Watching ‘The Long Walk’ is Its Own Sort of Exhausting (And That’s the Idea)

September 3, 2025

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Long Walk, Don’t Short Run, to Theaters (Credit: Murray Close/Lionsgate)

Starring: Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Mark Hamill, Ben Wang, Garrett Wareing, Joshua Odjick, Tut Nuyot, Charlie Plummer, Roman Griffin Davis, Jordan Gonzalez, Judy Greer, Josh Hamilton

Director: Francis Lawrence

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Stunning Violence, Pesky Bodily Functions, and Young Men Dropping a Whole Lot of F-Bombs

Release Date: September 12, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In the days of a totalitarian regime in a dystopian United States, the ruling party has concocted an annual contest to keep hope alive among the citizens while also brutally reminding them who’s in charge. The rules are simple: walk, or die. To get a little more detailed, the young men in the Long Walk must maintain a speed of at least three miles per hour the entire time. If they slow down too much for too long, or stray from the prescribed path, they will be instantly executed. The last one moving – and still alive – is declared the victor and given a life-changing cash prize. Friendships and resentments alike are forged in this crucible, and maybe even a little revolution is also brewing.

What Made an Impression?: Influencing and Influenced: It’s hard not to look at a dystopian story about young people and not go, “Hey, how did we end up back in Panem?!” Of course, though, The Hunger Games doesn’t have a monopoly on this subgenre. Furthermore, The Long Walk is based on an early Stephen King novel, published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman in 1979, whereas Suzanne Collins’ first novel about Katniss & Co. arrived on shelves in 2008. Plus, once you get past the superficial similarities, you realize that The Long Walk is delivering something more intimate, i.e., a simultaneous test of both endurance and claustrophobia. Which is to say, it’s very much its own thing.
You Can’t Outwalk Yourself: Humans generally aren’t used to walking hundreds of miles nonstop, so at a certain point, the body is prone to rebel or otherwise declare, “Hey, I’ve got some other stuff to take care of.” So it’s no surprise that the Long Walkers start experiencing plenty of cuts and scrapes and cramps and twists. Not to mention all the waste forcing its way out in the form of classic feces or the voices emerging from their heads. I appreciate that this wasn’t presented in Smell-O-Vision.
No Escape: I’m a long-distance runner with a few marathons under my belt, but I’ve never experienced anything quite as exhausting as The Long Walk. Perhaps that’s why it’s managed to worm its way into my subconscious so comfortably despite being a mostly unpleasant viewing experience. The unrelenting bleakness also certainly helps with that unforgettability. Ultimately, the biggest compliment I can pay this movie is: I don’t want to constantly remember it, but it won’t let me forget.

The Long Walk is Recommended If You Like: Stephen King at his bleakest, Dystopias at their bleakest, Nihilist poop jokes

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Legs

‘Saturday Night’ Seeks to Capture the Prelude to One of the Biggest Seventh Days of the Week of All Time

September 26, 2024

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I’m not Chevy Chase, and they’re not (CREDIT: Hopper Stone/Columbia Pictures)

Starring: Gabriel LaBelle, Rachel Sennott, Cory Michael Smith, Ella Hunt, Dylan O’Brien, Emily Fairn, Matt Wood, Lamorne Morris, Kim Matula, Finn Wolfhard, Nicholas Braun, Cooper Hoffman, Kaia Gerber, Andrew Barth Feldman, Tommy Dewey, Willem Dafoe, Matthew Rhys, J.K. Simmons, Jon Batiste, Naomi McPherson, Taylor Gray, Mcabe Gregg, Nicholas Podany, Billy Bryk, Ellen Boscov, Joe Chrest, Catherine Curtin, Leander Suleiman, Paul Rust, Robert Wuhl, Corinne Britti, Kirsty Woodward, Josh Brener, Brad Garrett

Director: Jason Reitman

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R for General Crudeness and Casual Backstage Drug Use, and One Unsolicited Private Release

Release Date: September 27, 2024 (Limited Theaters)/Expands October 4 and October 11

What’s It About?: As the prophet declared, “The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready, it goes on because it’s 11:30.” While that is a widely accepted maxim in 2024, a few decades ago it was met by the masses with an outpouring of skepticism. According to Saturday Night director Jason Reitman and his co-writer Gil Kenan’s telling, things were so touch-and-go that the first episode of Lorne Michaels’ brainchild barely made it to air in one piece. While the hour-and-a-half that began on the National Broadcasting Company at 11:30 PM Eastern on October 11, 1975 has since been immortalized, the hour-and-a-half that immediately preceded it was also apparently quite the transformative odyssey. And so, Saturday Night‘s log line is quite simple: the real-time chaos that led right up to the birth of one of the most famous TV shows of all time.

