CREDIT: Rosalind O’Connor/NBC

If it’s the end of a decade or the start of a new one, it must be time for Jennifer Lopez to host SNL. Her first two times were in Februarys 2001 and 2010, and now we have her again in December 2019. Meanwhile, DaBaby is joining her for his first jaunt as musical guest. Hey, if he makes some more appearances after this one, are we going to have to start calling him “DaChild” and then “DaAdult”?

When 11:30 (or actually 11:29, according to the channel guide) rolls around, it’s time for the show to start, not because we’re ready, but because we can. (But if you record it, it’ll be waiting for you the very next morning on your DVR!) So as 11:30 hit on December 7, 2019, Alec Baldwin was unsurprisingly in his Trump costume, but he was joined at NATO (Grade: 2.5/5 Merkel Moans of Ecstasy) by a couple other guests, i.e. Jimmy Fallon as Justin Trudeau and Paul Rudd as Emmanuel Macron, and while it’s nice to see some old friends, I’m not in favor of guests always playing such high-profile roles. You gotta develop your farm talent! Although, the James Corden-as-Boris Johnson of it all wasn’t so bad, since he’s an SNL noob. J. Lo comes out for her Monologue (Grade: 3.5/5 Gravity Defiers), and we’re all expecting her to dance, WHICH SHE DOES!, but how many of us also expected her to rock that green dress again? Wowza.

Surprise Home Makeover: Holiday Edition (Smurf: 2.5/5 Smurfs) isn’t the first time SNL has had a sketch in which spectators act surprised that some guy is married to someone much more conventionally attractive, and the premise is no more palatable now than it was then. But at least there’s an undercurrent of him being confident and sure of himself. First pre-taped sketch alert! Chad is The Roadie (Grade: 4/5 Yanks) on J. Lo’s tour. Oh Chad, what did we ever do to deserve thee?

What Do You Figure is Goin’ On in That House? (Grade: 1 Shellfish Surprise) doesn’t resemble any actual old black & white movie that I’m familiar with, but it is an interesting experiment in windswept physical comedy. Them Trumps (Grade: 2.5/5 Gold Wigs) was more swag in its previous iterations, but we could certainly stand to make America more swag than it currently is. DaBaby decided to perform a song entitled “BOP” (Grade: Team Spirit). The question is, does it bop? Well, the girl walking on her hands certainly does, and so do those checkered pants. Here’s an update for ya: it’s time for Weekend Update! There were jokes about the “Catholic approach” and Post Malone; I’m Catholic, and my last name is Malone, so appropriately enough, both of those jokes made me laugh. Nancy Pelosi (Grade: 3/5 Baltimore [?] Accents) is Catholic, and Kate McKinnon’s impression of her is accurate enough that I have to lean in to hear her. Jules (Grade: 4/5 Piles of Cocaine), the guy who sees things a little differently, is probably not Catholic, but I enjoy hearing his thoughts on religion.

Those Hip-Hop Carolers (Grade: 2/5 Gingerbread Houses) really should’ve committed more to singing about Home Alone. Home Alone‘s a great movie. Maybe I’ll watch it with my family this Christmas. Hoops (Grade: 2.5/5 Buckets) kind of reminded me of the time J. Lo teamed up with Tina Tina Chaneuse. What’s Tina Tina up to these days? PottyPM (Grade: 3.5/5 Urethras) at first feels triumphant, because usually when SNL advertises a fake bathroom product, it goes horribly wrong. But then Kyle Mooney attempts to understand the female anatomy, and the cringe comedy comes to the fore.

The Hardware Store (Grade: 2/5 Bears) is just a few minutes in a sleepy Wisconsin bear country town. A breakfast of cereal didn’t prepare me for this…

DaBaby song #2 is called “Suge” (Grade: Muscle Shirt Flyness), and I’m having trouble getting into it, because the beat is so minimal, while the lyrics are so dense. It’s decent head-nodding music, but is it any more than that? I gather DaBaby has a fanbase, so it must be to some people. As far as ten-to-one sketches go, Barry’s Bootcamp (Grade: Not Enough Sweat) is more scattered than weird, though I did laugh at Heidi Gardner saying “I too dupid.”

Whoo! We survived another new SNL. Will we be able to handle yet another next Saturday? To get you prepared, I’ll have you know that Scarlett Johansson will be hosting, and Niall Horan will be doing the music.