Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 1/28/22

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Murderville (CREDIT: Netflix)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
–Charli XCX: Alone Together (Theaters and Digital)

TV
–The Afterparty Series Premiere (January 28 on Apple TV+) – Murder! Mystery! Comedy!
–The Woman in the House Across the Street From the Girl in the Window Season 1 (January 28 on Netflix) – Kristen Bell in a spoof show.
-Celebrating Betty White: America’s Golden Girl (January 30 on NBC)
–Pam & Tommy Miniseries Premiere (February 2 on Hulu)
–South Park Season 25 Premiere (February 2 on Comedy Central)
–Murderville Season 1 (February 4 on Netflix) – Detective Will Arnett pairs up with people playing themselves.

Music
-Jethro Tull, The Zealot Gene

Podcasts
–Welcome to Our Show – Zooey, Hannah, and Lamorne revisit New Girl.

The ‘Belle’ of the January 2022 Cinematic Ball

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Belle (©2021 STUDIO CHIZU)

Starring (English Dubbed Version): Kylie McNeill, Paul Castro Jr., Ben Lepley, Jessica DiCicco, Manny Jacinto, Brandon Engman, Hunter Schafer, Chace Crawford, Ellyn Stern, Andrew Kishino, Noelle McGrath, David Chen, Jessica Gee George, Barbara Goodson, Martha Harms, Wendee Lee, Julie Nathanson, Kiff VandenHeuvel

Director: Mamoru Hosoda

Running Time: 124 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: January 14, 2022 (Theaters)

The Mamoru Hosoda-directed Belle is the Anime Teenage Bullying version of Beauty and the Beast, and it has me wondering: would I like to be a Belle? Let’s explore this particular Belle’s story to find out.

Her real name is Suzu, and she’s a shy Japanese teenager with a dead mom, but then her titular pop star alter ego becomes a sensation in the virtual reality world known as “U.” Everybody loves Belle, just as much as they hate “The Dragon,” a scar-covered loner pariah. But Suzu/Belle sees in him a kindred spirit. Meanwhile, everybody is trying to sniff out his true identity: is he that tortured artist, or that rich reclusive housewife, or that world-famous baseball player? Chances are that this Dragon Beast will be best off if Suzu can track him down before anybody else does.

So, to answer my question: I think it’d be pretty cool to have a Belle persona if it means that everybody would get to hear my singing online. It gets a little overwhelming for Suzu, but I’d make sure to log off regularly as needed. As for the Beast portion of the story, there’s a climactic scene in which Suzu takes a train by herself to see him IRL, and that certainly fulfills the journey, but I would change it just a bit by making sure to bring a crew along with me.

Grade: 100 High Notes

Do You Want to See Peter Dinklage Sing About Vicarious Love? Then Maybe Check Out the Latest Version of ‘Cyrano’

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Cyrano (CREDIT: Peter Mountain/Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures)

Starring: Peter Dinklage, Haley Bennett, Kelvin Harrison Jr., Ben Mendelsohn, Bashir Salahuddin

Director: Joe Wright

Running Time: 124 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Some War Violence and Mild Suggestiveness

Release Date: January 28, 2022 (Limited Theaters)/February 11, 2022 (Wide Expansion)

If you’re a fan of classic romances, you’re probably familiar with the story of Cyrano de Bergerac. He’s in love with a woman named Roxanne, but because of his insecurity related to his distractingly large and pointy nose, he struggles to admit his true feelings. Meanwhile, Roxanne falls in love with another man named Christian, and that infatuation is profoundly deepened by Christian wooing her with the words provided to him by Cyrano, who knows Roxanne better than anyone. But in this version, it’s what Cyrano lacks on his body that’s causing the problem, as he’s portrayed by Peter Dinklage, and he fundamentally doesn’t believe that Roxanne (here played by Haley Bennett) could ever truly love someone who’s only four and a half feet tall.

Also unique about this version of Cyrano is that it’s – wait for it – a musical. Much of the vocal duties fall to the title lover, and Dinklage is certainly up for the assignment. He has a rich, soulful baritone that’s perfect for the constant (but incomplete) soul-searching that Cyrano is always up to. You can count on him for talking to himself, which can be good, but not so much when it prevents him from fully and honestly talking to other people.

