‘The Garfield Movie’ is Like 100 Tons of the Silliest Lasagna You’ve Ever Consumed

May 21, 2024

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This review was written on a Monday. (CREDIT: DNEG Animation)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Samuel L. Jackson, Hannah Waddingham, Ving Rhames, Nicholas Hoult, Cecily Strong, Harvey Guillén, Brett Goldstein, Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Snoop Dogg

Director: Mark Dindal

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: PG for Kitty Calamities

Release Date: May 24, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Everyone’s favorite lasagna-loving feline is back on the big screen, and this time, it’s called… The Garfield Movie! (I guess all those other cinematic outings were merely “A” Garfield Movie?) Anyway, now he’s voiced by Chris Pratt, and his gluttony is fueled by his owner Jon Arbuckle’s (Nicholas Hoult) seemingly limitless credit card and all the food delivery apps he can get his paws. He’s pretty happy just lounging around devouring his daily feasts with his beagle buddy Odie (Harvey Guillén). But then his absentee dad Vic (Samuel L. Jackson) shows up out of the blue to wrangle him into a hero’s journey, as they attempt to heist some milk from a farm to square away Vic’s debt with Jinx (Hannah Waddingham), the devilish crime boss Persian cat.

What Made an Impression?: Slingshot All Day: I’m not going to call out a cartoon for its unrealistic portrayal of physics. After all, part of the advantages of this medium is that it doesn’t have to be bound by the laws of science in the same way that live action movies are. That comes into play with a series of train-based set pieces, as Garfield fails to board one of the cars cleanly and ends up getting bounced around by a ridiculous series of objects providing an inordinate amount of thrust. I wasn’t scandalized by the lack of respect for the natural world, but I was befuddled. Perhaps if I had been in a sillier mood, I would have been more ready to throw out a laugh or several.
Wait, What World is This?: The plot of The Garfield Movie isn’t much to write about (or at least it’s not much that I’m interested in writing about), so instead I’m focusing on the weird details that made me go, what the heck is the context here? To wit: at one point during Garfield’s adventures getting tossed hither and thither, he flies by a giant balloon float version of… himself. So does that mean that this movie is taking place on Thanksgiving? And that Garfield is famous in this world as an actual real-world somewhat-anthropomorphic kitty?
Also, what’s the deal with all the blatant product placement? I guess Garfield is just a classic capitalist consumer with a bad case of brand loyalty. Perhaps you won’t notice these details as much as I did. Or perhaps you will notice them but will find them amusing. The people in my screening who were cracking up the most appeared to be in their twenties or thirties, so you apparently don’t need to be a kid for these shenanigans to work. But you probably do need to hate Mondays and LOVE telling people that you hate Mondays.

The Garfield Movie is Recommended If You: Believe That Mass Quantities of Food Are the Most Hilarious Thing Ever

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Tabbies

‘Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3,’ What Are Ya Doin’ to Me?

May 23, 2023

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Hey, Rocket Raccoon, what did you do? (CREDIT: Marvel Entertainment/Screenshot)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldaña, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Vin Diesel, Chukwudi Iwuji, Will Poulter, Sean Gunn, Linda Cardellini, Nathan Fillion, Sylvester Stallone, Elizabeth Debicki, Maria Bakalova, Nico Santos, Miriam Shor

Director: James Gunn

Running Time: 150 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: May 5, 2023

I nodded off a fair amount during Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 (post-half marathon recovery), which felt appropriate, because I think my subconscious recognized that I would have been too overwhelmed otherwise. There were A LOT of creatures being mistreated – my emotions can only handle so much!

With that in mind, I feel compelled to be more nakedly emotional than usual:
-Two and a half hours? Egads!
-Rocket, I feel so close to you now!
-Cosmo is such a good dog!

Grade: 275 Evolutions out of 400 Suburbs

‘The Super Mario Bros. Movie’ Keeps It Faithful, But Why Not Be Weirder?

