This Is a Movie Review: ‘At Eternity’s Gate’ Reveals Willem Dafoe as an Uncanny Vincent van Gogh

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CREDIT: CBS Films

This review was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Willem Dafoe, Oscar Isaac, Rupert Friend, Mads Mikkelsen, Mathieu Amalric, Emmanuelle Seigner

Director: Julian Schnabel

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Intense Mental Turmoil and the Fallout of Self-Mutilation

Release Date: November 16, 2018 (Limited)

Wow, does Willem Dafoe sure look like Vincent van Gogh. I had never noticed the resemblance before, but now that the actor has played the Dutch painter in At Eternity’s Gate, I cannot unsee it, and I am left to wonder how I never noticed it before. Perhaps adding a bandage to cover up an ear (or where an ear should be) was essential for making the similarity come into focus. Casting a lookalike actor is not exactly the most impressive cinematic feat, but its effectiveness can transcend its lack of difficulty, as is the case here. The effect is complete only if the actor manages to forge an emotional connection as striking as the physical one. Dafoe is certainly up to the task, with the deep pools in his eyes conveying the sublime weight of the world that hung upon van Gogh’s face.

Van Gogh is one of the most famous examples of the troubled, mentally ill artist. Director Julian Schnabel does not romanticize that side of him, but nor does he attempt to remove it entirely from his creative process. Depression probably made it more difficult for van Gogh to get his work done, but it also forced him into certain perspectives that are strikingly illuminated in his paintings. However, At Eternity’s Gate is less about van Gogh’s creative process and more about how he relates to the world. He has trouble relating to most people, just as they have trouble understanding him. But he does have at least one cherished friendship, with his fellow post-Impressionist, Paul Gauguin (Oscar Isaac). My brother was telling me that he heard that Gauguin’s purpose in this film is essentially to regularly ask van Gogh, “You doing okay?” That is correct, and it is a crucial purpose. In the film, the ear-cutting incident is played as a moment of panic when van Gogh fears that Gauguin is going to abandon him. It is a highly relatable situation for anyone who has ever experienced anxiety related to their friends moving on in their lives, and it serves to make the struggles of someone who lived over 100 years ago less abstract. The world can be overwhelming, and it has been for some time. Somehow van Gogh made his mark on that journey. We should cherish that for what it is worth, whatever that inscrutable value is.

At Eternity’s Gate is Recommended If You Like: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Melancholia, Willem Dafoe in a starring role

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Starry Nights

 

SNL Review November 10, 2018: Liev Schreiber/Lil Wayne

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CREDIT: Will Heath/NBC

This post was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Love It

Pete Davidson and Dan CrenshawPete Davidson’s commentary last week about various electoral candidates understandably caused a bit of an uproar, though I imagine I was not the only one who thought that Lt. Com. Dan Crenshaw demanding an apology was a bit of an overreaction. True, Pete made light of a combat injury sustained by Crenshaw, but saying that an eyepatch makes you look like a detective in a porno isn’t necessarily an insult. It’s more like a weird observation. After all, it’s strange that in 2018 an eyepatch is still the prescribed way to handle certain ocular injuries.

Anyway, while Pete’s joke wasn’t exactly high-minded, it wasn’t like he was attacking Crenshaw’s character.  And it turns out, Crenshaw understands that! He’s not thin-skinned or humorless (or, more cynically, he’s not making a bad faith argument to gin up controversy). It looks like everyone involved came up with the best solution, as Crenshaw stops by the desk to in turn make fun of Pete in an awkwardly personal matter. Fighting fire with fire is usually a bad idea, but fighting comedy with comedy is often the best idea.

Dave’s Outside the Women’s Bathroom – This is exactly the sort of off-the-wall, experimental, possibly terrible idea that the last sketch of the night should be. It helps that nobody really knows what is going on and that there are a variety of reactions to the situation, some reasonable and some absurd. The women walking out of the bathroom are understandably confused and horrified, while Heidi Gardner slays as Dave’s uniquely passionate girlfriend, who is more worried that she will “look like a prostitute” while sitting alone and that Dave might leave her if his ridiculous talk show somehow becomes a runaway success. And through it all, Schreiber fascinatingly plays Dave as not a creep, but a weirdly earnest hustler and dreamer.

House Hunters demonstrates that relentlessly throwing a bunch of crazy details out there works if the characters delivering them maintain a straight face the whole time.