What Made an Impression?: Would You Accept a Wolverine in Place of the Truth?: Saturday Night is filled with an unending series of too-perfect coincidences that I don’t really have any interest in fact-checking (at least not in terms of whether or not they make for a worthwhile movie). Like, did John Belushi really refuse to sign his contract until approximately 15 minutes before the cameras started rolling? Surely that must have been sorted out days, if not weeks, earlier? I suppose it’s dramatically true enough, as Belushi was certainly known for being erratic. Some of these stunningly on-the-nose moments are kind of funny, like when Lorne has a sarcastic back-and-forth with a building employee who supposedly thinks that he’s producing Saturday night the night, as opposed to Saturday Night the TV show. But then there are similar incidents that I found myself groaning at, like Milton Berle lecturning everyone he encounters about the way that showbiz really works (although J.K. Simmons does play Uncle Miltie with the just right flavor of stunningly pompous).
Inescapable Iconography: It’s hard to imagine that Saturday Night will be anyone’s introduction to SNL. Even if you don’t watch every new episode like clockwork, you’ve surely encountered some of it through cultural osmosis. But save for a couple of semi-unavoidable bits, the movie mostly avoids the pitfall of simply recreating memes and catchphrases. Nevertheless, it isn’t like this is a completely untold story. The behind-the-scenes foibles have been recounted in numerous outlets on numerous occasions, and the characters are based on quite famous real people, many of whom are still alive. So it’s no surprise that some of these performances are mostly glorified impressions. To be fair, some of them are quite good impressions. Dylan O’Brien in particular captures the singularly rat-a-tat patter of Dan Aykroyd. Others have room to go a little deeper, especially Gabriel LaBelle in the lead, as he effectively captures the harried arrogance and earnestness of attempting to spark a revolution through television. But as good as LaBelle is, I can’t help but look at him and go, “That’s not Lorne Michaels.” It’s close, but not quite. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it is uncanny.
It’s Saturday Night, and You’re Not: I kind of wish that Saturday Night had gone the Weird biopic route, by maintaining some semblance of reality while obviously comedically exaggerating everything else. It certainly would have been in the spirit of a sketch show that has aired plenty of memorable parodies in its own right. Of course, it would be unfair to review it for not being something that it’s not trying to be. But it’s still fun to wonder, “What if?” As it is, we’ve got something that feels like cosplay populated by body snatchers. It’s energetic and loving cosplay, but the thrills are mostly theoretical rather than visceral.

Saturday Night is Recommended If You Like: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Really sticking it to the censors, Bricks

Grade: 3 out of 5 Affiliates

‘Licorice Pizza’ Invites Us to Come of Age, P.T. Anderson-Style

November 24, 2021

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Licorice Pizza (CREDIT: Paul Thomas Anderson/Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures)

Starring: Alana Haim, Cooper Hoffman, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, John Michael Higgins, Skyler Gisondo, Este Haim, Danielle Haim, Moti Haim, Donna Haim, Christine Ebersole, Sean Penn, Tom Waits, Bradley Cooper, Benny Safdie, Joseph Cross, Maya Rudolph

Director: Paul Thomas Anderson

Running Time: 133 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Indelicate Language

Release Date: November 26, 2021 (Theaters)/Expands December 25, 2021

When I hear the title “Licorice Pizza,” it makes me think of that classic Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen song about putting every conceivable topping you can think of on the top of the crust. I can’t help but shout, “Licorice? Put it on the pizza!” But as it turns out, the directorial approach of Paul Thomas Anderson vis-a-vis Licorice Pizza has basically nothing in common with the Olsen twins. That’s okay, though!

Instead, this movie has me feeling like Linda Richman, which is to say, “Licorice Pizza is neither licorice, nor pizza: discuss.” So discuss I will! A couple of kiddos named Alana (Alana Haim) and Gary (Cooper Hoffman) cross paths in 1973 in the San Fernando Valley and then strike up a sorta-friendship, maybe-romance, partnership-in-hustling. Gary’s an accomplished child actor, but when he meets up with Alana, they switch their focus to selling waterbeds. They eventually splinter off into their own interests, as they get involved with the likes of politics and pinball legalization, contend with a gas crisis, and meet a bunch of memorable characters along the way. It feels like Anderson wanted to make a movie about some of the touchstone moments of his youth (or toddlerhood – he was born in 1970) and created a couple of central characters who could Forrest Gump their way through it all. Not a bad idea if you have a knack for populating an ensemble cast full of an endless stream of oddballs and eccentrics.

One question I had throughout watching Licorice Pizza was:just how old are Alana and Gary really? She says she’s 25, and he says he’s 15, which sounds perfectly plausible at first. But it’s of course more than a little concerning that a twentysomething would be hanging out so much with a teenager. Although it doesn’t come across as creepy as it could, mostly because Gary feels a lot older than he ostensibly is. I suppose that’s the lot of the child actor, to mature faster than everyone else (in some ways). Furthermore, when you consider all the various business ventures that are launched and folded over the course of the runtime, it feels like multiple years must be passing. So I started to surmise that maybe Gary was a little older by the end of it all anyway. But actually, I’m pretty sure all this action somehow takes place within one year (or less!). Latchkey kids apparently could get away with a lot way back when. Or in Gary’s case, teenage adults could do pretty much whatever they wanted in the 70s. These are the discombobulating thoughts I had while watching this movie!

In conclusion, Licorice Pizza is more or less a series of chuckle-inducing zesty vignettes with a bent-but-bighearted emotional throughline. Worth checking out!

Licorice Pizza is Recommended If You Like: Old sitcom bits and other pop culture ephemera, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Sisters yelling at each other

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Waterbeds