April 4, 2023

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Plumbing the depths (CREDIT: Nintendo and Universal Studios)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Anya-Taylor Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan Michael-Key, Seth Rogen, Fred Armisen, Sebastian Maniscalco, Charles Martinet, Kevin Michael Richardson

Directors: Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: PG for Scrapes and Scuffles That Don’t Leave a Mark

Release Date: April 5, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Mario brothers are ready to take their plumbing business to the next level! Better watch out for those pipes, though. Based on the long-running series of Nintendo video games, the gang’s all here in the faithfully colorful Super Mario Bros. Movie. Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) find themselves suddenly sucked into a fantastical kingdom where wooden blocks hold the promise of physical transformation. They team up with Princess Peach (Anya-Taylor Joy) to defeat the over-the-top villainous Bowser (Jack Black), while a mushroom creature (Keegan Michael-Key) and a goofy gorilla (Seth Rogen) round out the core crew.

What Made an Impression?: Mario and Luigi have of course made it onto the big screen before, though 1993’s live-action Super Mario Bros. was widely considered an unmitigated disaster. Bizarrely enough, this latest cinematic adventure keeps the same basic skeleton, as the Mario brothers drive around Brooklyn in their plumbing van, only to then find themselves in the middle of an interdimensional conflict. But beyond that shared setup, it’s a vastly different journey this time. The 1993 version isn’t exactly a misunderstood classic, but it is unlike pretty much anything else that came before or after. Meanwhile, this computer-animated update is basically a series of right-down-the-middle cutscenes.

It’s harmless and amusing in spots, but stripped of way too much personality. It all starts with the voice of the stocky fellow at the center. Chris Pratt has some useful tools in his skill set, but bringing to life an iconically cartoonish ball of energy is not one of them. There’s even a joke about how he sounds nothing like the Mario of the video games! Now look, Bob Hoskins didn’t exactly sound like classic Mario either, but he brought something undeniably unique. Pratt’s mandate, meanwhile, appears to be to turn him into Bland Everyman Hero.

At least everyone else is able to stretch and have some fun. Black in particular has a blast, as he transforms Bowser into the dragon-turtle version of Tenacious D, while Fred Armisen’s Cranky Kong sounds just like his impression of Anna Nicole Smith trial judge Larry Seidlin. There are also plenty of reliable needle drops, though I’m not sure some of them have anything to do with Mario. (“Take on Me,” anyone?) Ultimately, my favorite part of The Super Mario Bros. Movie is the Illumination logo at the beginning that features a Minion attempting to drive a go-kart, which led me to realize that it’s high time to incorporate those little yellow fellas into the Nintendo universe.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie is Recommended If You Like: Bright colors and simple plots

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Power Ups

‘Jurassic World: Dominion’ Takes it Worldwide

June 8, 2022

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Jurassic World Dominion (CREDIT: John Wilson/Universal Pictures and Amblin Entertainment)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Sam Neill, DeWanda Wise, Mamoudou Athie, BD Wong, Omar Sy, Isabella Sermon, Campbell Scott, Justice Smith

Director: Colin Trevorrow

Running Time: 146 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Intense Dino Chomps

Release Date: June 10, 2022

What would happen if dinosaurs came back to life and then spread out all over the world? Dr. Ian Malcolm would crack jokes about it, you can be sure of that! Of course, that’s what always happens whenever Jeff Goldblum is in a Jurassic Park/World movie, even when the dino habitat is more contained. And that really illuminates how Dominion is just like any other movie in this series. It contains all the typical narrow escapes from T-Rexes and velociraptors, just with some Indiana Jones-style globetrotting thrown in. There’s at least a hint at first that things will be different this time around, as an opening news report seems to indicate that we’re in store for a probing examination about the global consequences of Arrogant Science Run Amok. But instead we mostly get everyone chasing after a MacGuffin. That’s understandable, because the MacGuffin is also one of the main characters. But still, the appeal of Dominion can be boiled down to: A Bigger Scale, But Also Everything is the Same.

