Jeff "Jmunney" Malone's Self-Styled "Expert" Thoughts on Movies, TV, Music, and the Rest of Pop Culture
July 24, 2017
Television, What Won TV? Jeopardy!, Orphan Black, The Carmichael Show, The Gong Show, Twin Peaks, VICE, Whose Line is it Anyway? Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
Sunday – Twin Peaks
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – An especially uproarious Carmichael Show
Thursday – The Gong Show, featuring its best contestant yet!
Friday – A VICE Special Report
Saturday – Orphan Black
July 21, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Aneurin Barnard, Barry Keoghan, Christopher Nolan, Cillian Murphy, Dunkirk, Fionn Whitehead, Harry Styles, Jack Lowden, James D’Arcy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance, Tom Glynn-Carney, Tom Hardy 1 Comment
This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2017.
Starring: Fionn Whitehead, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance, Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, James D’Arcy, Tom Glynn-Carney, Jack Lowden, Harry Styles, Aneurin Barnard, Barry Keoghan
Director: Christopher Nolan
Running Time: 106 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for All the Moments That Make You Duck and Cover
Release Date: July 21, 2017
Christopher Nolan has established his reputation as filmmaker by tweaking the genre formulas of noir, superheroes, and mindbenders, inventing new dialects within pre-existing cinematic language. A war movie would not seem like the most obvious next logical step for him, as it would not seem to invite such inventiveness. But Nolan does indeed apply his puzzle-box approach to Dunkirk, and the end result makes perfect sense. The rescue of hundreds of soldiers after a massive military defeat is an attempt to impose order on a fundamentally chaotic situation, and accordingly, what Dunkirk accomplishes is a union of control and constant unease.
Nolan’s method of choice for dramatizing the 1940 World War II evacuation from the titular French beaches is ingenious, but it could have just as easily been a folly in less steady hands. There are three intercut portions: taking place over a week, the boys on the shore waiting to be rescued; taking place over a day, a mariner navigating his fishing vessel across the English Channel to provide support; and taking place over an hour, Air Force pilots clearing the skies to make the rescue easier. The order of events is accordingly difficult to keep track of, and ultimately beside the point. Dunkirk is about the overwhelming experience, as it asks the audience to simultaneously intuit both sustained and short-burst tension.
While the acting is uniformly solid, no single character makes much of an impression, unless you count the music as a character. The dialogue is perpetually difficult to parse: the accents are thicker than your average Brit, the constant dusk and frequent profile shots make it hard to lip read, Tom Hardy wears a mask. But it is Hans Zimmer’s relentlessly thrumming score that gets most in the way. A constant tick-tick-tick is the new BWAHHH. According to Christopher Nolan’s analysis of war, the fight to defend ideals is often cacophonous and rarely allows for relief.
Dunkirk is Recommended If You Like: Saving Private Ryan crossed with Inception, Their Finest
Grade: 4 out of 5 Open-Faced PB&J Sandwiches
July 19, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Human, Rag'n'Bone Man Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
3. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
4. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
5. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
6. Rag’n’Bone Man – “Human”
7. Judah & the Lion – “Take It All Back”
8. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
9. Imagine Dragons – “Whatever It Takes”
10. HAIM – “Want You Back”
11. Foo Fighters – “Run”
12. The Killers – “The Man”
13. Paramore – “Hard Times”
14. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
15. Zach Williams – “Old Church Choir”
16. Bleachers – “Don’t Take the Money”
17. Coldplay – “A L I E N S”
18. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Hard Love”
19. Weezer – “Feels Like Summer”
20. Sir Sly – “High”
21. The All-American Rejects – “Sweat”
22. Muse – “Dig Down”
23. Stone Sour – “Song #3”
24. Imagine Dragons – “Walking the Wire”
25. Lana Del Rey ft. The Weeknd – “Lust for Life”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Human
2. The Man
3. High
4. Run
5. Feel It Still
6. Want You Back
7. Hard Love
8. Lust for Life
9. Dig Down
10. Hard Times
11. Feels Like Summer
July 19, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot 100, Childish Gambino, Redbone Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
2. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
3. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
4. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
5. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
6. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
7. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
8. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
9. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
10. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
11. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
12. Zedd and Alessia – “Stay”
13. Charlie Puth – “Attention”
14. Childish Gambino – “Redbone”
15. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
16. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llif3”
17. Halsey – “Now or Never”
18. Future – “Mask Off”
19. Niall Horan – “Slow Hands”
20. Julia Michaels – “Issues”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Redbone
2. Stay
3. Humble.
4. Unforgettable
5. Wild Thoughts
6. Now or Never
July 17, 2017
Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants Episode Reviews, Television Spin the Bottle, Spongebob Squarepants, Sportz Leave a comment
“All this pain is starting to hurt.” http://www.bubbleblabber.com/review-spongebob-squarepants-spin-the-bottle-sportz/
July 17, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Dane DeHaan, Ethan Hawke, Herbie Hancock, John Goodman, Luc Besson, Rihanna, Sam Spruell, Valerian, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Leave a comment
© 2016 VALERIAN SAS Ð TF1 FILMS PRODUCTION
This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2017.
