This Is a Movie Review: The Magnificent Seven

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If you’re looking for some sustenance from the new Magnificent Seven beyond good ol’ horse-riding, pistol-wielding fun, then you’ll probably find it in the motivation of the villains and the diversity of the title crew. Ruthless industrialist Bartholomew Bogue is high on the drug of capitalism; indeed Peter Sarsgaard plays him like he’s perpetually intoxicated. Taking a last stand against him is a team that includes a black warrant officer (Denzel Washington), an Asian cowboy assassin (Byung-hun Lee), a Comanche warrior (Martin Sensmeier), a Mexican outlaw (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), and some other nuts (Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke, Vincent D’Onofrio).

The Magnificent Seven does not explicitly underscore the angle of a melting pot of heroes defending decent hardworking Americans from a rapacious white man. But if you are sensitive to that theme, it’s hard to miss. This film hardly attempts to be the definitive voice on the subject, though it is nice enough that it is there to chew on. Instead, it focuses on what it does best, which is “a fun time at the movies.” As it rouses itself to the climax of the final siege and defense, it demonstrates crisply edited classic Western-style action, the consistent movie-star appeal of Denzel, and some kooky performances from Sarsgaard and an unstoppable D’Onofrio.

I give The Magnificent Seven 7 Horses Out of 10 Explosions.

This Is a Movie Review: Kubo and the Two Strings

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Kubo and the Two Strings makes no bones about its belief in its title character’s storytelling prowess. That is a mighty promise to make, one that would be deadly if reneged upon. Thankfully Kubo, with his oft-repeated mantra of “If you must blink, do it now,” can weave quite the tale. The film puts that quality to fine use in the beginning (as it sets the adventurous tone) and at the end (as the adventure is over and the tone for moving forward is set), but in between is less buoyed by that oomph. Not all is lost, as the body of the film features some intricately devised reveals and the idiosyncratic designs of Laika’s stop-motion animation, but the middle lacks that demonstrableness that says, “you had better pay attention.”

My rating for Kubo and the Two Strings is: I Blinked Only 10 Times in the 102-Minute Runtime.

This Is a Movie Review: Sully

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The main conflict driving Sully is the National Transportation Safety Board’s investigation into US Airways Flight 1549. The implicit question seems to be: Was Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger really a hero? To which presumably every viewer would respond, “Of course!” I suppose the NTSB must do their due diligence to determine if an emergency runway landing was possible, but at a certain point (i.e., right away), you can’t help but ask, “These people do realize that both engines failed and yet everyone survived, don’t they?”

The easy criticism would be to say that Sully should have just focused on the actual Hudson River landing (by far its strongest feature in both technical and dramatic heft). The trouble, though, is that wouldn’t make for a very long movie. The birds fly into the engines almost immediately, there are then only a few minutes to decide what to do, and rescue crews are right on the scene. If this were all shown in real time, it would last about 30 minutes. The entire flight is basically presented twice over, and that is mostly a good decision.

Eventually, everyone decides that indeed this was heroism of the highest order (and not just from Sully, but from everybody involved), and somehow, instead of saying, “Took you long enough,” I instead was roused (and relieved by a zinger of a final line). That is due mostly to high-class acting – of course Tom Hanks as Sully, with Aaron Eckhart right by his side, and also Mike O’Malley, Anna Gunn, and Jamey Sheridan too awesome to hate as the NTSB crew. (Laura Linney does what she can with the cliché role of “hero’s wife on phone,” which is to say: she’s Laura Linney.) The ultimate results of the investigation declare: this rescue was even more amazing than we could have ever imagined. We were already pretty sure about that, but now we’re sure enough to last two lifetimes.

I give Sully 8 Happy Endings out of 10 Frantic Phone Calls, but I must take away 2 Canadian Geese for the Probably Unfair Treatment of the NTSB.

This Is a Movie Review: Blair Witch

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Alas, Blair Witch does not reinvent the found-footage wheel. But perhaps it was unfair for me to ever expect it to. Director Adam Wingard and writer Simon Barrett’s previous genre-bending work on You’re Next and The Guest primed me to think it would, as did the hot buzz from early screenings. But nothing about the film itself ever made such a promise. The lack of that particular ambition may hold it back from being a masterpiece, but I cannot fairly call it a failing. What Blair Witch actually cares to do, it mostly does well. It has a fine grip on temporal and spatial disorientation, plus a killer sequence involving claustrophobia. But ultimately, the arrangement of scares is too haphazard for a film that really could have benefited from an overarching through line. It flirts with a summary thesis on terror, but it does not quite get there.

I give Blair Witch 3 Witchy Pranks out of 5 Circular Walks.