Keep It

Booty Kings – This hip-hop club banger is not the most hilarious music video parody SNL has ever presented, but it does have one of the best messages. Those who tout the importance of consent are sometimes (wrongly) accused of taking the fun and the sexiness out of sex, but the Booty Kings demonstrate that the room can still be hot and heavy if you take a second to ask someone if they are okay with their backside being worshipped. I think we can all benefit from making “booty ally” a part of our vernacular.

As we witness the Jeff Sessions Farewell, I just want to say how thankful I am that in 2018, we can have a political impression as silly as one in which the departing attorney general’s family tree is filled with possums…Liev Schreiber’s Monologue is like one of those monologues of yore in which the host is “managing expectations” by simply explaining to the audience who he is…Good Day Denver reveals that gremlins must be running the graphics department at morning talk shows…Unity offers an admirable message of, well, unity, but I gotta say, “crotch” and “moist” are perfectly decent words…Colleen Rafferty is back, this time for a Paranormal Occurrence, and hoo boy, it is quite the stunner that she is only 27 years old AND she’s a surrogate mother. But the biggest laughs this time come from Liev Schreiber’s love of tiny things…Michael and Colin are reliable for more jokes about Florida, Gritty, and RBG defending her UFC featherweight title…The Poddys deeply understand podcast culture and tropes (and what with it taking place at the “MeUndies Theater,” it almost sounds like the awards will be for “potty” excellence)…I won’t soon forget Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney as a pair of pantsless, feuding tween Brothers. Mad props for those Rasta-style Looney Tunes shirts.

Leave It

No Leave It sketches this week. Not too many outright classics, but no duds, either.

Liev Schreiber

On a scale of serious actors I never would have expected to host SNL, Liev Schreiber fits squarely within that classification. Despite his relative lack of an impact in the zeitgeist, he has the sort of dramatic intensity that could be hilariously slotted into sketch comedy if deployed correctly. And for a decent number of sketches, that is what happens. Schreiber does flub quite a few lines throughout, but interestingly enough, it appears that that is how his characters were written.

Lil Wayne

On a scale of the greatest living rappers, Lil Wayne is often included on that list, and man, I just don’t get that. His two performances in this episode don’t do much to change my opinion. He’s certainly confident and in the zone with his unique flow, and I appreciate that he has what looks like a gulag of backing dancers for one song. Maybe these tracks aren’t the cream of Wayne’s crop, and there are better offerings that can convince me of his prowess. (I’ll let those who are more in tune with the rap game sort that out.) Ultimately, what he has to offer is perfectly fine to listen to.

Letter Grades:

Jeff Sessions Farewell – B-

Liev Schreiber’s Monologue – B-

Good Day Denver – B-

Unity – B-

Paranormal Occurrence – B

Lil Wayne ft. Halsey performs “Can’t Be Broken” – B

Weekend Update
The Jokes – B
Pete Davidson and Dan Crenshaw – B+

The Poddys – B

House Hunters – B+

Lil Wayne ft. Swizz Beatz performs “Uproar” – B-

Brothers – B

Dave’s Outside the Women’s Bathroom (BEST OF THE NIGHT) – A-

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Overlord’ is Evidence That the Nazi Mad Scientist Genre is Still Relevant

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CREDIT: Paramount Pictures

This review was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Jovan Adepo, Wyatt Russell, Mathilde Ollivier, John Magaro, Pilou Asbæk, Gianny Tauffer, Iain De Caestecker, Jacob Anderson, Bokeem Woodbine

Director: Julius Avery

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: R for Soldier Profanity, War Violence, and Bloody Disturbing Mad Science

Release Date: November 9, 2018

It turns out that Nazism was never fully obliterated from the planet. Indeed, it’s 2018, and there are still people who are willing to self-identify as Nazis out in the open. So why shouldn’t there still be movies about evil Nazi doctors experimenting on people? They could even be set in the present day without straying too far from reality. Overlord, for one, is set during World War II, and the combat setting certainly cranks up the terror, but I cannot help but wonder if it would be even scarier if its characters stumbled upon a still-functioning Nazi mad science bunker in the 21st century.