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‘The Tomorrow War’ Review: Mike Mitchell Edition

July 1, 2021

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The Tomorrow War (CREDIT: Amazon Studios)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, J.K. Simmons, Betty Gilpin, Sam Richardson, Edwin Hodge, Jasmine Mathews, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Keith Powers, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mike Mitchell

Director: Chris McKay

Running Time: 140 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Alien Scum

Release Date: July 2, 2021 (Amazon Prime Video)

The Tomorrow War stars Chris Pratt as the leader of a fight between Earth and invading aliens in which he must be sent 30 years in the future. He teams up with a ragtag crew, including a future version of his young daughter (Yvonne Strahovski). But I’m not here to talk about them. Instead, this review is all about Mike Mitchell, who’s about 12th on the call sheet, but he’s pretty much the only reason I wanted to watch this movie. Mitchell is primarily known as a podcaster and a member of the Birthday Boys sketch comedy group, the latter of which featured him as a friendly alien who sings a jingle at birthday parties. His podcasting duties include co-hosting Doughboys, in which he reviews chain restaurants. The Tomorrow War, meanwhile, does not feature him chowing down on any good grub, which feels like a missed opportunity.

I’m guessing that Mitchell was cast to be the comic relief character, or one of the comic relief characters. And there needed to be multiple ones! Because, you see, the best part involving Mitch happens when Chris Pratt asks Mary Lynn Rajskub’s character what her name is, and she says “Norah,” which is indeed her character’s name. And then he immediately asks Mitch’s character what his name is, and he also says “Norah.” It’s really well-timed, I promise!

If you’re like me and watching The Tomorrow War only for the Mike Mitchell, you’ll have to be patient, because he’s only in a small percentage of it. But luckily today’s technology allows you to fast-forward and rewind as you please.And there’s also perhaps a consolation prize, as Sam Richardson (of Veep and Detroiters fame) has much more screen time, a good portion of which is meant to be funny. There’s one moment in particular when he continuously shouts a certain four-letter word over and over about a couple dozen times in a row. So I guess this review wasn’t entirely focused on Mike Mitchell. I hope you can forgive me.

The Tomorrow War is Recommended If You Like: Fast-forwarding through Amazon Prime Video’s viewing experience

Grade: 2 out of 5 Doughboys

Onward I Go with My Thoughts on ‘Onward’

April 13, 2020

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CREDIT: Pixar/YouTube Screenshot

There’s a certain trope that’s kind of popular in TV and movies. And you can tell that it’s popular because the characters are always so enthusiastic when it happens. In fact, it’s kind of defined by its enthusiasm. I’m talking about, you guessed it, the almighty Title Drop! It’s that triumphant moment when movie characters say the name of the movie within the course of the movie itself. If they do it really well, it makes you go, “Hey, that’s the name of the movie!” (Thanks, Arrested Development!) And Onward, as it turns out, has a doozy of a title drop. In fact, I’ve decided I would like to evaluate the entire film based on how strong that title drop is.

But first, I’ll run through some more straightforward thoughts I have. This tale of elf bros Ian (Tom Holland) and Barley (Chris Pratt) attempting to resurrect their dad for one day feels like a pretty straightforward quest adventure, although it does have the added twist of taking place in a world where magic has petered out despite the population of magical creatures. Ultimately a big part of your enjoyment of Onward will likely depend on how much you connect to its message of brotherhood. And as a brother, and someone who has a brother, I must fairly say, I felt the brotherly vibes. If you too are a brother, or have ever imagined what it feels like to be a brother, you might feel similarly.

Now, back to that title drop. As the action is really starting to ramp up, with Ian taking the wheel of Barley’s trusty van Guinevere, Barley commands, “Put it in ‘O’ for ‘Onward’!”

Did that moment make me go … well, you know?

Indeed it did.

Success!

Movie Review: ‘The Lego Movie 2’ Has Some More Valuable Lessons to Teach Us With Bright Colors and Peppy Songs

February 5, 2019

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CREDIT: Warner Bros.

Starring: Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Tiffany Haddish, Stephanie Beatriz, Charlie Day, Alison Brie, Nick Offerman

Director: Mike Mitchell

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: PG for Traumatizing Lego Destruction

Release Date: February 8, 2019

Where does a sequel go after the original makes such a definitive statement? This is the conundrum facing The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part. (That subtitle is infinitely unnecessary, but not indicative of the movie’s humor as a whole, and also this title would have looked rather naked without a subtitle.) 2015’s first part summed up in cinematic form the whole ethos of the iconic Danish building blocks: in a world that often favors rigidity and conformity, you cannot give up on your individuality, because everyone can be and is special. Childlike imagination and wonder are what fueled The Lego Movie to be as successful as it was. Those values will get you pretty far in life. So why do any more statements need to be made?

