Super Bowl LIX Commercials, How Do You Do?

February 10, 2025

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Rest in Power, King (CREDIT: Totino’s Pizza Rolls/Screenshot)

Well, here we go, this is the space where I’m going to talk about the commercials that aired during the American broadcast of Super Bowl LIX. I’ve been doing this sort of roundup for a while now, but I don’t know if I’m going to keep doing it forever. It’s kind of overwhelming! Or maybe I just feel that way right now because I’m getting over a cold. We’ll see what I’m thinking a year from now. In the meantime, here’s what I have to say about 2025’s Big Game crop:

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‘Love Me’ Keeps Things Sociable

February 7, 2025

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CREDIT: Bleecker Street/Screenshot

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Steven Yeun

Directors: Sam and Andy Zuchero

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)

Love Me convinced me that maybe I should only follow Instagram accounts run by smart tech devices. There’s a scene early on where the weather buoy voiced by Kristen Stewart and the satellite voiced by Steven Yeun fill up their pages, and their posts offer the sort of hallucinatory wisdom that only machines-that-are-kinda-like humans can provide.

The second half of the movie isn’t quite as delightful, though I did come out of the theater loving myself, so I guess it did its job. Although I guess it’s worth noting I already had a positive relationship with myself before the movie began, so maybe on second thought, it doesn’t really earn that praise. Also, the buoy calls itself “Me,” so maybe the “Me” in the title doesn’t refer to a pronoun.

Grade: 50.77778194 Iams out of 78.50178 Mes

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 2/7/25

February 7, 2025

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CREDIT: FOX/Screenshot

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
–Armand (Theaters) – Starring the Worst Person in the World
–Becoming Led Zeppelin (Theaters)
–Heart Eyes (Theaters)

TV
-Critics Choice Awards (February 7 on E!) – Hosted by Chelsea Handler; rescheduled from both January 12 and January 26.
–The Floor Season 3 Premiere (February 9 on FOX) – The post-Super Bowl slot.
–Puppy Bowl XXI (February 9 on Animal Planet, Discovery, TBS, truTV, Max and discovery+)
–The Masked Singer Season 13 Premiere (February 12 on FOX)
–The Simpsons: “The Past and the Furious” (February 12 on Disney+) – Another streaming exclusive.

Music
-Dream Theater, Parasomnia
-Sharon Van Etten, Sharon Van Etten & The Attachment Theory

Sports
-Super Bowl LIX (February 9 on FOX and Tubi) – Eagles v. Chiefs, again.

Maybe ‘Love Hurts’ Should Have Just Been Entirely About the Real Estate?

February 6, 2025

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Which one of these people makes love hurt more? (CREDIT: Allen Fraser/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Daniel Wu, Marshawn Lynch, Mustafa Shakir, Lio Tipton, Rhys Darby, André Eriksen, Sean Astin, Cam Gigandet

Director: Jonathan Eusebio

Running Time: 83 Minutes

Rating: R for Blood Shooting Out From Every Nook and Cranny of the Human Body

Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) is a pillar of his community, a successful realtor entrusted with making people’s dreams come true. But he also has a very dark past, don’t you know. And it’s starting to catch up with him just in time for Valentine’s Day! Years ago, he ducked out of the criminal operation run by his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu), who isn’t exactly willing to let go of what was. So some goons start showing up at Marv’s office and his houses, as does his old partner Rose (Ariana DeBose), who also believes that Marv still owes her plenty after the way he left things between the two of them.