What is striking about Overlord is its hybrid nature. This isn’t a war movie that turns into a monster movie once the experiments are stumbled upon. Instead, it remains very much a war movie even after the monsters start stalking around. The mission that sets off the action is an American paratrooper squad flying in to destroy a German radio tower in a church on the eve of D-Day. When they discover the experiments taking place within the church’s attic, they are steely enough to not be overwhelmed. They are freaked out, sure, but they still have to complete the mission. If they can manage to blow up the lab and save a little French boy while they’re at it, then all the better!

The experimentation consists of little more than inserting a serum into recently deceased soldiers, but things get really weird when the wounded-but-not-quite-dead start using it as well. The results of these injections manage to be so disturbing because they do not exactly heal any wounds but instead just bypass them. Supersoldiers are created, but they have gaping holes in their bodies and faces, not to mention the side effects of thoroughly oily skin and violently protruding bones. It is a credit to the main characters’ courageousness that they are able to behold affronts to nature and still plow forward with their mission. The message is therefore: the Nazis may be formidable, but we can still defeat them! Monsters exist, and we all need to be prepared

Overlord is Recommended If You Like: Classic mad scientist creature features, with maximum blood and guts and bones

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Serums

This Is a Movie Review: llumination Entertainment Brings ‘The Grinch’ Into a Post-‘Despicable Me’ World

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CREDIT: Illumination and Universal

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Cameron Seely, Rashida Jones, Kenan Thompson, Angela Lansbury, Pharrell Williams

Directors: Scott Mosier and Yarrow Cheney

Running Time: 86 Minutes

Rating: PG for The Cartoonish Dangers of Snowy Cliffs

Release Date: November 9, 2018

Illumination Entertainment’s first and by far most influential release is Despicable Me. It may be the Minions who are inescapable in certain segments of our culture, but it is really the story of Gru and his girls that has provided Illumination with its template for success. That formula is now being applied to an even more established classic, as Dr. Seuss’ Christmas thief makes his CG animated big-screen debut. As voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch, this Grinch still follows the arc of grumbling about the holiday, stealing presents, and then finally seeing the light. But he is very much in the mold of Gru insofar as he makes himself out to be a big villian but it is clear that he is actually a big softie the whole time. I don’t really buy that his heart grows three sizes, since I believe that it was actually always that big. Despicable Me works because of the tension of Gru hiding a fundamental side of himself, whereas previous versions of The Grinch have succeeded because the green fellow has been a genuine cold-hearted villain. But this time, there is no dramatically satisfying transformation.

Luckily, there are some details here and there that make for some cheery viewing pleasures. This version of Cindy Lou Who (voiced by Cameron Seely) is a formidable, strong-willed one. Honestly, I would happily watch a movie that is just about her trying to contact Santa or even one that is just about her preparing Christmas festivities. The animals are also satisfactory, with the Grinch’s canine companion Max serving as the long-suffering partner and a loyal reindeer named Fred showing up at just the right times to be the ideal scene-stealer. And then there’s Kenan Thompson as Bricklebaum, the jolliest citizen in Whoville and perhaps the jolliest character in Christmas movie history. And if you can’t accept Thompson as our resident Deliverer of Joy in 2018, well, then, you might be the one whose heart is three sizes too small.

Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch is Recommended If You Like: Despicable Me‘s sweetness, Resourceful young girls, Kenan Thompson at his most buoyant

Grade: 2.75 out of 5 Grinch Orphanages

This Is a Movie Review: The Coen Brothers Sing ‘The Ballad of Buster Scruggs’ and Other Tales in This Western Anthology

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CREDIT: Netflix

This review was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Tim Blake Nelson, James Franco, Stephen Root, Tom Waits, Liam Neeson, Harry Melling, Zoe Kazan, Bill Heck, Tyne Daly, Brendan Gleeson

Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen

Running Time: 132 Minutes

Rating: R for Surprisingly, Perhaps Hilariously, Deadly Gunfire

Release Date: November 8, 2018 (Limited Theatrically)/November 16, 2018 (Streaming on Netflix)

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs has a Buster Scruggs problem. That is to say: Buster’s not in it enough! That can be the trouble with anthology films in which no characters appear in more than one segment. This issue can be alleviated, at least somewhat, if there are multiple memorable roles. But when Tim Blake Nelson saunters into town in his white cowboy suit, guitar in tow, he immediately wins us over with his storytelling aplomb, extreme self-confidence, and superhuman marksmanship. As Buster’s is the first story, he sets a rollicking, self-aware tone that makes us want to spend as much time with him as possible. Alas, it is not meant to be. But surely, he could have been a narrator or a wandering troubadour throughout! As it is, though, his arrival brings us pleasure, while his quick departure only leaves us hungry for more.

