‘Azrael’ Heads Into the Forest to Become Acquainted with Evil

September 26, 2024

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Azrael being Azrael (Courtesy of Gabriela Urm. An IFC Films and Shudder Release)

Starring: Samara Weaving, Vic Carmen Sonne, Nathan Stewart-Jarrett, Katariina Unt

Director: E.L. Katz

Running Time: 85 Minutes

Rating: R for A Minor Symphony of Blood

Release Date: September 27, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Azrael (Samara Weaving) looks like she’s just a girl (or a young woman, I suppose, but that wouldn’t have worked as a sneaky 90s rock reference) enjoying her idyllic life. But not so fast! It seems like everyone else wants her dead, so she runs around the woods in a desperate attempt to survive. Also, there’s a demonic-looking monster lurking in the midst. And apparently nobody is able to talk. Will Azrael survive? Or is she actually the one to blame for all this chaos?

What Made an Impression?: When and Where Are We?: Azrael doesn’t hold your hand at all. It’s a fairly simple setup that runs a brisk 85 minutes (including credits), so you might think that it would be easy to follow, but it leaves some very important details quite vague. For example, the temporal setting: is this taking place in the future? Or an alternative present? The past seems unlikely, as the costuming is modern. The loss of speech suggests that it’s perhaps a Planet of the Apes-style dystopia wherein the humans have devolved, although no simians (or any other species) has risen up to the top of the pecking order. Another possibility: this is a cult that’s starkly separated from the rest of society. Although, they couldn’t be completely separated, because at one point, Azrael is picked up by some guy whose radio is playing the 1978 new wave hit “Driver’s Seat.” So yeah, it’s really not clear what’s going on, and I have to guess that that was intentional on the part of director E.L. Katz and writer Simon Barrett.
The Devil, You Say?!: Here’s another way in which Azrael is confusing: everyone, including Azrael, appears to be deathly scared of that demonic creature. And rightly so. Except that the creature doesn’t seem to be interested in killing her. Unless I’m misunderstanding motivations. Or maybe Azrael is the one who’s confused. Maybe we both are! Anyway, the movie leads to a climax in which quite possibly the Antichrist is born? That sounds like a spoiler, except that I’m not entirely sure what happened. There’s plenty of verve here, but not a lot of clarity.

Azrael is Recommended If You Like: The Village crossed with Rosemary’s Baby multiplied and/or divided by A Quiet Place

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Trees

‘Saturday Night’ Seeks to Capture the Prelude to One of the Biggest Seventh Days of the Week of All Time

September 26, 2024

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I’m not Chevy Chase, and they’re not (CREDIT: Hopper Stone/Columbia Pictures)

Starring: Gabriel LaBelle, Rachel Sennott, Cory Michael Smith, Ella Hunt, Dylan O’Brien, Emily Fairn, Matt Wood, Lamorne Morris, Kim Matula, Finn Wolfhard, Nicholas Braun, Cooper Hoffman, Kaia Gerber, Andrew Barth Feldman, Tommy Dewey, Willem Dafoe, Matthew Rhys, J.K. Simmons, Jon Batiste, Naomi McPherson, Taylor Gray, Mcabe Gregg, Nicholas Podany, Billy Bryk, Ellen Boscov, Joe Chrest, Catherine Curtin, Leander Suleiman, Paul Rust, Robert Wuhl, Corinne Britti, Kirsty Woodward, Josh Brener, Brad Garrett

Director: Jason Reitman

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R for General Crudeness and Casual Backstage Drug Use, and One Unsolicited Private Release

Release Date: September 27, 2024 (Limited Theaters)/Expands October 4 and October 11

What’s It About?: As the prophet declared, “The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready, it goes on because it’s 11:30.” While that is a widely accepted maxim in 2024, a few decades ago it was met by the masses with an outpouring of skepticism. According to Saturday Night director Jason Reitman and his co-writer Gil Kenan’s telling, things were so touch-and-go that the first episode of Lorne Michaels’ brainchild barely made it to air in one piece. While the hour-and-a-half that began on the National Broadcasting Company at 11:30 PM Eastern on October 11, 1975 has since been immortalized, the hour-and-a-half that immediately preceded it was also apparently quite the transformative odyssey. And so, Saturday Night‘s log line is quite simple: the real-time chaos that led right up to the birth of one of the most famous TV shows of all time.