Starring: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Herbie Hancock, Sam Spruell, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke
Director: Luc Besson
Running Time: 137 minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Lasers, Gunplay, and the Accompanying Alien Splatter
Release Date: July 21, 2017
My quick pitch for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is “Star Wars but more European and colorful.” Now, don’t take that mean it is overly derivative. Most great modern stories are just variations on the classics, space fantasies especially so, Star Wars more than any other. Even if a movie finds inspiration from the tales of the Jedi, there is a genuinely strong chance it has a fair degree of originality. Valerian’s source material predates Star Wars, as it is based on the long-running French comic series Valérian et Laureline, which was first published in 1967 and, in the vein of John Carter, was by all accounts an influence on George Lucas. I cannot speak to how closely the film hews to the original, but I can say without hesitation that the result is the delightfully unfiltered vision of Luc Besson.
After I first watched the trailer for Valerian, my take on its prospects for success was that while it looked spectacularly unique, there was no way it could be a box office hit. It would be too lavish, too weird, too alien. But here’s the thing: that’s a bunch of baloney. If people who like movies want to be entertained, they need to go see Valerian. It is such a crowd-pleaser. Yes, it is a little more out-there than your average blockbuster, but it is not as impenetrable as something like Jupiter Ascending. The plot is straightforward and weighty enough to be neither confusing nor laughable, and if folks cannot appreciate the beautiful production design, fleet-on-its-feet action, and overall good vibes, then I don’t know what’s what.
The opening montage set to David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” could be overly on the nose but is instead an ode to the human (or human/alien/all sentient beings) spirit. Over the course of decades on a satellite orbiting Earth, a trio of astronauts keeps welcoming a new trio of astronauts from all corners of the globe. After a century or so, the new entrants start to become extraterrestrial. Eventually, the station becomes so popular that it must break away from Earth’s gravitational pull and become an intergalactic hub: Alpha, the titular city of a thousand planets. The international/interplanetary cooperation is inspiring. This is not quite a utopia, but the effort of all involved to make it as close to one as possible is palpable.
The central conflict is a classic of the genre: an entire planet has been wiped out, and its surviving residents seek a new home. A device exists with enough energy to create a facsimile version, but its power makes it life-threateningly dangerous, and it may very well be in the wrong hands, so government operatives Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are on the case. Often in this type of story, the destruction or conquest of another planet would be at stake, but the displaced here are a profoundly peaceful collective; in keeping with the utopian spirit, their goal fits this future’s high ideals.
There is a love story between the two leads that could have easily felt shoehorned in, but instead it is part and parcel of getting Besson’s message across. Despite a long list of past conquests, Valerian proposes to Laureline within the first ten minutes, desiring to prove that he is noble enough to turn their professional partnership into a life one. Their flirtation is playfully teasing, though their chemistry is never quite steaming. Still, their loyalty to each other ultimately demonstrates a high-minded connection of the variety that has united the peoples of Alpha.
In their travels to restore the balance of the universe, Valerian and Laureline come across a number of instantly lovable characters, both CGI and humans playing dress-up (or in some cases, both). There is an implied foundation of tolerance insofar as every interaction feels so lived-in and in how every outfit plus every style of skin (or whatever the alien equivalent of skin is) is matter-of-factly accepted. Clive Owen, Herbie Hancock, and Ethan Hawke each play some degree of against type, but the biggest delight is Rihanna as a shapeshifting alien dancer named Bubble who aids Valerian and Laureline in a crucial escape mission. For those who have been waiting for the Barbadian singer to have an iconic cinematic moment, your time has come. She is the best part of the film, with her malleable nature fully inhabiting the theme that you can be and do whatever you want as long as you are fighting for what is right.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is Recommended If You Like: Star Wars, The Fifth Element, Raiders of the Lost Ark, the Art and Vocation of Filmmaking
Grade: 4 out of 5 Handshakes
July 16, 2017
Television, What Won TV? Garbine Muguruza, Jeopardy!, The Carmichael Show, The Gong Show, Twin Peaks, VICE, Whose Line is it Anyway?, Wimbledon Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
Sunday – Twin Peaks (Honorable Mention: Pedro Martinez entering the Bad Family Feud Answer Hall of Fame)
Monday – Whose Line is it Anyway?
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – The Carmichael Show
Thursday – The Gong Show
Friday – VICE
Saturday – What force blew through the Wimbledon Ladies Final?
July 13, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Elisabeth Röhm, Joey King, John R. Leonetti, Johnny Pemberton, Kevin Hanchard, Ki Hong Lee, Ryan Phillippe, Shannon Purser, Sydney Park, Wish Upon Leave a comment
CREDIT: Steve Wilkie / Broad Green Pictures
This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2017.