This Is a Movie Review: Morgan

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I missed the first 10 minutes of Morgan (train traffic), but I think I got the gist: the titular artificial human being randomly attacks one of the scientists who created her, and now it must be decided what to do. This is not groundbreaking as far as sci-fi premises go, but it offers a sizable sandbox to play around with fruitful ideas. Unfortunately, much of the movie is spent on characters discussing vague relationship drama instead of exploring this speculative field of study. Eventually, it does get going, evolving into a fairly involving tête-à-tête between Anya Taylor-Joy (Morgan) and Kate Mara (the risk assessor).

It all culminates in a twist ending that some people may see coming from a mile away. I didn’t figure it out until about five minutes before it was revealed, mostly because I wasn’t trying to figure it out. When I assess the quality of twist endings, I ask: does keeping this information hidden from the audience add, or meaningfully alter, anything? In this case, it feels adequately appropriate, as it makes the audience and the characters equally in the dark. But that is pretty much the bare minimum, and Morgan in general only accomplishes the bare minimum of what it seems primed to do.

I give Morgan an “It could have used a lot more Paul Giamatti, but also in a way that made sense.”

This Is a Movie Review: Don’t Think Twice

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As someone adjacent to the entertainment industry, a film like Don’t Think Twice feels oddly intimate, and I think that is just the way it likes it. Several of the actors are acquaintances or friends of friends of mine, and the improv-devoted characters they play are close enough to the real thing, such that I feel confident saying, “It all works out in the end.” Thankfully, Mike Birbiglia and his film believe that as well.

I give Don’t Think Twice 3 Healthy Perspectives on an SNL Stand-In out of 4 Bouts of Darkness.

This Is a Movie Review: Suicide Squad

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Suicide Squad

There were so many hands on the final edit of Suicide Squad, so it is no surprise that it is as disjointed as it is. At least this makes it fascinatingly ridiculous, but only for the first half or so. The classic rock jukebox starts up, letting us know it is time to kick things off. Then a few minutes later, another headbanger picks up the tempo, letting us know it is time to kick things off. Then a little later, is it time to once again introduce our characters to the tune of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath? Why yes it is!

Once that pattern sputters out, what are we left with? A race to a fairly ordinary battle royale climax. Could Suicide Squad have found success with more focus? An artistic vision would have been clearer, but the bigger issue is more fundamental. The concept of assembling the worst of the worst to fend off the even worse is ridiculous, and Suicide Squad’s fatal flaw is that it never realizes that. There is not even yet a villain for the squad to fight as it is being formed. Once that adversary emerges, there is no legitimate reason why Batman, the Flash, or Wonder Woman is not available. This may sound like nitpicking, but with its unearned and inexplicable self-seriousness, Suicide Squad invites the criticism.

I take away half of Suicide Squad’s soundtrack, and ask it to reflect upon itself.

This Is a Movie Review: Sausage Party

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Sausage Party

The conventional wisdom on Sausage Party seems to be that the satire is surprisingly effective, but it could be even better without all the juvenile humor. I say the opposite is true. Jokes are the strong suit, and the message-mongering gets in the way. The film is certainly anti-religion, but ultimately concessions are made to the “all beliefs are bad” position. The trouble is, just about every character is a stereotype, which is not necessarily a problem in and of itself (poking at stereotypes is a fine comedic tradition), but when you want a nuanced message, the characters ought to be nuanced as well. When Sausage Party gets messy and metaphysical, it is looser, more comfortable, and more satisfying. Your mileage may vary on the humor value of a literal food orgy, but the creativity therein cannot be denied.

I give Sausage Party 5 ½ Franks in 8 Buns.

This Is a Movie Review: Indignation

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Indignation 2016

For anyone who is not an angry neurotic Jewish kid, exposure to Indignation (or, I’d imagine, just about any Philip Roth), is likely to result in severe culture shock. Why can’t Newark native Marcus (Logan Lerman) just enjoy sex without agonizing over it? And the dean (Tracy Letts) at his small Ohio college may be a blowhard, but why must he rebel against him with every fiber of his being? These are not criticisms, just observations. All of Marcus’ harrumphing and allergy to compromise, combined with his inability to fight back against true injustice (like his mother forbidding him to pursue a troubled classmate beguilingly played by Sarah Gadon), make for a small-scale, personal tragedy.

I give Indignation my respect and my sympathy.

This Is a Movie Review: Don’t Breathe

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Don't Breathe

The camera scans the entire house marked for robbery in Don’t Breathe, foreshadowing every possible twist and stumble. The motivations and character of the thieves and the victim are just as thoroughly examined, playing around with viewer sympathy in unambiguously ambiguous terms. Is Don’t Breathe making a statement about how crumbling metropolises like Detroit pit its residents against each other? The advantage of horror movies, especially ones as economical as this one, is that they do not need to underline this message for it to be effective. The genre thrills are professionally crafted, and the theses are there for the taking.

I give Don’t Breathe 2 Full-Lung Gasps per Minute.

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