What Made an Impression?: Would You Accept a Wolverine in Place of the Truth?: Saturday Night is filled with an unending series of too-perfect coincidences that I don’t really have any interest in fact-checking (at least not in terms of whether or not they make for a worthwhile movie). Like, did John Belushi really refuse to sign his contract until approximately 15 minutes before the cameras started rolling? Surely that must have been sorted out days, if not weeks, earlier? I suppose it’s dramatically true enough, as Belushi was certainly known for being erratic. Some of these stunningly on-the-nose moments are kind of funny, like when Lorne has a sarcastic back-and-forth with a building employee who supposedly thinks that he’s producing Saturday night the night, as opposed to Saturday Night the TV show. But then there are similar incidents that I found myself groaning at, like Milton Berle lecturning everyone he encounters about the way that showbiz really works (although J.K. Simmons does play Uncle Miltie with the just right flavor of stunningly pompous).
Inescapable Iconography: It’s hard to imagine that Saturday Night will be anyone’s introduction to SNL. Even if you don’t watch every new episode like clockwork, you’ve surely encountered some of it through cultural osmosis. But save for a couple of semi-unavoidable bits, the movie mostly avoids the pitfall of simply recreating memes and catchphrases. Nevertheless, it isn’t like this is a completely untold story. The behind-the-scenes foibles have been recounted in numerous outlets on numerous occasions, and the characters are based on quite famous real people, many of whom are still alive. So it’s no surprise that some of these performances are mostly glorified impressions. To be fair, some of them are quite good impressions. Dylan O’Brien in particular captures the singularly rat-a-tat patter of Dan Aykroyd. Others have room to go a little deeper, especially Gabriel LaBelle in the lead, as he effectively captures the harried arrogance and earnestness of attempting to spark a revolution through television. But as good as LaBelle is, I can’t help but look at him and go, “That’s not Lorne Michaels.” It’s close, but not quite. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it is uncanny.
It’s Saturday Night, and You’re Not: I kind of wish that Saturday Night had gone the Weird biopic route, by maintaining some semblance of reality while obviously comedically exaggerating everything else. It certainly would have been in the spirit of a sketch show that has aired plenty of memorable parodies in its own right. Of course, it would be unfair to review it for not being something that it’s not trying to be. But it’s still fun to wonder, “What if?” As it is, we’ve got something that feels like cosplay populated by body snatchers. It’s energetic and loving cosplay, but the thrills are mostly theoretical rather than visceral.

Saturday Night is Recommended If You Like: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Really sticking it to the censors, Bricks

Grade: 3 out of 5 Affiliates

‘The Wild Robot’ Asks if a Machine Can Access Its Parental Instinct for a Goose

September 25, 2024

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Does she have the programming to be a mother? Let’s find out! (CREDIT: DreamWorks)

Starring: Lupita Nyong’o, Pedro Pascal, Kit Connor, Catherine O’Hara, Bill Nighy, Stephanie Hsu, Mark Hamill, Matt Berry, Ving Rhames

Director: Chris Sanders

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: PG for Fiery Action and Mild Animal Mortality

Release Date: September 27, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A service robot washes ashore on an island dense with all sorts of animal residents. But this metal creature is supposed to serve humans! But not to worry, as ROZZUM Unit 7134, aka Roz (Lupita Nyong’o) can learn new languages with no trouble at all, so soon enough she’s able to communicate with all the local wildlife in their native tongues. That certainly comes in handy, because in her tireless efforts to offer assistance, she accidentally destroys a goose nest, save for one egg. And when it hatches, the little gosling (voiced by Boone Storme as a baby and Kit Connor when he grows up) imprints on Roz as if she’s his mother. She calls him Brightbill, and she must then prepare him for the upcoming winter migration, which may just require some emotional bonding that isn’t exactly in her programming, though a sojourn in the wilderness might just change that.

