‘Pinocchio, Pistachio, Toro! Toro! Toro!’

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What’s up, Pinocchio? (CREDIT: Netflix © 2022)

Starring: Gregory Mann, David Bradley, Ewan McGregor, Christoph Waltz, Tilda Swinton, Ron Perlman, Finn Wolfhard, Cate Blanchett, Burn Gorman, Tim Blake Nelson, John Turturro, Tom Kenny

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: November 9, 2022 (Theaters)/December 9, 2022 (Netflix)

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio – or as I refer to it, “Guillermo del Toro’s Pistachio” (because of that Rugrats episode where the babies call Pinocchio “Pistachio”) – is pretty dang lovely. It hasn’t quite inspired some baby-speak-style quoting from me to follow in the footsteps of the Rugrats version, but that’s okay. Furthermore, I thought that it was Cate Blanchett who was voicing the Fairy and her sister Death, but that was actually Tilda Swinton, while Cate was the voice of the monkey. That realization pretty much sums up my reaction in general to this whole movie, as Pinocchio’s stop-motion wooden walking was similarly mind-altering.

Grade: Cate Blanchett Voiced the Monkey?!

‘The Batman’ for The Birthday

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The Batman (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Zoë Kravitz, Paul Dano, Jeffrey Wright, John Turturro, Peter Sarsgaard, Andy Serkis, Colin Farrell

Director: Matt Reeves

Running Time: 176 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: March 4, 2022 (Theaters)

The Batman was my Cinematic Birthday Viewing of 2022. So I got a little festive and chowed down a little more than usual. The star of the lineup was a matcha chocolate milkshake garnished with a sesame seed cookie and boozed up with some ginger liqueur (though I hardly noticed the booze), while I also dabbled in some popcorn, loaded fries, and even pizza. (Not to mention I had an Impossible burger for dinner beforehand.) So now you know what state of mind (and state of stomach) I was in.

Anyway, as plenty of moviegoers have already noticed, this is a version of the Dark Knight that really emphasized the detective aspect. That made for a lot of Pattinson-Batman and Geoffrey Wright-Commissioner Gordon looking all confused at all those dang riddles! And when they realized that they might have made a major mistake with their deciphering, you could really tell how much they felt like chumps. I appreciated that vulnerability!

I also appreciated that Colin Farrell was both unrecognizable and indelible, and that Peter Sarsgaard was very recognizable (even though I spent the whole time thinking he was Corey Stoll).

In conclusion, would I ever like to be The Batman myself? Hardly! But I’m pretty sure I’ve now fully realized the value of having new versions always waiting for me as the world turns.

Grade: Gimme All Your Cyphers

This Is a Movie Review: Gloria Bell

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CREDIT: Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/A24

The message of Gloria Bell seems to be that you’re never too old to be emotionally immature. The Julianne Moore-portrayed title character might be a divorced grandmother, but she is obviously still deserving of love, and writer-director Sebastián Lelio is clearly more than happy to give her the space to go dancing and spread her wings. And the age-appropriate guys in her orbit know that she is quite a catch. The one that she spends most of her time with, John Turturro’s Arnold, is good company, but he also cannot handle the fact that she had love before him and that it is still a part of her life. Whenever he enters into emotionally challenging territory, he whines and moans and hides. Gloria makes an effort to cut him out of her life when he gets to be way too extra, but she has a chronic case of just-can’t-quit-you-itis. In a way, this movie is about Gloria learning to say yes by saying no, and on that score, it earns the exhilaration of playing Laura Branigan over the end credits.

I give Gloria Bell A Few Eye Rolls, a Thumbs Up, and a Bunch of Hugs.

What Won TV? – August 28-September 3, 2016

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In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.

The Night Of Closing Argument

Sunday – The Night Of, mostly for John Turturro’s closing argument
Monday – The US Open kicked off.
Tuesday – Difficult People
Wednesday – You’re the Worst
Thursday – RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars is snatching up my attention on Thursdays.
Friday – A bit of US Open
Saturday – US Open