The other segments are more scattershot, but if you believe that the Coen brothers’ droll humor belongs in a Western setting, then you should find enough to enjoy. The three chapters immediately following the titular kickoff – in which bank robber James Franco gets his comeuppance, Liam Neeson puts on a travelling show, and Tom Waits goes prospecting for gold, respectively – wrap up before they are able to have much of an impact. It gets better and deeper with “The Girl Who Got Rattled,” in which Zoe Kazan plays a single frontierswoman who must summon an unexpected amount of independence, while also dealing with a surprising, but perhaps promising, marriage proposal. It’s actually quite sweet, but then a Coen-style cruel twist of fate swoops in, leaving you a little devastated but narratively satisfied. The concluding chapter, “The Mortal Remains,” is more of a tone piece than anything else, with a group of strangers in a carriage on its way to somewhere resembling purgatory, or maybe even Hell. As one of the passengers, Tyne Daly is a force of nature to bring us home, but even she cannot quite protect us in this harsh landscape. It’s an otherworldly approach befitting filmmakers who are heavily influenced by the Old Testament God, and while I may find The Ballad of Buster Scruggs to be a minor Coen effort, it is not without plenty to chew over.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is Recommended If You Like: Coen brothers comedy in general, but can deal with scattershot results

Grade: 3 out of 5 Color Plates

This Is a Movie Review: ‘The Girl in the Spider’s Web’ is a Textbook Example of How Not to Reboot

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CREDIT: Reiner Bajo/Sony Pictures Entertainment

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Claire Foy, Sverrir Gudnason, Sylvia Hoeks, LaKeith Stanfield, Stephen Merchant, Vicky Krieps, Claes Bang

Director: Fede Álvarez

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: R for Violence and Sexual Content, But Relatively Mild by This Series’ Standards

Release Date: November 9, 2018

Where do you go if you’re an iconic character whose creator isn’t around anymore? For the supernaturally proficient hacker Lisbeth Salander, that worry applies twofold. Stieg Larsson, the original author of the Millennium book series, passed away in 2004, with all three of his Salander-starring novels published posthumously. With the books proving immensely popular, the series was eventually continued about a decade later by David Lagercrantz with The Girl in the Spider’s Web and The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye. I haven’t read Lagercrantz’ entries, so I don’t know how they compare to Larsson’s work, but I do know that they haven’t been the sensations that the originals were.

Similarly, the film edition of Spider’s Web is arriving with much less fanfare than David Fincher’s Girl with the Dragon Tattoo adaptation (or even the Noomi Rapace-starring Swedish-language version). Dragon Tattoo got mostly strong reviews and cracked $100 million at the box office, but it proved to be too expensive and brutal to immediately continue on as a franchise. Still, it does director Fede Álvarez (Don’t Breathe, 2013’s Evil Dead remake) no favors to be working with a version of Salander that is so far removed from Larsson and Fincher’s conceptions. To be fair, in order to truly succeed, it would have to succeed, so the problem is really that Spider’s Web is ultimately too generic. Dragon Tattoo featured brutal, hard-to-watch moments of abuse, but they made for striking, unforgettable characters. Spider’s Web, alas, reduces Salander to a standard-issue avenging angel caught up in inscrutable international intrigue.

Don’t blame Claire Foy, who is certainly willing to be as unapologetic and deeply committed as is necessary to embody Salander. And don’t blame Sylvia Hoeks as Lisbeth’s long-lost sister or LaKeith Stanfield as an enterprising agent. (Sverrir Gudnason, however, is not a particularly inspiring Mikael Blomkvist.) But do blame the not-particularly-deep story they are caught up in. Ghosts from the past and not-so-legitimate government authorities have caused problems for Salander in the past, but this time, they do not offer much unique to say about the human condition.

The Girl in the Spider’s Web is Recommended If You Like: Cookie-cutter sprawling mystery thrillers

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Hacks

SNL Review November 3, 2018: Jonah Hill/Maggie Rogers

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CREDIT: Will Heath/NBC

This post was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Love It

Teacher Fell Down – Now here’s a welcome example of SNL being more experimental than usual: starting the scene right after the inciting incident, combined with generally weird (but mildly so) behavior. Then a bunch of confused spectators comment on the strangeness of the situation and try to restore some sanity, but without getting too worked up about it. Honestly, a lot of this is just solid sketch writing, but deployed in a way one would ever think to do.

