‘Search for SquarePants’ is Proof that SpongeBob Belongs on the Big Screen Forever

December 16, 2025

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Is it Sponge-worthy? (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Clancy Brown, Rodger Bumpass, Mark Hamill, Regina Hall, Carolyn Lawrence, Mr. Lawrence, George Lopez, Ice Spice, Arturo Castro, Sherry Cola

Director: Derek Drymon

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Rating: PG for Cheeky Humor Overload

Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Flying Dutchman wants to break free! But will his scheme to accomplish that goal also result in the downfall of Bikini Bottom’s most famous fry cook? SpongeBob SquarePants (voiced as usual by the indefatigable Tom Kenny) has finally grown just tall enough to ride the local physics-defying rollercoaster. But when he actually lays his peepers on it, he suddenly decides that he’s not ready after all, so instead he and his best pal Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke) go on a deep(er)-sea adventure to prove their mettle as swashbucklers. Unfortunately, that puts him in the crosshairs of the aforementioned Dutchman (voiced nearly unrecognizably by Mark Hamill), who sees in Mr. SquarePants the perfect sacrificial lamb to break the curse of his ghostly existence. But have no fear, as Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown) and a surprisingly not-that-reluctant Squidward (Rodger Bumpass) are in hot pursuit to ensure that the boys have a little help to get back home safely.

What Made an Impression?: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sponge: At this point, it’s important to establish some context in my own personal SpongeBob journey. I was 11 when the show premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999, which is to say that I was almost too old to become a fan of a new Nicktoon. But this one had a surreal sensibility that held an ageless appeal to hook me just in time. However, it was never Priority Number One in my TV viewing schedule, and by my college years, it had fallen pretty much completely by the wayside. Fast forward a generation or two later, and I’m stunned to discover that new episodes are still being produced. Apparently, that longevity is the source of significant controversy, as creator Stephen Hillenburg (who passed away in 2018) reportedly wanted the show to end after the release of the first big-screen outing in 2004. Plus, the switch to a more computer-generated animation style has represented the loss of a lot of the original charm for a significant segment of the fandom. But as someone who gradually drifted away from Bikini Bottom with no ill will, I don’t have any declared loyalty in these dilemmas.
Always Ready: So all that background info is a windup to saying that I came to Search for SquarePants with an open mind and an eagerness to rediscover that logic-breaking glee of days gone by. And I must say: I found it. Oh baby, I found it! This movie is an absolute delight that lives up to the very best of SpongeBob. The demented energy and penchant for absurd set pieces that mash up the animation with cheap-looking live-action are just as on point as they’ve ever been. Of course though, as someone who’s been out of the loop, I can’t declare for sure if this is a return to form or rather a continuation of sustained excellence. But I can confidently insist that this outing is a fine addition to a sterling legacy.
They’ve Got a Way with Words: To prove how much I loved this movie, I will enter into evidence my moviegoing notebook, which is absolutely filled to the brim with transcriptions of the most hilarious bits of dialogue. Here are some choice selections, which may or may not be just as gut-busting out of context:
-“But-but-but-” “Butts are for toilets.”
-“We can’t lose in a Winnebago.”
-“I say puh-tay-toh, you say puh-tah-toh.” “No, I don’t.”
I also  lovingly wrote down a bunch of descriptions of visual gags, including a particularly cheeky one involving a brick that’s highlighted in the trailer.
Cool as Ice: Finally, I must heap special praise upon the theme song of SpongeBob’s growth spurt, “Big Guy” by Isis Gaston, aka The Bronx’s own Ice Spice (who also has a small part as an amusement park worker). It’s a total banger that’ll be thumping on my speakers throughout the holiday season. It’s not quite as iconic as Wilco’s “Just a Kid,” but give it a few years, and I might just be ready to declare that it’s on the same level.

