Jmunney's Blog

Primate vs. Primate, in a way (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Johnny Sequoyah, Jessica Alexander, Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant, Gia Hunter, Benjamin Cheng, Charlie Mann, Tienne Simon, Miguel Torres Umba

Director: Johannes Roberts

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R for Bone-Crushing and Flesh-Ripping Gore, and Some Young People Acting Horny (Before the Gore)

Release Date: January 9, 2026 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: This one’s pretty simple: a chimpanzee named Ben (Miguel Torres Umba) turns rabid from a mongoose bite and then goes violently ham on his human family. If you want to know the Homo sapiens, the main ones are Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) and her younger sister Erin (Gia Hunter), who are visiting their dad Adam (Troy Kotsur) at his forebodingly cliffside Hawaiian home. There are a few friends in tow as well (played by Victoria Wyant, Jessica Alexander, and Benjamin Cheng), with the promise of a couple of cute guys they met at the airport also potentially on their way. One minute, they’re hanging out in paradise without a care in the world, and the next, they’re stuck in the pool trying to ward off a relentless animal.

What Made an Impression?: Not for the Faint of Heart, or Faint of Anything: This could be a little spoiler-y, but I feel like it’s the responsibility of those of us who have seen Primate before everyone else to let you know that Ben isn’t exactly redeemable after the rabies takes over. You know those horror movies where someone looks into a friend-turned-monster’s eyes and pleads, “You’re still in there, aren’t you?” As you might suspect, there’s a lot of that in this movie, and as you also might suspect, it doesn’t work out okay. Director Johannes Roberts keeps things as brutal as possible, in every way you can possibly imagine. It’s impressive in a way, but it’s not exactly something you can go into without any preparation.
He’s Still Here: You remember that old SNL digital short “Andy Popping Into Frame”? When Primate is at its most playful, it’s basically the hairy version of that sketch. Which is to say, whenever Lucy and company think they’re a safe distance from Ben, he’s actually just hanging a few feet away, ready to dip back and deliver a fatal “Hello again.” Roberts and his cinematographer Stephen Murphy have a hell of a time with this devilishly simple trick, and you’ll absolutely hate them for it for all eternity.
How Do You Say “Dad Jokes at Inappropriate Times” in ASL?: If the Best Picture-winning CODA had you wondering, “Could Troy Kotsur brighten up even the most unbearable cinematic nightmare?”, well, Primate is the perfect test case for that query. And the answer is: yeah, pretty much. The presence of a dorky paterfamilias doesn’t exactly make Ben’s rampage any less terrifying, but it’s nice to be reminded that that sunshine exists when we’re otherwise being told that nature just wants to beat us into a pulp.

Primate is Recommended If: The headline on your Hinge profile is that you’ve been subscribing to Fangoria since Day 1

Grade: 3 out of 5 Mongeese