Jeff "Jmunney" Malone's Self-Styled "Expert" Thoughts on Movies, TV, Music, and the Rest of Pop Culture
August 6, 2017
Television, What Won TV? American Dad!, Jeopardy!, Last Week Tonight, Orphan Black, The Carmichael Show, The Gong Show, VICE Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
Sunday – Last Week Tonight is turning the frogs gay, and making a buck off it.
Monday – American Dad!
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – The Carmichael Show
Thursday – The Gong Show, thanks to the variety
Friday – VICE
Saturday – Orphan Black
August 4, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Nikolaj Arcel, Stephen King, The Dark Tower, Tom Taylor Leave a comment
This review was originally posted on News Cult in August 2017.
Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor
Director: Nikolaj Arcel
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Gunslinging and Fire Beasts
Release Date: August 4, 2017
Unlike most bloated modern blockbusters, The Dark Tower keeps it under two hours, clocking in at a merciful 95 minutes. Unfortunately, that is the best thing about it. Within the first 10 minutes of this dud, and for the remaining 85 thereafter, my primary thought was, “Well, at least it is going to be over soon.” This adaptation of Stephen King’s long-running series of novels could benefit from an extended runtime, as it would allow room to actually explain what the hell is going on, but that could only improve it so much, as its problems run much deeper than narrative confusion.
The crowd I saw it with applauded at the end, and several other times throughout, so perhaps if you’re a Dark Tower aficionado (do you call yourselves “gunslingers”?), it might work for you, but for the uninitiated, there is no effort to explain character motivations or the rules that govern this world. The point of this whole adventure is saving the titular structure, as its destruction would lead to the extinction of all existence. Roland (Idris Elba), a gunslinger, is trying to protect it, but he is stuck in an epic interdimensional struggle with Walter (Matthew McConaughey), aka the Man in Black, a sorcerer who wants to … destroy the tower? Or control it? Or just accumulate power in general? The fight between these two has possibly been lasting for centuries, or maybe just hours. The stakes between them seem especially personal, but they do not need to be, considering that Walter’s villainy is all-encompassing.
Sucked up into all this, for no clearly discernible reason, is young Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor). Jake does not really fit the Chosen One fantasy trope, mostly because he barely registers as a character as all. His presence in this conflict is mostly accidental. He has “the shine,” a psychic ability found in many of King’s works, which allows him to observe interdimensional goings-on in his dreams but does not make him particularly interesting.
The Dark Tower manages to wring out a few decent stabs at humor, thanks to Roland’s fish-out-of-water presence when Jake whisks him away to Earth. He asks “what breed?” when told he is eating a hot dog and pops a whole cocktail of painkillers like they’re candy. Most pointedly, Jake assures him that he is going to love Earth, due to its much easier availability of bullets than Roland is used to. But it occasionally feels like he should have a better idea of what is going on, or maybe he should have no idea at all. If you told me that Roland had visited Earth 100 times previously, or never, both possibilities would sound just as believable.
Something resembling laughter also comes from King’s knack for inexplicable dialogue, which is relentless throughout. The Dark Tower epitomizes the sort of complicated story that makes perfect sense to the people telling it but leaves no guidance for outsiders to find their way in.
