Watching ‘The Long Walk’ is Its Own Sort of Exhausting (And That’s the Idea)

September 3, 2025

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Long Walk, Don’t Short Run, to Theaters (Credit: Murray Close/Lionsgate)

Starring: Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Mark Hamill, Ben Wang, Garrett Wareing, Joshua Odjick, Tut Nuyot, Charlie Plummer, Roman Griffin Davis, Jordan Gonzalez, Judy Greer, Josh Hamilton

Director: Francis Lawrence

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Stunning Violence, Pesky Bodily Functions, and Young Men Dropping a Whole Lot of F-Bombs

Release Date: September 12, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In the days of a totalitarian regime in a dystopian United States, the ruling party has concocted an annual contest to keep hope alive among the citizens while also brutally reminding them who’s in charge. The rules are simple: walk, or die. To get a little more detailed, the young men in the Long Walk must maintain a speed of at least three miles per hour the entire time. If they slow down too much for too long, or stray from the prescribed path, they will be instantly executed. The last one moving – and still alive – is declared the victor and given a life-changing cash prize. Friendships and resentments alike are forged in this crucible, and maybe even a little revolution is also brewing.

What Made an Impression?: Influencing and Influenced: It’s hard not to look at a dystopian story about young people and not go, “Hey, how did we end up back in Panem?!” Of course, though, The Hunger Games doesn’t have a monopoly on this subgenre. Furthermore, The Long Walk is based on an early Stephen King novel, published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman in 1979, whereas Suzanne Collins’ first novel about Katniss & Co. arrived on shelves in 2008. Plus, once you get past the superficial similarities, you realize that The Long Walk is delivering something more intimate, i.e., a simultaneous test of both endurance and claustrophobia. Which is to say, it’s very much its own thing.
You Can’t Outwalk Yourself: Humans generally aren’t used to walking hundreds of miles nonstop, so at a certain point, the body is prone to rebel or otherwise declare, “Hey, I’ve got some other stuff to take care of.” So it’s no surprise that the Long Walkers start experiencing plenty of cuts and scrapes and cramps and twists. Not to mention all the waste forcing its way out in the form of classic feces or the voices emerging from their heads. I appreciate that this wasn’t presented in Smell-O-Vision.
No Escape: I’m a long-distance runner with a few marathons under my belt, but I’ve never experienced anything quite as exhausting as The Long Walk. Perhaps that’s why it’s managed to worm its way into my subconscious so comfortably despite being a mostly unpleasant viewing experience. The unrelenting bleakness also certainly helps with that unforgettability. Ultimately, the biggest compliment I can pay this movie is: I don’t want to constantly remember it, but it won’t let me forget.

The Long Walk is Recommended If You Like: Stephen King at his bleakest, Dystopias at their bleakest, Nihilist poop jokes

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Legs

‘Maestro’ + ‘Godzilla Minus One’ = ???

December 11, 2023

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CREDIT: Jason McDonald/Netflix; Toho/Screenshot

Maestro

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Carey Mulligan, Matt Bomer, Maya Hawke, Sarah Silverman, Michael Urie, Brian Klugman, Gideon Glick, Sam Nivola, Miriam Shor, Alexa Swinton, Josh Hamilton, June Gable

Director: Bradley Cooper

Running Time: 129 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: November 22, 2023 (Theaters)/December 20, 2023 (Theaters)

Godzilla Minus One

Starring: Ryunosuke Kamiki, Minami Hamabe, Yuki Yamada, Munetaka Aoki, Hidetaka Yoshioka, Sakura Ando, Kuranosuke Sasaki, Mio Tanaka, Sae Nagatani

Director: Takashi Yamazaki

Running Time: 125 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 1, 2023 (Theaters)

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In ‘Landscape with Invisible Hand,’ the Alien and Human Cultures Clash and Collaborate

August 16, 2023

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Which hand is invisible? (CREDIT: Lynsey Weatherspoon/ Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures)