What Made an Impression?: What is Love?: Early in The Wild Robot, Roz matter-of-factly admits, “I do not have the programming to be a mother.” Plenty of human mothers have said some variation on this statement, but their kids turned out okay. And maybe non-human animal mothers have also said this in their own animal languages. An opossum voiced by Catherine O’Hara with a bunch of babies hanging onto her fur certainly admits as much to Roz. But are emotions and genuine affection only the domain of the living? Certainly not on the big screen, as Roz is just the latest in a long line of fictional synthetic creatures to transcend their programming in the name of love. But really, she is just following her prime directive of dedicated service to its most logical and satisfying conclusion.
Keeping It Foxy: I kind of want to leave this review rather succinct and just end on that note of love. But I also feel compelled to at least mention the #2 critter on the call sheet, as Roz strikes up an unlikely friendship with an otherwise defiantly independent fox named Fink. His mischievous vibe is similar to that of a certain blue hedgehog, which is why I spent the whole movie thinking that he was voiced by Ben Schwartz, when in actuality he was voiced by Mr. Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal. So good job embodying the impish spirit of Mr. Schwartz, Pedro! Whether on purpose or by total coincidence, it was absolutely the right choice.

The Wild Robot is Recommended If You Like: A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Babe, Homeward Bound

Grade: 4 out of 5 Universal Dynamics

Inject ‘The Substance’ Straight Into Everyone! (Not Literally, Though)

September 24, 2024

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The Substance is full of substance. (CREDIT: MUBI/Screenshot)

Starring: Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, Dennis Quaid

Director: Coralie Fargeat

Running Time: 141 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 20, 2024 (Theaters)

Not long ago, I discovered that Will & Harper was the perfect movie for my habit of reviewing cinema by asking, “Would I like to be a part of what this movie is all about?” But now I’m confronted with the totally opposite situation in the form of The Substance, as I would most definitely decline to inject myself with the titular substance. I prefer when things are in balance!

Although, I suppose I could learn from Elisabeth/Sue’s example and just not make the same mistakes. But ultimately, I’d still have to say “Nah.” Working out our most grotesque desires/insecurities without actually going into the danger zone is one of the most useful purposes of art, so just watching The Substance is enough for me. I imagine Coralie Fargeat and her cast and crew felt similarly by making it happen.

Grade: 77 Activators out of 101 Stabilizers

Give Your Green Light to ‘Will & Harper’

September 20, 2024

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W&H (CREDIT: Netflix)

Starring: Will Ferrell, Harper Steele

Director: Josh Greenbaum

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 13, 2024 (Theaters)/September 27, 2024 (Netflix)

Will & Harper is basically the perfect film for my silly little habit of asking some variation of the question, “Would I like to be a part of what this movie is all about?” Because the answer is an unequivocal “Yes!”

The titular “Will” is Will Ferrell, one of my favorite Funny People on Planet Earth, while the titular “Harper” is Harper Steele, a former Saturday Night Live writer who often teamed up with Will during their time together at Studio 8H. And Will & Harper is about the cross-country* road trip they go on together in the wake of the latter’s gender transition as a trans woman (*-that country being the United States).

It would’ve just been grand if I could’ve been there right alongside them, even if just for a minute. What if they had serendipitously dropped into a Dunkin’ Donuts in my neighborhood? It could’ve happened! Maybe it still could! But at least I was able to watch this doc and experience their adventure vicariously, which is the next best thing.

