Original Version
1. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz – “Thrift Shop”
2. Fall Out Boy – “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)”
3. will.i.am ft. Britney Spears – “Scream & Shout”
4. Taylor Swift – “I Knew You Were Trouble”
5. Bruno Mars – “When I Was Your Man”
6. The Lumineers – “Ho Hey”
7. Swedish House Mafia – “Don’t You Worry Child”
8. Maroon 5 – “Daylight”
9. Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z – “Suit & Tie”
10. Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch – “Sweet Nothing”
11. The Script ft. will.i.am – “Hall of Fame”
12. A$AP Rocky ft. Drake, 2 Chainz, and Kendrick Lamar – “F**kin’ Problems”
13. Alicia Keys – “Girl on Fire”
14. P!nk – “Try”
15. Justin Bieber ft. Nicki Minaj – “Beauty and a Beat”
16. Kelly Clarkson – “Catch My Breath”
17. Of Monsters and Men – “Little Talks”
18. Imagine Dragons – “It’s Time”
19. Phillip Phillips – “Home”
20. Ke$ha – “C’Mon”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Little Talks
2. Thrift Shop
3. Try
4. Girl on Fire
5. C’Mon
6. It’s Time
7. Home
8. Ho Hey
9. Sweet Nothing
10. I Knew You Were Trouble
11. Don’t You Worry Child
12. Suit & Tie
13. F**kin’ Problems
14. My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
15. When I Was Your Man
16. Scream & Shout
17. Catch My Breath
18. Beauty and a Beat
19. Daylight
20. Hall of Fame
Cold Opening – Carnival Cruise Ship
One of those throw-a-bunch-of-stuff-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks sketches. And guess what: enough stuck! I probably enjoyed more than most the voice of Kenan yelling out, “There is no god!” Oscar PistROius? B
Christoph Waltz’s Monologue
I’m a sucker for a good pun, and “Who’s on wurst?” was far from the worst. B
Nice to see Tegan and Sara and Alabama Shakes on the Countdown Contenders, but you know who else we need to hear from? Atmosphere. (Check out the latest Target Everyday Collection commercial.)
Original Version
1. Mumford & Sons – “I Will Wait”
2. Alicia Keys – “Girl on Fire”
3. Taylor Swift – “I Knew You Were Trouble”
4. P!nk – “Try”
5. Imagine Dragons – “It’s Time”
6. Maroon 5 – “Daylight”
7. Bruno Mars – “Locked Out of Heaven”
8. Kelly Clarkson – “Catch My Breath”
9. Hunter Hayes – “Wanted”
10. will.i.am ft. Britney Spears – “Wanted”
11. fun. – “Carry On”
12. Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch – “Sweet Nothing”
13. Of Monsters and Men – “Little Talks”
14. Bruno Mars – “When I Was Your Man”
15. Matchbox Twenty – “Overjoyed”
16. Emeli Sandé – “Next to Me”
17. Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida – “Troublemaker”
18. Bon Jovi – “Because We Can”
19. Neon Trees ft. Kaskade – “Lessons in Love (All Day, All Night)”
20. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz – “Thrift Shop”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Little Talks
2. Locked Out of Heaven
3. Lessons in Love (All Day, All Night)
4. Thrift Shop
5. Try
6. Girl on Fire
7. It’s Time
8. Sweet Nothing
9. Carry On
10. Troublemaker
11. I Knew You Were Trouble
12. Next to Me
13. When I Was Your Man
14. I Will Wait
15. Wanted
16. Scream & Shout
17. Catch My Breath
18. Daylight
19. Overjoyed
20. Because We Can
If you watch an episode of Community like “Paranormal Parentage” and end up disappointed, then it is because you have high – perhaps impossibly high – standards when it comes to Community. That is understandable, considering how many all-time classic episodes Community has produced. And seeing as this is the Halloween (#Valloween) episode, it is doubly understandable, considering the show’s track record with Halloween episodes. But if you’re overly worried about this episode not measuring up to “Epidemiology” or even “Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps,” you’re liable to have missed what “Paranormal Parentage” had to offer. After Pierce locks himself in the panic room of his mansion (or so he says), the rest of the Greendale Seven are commissioned to spring him out – and possibly confront the ghost of his father. What follows is an homage of haunted house movies. The title suggests that Paranormal Activity may be the main inspiration, but this is actually the Scooby-Doo episode: a bunch of happenings that seem paranormal thanks to clever editing and misleading perspectives ultimately turn out to have a perfectly logical, though fiendishly complicated, explanation. That fitting conclusion allows for a couple of well-earned emotional beats: Pierce’s brother Gilbert (a very welcome Giancarlo Esposito) returns, and the two embrace after deciding to