The Dark Tower is Recommended If You Like: Stephen King’s awkward dialogue, Administering the autopsy on a box office disaster
Grade: 1.5 out of 5 Magics
August 4, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Jay-Z, Jay-Z/Linkin Park, Linkin Park, Numb/Encore Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Linkin Park – “Numb”
3. Linkin Park – “In the End”
4. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
5. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
6. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
7. Linkin Park – “What I’ve Done”
8. Linkin Park – “Crawling”
9. Linkin Park – “Somewhere I Belong”
10. Linkin Park – “One More Light”
11. The Revivalists – Wish I Knew You”
12. Linkin Park – “Breaking the Habit”
13. Linkin Park – “Talking to Myself”
14. Linkin Park – “One Step Closer”
15. Linkin Park – “Faint”
16. Linkin Park – “Bleed It Out”
17. Jay-Z/Linkin Park – “Numb/Encore”
18. Linkin Park – “Papercut”
19. Linkin Park – “Shadow of the Day”
20. Judah & the Lion – “Take It All Back”
21. Lana Del Rey ft. The Weeknd – “Lust for Life”
22. Linkin Park – “Leave Out All the Rest”
23. Linkin Park – “Burn It Down”
24. Linkin Park – “New Divide”
25. Lana Del Rey – “Love”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Numb/Encore
2. Bleed It Out
3. Feel It Still
4. Love
5. Faint
6. What I’ve Done
7. Lust for Life
8. Breaking the Habit
9. One Step Closer
10. New Divide
11. Numb
12. Burn It Down
13. Somewhere I Belong
14. In the End
15. Crawling
16. Talking to Myself
17. Shadow of the Day
August 4, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot 100, Childish Gambino, Redbone Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
2. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
3. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
4. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
5. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
6. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
7. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
8. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
9. Charlie Puth – “Attention”
10. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
11. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
12. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
13. Childish Gambino – “Redbone”
14. Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”
15. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
16. Liam Payne ft. Quavo – “Strip That Down”
17. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llif3”
18. Niall Horan – “Slow Hands”
19. Halsey – “Now or Never”
20. Future – “Mask Off”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Redbone
2. Stay
3. Unforgettable
4. Humble.
5. Wild Thoughts
6. Now or Never
August 2, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Elizabeth Olsen, Gil Birmingham, Jeremy Renner, Jon Bernthal, Taylor Sheridan, Wind River Leave a comment
CREDIT: Fred Hayes/The Weinstein Company
This review was originally posted on News Cult in August 2017.
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Gil Birmingham, Jon Bernthal
Director: Taylor Sheridan
Running Time: 111 Minutes
Rating: R for the Terrible Things That Men Do When They Think They Can Get Away With It
Release Date: August 4, 2017 (Limited)
As a lover of cinema, I favor originality, moreso in terms of premise than subject matter. It is worthwhile to give voice to underrepresented stories, but it can be disheartening when they hew closely to the formulas of familiar narratives. Wind River makes those conclusions a little more complicated by baking the invisibility into its entire purpose. The dead body of a young woman is discovered in the snow in Wisconsin’s Wind River Indian Reservation, and the investigation is complicated by the harshness of the elements, the fact that this is technically a federal jurisdiction, and the lack of attention given to Native American women in peril.
Jane Banner (Elizabeth Olsen), the FBI agent sent to investigate, pulls up right in front of the check-in cabin but cannot see it, as a relentless blizzard erases any concept of visibility. That is not the only way she is unprepared, as the locals assure her that her lack of winter gear means she is liable to freeze to death in a matter of hours in the woods. She just flew in from Las Vegas but was somehow the closest agent available. The residents of Wind River are bemused, but not offended. They are used to being forgotten and either making peace with the harsh conditions or surrendering to them.
Most of Wind River is a team-up between Banner and US Fish and Wildlife agent Cory Lambert (Jeremy Renner), a tracker who knows the land better than anyone and discovered the body in the first place. She is the novice outsider doing her best to understand this world, and he, with a Native ex-wife and son, is the outsider from within. The snow and the lack of hard evidence force them to take meditative breaks and philosophical detours, rendering much of the film a lament about the waste of promising life. For those of you who prefer your mysteries wrapped up neatly, the truth of the crime is eventually revealed in a bravura flashback, but the full extent of it is only presented to the audience. The investigative team puts it all together, but this is still a world in which everything is ephemeral unless someone shines a light on it.