Grade: 55 Pringles out of 69 Natty Lights

‘Never Let Go’ Could Have Had a Firmer Grip

September 18, 2024

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Pictured: The Characters in This Movie Not Letting Go (CREDIT: Lionsgate)

Starring: Halle Berry, Percy Daggs IV, Anthony B. Jenkins

Director: Alexandre Aja

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: R for The Forest at Its Gnarliest and Bloodiest

Release Date: September 20, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In a cabin deep in the woods live the last three people on Earth, and their trusty dog. Or at least that’s the story that the mother (Halle Berry) tells her twin sons Nolan (Percy Daggs IV) and Sammul (Anthony B. Jenkins). According to Momma, it’s not that the entire human population has died, but rather that everyone has been possessed by a vague, unrelenting Evil. Momma and the boys are only able to survive because their cabin has been specially blessed. So whenever they venture outside, they tie themselves to a rope tethered to the house, as breaking free would leave them vulnerable to the grasp of the Evil. But when their living supplies run low, they’re forced to resort to desperate measures to survive. And that is NOT a formula for maintaining trust in each other.

What Made an Impression?: Extreme Experiences, Extreme Measures: The most logical explanation about the Evil of Never Let Go is that it’s all in Momma’s head, perhaps due to mental illness or apocalyptic religious beliefs, or some combination thereof. Kevin Coughlin and Ryan Grassby’s script and Alexandre Aja’s direction certainly nudges us in that direction. There are some generally creepy humanoid creatures with slithery forked tongues, but only Momma is able to see them, for the most part. She may have also just constructed a fable to protect her family from the more quotidian evils of the world, as she frequently hints about the bad life she escaped from before The Evil. That sounds like a reference to something like addiction and/or abusive relationships, although the way she tells it, it could just be that she moved to a big city and found it to be too godless for her sensibilities.
Ambiguity Overload: That vagueness within Momma’s backstory is infused throughout the entire movie. While the most logical explanation is never not that the Evil is all just in Momma’s head, this is a horror movie, so there’s no good reason why there couldn’t be a supernatural alternative. But whenever there’s evidence refuting Momma’s version of events, she doesn’t offer any compelling reason to believe beyond “That’s just the Evil playing tricks on you.” The final act muddies things quite a bit, though. Nolan, the more doubtful of the two brothers, is a defiant survivor, whereas Sammul appears to be quite vulnerable to possession, although perhaps that’s because he’s inherited some of his mother’s most catastrophic personality traits. The final moments appear to confirm that the Evil is in fact just a story, only to then linger in a way that says, “Actually maybe it is real.”
Ultimately, Never Let Go is compelling as a portrait of what it’s like to have a parent who insists that you need to escape from society without sufficient empirical evidence for why. And there’s something to be said for horror that keeps things unnervingly vague. But this one might have been a bit too vague. If you’re like me, you’ll hold on to the rope while you’re watching, but you’ll be happy to let go soon thereafter.

Never Let Go is Recommended If You Like: Dusty boots and jackets, Eating tree bark, Holding on to one prized vinyl record

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Ropes

It Used to Be That I’d Never Seen ‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice’ Before in My Life. Or Afterlife. But Now That’s Changed!

September 16, 2024

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Beetlejuice being Beetlejuicy (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O’Hara, Jenna Ortega, Justin Theroux, Monica Bellucci, Willem Dafoe, Arthur Conti, Burn Gorman

Director: Tim Burton

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: September 6, 2024 (Theaters)

After seeing Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, it made me want to:

  1. Figure out who Tess Parks is.
  2. Go Full Falsetto and perform “Tragedy” at karaoke.
  3. Wonder anew how and why so much of a song can be focused on a soggy cake.

Now, just because you’ve got an inspiring soundtrack, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got a satisfyingly well-rounded movie. But I enjoyed most of the non-musical elements of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice as well! Thank you, 2024.