be roommates, and Pierce’s daddy issues lead into those of Jeff, who it is revealed has tracked down his father (and been wearing his boxing gloves). Joel McHale plays these dramatic beats better than perhaps any of his others in the series. The strengths and weaknesses of this episode are flipped compared to those of last week’s premiere: the emotional beats land cleanly, while the humor isn’t as raucous. That isn’t to say there weren’t any moments that made me laugh. There were in fact enough to make this episode satisfying, particularly Annie nervously calling out to a missing Abed that if he is doing that thing “like that part in that movie” to stop it because she doesn’t watch scary movies and “therefore can’t appreciate the reference.” Britta’s overeager therapizing is also a delight, especially the “Ziggy Freud” malapropism and Jeff’s command that she “stop answering phones.” Also, like Abed, I too remember dates by movie releases. B+
Original Version
1. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz – “Thrift Shop”
2. will.i.am ft. Britney Spears – “Scream & Shout”
3. Taylor Swift – “I Knew You Were Trouble”
4. The Lumineers – “Ho Hey”
5. Bruno Mars – “Locked Out of Heaven”
6. Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z – “Suit & Tie”
7. Swedish House Mafia – “Don’t You Worry Child”
8. Maroon 5 – “Daylight”
9. Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch – “Sweet Nothing”
10. A$AP Rocky ft. Drake, 2 Chainz, and Kendrick Lamar – “F**kin’ Problems”
11. Justin Bieber ft. Nicki Minaj – “Beauty and a Beat”
12. Kelly Clarkson – “Catch My Breath”
13. Imagine Dragons – “It’s Time”
14. Alicia Keys – “Girl on Fire”
15. Of Monsters and Men – “Little Talks”
16. Phillip Phillips – “Home”
17. P!nk – “Try”
18. Ke$ha – “C’Mon”
19. The Script ft. will.i.am – “Hall of Fame”
20. Pitbull ft. TJR – “Don’t Stop the Party”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Little Talks
2. Locked Out of Heaven
3. Girl on Fire
4. C’Mon
5. Try
6. Thrift Shop
7. It’s Time
8. Home
9. Ho Hey
10. Sweet Nothing
11. I Knew You Were Trouble
12. Don’t You Worry Child
13. Suit & Tie
14. F**kin’ Problems
15. Scream & Shout
16. Catch My Breath
17. Don’t Stop the Party
18. Beauty and a Beat
19. Daylight
20. Hall of Fame
2012 was not the best year for music videos, which is fair because 2011 was perfectly solid, and 2010 gave us some true standard-bearers. Meanwhile, 2012 was an excellent year for movies, while 2011’s cinematic output was relatively lackluster. You win some, you lose some. 2012’s music videos were not as filled with interesting narratives and unique, groundbreaking concepts as much as other recent years. That lack may explain why striking imagery carried the day for the best of 2012; “beautiful” is probably my most frequently used word to describe my top 10, and I don’t remember ever being as complimentary of the cinematography as I am this year.
1. Lana Del Rey – “Ride” [Dir. Anthony Mandler]
Who makes videos like this one anymore? Who ever made videos like this? Sure, there have been plenty of long-form music videos (and plenty of classic ones at that), but nothing quite like the baroque extravaganzas from Ms. Del Rey. This video’s whole story of Lana as this lost girl may just be completely made up. Or maybe it’s not. Either way, it’s aggressively fascinating. The lingering, lascivious camera, the wild mix of patriotism and Native American props and imagery, the wide-open cinematography, the tire swing connected to the sky – surely, this was what music videos were invented for.
2. M.I.A. – “Bad Girls” [Dir. Romain Gavras]
Leave it to M.I.A. – the best political music video provocateur around – to make a video of car drifting a statement of support for Saudi women drivers. The widescreen cinematography is beautiful, while M.I.A. and the other drifters are badass. Those two elements are enough on their own to make a memorable video. The feminist message would also be enough by itself. Somehow, together, they are synergistic.
3. Lana Del Rey – “National Anthem” [Dir. Anthony Mandler]
Lana Del Rey casting herself as Jackie O. surely must mean something. A$AP Rocky as JFK is intriguing, to say the least. The grainy, home-video style footage also captures the attention. I am not sure what it all means together, and I am not sure Lana knew either when she made it. Meaning often comes after creation. Now that this attention grabber of a video has been made, let’s see if we can find some meaning out of it. Lana is making an American myth of herself – surely something must stick.
