‘Bad Boys: Ride or Die’ Has Some Lies to Clear Up

June 4, 2024

jmunney Cinema, Movie Reviews , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, what you gonna ride? What you gonna ride, when you ride or die? (CREDIT: Frank Masi/Columbia Pictures)

Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Vanessa Hudgens, Alexander Ludwig, Paola Núñez, Eric Dane, Ioan Gruffudd, Jacob Scipio, Melanie Liburd, Tasha Smith, Rhea Seehorn, Joe Pantoliano, Tiffany Haddish, John Salley, DJ Khaled, Dennis Greene, Quinn Hemphill

Directors: Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: R for Heavy Artillery and the Dirty Cops That Fire Them

Release Date: June 7, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Don’t speak ill of the dead, or a couple of flashy Miami police detectives might just start investigating your ass. When the late Captain Conrad Howard (Joe Pantoliano) is posthumously accused of collaborating with a drug cartel, Detectives Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) and Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence) set out to clear their mentor’s good name. It seems stunningly obvious that Howard is innocent, but the cartel’s tendrils of influence are inescapable, and their arsenal is bottomless. Plus, it doesn’t help that the best course of action involves transferring Mike’s incarcerated son Armando (Jacob Scipio) so that he can ID the real perp. Adding to the hurricane is the fact that Captain Howard’s US Marshal daughter Judy (Rhea Seehorn) has her own plan to clear her dad’s name that doesn’t involve trusting Mike or Marcus.

What Made an Impression?: They’re Really Getting Too Old For This S-: The last Bad Boys flick came out four years ago, and it was already the sort of legacy action sequel that was majorly about how its main characters are aging out of their high-octane lifestyles. Ride or Die ramps that angle up right from the get-go, with Marcus suffering a widow maker heart attack after indulging in a few too many Skittles and gas station hot dogs. Meanwhile, Mike is having a series of inexplicable panic attacks. As it plays out, though, this is really more about the odd couple dynamic, as Lawrence was never exactly the action star specimen that Smith has been for most of his career. While this thread could have been more meditative, I appreciate that it’s at least occasionally psychedelic, with Marcus going on a rather visually inventive spiritual journey following his heart attack. The rest of the movie is typical gunfire-filled mayhem, but at least there’s room for the leads to occasionally riff about mystical mumbo-jumbo.
Fancy Bad Boys: Sometimes I just want to spotlight one weird specific moment from a movie without covering too many of the most important details. Ride or Die is pretty much a retread of Bad Boys for Life, after all (at least in terms of vibes, if not necessarily plot). But what For Life didn’t have is Mike and Marcus pretending to be Reba McEntire superfans to get themselves out of a pickle. If you’ve seen the trailer, you already know that they’re forced at gunpoint to sing their favorite song by the country superstar to prove their bona fides. And if that moment had you wondering if we get a Reba rendition of the Inner Circle song that serves as this franchise’s namesake, well, then I must say that you are thinking clearly. And that’s what I’m going to choose to focus on whenever I think about this movie.

Bad Boys: Ride or Die is Recommended If You Like: Martin Lawrence being really silly, Will Smith being really annoyed, Rhea Seehorn being really serious

Grade: 3 out of 5 Posthumous Video Messages

‘Spies in Disguise’ Preaches Weirdness, But It Could Stand to Be Weirder

December 16, 2019

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CREDIT: Blue Sky Studios/Twentieth Century Fox.

Starring: Will Smith, Tom Holland, Rashida Jones, Ben Mendelsohn, Reba McEntire, Rachel Brosnahan, Karen Gillan, DJ Khaled, Masi Oka

Directors: Troy Quane and Nick Bruno

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: PG for A Pigeon Eating a Band-Aid, and the Like

Release Date: December 25, 2019

Spies in Disguise has two credited directors and two credited screenwriters (and a third writer with a “story by” credit), and it’s based on a 2009 short film made by someone who is none of the aforementioned writers or directors. Yet it feels like a very singular, personal vision, as though it were willed into existence by someone who really loves pigeons and wanted the world to know that they’re not just rats with wings, but rather, dignified and eminently capable creatures. The world of animated children’s films is filled with plenty of talking animals, so this isn’t out of the ordinary in that regard. But I haven’t gotten the sense that movie-going tykes have been clamoring for the pigeon niche to be filled in this genre. And yet that’s what has happened, with about as triumphant a premise as possible, as the fate of the world hinges upon what super-awesome spy Lance Sterling (Will Smith) can accomplish when he turns into a pigeon.

If there are any pigeon aficionados out there, you will certainly be pleased by how lovingly they’re treated in this film. For everyone else, you’ll probably be floored by how out of time Spies in Disguise comes across. It feels like something that should have come out twenty years ago, when CGI animation was in its infancy and Smith was known primarily as a Man in Black. I actually appreciate some of its musty style, as it commits to a full-on opening credits sequence (a rarity in this era) that follows not one, but two, cold opening scenes.But the rest of my reaction to this film is basically being flummoxed by its outdated, non-specific definition of “weird.”

The other main character is socially inept young gadget guy Walter Beckett (Tom Holland), who is the one who accidentally turns Sterling into a bird. He’s spent his whole life believing that the world needs more weird, just like his mom assured him when he was a boy. But the thing is, while he may be a little awkward, I find it hard to believe that his line of work wouldn’t consider him weird so much as technologically essential. And while a man becoming a pigeon may be unusual in our world, it’s standard practice in this sort of movie. Spies in Disguise, you need to follow your own advice and be more weird.

Spies in Disguise is Recommended If You Like: Therianthropy

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Spies in Da Skies

SNL Love It/Keep It/Leave It: Paul Rudd/DJ Khaled

May 19, 2019

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CREDIT: Steven Molina Contreras/NBC

Jeffrey Malone watches every new episode of Saturday Night Live and then organizes the sketches into the following categories: “Love It” (potentially Best of the Season-worthy), “Keep It” (perfectly adequate), or “Leave It” (in need of a rewrite, to say the least). Then he concludes with assessments of the host and musical guest.

Love It

Colin and Michael Switch Jokes – Michael and Colin’s semi-annual tradition of writing compromising jokes for each other is now the best part of their Weekend Update era. There’s a potential pitfall that just repeating the formula could lead to diminishing returns, but this edition proves that there’s still room to up the ante. As usual, Che has written the sneakiest punchline (MLK running his mouth), but Colin implying bestiality for Michael is also a fox-like triumph.

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