that she cannot just go around punching everyone who treats her poorly. It sounds like the sort of lesson that will undergird the whole film. But then Riley decides to completely act against her own advice. To be fair, there is a massive difference in scale at play here. Daughter is upset about a territorial dispute involving Girl Scout cookies, whereas Mom is seeking vengeance against the drug cartel that murdered her little girl and husband. As satisfying as it may be to dispatch people who have committed heinous crimes, responding in kind with violence tends to have unintended consequences and perpetuate a cycle of violence. Peppermint even acknowledges this dilemma, at least momentarily, but then opts to just ignore it.

I don’t want to condemn for Peppermint for advocating for righteous vigilante gun violence. Indeed, I think it is a mark of intellectual health to be able to enjoy explicit violence on screen while understanding it is much less frequently (if ever) justified in real life. But Peppermint makes that reckoning a little difficult by being so slavishly in thrall to its avenging angel. I genuinely worry that this film could be dangerously influential. I normally wouldn’t be so concerned, but the apparent rejection of a sound moral lesson makes this an unusual case.

Ultimately, I believe (or at least hope) that most viewers can understand that this is wish fulfillment of the highest order. Therefore, if Peppermint can establish its action bona fides, then it might actually earn a passing grade. Garner is certainly game, perhaps raring to go hard for a role like this ever since Alias ended 12 years ago. Director Pierre Morel (basically gender-flipping his most famous credit, Taken) keeps the pacing propulsive, but the overall arc is too by-the-numbers, while Riley is too invincible. It’s the kind of affair designed to get you cheering in the moment and not to get you thinking at all afterward.

Peppermint is Recommended If You Like: Death Wish, Taken, Zero consequences

Grade: 2 out of 5 Shotgun Blasts

Every VMA Video of the Year Winner Ranked

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CREDIT: Missy Elliott/YouTube

The 2018 VMA’s were just a couple of weeks, which means I’ve had a hankering to rank every Video of the Year winner from most not-the-best to the very best. And so, here is that ranking?

35. Green Day – “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”
34. Katy Perry – “Firework”
33. Britney Spears – “Piece of Me”
32. Eminem – “Without Me”
31. Aerosmith – “Cryin'”
30. Eminem – “The Real Slim Shady”
29. The Smashing Pumpkins – “Tonight, Tonight”
28. Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar – “Bad Blood”
27. Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, and P!nk ft. Missy Elliott – “Lady Marmalade”
26. Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball”
25. Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris – “We Found Love”
24. Madonna – “Ray of Light”
23. Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”
22. R.E.M. – “Losing My Religion”
21. Don Henley – “The Boys of Summer”
20. OutKast – “Hey Ya!”
19. Lauryn Hill – “Doo Wop (That Thing)”
18. Panic! at the Disco – “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”
17. The Cars – “You Might Think”
16. Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug – “Havana”
15. Beyonce – “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”
14. Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”
13. Lady Gaga – “Bad Romance”
12. Neil Young – “This Note’s for You”
11. van Halen – “Right Now”
10. Beyonce – “Formation”
9. Rihanna ft. Jay-Z – “Umbrella”
8. TLC – “Waterfalls”
7. INXS – “Need You Tonight/Mediate”
6. Jamiroquai – “Virtual Insanity”
5. Sinead O’Connor – “Nothing Compares 2 U”
4. Dire Straits – “Money for Nothing”
3. Pearl Jam – “Jeremy”
2. Missy Elliott – “Work It”
1. Peter Gabriel – “Sledgehammer”

Agree? Disagree? Confused? Let me know!

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