6-year-old Adam Grossman cracking Catskills-style jokes at the Benihana never fails to be a delight. Giving him a (not actually) Jamaican nanny proves to be a stroke of genius for providing him with fruitful material…Oh man, those Pug Wigs are legendarily adorable.

Keep It

Jonah Hill’s Five-Timers Monologue – I always love a visit to the Five-Timers lounge, and since we’ve seen it multiple times before, subversion is a good idea, too. The basic idea here is that the #MeToo movement has spread to the Five-Timers Club, thus only female members are there to welcome Jonah. This approach doesn’t quite fit, though, as none of the male members are really known for their mistreatment of women (notwithstanding the recently arrested Alec Baldwin’s anger issues and Chevy Chase’s noted difficulty to work alongside). Of course, this could also be a commentary on the relative lack of women in the club and in the history of SNL and in comedy in general. Which is a fine idea, but then a lot of the jokes are just the ladies lightly teasing Jonah. This is all to say, there are several worthwhile avenues present here, but overall it’s a bit scattered. Side note: I gotta give it up to Candice Bergen for being a legend who just stares at her phone during the goodnights.

The Ingraham Angle has some funny gags about FOX News overreaction, though no great overarching point…The Democrat Midterm Ad‘s biggest laugh comes from Mom Aidy Bryant screaming that kidding about voting is NOT FUNNY!…Divided We Stand is fairly amusing self-satisfied theater, but I am most tickled by the fact that it is taking place at 43rd and “Lincoln Tunnel Service Road”…Michael and Colin really have to fight for desk time with all those correspondents, but at least they get a good crack about Gritty in there…I would say making fun of people’s appearances is not political satire, but Pete Davidson does acknowledge that and makes fun of his own looks as well, so he knows what he’s doing…Brittainy, Every Teen Girl Murder Suspect on Law & Order is one of those Update bits that pretty much perfectly captures the trope it’s tackling but doesn’t quite fully integrate itself within the context of Update; so: funny, but a little disorienting…Kenan’s David Ortiz really knows how to be a spokesperson for products and concepts that we never realized needed endorsing…America’s Got Talent: Wait, They’re Good? identifies what I assume is an actual overdone reality competition trope. It’s a good joke, but the execution is a little dragged-out…HuckaPM features some intense falling-over physical comedy; bangin’.

Leave It

KCR News Albany – Hoo boy, this is a mess. The writing is all wrong, what with the tone veering wildly in multiple directions, and the direction isn’t great either, with technical glitches and bad timing. The tragedy is, there are some decent jokes in there, but it is never clear what the base reality is. Thus, I am too confused to laugh. At least the sketch doesn’t end on a bummer, but alas, that happy ending only makes everything more confusing.

Jonah Hill

On a scale of SNL Five Timers, Jonah Hill is steady and effective enough. He has a memorable recurring character in his repertoire, so he hasn’t scaled this height with nothing, though he is still a far cry from the most legendary in this hallowed club. In this outing, it’s clear that he’s happy to play along pleasantly with the cast and that he doesn’t feel any need to go out of his way to make himself the star. It makes for a mostly functional episode.

Maggie Rogers

On a scale of musical guests I’ve hardly heard of before their SNL debut, Maggie Rogers has definitely caught my attention. For someone in her twenties, she sure looks and sounds polished. Plus, there’s always room in the pop scene for more folk music without getting all Mumford & Sons-artisanal about it. And you gotta love that Suspiria-style red dress.

Letter Grades:

The Ingraham Angle – C+

Jonah Hill’s Five-Timers Monologue – B

Benihana – B+

Democrats Midterm Ad – B

KCR News Albany – C

Divided We Stand – B-

Teacher Fell Down (BEST OF THE NIGHT) – B+

Maggie Rogers performs “Light On” – B+

Weekend Update
The Jokes – B-
Pete Davidson – B
Brittainy, Every Teen Girl Murder Suspect on Law & Order – B-
David Ortiz – B

America’s Got Talent: Wait, They’re Good? – B-

Maggie Rogers performs “Fallingwater” – B

HuckaPM – B-

Pug Wigs – B+

This Is a Movie: Lucas Hedges Wades Through the Lies of Gay Conversion to Find Truth and Love in the Unsettling and Fulfilling ‘Boy Erased’

