Jmunney's Blog

Which of them will end up Split? All Three? (CREDIT: NEON; Vertical/Screenshot)

Splitsville

Starring: Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Simon Webster

Director: Michael Angelo Covino

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

The Threesome

Starring: Jonah Hauer-King, Zoey Deutch, Ruby Cruz, Jaboukie Young-White, Josh Segarra, Kristin Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney, Arden Myrin, Robert Longstreet

Director: Chad Hartigan

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

Whoa, why are relationships getting so tangled and messy at the cinema lately? In the span of just two days, I saw Splitsville and The Threesome, which both had me frequently going, “Now see, are you sure you want to do that?” So I’ll go ahead and turn that question back around to myself and ask if I would like to try on any of these dynamics, perhaps just for the heck of it.

First up, I’ll check in to Splitsville (which I’m writing about before seeing The Threesome, which may or may not matter), in which this lady named Ashley (Adria Arjona) tells her husband Carey (Kyle Marvin) that she wants a divorce. That leads Carey to seek comfort in the ostensibly warm embrace of his friends Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), who it turns out have an open relationship. So Carey and Julie hook up, but Paul isn’t exactly okay with that. Meanwhile, Carey and Ashley eventually decide to try remaining married while opening up their relationship as well. Soon enough, Carey is falling in love with Julie, Ashley is falling back in love with Carey, and Paul and Ashley are teaming up to make their exes-who-are-still-their-spouses jealous. So, uh… yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t fully ensconced within this entire misadventure. If I’m ever part of an open relationship, I’m going to push for us to all sign a contract beforehand. But you know, like a sexy contract.

As for The Threesome, the messiness is baked right into the premise: three people enter a sexual encounter, two pregnancies emerge. At least compared to Splitsville, there’s one less person to keep track of in this case. Although of course, that’s not fully true, because plenty of other orbiting folks end up getting involved. Anyway, the dude in this scenario, Connor (Jonah Hauer-King), has stronger romantic feelings for one of the ladies, specifically Zoey Deutch’s Olivia. But he also wants to do right by their new intimate friend, Ruby Cruz’s Jenny. There are plenty of missteps along the way, but somehow we end on a note of everything turning out more or less okay.

When it comes to comparing and contrasting, the conclusion is: Splitsville is a whole lot messier than promised, whereas The Threesome is just the opposite. Honestly, I wouldn’t hate living through the latter’s scenario, though I wouldn’t exactly seek it out either, except perhaps as a less entangled observer. Connor’s friend Greg (Jaboukie Young-White) and his mom Suzanne (Julia Sweeney) definitely have fun in that role without getting hit by too much crossfire. So yeah, I wouldn’t mind lending a sympathetic ear.

Grades:
Splitsville: I Can Only Split So Much Before I Break
The Threesome: 3.5 out of 5 Threes