It turns out that while The Lego Movie offers a philosophy with wide-ranging applicability, it is not quite a grand unified theory that covers absolutely everything. It spoke to the power of a singular creative vision, but The Second Part demonstrates how collaboration is equally vital. Emmet Brickowski (Chris Pratt) and his Lego friends are now living in the wasteland Apocalypseburg, because in the human world that is controlling them, a little sister has invaded the playspace of her big brother. So Emmet, Lucy (Elizabeth Banks), Batman (Will Arnett), and company head out to broker a peace with some differently designed block-creatures. This leads to permanent bachelor Batman becoming engaged to a sparkly shape-shifter voiced by Tiffany Haddish, while Superman (Channing Tatum) lives happily alongside General Zod in a Stepford-esque perfect suburb.

Sizing up the situation, Emmet believes that his mission is to free his friends from the brainwashing of strangers. But while it may seem that all is not what it seems, it turns out that that particular mystery trope is not being played as straight as you might expect. The Lego Movie taught us to be skeptical about a constantly smiling world insisting that everything is awesome, but it also taught us that awesomeness sometimes really is awesome if it has genuine feeling behind it. The candy-coated invading milieu of The Second Part initially appears to be fundamentally suspicious. But sometimes a bright, peppy outer layer is only covering a bright and rewarding core. Sometimes a catchy song that jams itself right in your head is so buoyant that you’re happy it’s stuck there. Belief in yourself is important, but don’t forget to be open-minded about everyone else.

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part is Recommended If You Like: The Lego Movie and its spin-offs, Playing with your siblings

Grade: 4 out of 5 Catchy Songs

This Is a Movie Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

June 21, 2018

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CREDIT: Universal Studios and Amblin Entertainment, Inc.
and Legendary Pictures Productions, LLC.

I give Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom 3 out of 5 Eruptions: https://uinterview.com/reviews/movies/jurassic-world-fallen-kingdom-movie-review-dino-sequel-provides-action-with-surprising-drama/

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2’ Fulfills Its Blockbuster Duty

May 1, 2017

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This review was originally published on News Cult in May 2017.

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Elizabeth Debicki, Kurt Russell

Director: James Gunn

Running Time: 136 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Space Opera Whiz Bang and Discussions About the Facts of Life

Release Date: May 5, 2017

As fun as this era of Marvel-ous moviemaking can be, a corporate agenda gets in the way of originality. But it is not necessarily the blueprint of interconnected universes that mandates that every superhero movie must end with a fight for the survival of the planet. That is simply this genre’s instinct. If you want to avoid it, you have to fight it. And expanding the setting to multiple galaxies is not the way to do so. That just raises the stakes. Instead of just Earth, it is the fate of the entire universe that hangs in the balance. Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 cannot help but be a part of this exhausting pattern, but it does what it can by rendering this gigantic fight as personal as possible.

When Peter Quill’s (Chris Pratt) long-lost papa Ego (Kurt Russell) shows up, Quill suspects that the reunion is a little too perfect. Gamora (Zoe Saldana) convinces him to give his dad a chance, assuring him that if treachery is afoot, killing him is always an option. So they, alongside Drax (Dave Bautista) and Ego’s empathic companion Mantis (Pom Klementieff) head off to Ego’s home planet. It looks like an idyllic utopia, but eventually it is revealed that Ego is the planet, and his intentions with his son may not be so aboveboard. The threat of universal apocalypse thereby feels intimate because it depends upon how Quill will or will not be manipulated.

Meanwhile, Rocket (Bradley Cooper) and Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) are holding down the fort elsewhere and forming unlikely, but satisfying, alliances with Yondu (Michael Rooker) and Nebula (Karen Gillan). They must deal with an onslaught from a new race of aliens that I do not feel like getting into. They are probably here because they will factor significantly into future Marvel Cinematic Universe installments, but for now, they are a distraction from the main conflict. I am not opposed in principle to splitting up the main crew. Rocket and Groot, after all, have a delightful C-3PO/R2-D2-style repartee wherever they go. They can do their own thing, it just does not need to be so extensive when the main thrust is already so all-encompassing.

