CREDIT: Rosalind O’Connor/NBC

History shall remember that on March 7, 2020 (and in the wee hours of March 8), Daniel Craig hosted Saturday Night Live for the second time and The Weeknd performed as the musical guest for the third time. The last time March 7 fell on a Saturday, in 2015, Chris Hemsworth hosted and Zac Brown Band were the musical guest. And the last March 7 Saturday before that was in 2009, during which Dwayne Johnson hosted and Ray LaMontagne was the musical guest. (I was studying abroad in Australia at the time.) An encore presentation of that episode aired in the SNL Vintage time slot last night. Interestingly enough, Dwayne Johnson hosted once again on March 28, 2015, the very next episode after the Hemsworth/Zac Brown one. But right now, we’re here to discuss the Craig/Weeknd show. Let’s get to it!

The cold opening is a parody of The Ingraham Angle (Grade: Fake Purell), and we get a visit from the actual real live Elizabeth Warren! It isn’t particularly hilarious, but it’s always nice to have her around. Daniel Craig pretty much foregoes a Monologue, so his non-Monologue pre-filmed James Bond parody (Grade: 2.5/5 Craps) has me wondering, “What happened to the “Live” in Saturday Night Live?” (jk lol). So yeah, Craig is promoting a movie that isn’t coming out until eight months from now, which might be a record when it comes to promotional pushes by SNL hosts. (Its release got delayed just this week, in case you were confused.)

On Saturday morning, I did some lunges, so my glutes were a little sore while watching this episode. And for Sunday morning breakfast, I had an omelette that contained asparagus, which actually worked out quite well.

Moving on to the totally live sketches, we’ve got a soap opera scene severely affected by coronavirus concerns called The Sands of Modesto (Grade: 3.5/5 Awkward Cuts). I responded especially well to the parrot called Charles and the full-body saran wrap. Pre-filmed music video On the Couch (Grade: A Little Bit of Dog on the Couch) looked like it was going to be all about repeating its very clear premise over and over, but then it thankfully got a little intense at the end when Craig spelled out the backstory to The Weeknd. Who knew that you could craft a hilarious comedy sketch out of someone being offended by the implication that she might eat aluminum foil? Someone at SNL did, and thus now we have been treated to the Ego Nwodim-spotlighting delight that is The Deirdre Show (Grade: 4/5 Finger Weeks).

Classic Recurring Character Return Alert! Rachel Dratch is in the house for Debbie Downer to show up at a Wedding Reception (Credit: 3/5 Feline AIDS). With coronavirus worries spreading so ferociously, it might seem like the perfect time for Debbie to show up, but I think it’s better when her reasons for party pooping are a little sneakier and less obvious. On a lighter, and brighter, note, The Weeknd treats us to a bit of a laser show with his hit song “Blinding Lights” (Grade: Big Falsetto Energy). I’m digging his red jacket/black gloves combo, and all the synthwave vibes. Is it still the 80s?

Now it’s time to talk about Weekend Update, which is anchored by Colin Jost and Michael Che, or as I call them, “Colin Jokes” and “Michael Hehe.” The latter’s quip about Democrats being like condoms was quite the comparison that I will not soon forget. Now it’s time to talk about the Weekend Update correspondents. Bowen Yang plays a new character called Bottle Boi (Grade: 3/5 Subway Toilets), who’s all about plastic and its importance in city living, and he’s just one of those classic New York folks that everyone meets at some point during their time in the five boroughs. And then Cecily Strong pops by as her much-beloved Girl You Wish Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party (Grade: 4/5 Joaquin Phoenix Speeches). It’s been a while since we’ve seen here, and my instinct is to say that a living legend like this should stay retired, but then she keeps coming up with new zingers like “This whole thing is ribbed for no one’s pleasure.”

The Accent Coach sketch (Grade: 2/5 Hot Butts) is all about VERRRRRY broad accents and then fake puke, which, quite frankly, is a bit much. Daniel Craig and Heidi Gardner have an esoteric movie quote-off at a Game Night (Grade: 4/5 Captains Phillips), and I must be honest to you all, this scene speaks to me on a deep level.

The beeps at the beginning of The Weeknd’s rendition of “Scared to Live” (Grade: 3.5/5 Hair Swoops) had me wondering, are we about to watch a Dharma Initiative training video? When SNL has a quick sight gag at the very end of a sketch, it often undercuts what comes before it, but not in the case of the gravestone at the end of Overnight Salad (Grade: 3.5/5 Gallons of Mayo), which instead underscores it.

We’re going to close out March 2020 SNL on the 28th by doing a Lipa dance with host John Krasinski and musical guest Dua Lipa.