Dinklage’s singing reminds me of Russell Crowe’s in Les Misérables, and I mean that’s a compliment. Crowe was my favorite singer in that movie! It would be distracting if Dinklage’s Cyrano were more inclined to difficult vocal acrobatics; instead, he’s singing because he just can’t help it, just as he can’t help but miss out on the fullness of himself. As for the rest of the main cast’s crooning abilities, Bennett and Kelvin Harris Jr. as Christian also both acquit themselves admirably.

Overall, if you’re looking for a love story that lives on the knife’s edge of tragedy and consummation, then Cyrano ought to do the trick. Everyone is passionate and ready to go, and if you don’t recognize at least some of their emotions in yourself, I’m not sure you have a fully functioning heart.

Cyrano is Recommended If You Like: Flowy dresses, Stubble, Singing by yourself while standing outside a wall

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Letters

Best Movies of 2021

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CREDIT (Clockwise from Top Left): Warner Bros. Pictures, Universal Pictures, Lionsgate, Utopia

These are the movies I loved the most from 2021. There were many others, but these are my favorites. Forthwith are some descriptions of what happens in these movies. Hit me up in the comments if you’d like to know more about what I thought about them!

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Locating ‘Parallel Mothers’ on My Review Axis

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Parallel Mothers (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Classics/Screenshot)

Starring: Penélope Cruz, Milena Smit, Israel Elejalde, Aitana Sánchez-Gijón, Rossy de Palma, Julieta Serrano

Director: Pedro Almodóvar

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 24, 2021 (Theaters)

Those mothers aren’t parallel! On the contrary, they intersect quite a bit!

But I’m okay with that! It probably would have been a worse movie if they had remained fully parallel. And I’m also okay with the title not being 100% mathematically correct. Pedro Almodóvar is more of a poet than a professor, after all. But now I’d kinda like to see him make a movie about a calculus professor…

Grade: Top-Notch Soap Operatics

 Is This the Sixty-First Review of ‘The Scary of Sixty-First’?

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CREDIT: Utopia/Screenshot

Starring: Madeline Quinn, Betsey Brown, Dasha Nekrasova, Mark Rapaport

Director: Dasha Nekrasova

Running Time: 81 Minutes

Rating: Unrated

Release Date: December 2, 2021 (Select Theaters)/December 24, 2021 (Digital)

I think Dasha Nekrasova is one of those people who’s living on another planet. Like metaphorically. Or maybe even also literally, if the multiverse theory is to be believed…

Anyway, you might know Nekrasova as Comfrey on Succession, or as co-host of the dirtbag left podcast Red Scare, or for her breakthrough performance as “Sailor Socialism.” Now she’s co-written, directed, and starred in a movie about a couple of girls who move into an apartment that supposedly formerly played host to the pedophiliac exploits of Jeffrey Epstein. There are some solid low-budget creeper scares and a few demented laughs, but mostly it’ll have you going “What chu talkin’ ’bout?” and “Why did you say it that way?” It’s worth it for a trip to the cinematic underground.

Grade: 3 out of 5 Pentagrams

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 1/14/22

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Single Drunk Female (CREDIT: Elizabeth Sisson/Freeform)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
–Scream (Theaters) – The FIFTH Scream, for those keeping count. (But the first without Wes Craven.)

TV
–How I Met Your Father Series Premiere (January 18 on Hulu) – Kim Cattrall narrates Hilary Duff’s life.
–The World According to Jeff Goldblum Season 2 Part 2 (January 19 on Disney+)
–Full Frontal with Samantha Bee Season Premiere (January 20 on TBS)
–Single Drunk Female Series Premiere (January 20 on Freeform) – Sofia Black-D’Elia gets a starring vehicle.

Music
-Elvis Costello & the Imposters, The Boy Named If
-FKA Twigs, Caprisongs

Sports
-NFL Wild Card Playoff Game on Nickelodeon – The Cowboys and 49ers are getting slimed.
-2022 Australian Open – Will Novak Djokovic be allowed to stay in the country for the entire tournament?

Podcasts
–Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade – SNL alums chatting about folks connected to SNL.