4. Katy Perry – “Wide Awake” [Dir. Tony T. Datis]
Katy Perry used to strike me as, not exactly artificial – synthetic, perhaps. Now that she has made it to the point of her career where “Wide Awake” stands, I realize she may be the most authentic pop star out there. Hers is a finely put-together package, sure, but there is honesty in the assembly. She’s lived enough that she’s not going to blindly accept the fairy tale life she has aspired to, and she’s got the imagery to prove it, particularly the Freddy Krueger-esque paparazzo.
5. Psy – “Gangnam Style”
I’m not overly familiar with K-Pop, so I will just take Psy’s word when he says that “Gangnam Style” is a satire of the K-Pop aesthetic. I am familiar, however, with videos in which guys are blown away by ladies’ hindquarters, and “Gangnam” takes that trope to beautiful extremes. And the horsey dance – that happened.
6. David Byrne & St. Vincent – “Who” [Dir. Martin de Thurah]
In this black and white stunner from David Byrne and St. Vincent, the two of them look forward – never towards the camera – with cold eyes, but there is passion in their bodies. They are practically compelled to complete their dancing mission. Even St. Vincent’s lying on the ground is incredible posing. A triumph of physicality.
7. Ke$ha – “Die Young” [Dir. Darren Craig]
Guess what, world? The joke’s on you: there is a lot going on in the “Die Young” video, but none of it means anything! And that’s the way it’s always been with K-girl. Indeed, it is true that there is a mess of Illuminati symbols present in this video, as there have been in many recent pop videos. But it’s always been a bunch of noise. Ke$ha lays to rest the idea that it was ever anything else. (Or tricks us into thinking so…) So let’s all just have an orgiastic time.
The “Radioactive” video features a puppet fight in the style of a cockfight. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a commentary on animal rights or something like that. Or how it has anything to do with the song, for that matter. But with Lou Diamond Phillips, Alexandra Daddario and her incredibly deep eyes, and those puppets, how can I say no?
9. Woodkid – “Run Boy Run” [Dir. Yoann Lemoine]
I am not sure if the “Run Boy Run” video means much beyond what it is on its surface: a boy on a quest. But does it need to be anything more than that? A young boy’s imagination run wild is perfect fodder for a music video: chased by monsters while on the way to a castle – that’s something to watch. Plus, the whole thing just looks beautiful.
10. Calvin Harris – “Feel So Close” [Dir. Vincent Haycock]
The video for “Feel So Close” captures the feeling of bliss that the song also captures so well. With its montage of spirited dancing, kissing, playful banter, and smiling among young and old, male and female, with an M&M-worthy color palette set against a sunny summer day leading into the sunset, this living in the moment is about as close to heaven life can get.
Cold Opening – Super Bowl LXVII
The problem with making fun of an announcing crew as bland as that of CBS’s NFL crew is that the parody is probably going to be somewhat bland itself. Which isn’t to say there were no good gags, it’s just that the whole affair was excessively dry. Is Shannon Sharpe really that thick-headed? J.B. admitting that he’s never seen 2 Broke Girls was clutch. B-
Justin Bieber’s Monologue
Who farts more: Whoopi Goldberg or Blake Shelton? Or Bieber? This was kind of funny. Short, though. B-
In addition to the normal Oscar Contest, here is the second annual Alternative Oscar Contest. Answer each of the ten questions; some are multiple choice, some – not so much. The winner will receive a video of me congratulating that winner on his or her win that will be sent to that person and posted on YouTube. The Oscar ceremony will air at 8:00 PM Eastern Standard Time on Sunday, February 24, on ABC. To enter the contest, e-mail your predictions to me at jmunneyoscarcontest@gmail.com. (Note the new e-mail address this year.) All entries must be received by 7:59 on Sunday, February 24, 2012.
1. What movie will win the most awards? (If more than one movie ties for the most wins, then each or all of those movies will be considered a correct answer.)
2. What will be the first category presented?
3. What will the first commercial be for?
4. How many of the acting winners will cry during their acceptance speeches?
5. How long will the show be?
A. Under 3 hours
B. 3 hours-just under 3 ½ hours
C. 3 ½ hours-just under 4 hours
D. Over 4 hours
6. Who will present the award for Best Picture?
7. How many acceptance speeches will include foreign words and phrases?
8. Will host Seth MacFarlane open with a montage of clips that he appears in or a stand-up routine?
9. How many times will the orchestra start playing while a winner is still giving the acceptance speech?
10. How many winners will not be present to accept their awards? (Multiple winners honored for the same win count as one.)
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