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CREDIT: Focus Features

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Lucas Hedges, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Joel Edgerton, Troye Sivan, Xavier Dolan, Joe Alwyn, Flea

Director: Joel Edgerton

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R for Intense, Sexuality-Focused Material

Release Date: November 2, 2018 (Limited)

Boy Erased demonstrates the dangers of putting the unqualified in charge, or pretending that it is possible to be qualified for something that nobody can possibly have experience with. With the suspensefully assured hand of director Joel Edgerton, it plays like a horror film in which the villain is the storm of forces that try to convince you of something that you know in your core not to be true. The setting is a gay conversion therapy program, which is basically the epitome of trauma born out of the most distorted of good intentions. Every story I have ever heard about gay conversion suggests that those involved with running them are either gay themselves or relatives of gay people. Boy Erased very much underscores how terrifying a curriculum designed upon internalized homophobia is.

The film is based on Garrard Conley’s memoir of the same name, with Lucas Hedges playing Jared Eamons, an adapted version of Conley. This isn’t the first gay conversion gay conversion-focused film this year, with The Miseducation of Cameron Post having arrived a few months earlier. Boy Erased manages to make a stronger impression thanks to heavier dramatic stakes. Whereas Cameron Post‘s protagonists were so strong-willed that they just ignored the program, Jared actually cares about satisfying the people who want him to go through with it. That especially includes his Baptist preacher father Marshall (Russell Crowe) and his fiercely protective mother Nancy (Nicole Kidman). But at a certain point, he realizes that the so-called adult experts do not know what they are talking about if what they are asking him to do is ripping apart his soul. That means he must push back against head therapist Victor (Edgerton), a man who is frighteningly skilled at hiding internal conflict, and instead listen to the people who only offer him unconditional, recognizable love. It all leads to reconciliation scenes that you hope never have to be necessary for anybody but are all the more fulfilling for how genuine they are.

Boy Erased is Recommended If You Like: Heart-wrenching true stories, Familial reconciliation, Dramas that are secretly horror movies

Grade: 4 out of 5 White Dress Shirts

This Is a Movie Review: I Have No Idea How to Make Sense of ‘The Nutcracker and the Four Realms,’ But At Least It’s Vaguely Enjoyable

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CREDIT: Laurie Sparham/Disney Enterprises

This review was originally posted on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Mackenzie Foy, Keira Knightley, Matthew Macfadyen, Eugenio Derbez, Richard E. Grant, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, Misty Copeland

Directors: Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: PG for Mildly Scary Rodents

Release Date: November 2, 2018

In The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, Mr. Stahlbaum’s (Matthew Macfayden) wife has recently passed away, so now he wants to make sure that he and his children are able to keep it together. What does he believe is the best way to do so? Why, dancing, of course! They head off to a Christmas ball, where he insists to his headstrong daughter Clara (Mackenzie Foy) that she must save one dance for him. When they arrive, she has no interest in dancing, but by the end, the entire Stahlbaum family is dancing together. How does she end up changing her mind? I guess it must have something to do with her impromptu journey through a magical, Narnia-like realm, but I’m not sure show. This movie resembles a hero’s journey in which lessons are learned, but it is not particularly clear what those lessons are, beyond the simple “be brave” and “appearances can be deceiving.” But regardless, Mr. Stahlbaum’s wish for dancing is fulfilled, so … mission accomplished?

Beyond Clara’s internal fortitude, the main potential attraction in the Four Realms is Keira Knightley’s weirdly affected performance as the Sugar Plum Fairy. As one of the leaders of the realms, she sounds like a body snatcher doing an impression of a ditzy supermodel. She speaks in baby-talk neologisms that make her sound like a character from Rugrats. The way she says “Oh, poo” is transcendent.

Basically, what it boils down to is this: I have no idea how closely this film resembles the original 1816 short story, and I do not care to look it up. (I’m guessing the plot doesn’t matter all that much in the ballet.) The Nutcracker and the Four Realms lacks a sense of of clear purpose and meaning and comes with a psychedelic edge that often goes along with misbegotten fantasy family movies. I would not expect such a surreal flavor from either of its co-directors (Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston), but accidental surrealism is often the best surrealism.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is Recommended If You Like: I have absolutely no clue.

Grade: 3 out of 5 Mice

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