What Made an Impression?: Who Did What Where When to Whom?: Action flicks about hidden backstories tend to be as convoluted as a labyrinth, and Love Hurts is no exception. There’s usually no point in trying to decipher them, but these flicks can still be enjoyed to perfection if the charm is there. And with Ke Huy Quan in the lead role, you might think that charm would in fact be there. After he re-emerged a few years ago in Everything Everywhere All at Once, I realized that he might just be one of my favorite entertainers of all time. And he’s still likable here, just not enough to get me to care about whatever the hell happens in this movie. The same is true to varying degrees about the supporting cast, especially Lio Tipton as Marv’s secretary Ashley. I haven’t seen Tipton very much since their early-2010s breakout in the likes of Crazy, Stupid, Love. and Warm Bodies, and that’s a darn shame, because Ashley’s romantic subplot with one of the goons is a satisfying enough side quest.
Bloody Disgusting: Maybe Love Hurts never really wanted to be charming. At least that’s what I started to suspect when the decent fellow played by Sean Astin gets fatally stabbed in the eye. This is an astoundingly gory movie, not in an over-the-top way that could generate guffaws, though I wouldn’t exactly call it realistic either. Although maybe sometimes blood does gush and squirt all over the place and I’ve just never been in the situations where I would have experienced that. It’s impressively rendered, but not exactly pleasant in any conceivable way.
I Ain’t Mad, Bro: I didn’t expect to be writing this sentence in 2025 (or any year, for that matter), but: thank god for Drew Scott! Yes indeed, one of the Property Brothers has a small part in Love Hurts as Marv’s real estate rival (although his twin is nowhere to be seen). And even weirder: I actually enjoyed his presence! I’ve never particularly cared for real estate reality shows, often instead finding them surreally soulless. But maybe that explains how Scott is so delightfully out of place in this blood-splattered world. Anyway, the rest of the movie sure could have used more of that “How the hell is this working?” energy.

If You’re Anything Like Me, Love Hurts is Recommended If You Like: Argylle, because it’s another recent action comedy featuring Ariana DeBose that had me feeling exactly the same way

Grade: 2 out of 5 Closing Sales

With ‘Parthenope,’ Paolo Sorrentino Tells the Story of a Woman Named Parthenope

February 6, 2025

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Parthenope being Parthenope (CREDIT: Gianni Fiorito/A24)

Starring: Celeste Della Porta, Stefania Sandrelli, Silvio Orlando, Gary Oldman, Luisa Ranieri, Peppe Lanzetta, Isabella Ferrari, Lorenzo Gleijeses, Daniele Rienzo, Dario Aita, Marlon Joubert, Alfonso Santagata, Biagio Izzo, Paola Calliari, Nello Mascia, Silvia Degrandi, Cristiano Scotto di Galletta

Director: Paolo Sorrentino

Running Time: 136 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Awkward But Intense Sex and a Little Bit of Saucy Language

Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A baby girl is born in the waters outside a huge villa in 1950s Naples,. An old friend of the family declares that she shall be named Parthenope. You almost get the sense that a new religion is about to form with all the fanfare her arrival attracts. It doesn’t quite work out that way, though her life story does prove to be a bit of a spiritual odyssey. In her young adulthood, everyone is knocked out by her sun-dappled beauty, as she hangs out a bit with a famous drunken American novelist and kind of stumbles into an academic career track in anthropology. That leads her to a beguiling bishop as she investigates the nature of miracles, among other grand adventures in 20th century Italy. As the decades roll along, will the people ever be able to stop talking about Parthenope?

What Made an Impression?: A Life Lived Lavishly: If you’re in the world of Paolo Sorrentino, you can at least expect everything to be beautiful. I was spellbound by his Silvio Berlusconi-inspired film Loro, as well as his transgressive TV work on The Young Pope and The New Pope. He reunites with his Hand of God cinematographer Daria D’Antonio for Parthenope, which is just as much of a visual feast as the rest of the Sorrentino-verse. And I kind of think that this latest release should have been a silent film. The dialogue isn’t terrible or anything like that. On the contrary, it’s occasionally quite witty. But the primary appeal is all those looks that Celeste Della Porta serves (in every sense of that phrase) as the title character. What I’m trying to say is: I wish this movie had been a little more abstract, and a little less literal.
What is Anthropology?: If this movie inspires scores of viewers to become anthropologists themselves, I’ll be a little more than surprised, honestly. Now, I’m no anthropologist, so maybe an expert in the field will have a different take. I did, however, take an introductory anthropology course my freshman year of college, and it didn’t seem anything like what’s on display in Parthenope. Perhaps the field changed significantly in the decades in between, or maybe Europeans (or just Italians) have their own unique methods. Anyway, this is just a preamble to my conclusion that I’m pretty sure that this is supposed to be Paolo Sorrentino’s Anthropology Film. Whatever that means. Because after watching Parthenope, I don’t know what that means.

Parthenope is Recommended If You Like: Italian Anthropology?