While vol. 2 does fall prey to sequel bloat, the Guardians crew is reliable enough for their adventures to have a pretty high floor. The banter is top-notch, fueled as it is by intergalactic culture clash. Gamora attempts to comfort Quill by referencing his attachment to a certain beloved-by-Germans celebrity, but she totally botches the details. Quill later fires back with a Cheers analogy of their relationship that is adorably confused. Drax demonstrates how his race is quite open about discussing sexual matters with a colorful description of his parents’ experiences. This is all helped along by Mantis’ empathic abilities, in which she can feel others’ emotions and thus open up the dams holding back honesty. The pinnacle of all this sharing is Baby Groot’s opinion on hats (which does not even need Mantis’ prompting).

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 is Recommended If You Like: “I am Groot.” “I am Groot?” “I AMMM GROOOOOOOT!”

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Sweet Sounds of the Seventies

This Is a Movie Review: Passengers

December 19, 2016

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passengers-jen-looks-sad

This review was originally published on News Cult in December 2016.

Starring: Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen

Director: Morten Tyldum

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Pratt Butt and J-Law Sideboob

Release Date: December 21, 2016

WARNING: This review is SPOILER-heavy.

The first 30 minutes or so of Passengers is not exactly what you have seen advertised in the trailers. That is surely on purpose, because it is not the sort of thing that pops in whizbang mainstream cinema. The ads might lead you to believe that Jim Preston (Chris Pratt) and Aurora Lane (Jennifer Lawrence) wake up simultaneously 90 years too soon from their faulty hibernation pods, but in fact, Jim is all by his lonesome for about a year. Thus the film kicks off with Pratt knocking about in Homeless Lumberjack Chic.

Personally, I would be happy to watch 2 hours of this. There is plenty of hilarity in Jim’s interactions with a spaceship programmed to promise a bright future, which play like a horror satire of cultish weekend resorts. Jim however turns to despair, with only Android Bartender Michael Sheen keeping him from sliding into complete insanity. Robot companions make so many things bearable.

This particular robot companion, however, is not built to solve Jim’s dilemma. So when he discovers Aurora, he believes he has found the human connection to shake him back to life … this despite really only having her looks to establish an attraction. But I get it – sometimes a photo of a rando has struck my fancy, leading me to wonder, “What is the mystery behind this person?” The film also tries to suggest that Jim is won over by Aurora’s writing, but the words of hers we are privy to are rather banal – that nagging movie shortcoming in which a supposed expert’s works are not particularly impressive.

The more pressing issue is the ethical quandary regarding the appropriateness of Jim waking Aurora up. While his motives are presented as primarily selfish, they are not without justification. The ship is critically malfunctioning, and he does not have access to any of the areas that would allow him to fix it. Nor can he wake up any crew members, as he does not have access to their hibernation pods either. But from Aurora’s perspective, this is a huge violation of her agency. There is a chance to play this as a horror movie about the loss of control, and Lawrence is all ready to go to that vein of darkness, but she is granted precious little time to do so.

Passengers climaxes as Titanic in Space, which is to say: those who made the spaceship had the hubris to claim that there is no way it can possibly fail. The A.I. running the ship is categorically unable to process any malfunction. This is at least the third promising premise this film has at its disposal but also the least interestingly executed. The action moves along briskly, but it is overly methodical and flavorless, too concerned with just getting from Point A to Point B.

Despite its shortcomings, I generally enjoyed Passengers. Part of that is surely due to the magnetism of Pratt and Lawrence (and the slyness of Sheen). But even moreso, I am amused by the off-kilter dialogue, in which absurdly large numbers like “8 quadrillion dollars” are bandied about like they’re nothing. (Why are there such big numbers? Because, it’s THE FUTURE!) Then there are the indelible neologisms like “Ultimate Geographical Suicide.” The flaws of Passengers are unavoidable, but so are its irrepressible bursts of personality.

Passengers is Recommended If You Like: Titanic minus all the extras and supporting cast crossed with the post-apocalypse

The First 30 Minutes of Passengers Are Recommended If You Like: The pilot episode of The Last Man on Earth

Grade: 3 out of 5 Space Basketball Pickup Games

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