Grade: I Like-a the ‘juice

Origin Story ‘Transformers One’ Takes It Back to Cybertron

September 12, 2024

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One is the loneliest Transformer that you’ll ever do! (CREDIT: Paramount Animation/Hasbro)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Brian Tyree Henry, Scarlett Johansson, Keegan-Michael Key,  Steve Buscemi, Laurence Fishburne, Jon Hamm

Director: Josh Cooley

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: PG for Robot Dismemberment

Release Date: September 20, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: If you’re concerned that most Transformers movies have too many pesky dang humans, then have I got the movie for you! Well, actually, it’s Paramount and Hasbro who have the movie for you, I’m just here to let you know about it. It’s an animated flick called Transformers One, and it takes place entirely on the robots’ home planet of Cybertron, and it doesn’t follow any of the Autobots and Decepticons that we’ve come to know and love over the years… or does it? A couple of bots named Orion Pax (Chris Hemsworth) and D-16 (Bryan Tyree Henry) are stuck underground working the mines day after day, but they have a hankering to discover what’s really happening on the planet’s surface. They eventually make their way up there along with a scamp named B-127 (Keegan-Michael Key) and a steady hand named Elita (Scarlett Johansson), as they uncover a conspiracy and fight to realize a new path forward for Cybertron.

What Made an Impression?: Vroom Vroom: Before Orion and D-16 emerge onto the surface, they first try to make a name for themselves by sneaking their way into the IACON 5000, which appears to be the most popular racing event in all of Cybertron. Perhaps devoted Transformers fans already know all about the IACON, but for the uninitiated, it’s basically the Indianapolis 500 crossed with the colorful loop-de-loop energy of Mario Kart. I wasn’t expecting this moment out of a Transformers movie, but quite frankly, it was a breath of fresh air compared to the typical metal-on-metal action. After this particular set piece, the plot becomes a fairly typical hero’s journey that’s easy enough to follow despite all the Cybertronic jargon. I would have personally preferred the fish-out-of-water sizzle typical of the live action Transformers flicks, but if we must stick with only the metal creatures the whole way through, then at least the IACON 5000 offers a nice change of pace.
Before They Were Stars: Transformers One plays things a little coy, but if you’ve encountered any major Transformers property in the past few decades, then you should be able to figure out without too much trouble the actual identities of the most iconic main characters. It’s a little disorienting that longtime Optimus Prime voice Peter Cullen is nowhere to be heard, but I appreciate the efforts at differentiation. There’s something to be said about these guys sounding a little different before they became universally renowned heroes and villains, after all. With this throwback approach, T One gave me similar reboot-ish vibes as another recent animated flick about non-human warriors released by Paramount. That earlier release also set up a new TV show, and I wouldn’t be surprised if similar plans are in place for a new Cybertron-set series. I wasn’t quite thrilled enough by T One to be excited about that possibility, though. But I imagine there are enough fans (or potential fans) of this property that there could be something viable there. So in conclusion, Transformers One is most successful as an inoffensive brand extension.

Transformers One is Recommended If You Like: A glitzy voice cast, Macguffin-filled dialogue, The neologism “Badassitron”

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Matrices

‘Speak No Evil’ Lures You Into Its Trap and Doesn’t Let Go

September 10, 2024

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Three Characters Trying Not to Speak Any Evil (CREDIT: Susie Allnutt/Universal Pictures and Blumhouse)

Starring: James McAvoy, Mackenzie Davis, Aisling Franciosi, Scoot McNairy, Alix West Lefler, Dan Hough

Director: James Watkins

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: R for Violence, Disturbing Behavior, and a Little Bit of Innuendo

Release Date: September 13, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Americans Louise and Ben Dalton (Mackenzie Davis and Scoot McNairy) are feeling a little adrift ever since moving to London with their 11-year-old daughter Agnes (Alix West Lefler). While on vacation in Italy, they forge a bit of a connection with British couple Paddy and Ciara (James McAvoy and Aisling Franciosi), whose son Ant (Dan Hough) has trouble speaking because he’s missing part of his tongue. Paddy and Ciara are friendly, if perhaps a smidge too forward. But Louise and Ben are vulnerable enough to be won over by their sway, and it also helps that the chronically anxious Agnes opens up when she’s around Ant. So the Daltons soon find themselves guests at Paddy and Ciara’s remote countryside estate, but this idyllic retreat gradually becomes more and more suspicious. Forgivable faux pas like Paddy feeding the vegetarian Louise the first bite of the prized cooked goose quickly give way to more frightening secrets, like Ant revealing his bruises to Agnes. Louise wants to vamoose at pretty much the first warning sign, and it’s not long before Ben and Agnes are feeling the same.

