Starring: Agathe Rousselle, Vincent London, Garance Millier, Laïs Salameh, Myriem Akheddiou, Bertrand Bonello

Director: Julia Ducournau

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Metallic Sex and Violence

Release Date: October 1, 2021 (Theaters)

After watching Titane, my primary reaction is, “I sure hope that doesn’t happen to me!” Let me explain:

Main character Alexia’s (Agathe Rousselle) entire life has been shaped by the car accident she was in as a child. She had to have a titanium plate permanently placed in her head, and that seems to have given her an appetite for cars. And when I say “appetite,” I mean “lust.” There’s no way around this: she has sex with a car. Even after watching that scene, I’m not sure how the mechanics work, but it definitely happened. She also has a taste for killing (which may or may not be related to the titanium), as we see her murder a whole bunch of people, including her good friend/lover. She then goes on the run and pretends to be a young boy who disappeared ten years ago. That boy’s dad (Vincent Lindon) somehow believes that she really is his son, so he takes her in and introduces her to his crew at the fire station he runs. And oh yeah, Alexia has somehow been impregnated by that car.

So when I said that I’m glad that this didn’t happen to me, which character’s experience was I referring to specifically? Pretty much all of them! Alexia goes on quite the adventure, but it’s way too stressful for my tastes. As for the pregnancy, I would like to have kids someday, though I don’t have a body built for carrying a child. But if I did, I’d prefer it not carry a human-automobile hybrid. Regarding Vincent, his experience of the world is just so far removed from my own. He can’t see the ruse right in front of his eyes, and he’s injecting hormones in his butt, so we simply just don’t have very much in common. And I think it’s also safe to say that I don’t want to be any of Alexia’s victims, because at the moment, I’m not quite ready to die.

There’s one other person I haven’t mentioned yet who’s right in the thick of it all. That would be writer-director Julia Ducournau (whose last film was the coming-of-age cannibal flick Raw). Being Julia Ducournau sounds like a bit of a nightmare, what with a significant percentage of the world’s population surely believing that she’s positively sick and twisted. But then again … during the Titane press tour, she must be having so much fun talking about how sick and twisted she really is. So actually, I would find it lovely if her career happened to me. When I consider it that way, I see the appeal of Titane.

Titane is Recommended If You Like: David Cronenberg’s Crash (which I haven’t seen, but the premises are certainly similar, and actually now that I think about it, Titane is actually like a more metallic version of Videodrome), The Imposter (2012), Sex positivity

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Titanium Plates