The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants is Recommended If: You loved SpongeBob back in the day and have fond memories you’d like to revisit, or if you never stopped loving this yellow guy and want to spend more time in boisterous movie theaters

Grade: 4 out of 5 Dutchmen

‘Highest 2 Lowest’ Review: Spike Lee and Denzel Washington Reunite for Another Thriller Through the Streets of NYC

August 12, 2025

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But I Haven’t Seen “Highest 1 Lowest”! (CREDIT: A24)

Starring: Denzel Washington, Jeffrey Wright, Ilfenesh Hadera, Aubrey Joseph, ASAP Rocky, Elijah Wright, Ice Spice, Dean Winters, John Douglas Thompson, LaChanze, Michael Potts, Wendell Pierce

Director: Spike Lee

Running Time: 133 Minutes

Rating: R for Language Mostly, Nothing Extraordinary

Release Date: August 15, 2025 (Theaters)/September 5, 2025 (Apple TV+)

What’s It About?: Operating out of a pristine Brooklyn high-rise penthouse overlooking his empire, Stackin’ Hits CEO David King (Denzel Washington) seemingly has it all: the millions, the cultural cachet, the beautiful family. But there are a few cracks starting to form. The sales aren’t as massive as they used to be, and there’s a buyout offer on the table. And then catastrophe strikes, when his son Trey (Aubrey Joseph) is kidnapped for a $17.5 million ransom. Well, actually, the kidnapper meant to nab Trey, but he mistook his buddy Kyle (Elijah Wright) for him. He still wants those millions, though, even though Kyle’s dad Paul (Jeffrey Wright) isn’t in any position to put together all that cash. That leaves David in the driver’s seat, setting up an epic ethical struggle and a thrilling chase to exact justice when everything that matters is threatened from the bottom to the top.

What Made an Impression?: Big Big Big Big BIG: Spike Lee isn’t always the most maximalist filmmaker, but when he goes big, he doesn’t hold back. And in Highest 2 Lowest, let’s just say his approach is the opposite of small. Obviously, this is a high-stakes situation, but you can make some room for subtlety in even the most high-stakes scenarios if you want to. Or you can do what Lee and his cast and crew do and leave absolutely everything on the screen, and have it all triple-underlined by Howard Drossin’s bombastic operatic jazz score. Adjust your sensibilities accordingly if you don’t want to be absolutely overwhelmed.
NYC Isn’t Dead: Did you know that Spike Lee is a proud New Yorker? There are a few ways you might have found that out, like maybe if you’ve ever seen him courtside at a Knicks game, or if you’ve ever watched any of his earlier movies that just so happen to be set in the Big Apple. But even if Highest 2 Lowest is somehow your first exposure to Lee, there’s still a more-than-zero-percent chance that you’ll be able to figure out where he stands on the subject of his hometown, particularly during a subway-set piece in which a bunch of excited baseball fans start a chant of “Boston sucks!” while on their way to a Yankees game. It’s a little bit subtle, but not too hard to miss.
Arriving at the Crossroads: Ultimately, Highest 2 Lowest is preoccupied with posing the question: “Are you going to be the person you’re supposed to be?” Sure, there are some fun chase scenes and a raucous salsa concert on Puerto Rican Day along the way that might feel like they’re fun just for the sake of being fun. But the internal stakes are unmistakable. Is legacy more important than friendship and family? Can you be an artist and a thief? What do we owe the world if we have talents to share? Some characters are in more stable positions than others to answer these questions, but the stakes are captivating no matter what the specificities of the crisis.

Highest 2 Lowest is Recommended If You Like: The Bronx Bombers, Curating Your Record Collection, State Farm’s “Mayhem” Commercials

Grade: 4 out of 5 Ransoms

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 7/26/24

July 26, 2024

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Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
–Deadpool & Wolverine (Theaters) – I’m half-excited for this movie.
–Dìdi (Theaters)

TV
–Futurama Season* Premiere (July 29 on Hulu) – *I don’t know what season it is. This show’s seasons have been counted in so many different ways.

Music
-Ice Spice, Y2K!
-Rakim, G.O.D.s NETWORK: REB7RTH

Sports
-2024 Paris Summer Olympics (July 26-August 11 on NBC, USA, CNBC, E!, Golf Channel, Telemundo, Universo, Peacock)

Podcasts
–Middling (Premieres July 31) – Rewatching The Middle.

Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review: Pete Davidson/Ice Spice

October 15, 2023

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Ice Spice with my little Ice… (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)

Oh, hey there! Well, the WGA strike is over, and the SAG strike doesn’t apply to every single show on TV. So it’s time for Saturday Night Live Season 49 to commence! Fast food is the theme of the guest list for the first show, what with Pete Davidson hosting and Ice Spice providing the tunes.

And I’m still doing the wacky reviews! I’m also in the midst of marathon training, so let’s make this quick and do one-word assessments for each sketch.

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