What Made an Impression?: We Don’t Know the Half of It: You might think you know exactly what is going to happen in Speak No Evil. It has the sort of trailer that appears to give away the entire plot, plus it’s a remake of a Danish film that came out just a couple years ago. I haven’t seen the original, but I have watched the trailer, and there are some key moments that are remixed this time around. I guessed the major third act reveal based on the previews, and I’m sure I won’t be the only one. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Every inch and crevice of McAvoy, Franciosi, and Hough’s performances scream “Something’s not right here!” As the thorough depravity of Paddy and Ciara’s designs are brought into the open, it’s riveting, profoundly alarming, and breathtaking.
Bonding Through Trauma: A shared stressful experience, if handled sufficiently, can deepen the bond of a relationship. And well, Louise and Ben could sure use some relationship strengthening. They’re reeling from a minor case of infidelity, as well as resentment from Louise putting her career on hold for Ben’s sake, plus just general feelings of existential instability. So perhaps it was fated that they would run into Paddy and Ciara, who kind of fancy themselves as amateur therapists. In a more good-natured movie, the Daltons would probably be eternally grateful for their intervention, but in truth, they’re profound manipulators. Nevertheless, the ultimate effect is the same, as Louise and Ben manage to find their way back to each other through this terrifying gauntlet.
Resourcefulness is Key: Isn’t it so satisfying to watch movie characters be resourceful? (I have to tip my hat to Kyle Buchanan for elucidating this observation during a recent guest appearance on the Blank Check podcast.) The Daltons don’t appear to have ever been trapped in a situation as disorienting as this one, but it’s immediately clear that they’ll just have to figure it out if they’re going to survive. I for one couldn’t peel my eyes away from their efforts, as evidenced by the fact that I didn’t write a single thing down in my notebook for the entire 110 minutes. Often when thriller protagonists are captivatingly resourceful, it’s clear what experience they’re drawing from, even if their backstories are merely hinted at. In the case of Speak No Evil, that’s a little less true. In fact, it’s a running theme how ineffective Louise and especially Ben feel in their daily lives. But the experience of raising a child can go a long way. If you’re going to be a decent parent, then you necessarily figure out a lot along the way as the years roll by. So when Louise and Ben start surreptitiously grabbing makeshift weapons and cleverly scoping out their surroundings, we buy that they’re able to pull this off by virtue of their dedication to protecting Agnes. If you want to believe that you’ll similarly always be there for your kids, it’s worth checking out Speak No Evil to see how it tests your mettle.

Speak No Evil is Recommended If You Like: Psycho, You’re Next, Orphan

Grade: 4 out of 5 Scissors

An Important Note About the Occupants of ‘The Front Room’

September 9, 2024

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A scene from The Front Room that doesn’t take place in the front room (CREDIT: Jon Pack/A24)

Starring: Brandy, Kathryn Hunter, Andrew Burnap, Neal Huff

Director: Max and Sam Eggers

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 6, 2024 (Theaters)

I thought I was ready for The Front Room. A pregnant Brandy vs. Kathryn Hunter as her ignorant, zealously religious stepmother-in-law: how could you go wrong with that premise?!

Alas, now that I’ve seen it, I feel compelled to issue a warning to anyone who is excited as I was. This could very well be construed as a spoiler, so stop reading if you must, but that won’t prevent me from fulfilling my civic duty.

Okay, here goes: a good chunk of this movie about incontinence. Like, a BIG chunk. And it’s not shy about it! It’s also a tonal mish-mash, which it actually handles pretty well. But I really don’t think it needed all those stinky bodily fluids.

Grade: 8 Hallucinations out of 17 Unholy Spirits

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