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Anthropology Grades

Murder is a Legitimate Love Language in the Romantic Gorefest ‘Heart Eyes’

February 5, 2025

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This is what happens when Eyes are Hearts (CREDIT: Christopher Moss/Spyglass Media Group)

Starring: Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Devon Sawa, Jordana Brewster, Michaela Watkins

Director: Josh Ruben

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Bloody Messes Not Limited to Disembowelment and Beheading

Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A masked serial killer has been targeting couples in major American cities the past few St. Valentine’s Days. His (Her? Their?) ocular organs are covered by a classic symbol, so they call this villain – what else! – the Heart Eyes Killer. Meanwhile, a busy young lady named Ally (Olivia Holt) doesn’t need to worry about any of that, as she and her longtime boyfriend recently ended things. Alas, she does have to worry about her vulnerable emotional state and the fact that she might lose her advertising job after a major blunder. That’s when she meets Jay (Mason Gooding), a sexy superstar consultant who she gets paired up with for a major campaign. When circumstances force them to pretend to be an item, it catches the attention of Heart Eyes, who picks up on some serious electricity flying through the air. Could this be just the sort of stressful ordeal that Ally needs to forge an unkillable bond?

What Made an Impression?: It Feels Like That Sometimes, Doesn’t It?: Heart Eyes is being promoted primarily as a slasher, but this genre mashup more closely follows the beats and resolution of a classic rom-com. After all, sometimes the pressure of desperately seeking the right mate is akin to being stalked by a merciless murderer. The metaphor is unmistakable, and mostly welcome. Director Josh Ruben has mixed laughs and scares before in the likes of Werewolves Within and Scare Me. But the tone is actually most similar to the Happy Death Day series, which makes sense when you realize that one of the three credited screenwriters is HDD director Christopher Landon. Heart Eyes perhaps drifts a bit too far into cloudcuckooland, where just about everyone is a bit too blasé about the probability of having their guts ripped out, but the exaggeration certainly matches Ally’s heightened emotions.
A Different Kind of Laughter: Bookending the mayhem is a wonderfully silly workplace comedy boldly featuring Michaela Watkins as Ally’s boss. She sports a white streak in her hair like Rogue from X-Men and an accent as thick as the New Orleans bayou (even though the movie is set in Seattle). This is far from the first time that an eminently reliable funny person like Watkins has killed it in a supporting horror role. But this is a unique example insofar as she’s providing comedic relief to the other comic relief – and both flavors are pretty funny. An expected treat hidden within the overall feast is certainly one way to keep the passion alive.

Heart Eyes is Recommended If You Like: Man Seeking Woman, Screwball rom-coms, Scream, Shamelessly imitating Scream

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Cupids

Treat Your ‘Companion’ Right

February 4, 2025

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The Face of Companionship (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage, Megan Suri, Harvey Guillén, Rupert Friend

Director: Drew Hancock

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)

We all need a companion (or several), but what if our real-life companions were like the companions in the 2025 movie Companion? Alternatively, what if we were the companions? I suspect the world would have a lot more empathy if everybody had to spend at least a year working a companion job. (I’m playing a little coy in this review in an effort to avoid spoilers.) Anyway, now that I’ve seen Companion, I promise to follow best practices in how I treat my companions. I hope I was doing this adequately already, but now I’ll make sure to audit myself.

Grade: 12 Mods out of 15 Warranties

I Saw ‘The Colors Within,’ and There’s One Part That I’m Kinda Pretty Enthusiastic About

February 2, 2025

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It looks like the Colors Within are popping out, I must say (CREDIT: GKIDS Films/Screenshot)

Starring: English Dubbed Cast: Kylie McNeill, Libby Rue, Eddy Lee, Eileen Stevens, Hinano Kuzukawa, Eden Harker, Maxine Wanderer, Lani Minella

Director: Naoko Yamada

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: January 24, 2025 (Theaters)

About ten minutes into watching The Colors Within, I could feel myself getting very sleepy. But please rest assured that that had nothing to do with the movie. It was just one of those days! Fortunately I managed to recover back into full consciousness in time for the concert scene in the last act. If having synesthesia-style aura detection means being able to rock out like that, then please send those colors within to me!

Grade: 8 Colors Within and 4 Colors Without out of 12 Colors on the Color Wheel

jmunney’s Top Cinematic Choices for February 2025

February 1, 2025

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Rock ‘n’ Roll Martian! (CREDIT: NEON)

They keep making new movies, and some of them are even worth watching. Here’s what’s at the top of the slate for February 2025:

Heart Eyes: A serial killer stabs couples on Valentine’s Day, but the most intriguing attraction to me is that one of the writers is Christopher “Happy Death Day” Landon.”

You can see Heart Eyes in theaters on February 7.

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