Starring: Joey King, Ryan Phillippe, Elisabeth Röhm, Ki Hong Lee, Shannon Purser, Sydney Park, Kevin Hanchard, Sherilyn Finn
Director: John R. Leonetti
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Tableaux of Death
Release Date: July 14, 2017
“Be careful what you wish for,” yada yada yada, just state your message and move on – we’re here for the blood! Actually though, discerning horror viewers, like all film buffs, are really here for the imagination. Sure, plenty of us have reveled in excessive gore from time to time, but what we really want is a new innovation for toying with our deepest fears. Wish Upon’s premise offers little groundbreaking, but it is simple enough that there is plenty of room for surprising variation. For the majority of its running time, that potential is unrealized, but a breathless finale hints at what could have been and is nearly intense to salvage the whole endeavor.
Clare Shannon (the already-prolific-at-17 Joey King) is not too different from most teenagers, insofar as she wishes she were rich and popular, that the cute boy would fall in love with her, and that her dad (Ryan Phillippe) would stop being SOOO embarrassing. But unlike most teenagers, her dad dumpster dives for valuables, and she is the lead in a horror movie, thus she finds herself in position of an ancient Chinese music box. When she declares whatever she desires in the presence of the box, her wish automatically comes true – bing, bang, boom, no questions asked! Of course, there is a catch: each wish granted is paid for with the death of a loved one. All of Clare’s wishes are selfish, so there is a moral reckoning at play here. But when one of her friends asks her why she does not wish for, say, world peace, it begs the question: would such a noble request also be balanced out with a killing? There is no indication that the box would make any distinctions between wishes in terms of its price.
Wish Upon unfortunately never gets around to exploring these philosophical conundrums. Instead, it spins its wheels, as Clare refuses to accept the obviousness of what is going on. Skepticism about the supernatural is understandable, as horror movie characters usually do not realize that they are in a horror movie. But at a certain point, there is no logical or the film refusing to move forward, it settles into a routine of neo-Valley Girl high school slice of life interspersed with killing in the key of Final Destination-lite (i.e., simple Rube Goldberg, minor tension).
That is a shame, because there are plenty of disturbing, intense, or just plain unusual directions that this premise could go in. And in its last act, Wish Upon suddenly finds the right inspiration to meet that potential. The thing is, Clare is not just like any other teenager, as made clear in a ten-years-earlier prologue in which her mom (Elisabeth Röhm) commits suicide Magically transporting to some ideal life is tempting, and it may feel perfect at first, but there is bound to be some nagging feeling that will not go away about how wrong this impossible wish fulfillment is. You do not need a vengeful spirit to make that clear, but as horror metaphors go, it’s a handy one. Playing around with it for an hour and a half could be quite the unsettling trip; Wish Upon gives us just a taste.
Wish Upon is Recommended If You Like: Means Girls crossed with The Grudge, the Final Destination series
Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Smegmas
July 12, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Human, Rag'n'Bone Man Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 25, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
2. Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
3. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
4. Portugal. The Man – “Feel It Still”
5. The Revivalists – “Wish I Knew You”
6. Rag’n’Bone Man – “Human”
7. Imagine Dragons – “Whatever It Takes”
8. Lord Huron – “The Night We Met”
9. Paramore – “Hard Times”
10. Foo Fighters – “Run”
11. The Killers – “The Man”
12. Linkin Park ft. Kiiara – “Heavy”
13. Stone Sour – “Song #3”
14. Weezer – “Feels Like Summer”
15. Bleacers – “Don’t Take the Money”
16. Imagine Dragons – “Walking the Wire”
17. Zach Williams – “Old Church Choir”
18. Sir Sly – “High”
19. NEEDTOBREATHE – “Hard Love”
20. The Dirty Heads – “Vacation”
21. Muse – “Dig Down”
22. Arcade Fire – “Everything Now”
23. The Lumineers – “Angela”
24. LANY – “Super Far”
25. Imagine Dragons – “I Don’t Know Why”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Human
2. The Man
3. High
4. Run
5. Feel It Still
6. Everything Now
7. Hard Love
8. Dig Down
9. Hard Times
10. Feels Like Summer
July 12, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot 100, Childish Gambino, Redbone Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality. I used to rank all 20, now I just rank the cream of the crop.
Original Version
1. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – “Despacito”
2. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Lil Wayne – “I’m the One”
3. Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”
4. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna and Bryson Tiller – “Wild Thoughts”
5. Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
6. Kendrick Lamar – “Humble.”
7. Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
8. Sam Hunt – “Body Like a Back Road”
9. Post Malone ft. Quavo – “Congratulations”
10. French Montana ft. Swae Lee – “Unforgettable”
11. Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”
12. Future – “Mask Off”
13. The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This”
14. Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”
15. Charlie Puth – “Attention”
16. Childish Gambino – “Redbone”
17. Lil Uzi Vert – “XO Tour Llif3”
18. Halsey – “Now or Never”
19. Julia Michaels – “Issues”
20. James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Redbone
2. Stay
3. Humble.
4. Unforgettable
5. Wild Thoughts
6. Now or Never
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