“Lactation Consultant” Lyrics

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CREDIT: The CW/YouTube

On the July 8, 2019 episode of Whose Line is it Anyway?, Wayne Brady and Chip Esten performed “Duet” in the style of Cabaret along with special guest Elizabeth Gillies. The topic was “lactation consultant.” The resulting number was so incredible that I just had to record the lyrics for prosperity.

Wayne:
It’s that time
I feel my hormones jumping
(Elizabeth and Chip: Jumping)
Time to open wide
Get these mammaries pumping
(Elizabeth and Chip: Pumping)
And now I do not know
T
he end result
How do I work these?
Who will consult?
Please
Somebody please
Consult me
(Elizabeth and Chip: Ooh ooh ooh ooh)

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 6/14/19

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CREDIT: Cara Howe/Comedy Central

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
The Dead Don’t Die (Moderate Theatrically)

TV
-2019 MTV Movie & TV Awards (June 17 on MTV)
Whose Line is it Anyway? Season 15 Premiere (June 17 on The CW) – The improv games will never end!
Alternatino with Arturo Castro Series Premiere (June 18 on Comedy Central)
The Detour Season 4 Premiere (June 18 on TBS)
Drunk History Season 6 Midseason Premiere (June 18 on Comedy Central)
-AFI Life Achievement Award: Denzel Washington (June 20 on TNT)
Holey Moley Series Premiere (June 20 on ABC) – So many Fun & Games.
Family Food Fight Series Premiere (June 20 on ABC)

What Won TV? – August 13-August 19, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Rick and Morty
Monday – People of Earth
Tuesday – Difficult People
Wednesday – Jeopardy! (But Honorable Mention to Marlon‘s theme song)
Thursday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Friday – VICE
Saturday – I’m so ready to Halt and Catch Fire all the time.

What Won TV? – July 23-July 29, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

CREDIT: ABC/Eric McCandless

Sunday – Celebrity Family Feud with its excellent answer of “squirrel”
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?, featuring the greatest Bruce Springsteen/Nicki Minaj duet of all time
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
Thursday – The Gong Show
Friday – Jeopardy!
Saturday – Orphan Black

What Won TV? – July 16-July 22, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Twin Peaks
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – An especially uproarious Carmichael Show
Thursday – The Gong Show, featuring its best contestant yet!
Friday – A VICE Special Report
Saturday – Orphan Black

What Won TV? – July 9-July 15, 2017

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

Sunday – Twin Peaks (Honorable Mention: Pedro Martinez entering the Bad Family Feud Answer Hall of Fame)
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – The Carmichael Show
Thursday – The Gong Show
Friday – VICE
Saturday – What force blew through the Wimbledon Ladies Final?

What Won TV? – July 31-August 6, 2016

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

eric-andre-show-ti

Sunday – The Night Of
Monday – Angie Tribeca
Tuesday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Wednesday – Mr. Robot, because Elliot and Angela finally had a chance this season to say that they miss each other
Thursday – Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions Encore Presentation
Friday – The Eric Andre Show
Saturday – Olympics: Katinka Hosszu is my favorite champ so far.