Wind River is Recommended If You Like: Hell or High Water, Mud, Prisoners
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Frostbites
July 31, 2017
Television, What Won TV? Celebrity Family Feud, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, Jeopardy!, Orphan Black, The Gong Show, Whose Line is it Anyway? Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
CREDIT: ABC/Eric McCandless
Sunday – Celebrity Family Feud with its excellent answer of “squirrel”
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?, featuring the greatest Bruce Springsteen/Nicki Minaj duet of all time
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Thursday – The Gong Show
Friday – Jeopardy!
Saturday – Orphan Black
July 30, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Al Gore, An Inconvenient Sequel, An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power, An Inconvenient Truth, Bonni Cohen, Jon Shenk Leave a comment
This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2017.
Starring: Al Gore
Director: Bonni Cohen and Jon Shenk
Running Time: 99 Minutes
Rating: PG for the Disturbing Implications of Glaciers Breaking Apart
Release Date: July 28, 2017 (Limited)
An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power opens with shots of nature accompanied by audio snippets of climate change deniers taking Al Gore to task for what they believe to be the former vice president’s mass hoodwinking. But this dismissal, at least of the aggressively reflexive variety, is few and far between in the rest of the film. The effects of global warming are already too real and overwhelming for the point of Gore’s campaign to be just convincing people about the truth anymore. During one presentation, he notes that the most criticized part of An Inconvenient Truth was the speculation that parts of New York City could soon be underwater. As anyone who survived Superstorm Sandy knows, he may have actually undersold that possibility.
While knowing the facts about climate change is essential for any inhabitant of Earth, I am worried that watching a documentary like An Inconvenient Sequel may actually be counterproductive. The crisis it presents is so depressing and overwhelming to the potential point of debilitation, especially in light of all the other calls to action out there. Back in 2006, An Inconvenient Truth could very conceivably have been the only significant coverage of global warming you saw all year. But in 2017, the average Inconvenient Sequel viewer may very well have in the past month also watched the Netflix doc Chasing Coral, read that apocalyptic New York Magazine cover story, and seen multiple climate-based VICE segments. Is it necessary to take in all of it?
If you want your answer in cinematic terms, An Inconvenient Sequel is far from the most compelling documentary format. The original got a lot of guff for being just a recording of a straightforward Powerpoint presentation, but in retrospect, that lo-fi approach had its charms and offered a useful degree of focus. But Sequel has little in the way of a distinct structure. At least the (sadly incomplete) narrative is compelling, and Gore remains an agreeable personality. He likes to joke that he is a “recovering politician,” and indeed, his current work has cured him of much of his robotic stiffness.
An Inconvenient Sequel does its best to end on a hopeful note, perhaps naïvely. But if we are going to survive the time we have left on this planet with any semblance of sanity and pleasure, some unwarranted optimism may be necessary. Gore is tangibly excited by the world’s increased use of solar panels, and I am similarly heartened by the number of cities that are embracing renewable energy. That will all help stop the spread of greenhouse gases, but it will not reverse the dangerous amounts that have already been released. That likely requires some wholly unprecedented out-of-the-box thinking. I am glad that An Inconvenient Sequel is around to keep spreading the word, but we need to go deeper.
An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power is Recommended If You Like: Tormenting Yourself with the Planet’s Demise, Solar Panels, The Comedy of Al Gore
Grade: 3 out of 5 Solar Panels
July 27, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Atomic Blonde, Charlize Theron, David Leitch, Eddie Marsan, james mcavoy, John Goodman, Sofia Boutella, Toby Jones Leave a comment
CREDIT: Focus Features
This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2017.
Starring: Charlize Theron, James McAvoy, Sofia Boutella, Eddie Marsan, John Goodman, Toby Jones
Director: David Leitch
Running Time: 115 Minutes
Rating: R for Bullets, Knives, Punches, and Kicks
Release Date: July 28, 2017
At its best, Atomic Blonde is like a cool music video. That description may sound useless in its simplicity, but when a film’s pleasures are its simplest ones, such pith is justified. I believe most people understand inherently what makes a music video cool, but to deconstruct it into its concrete components and how it relates to Atomic Blonde: it is about the combination of recognizable beats and imaginative imagery. Most action films have style, but not all of them have distinct visual wit that you won’t find anywhere else. Spray paint-strewn opening credits give way to an aesthetic dominated by icy blues. 1989 Berlin is filled with cloudy, low-lit neon clubs, and a new wave-heavy soundtrack that tends towards the robotically impersonal. Charlize Theron, the atomic blonde herself, is even introduced waking up in an ice bath.