‘Scream’ is Still Nailing the Horror Zeitgeist

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Scream 2022 (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Jack Quaid, Mikey Madison, Mason Gooding, Dylan Minnette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Marley Shelton, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Kyle Gallner, Sonia Ben Ammar, Roger L. Jackson

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R for A Lot of Blood, and a Few Chats About Getting It On

Release Date: January 14, 2022 (Theaters)

The latest Scream movie is the fifth in the slasher series, but it’s not called “Scream 5.” Instead, it’s just called “Scream,” exactly like the very first entry. This is the latest example of an annoying trend in which sequels that also work as reboots to long-running franchises have the exact same title as the original, with 2018’s Halloween perhaps the most notorious example. I had convinced myself not to talk about the title in my review, figuring that it would be more interesting to focus on the content of the actual movie. But then I watched the movie, and it turned out that there’s a very good reason for that recycled title. Because this time around, the Woodsboro stabbing crew is aiming its knife at those franchise “requels” and all the other cinema that inspires a certain breed of toxic fandom.

More than 25 years after the first killing spree, you could be forgiven for wondering how there still could possibly be anyone connected to Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) with enough bloodlust to justify another sequel. The answer is that this time around, the motivation is less logical, and therefore more brutal and disturbing. You know the sorts of people who complain about how the likes of latter-day Star Wars and female-led Ghostbusters have destroyed their childhoods? What if they were so upset that they resorted to murder to set things right? That’s a premise that could conceivably stand on its own as an original horror flick, but it feels all too appropriate that instead it has commandeered one of the most beloved scary movie franchises of all time.

In some ways, this latest Scream is like an original effort, insofar as it focuses on the new faces ahead of the legacy characters much more so than any of the other adventures of Woodsboro. But of course, it’s still very much a part of the franchise insomuch as it follows the formula of a killer (or killers) lurking within a friend group of horny young people while terrorizing them with creepy phone calls. (Roger L. Jackson returns once again as the voice of Ghostface, and his deep cadence sounds a lot like the deep, steady tones of original Scream director Wes Craven, to the point that I wondered if Craven had before his 2015 passing recorded some dialogue to be used later.) Don’t worry too much about staleness, though, as there are some zigs when you expect zags, as characters either don’t know – or don’t care – about the rules that supposedly determine who dies and how in a horror movie. Co-directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett have a knack for keeping audiences on their toes like this, which they demonstrated amply in their 2019 bloodbath Ready or Not.

At times, the acting may skew a little more melodramatic than is advisable, but overall, Scream remains as remarkably fun and fresh as it’s ever been. Where originally there were conversations about how blade-wielders patiently stalk their victims, now we have discussions about how the newest generation of horror tastemakers are enthralled by “elevated horror” like The Babadook and Hereditary, and how long-in-the-tooth franchises need to find that sweet spot of “not too different, not too repetitive” to succeed. Scream 2022 finds that sweet spot, and goes in for the kill.

Scream (2022) is Recommended If You Like: Defending all the Scream sequels, Ready or Not, You’re Next, Talking with your fellow movie -obsessed friends, Film Twitter, Listening to and/or hosting movie podcasts

Grade: 4 out of 5 Requels

‘The Power of the Dog’ is Not for the Dogs

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The Power of the Dog (CREDIT: Kirsty Griffin/Netflix)

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Kirsten Dunst, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Jesse Plemons, Thomasin McKenzie

Director: Jane Campion

Running Time: 126 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: November 17, 2021 (Theaters)/December 1, 2021 (Netflix)

I’m pretty sure there weren’t any dogs in The Power of the Dog. Actually, now that I think about it, there may have been a few mutts running around the ranch. But none of them had any speaking parts! (Or barking parts, for that matter.) Yes, I know the title is a metaphor from the Bible, so I wasn’t genuinely expecting any unforgettable canine thespian turns. But still! At least Kirsten Dunst is also around, though she spends most of her time drunk and in bed. What up with that?! Anyway, I didn’t think Benedict Cumberbatch’s character was too bad. Certainly not the friendliest, but I could deal with him.

Grade: I Do Not Want to Live in 1925 Montana

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 1/7/22

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Pivoting (CREDIT: FOX/Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
–A Hero (January 7 in Theaters, January 21 on Amazon)

TV
–RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 14 Premiere (January 7 on VH1)
–Search Party Season 5 (January 7 on HBO Max) – Final Season Alert!
–A Discovery of Witches Season 3 Premiere (January 8 on Sundance Now, Shudder, and AMC+) – I’ll probably wait until it airs on AMC proper, though.
–Pivoting Series Premiere (January 9 on FOX) – Eliza Coupe in a sitcom that looks like it has some bite to it.
–The Righteous Gemstones Season 2 Premiere (January 9 on HBO)
–Superman & Lois Season 2 Premiere (January 11 on The CW)

Music
-The Weeknd, Dawn FM

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