For some godforsaken reason, Atomic Blonde also cares just as much about its plot. Theron plays Lorraine Broughton, an MI6 agent sent to Berlin to kill German spies. There is no need to remember her name – I am not sure anyone ever calls her by it – but it is useful to keep track of all the other byzantine details. Broughton teams up with a loose cannon station chief (James McAvoy) with some trepidation, eventually they have to extract a German operative (Eddie Marsan), and it all goes pear-shaped, leading to the frame device of the (consistently amusing) exit interview with her superiors (Toby Jones, John Goodman). The twists keep turning all the way to a somewhat exhausting near-two hour running time.
But do your best to trim through the fat, because we’re all here to see Charlize – as they say – “kick ass.” Director David Leitch offers hectic set pieces that are much easier to keep track of than his work on the first John Wick. Broughton is impressively skilled in all forms of combat, but she is not invincible. Just about every character suffers puncture wounds, so be prepared to wince. (2017 Trend Watch: improvised slicing weapons to the face, as one baddie gets a set of keys stuck in his cheek, just as John Wick utilized a pencil in his second chapter.)There is also a little bit of time to kick back and relax. A detour with Sofia Boutella as an undercover French agent is kind of cool partly because you do not often see queer relationships in this type of movie, but more so because a Theron-Boutella tȇte-à-tȇte is a solid attraction. The whole affair is a little more distressing and less intellectual than it probably means to be, but Atomic Blonde gets the job done.
Atomic Blonde is Recommended If You Like: John Wick: Chapter 2, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Raid: Redemption, Dark New Wave Soundtracks
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Keys to the Face
July 26, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Jay-Z, Jay-Z/Linkin Park, Linkin Park, Numb/Encore Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
3. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
4. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
5. Linkin Park – “In the End”
6. Linkin Park – “Numb”
7. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
8. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
9. Kid Rock – “Po-Dunk”
10. Judah & the Lion – “Take It All Back”
11. Linkin Park – “What I’ve Done”
12. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
13. Linkin Park – “Crawling”
14. Imagine Dragons – “Whatever It Takes”
15. Linkin Park – “Somewhere I Belong”
16. Nine Inch Nails – “Less Than”
17. Foo Fighters – “Run”
18. Linkin Park – “One Step Closer”
19. Zach Williams – “Old Church Choir”
20. The Killers – “The Man”
21. Linkin Park – “Breaking the Habit”
22. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Hard Love”
23. Coldplay and Big Sean – “Miracles (Someone Special)”
24. Jay-Z/Linkin Park – “Numb/Encore”
25. Vance Joy – “Lay It on Me”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Numb/Encore
2. The Man
3. Run
4. Feel It Still
5. Less Than
6. What I’ve Done
7. Hard Love
8. Breaking the Habit
9. One Step Closer
10. Numb
11. Somewhere I Belong
12. Lay It on Me
13. In the End
14. Crawling
July 26, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot 100, Childish Gambino, Redbone Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
2. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
3. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
4. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
5. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
6. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
7. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
8. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
9. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
10. Charlie Puth – “Attention”
11. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
12. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
13. Childish Gambino – “Redbone”
14. Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”
15. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
16. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llif3”
17. Halsey – “Now or Never”
18. Future – “Mask Off”
19. Niall Horan – “Slow Hands”
20. James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Redbone
2. Stay
3. Unforgettable
4. Humble.
5. Wild Thoughts
6. Now or Never
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