Starring: Asante Blackk, Kylie Rogers, Tiffany Haddish, Josh Hamilton, Brooklyn MacKinzie, Michael Gandolfini, William Jackson Harper

Director: Cordy Finley

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Harsh Language Apparently (This Should Absolutely Be PG-13)

Release Date: August 18, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The extraterrestrials have arrived! And they’ve completely transformed society. The aliens of Landscape with Invisible Hand are crustacean-esque creatures known as the Vuvv who like to claim that they’ve instituted a sort of utopia. But really, it’s just their own version of exploitative capitalism. A few humans make out like gangbusters by ingratiating themselves into Vuvv culture, while the majority of Earth’s population struggle to deal. both financially and ethically. Among the hustlers are teenage visual artist Adam Campbell (Asante Blackk), his mom Beth (Tiffany Haddish), and sister Natalie (Brooklyn MacKinzie). At least they still have a roof over their head, which is more than can be said for his classmate Chloe (Kylie Rogers). Sparks immediately fly between the two of them, and he fancies himself a Good Samaritan, so he invites her and her dad (Josh Hamilton) and brother (Michael Gandolfini) to stay at his house until they can find something steady. But this arrangement soon turns awkward, and it only gets weirder once the Vuvv become closely involved.

What Made an Impression?: Getting On to Get On: Landscape with Invisible Hand is a bit of a postmodern alien visitation flick, insofar as the Vuvv are students of Earth culture. They’re mostly fans of classic domestic sitcoms, since they reproduce asexually and concepts like romantic and familial love are generally foreign to them. But you also get the sense that they’re familiar with conquering cinematic ETs and that they’re making a concerted effort to present themselves as a benevolent alternative. But we’ve already heard this story before in Earth history: it’s called colonization.
Even if you recognize the holes in the Vuvv’s telling, this is the new status quo, and there’s only the merest hints of revolution. So in the meantime, pretty much everyone is forced to confront how much of their integrity they’re willing to compromise to get by. And so, we meet a neurosurgeon who gives up his practice for the much more menial and wholly unnecessary – but also much more lucrative – job of Vuvv driver. Plenty of others are forced to sell their own intimacy. Adam and Chloe hit upon a quick moneymaking scheme by broadcasting their budding relationship to the Vuvv, who are fascinated by the rituals of human courtship. And one Vuvv even “marries” Beth so that he can experience what it’s like to be a human father. If this sounds like modern social media and reality TV stardom, you’re not too far off.
You’ll Know ‘Em When You Hear ‘Em: LwIH harkens back to classic mid-century sci-fi with its theremin-heavy score from Michael Abels. It suggests a woozy promise of the future that rings profoundly false. Sure, there are spaceships hanging up in the sky, but most people are stuck on the ground eating faux-meat blocks. That care to the aural design extends to the idiosyncratic sound effects. The Vuvv’s language is communicated by rubbing their fin-like appendages to create an alphabet that resembles scratching sandpaper and scraping pencils. It presents a mundane, but also unforgettable, reshaping of how to perceive the universe.
The Colors Endure: And finally, I would be remiss not to mention the element that lends this movie its title, as we’re treated to a series of shots of Adam’s artwork over the years. He’s been painting and drawing ever since he was a toddler, resulting in a signature, often watercolor-based expressive style. Eventually, his most ambitious project to date captures the attention of a prominent Vuvv art critic, who offers Adam a lucrative position as a human artist-in-residence. There’s a lot thematically in play in Landscape with Invisible Hand, and it handles this conflict of creativity vs. commerce as deftly as everything else.

Landscape with Invisible Hand is Recommended If You Like: Classic sci-fi, Modern social media, YA novels

Grade: 4 out of 5 Vuvvs

‘The Map of Tiny Perfect Things’ is Here to Fulfill the Time Loop Movie Quota

February 9, 2021

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The Map of Tiny Perfect Things (CREDIT: Dan Anderson/Amazon Studios)

Starring: Kyle Allen, Kathryn Newton, Jermaine Harris, Josh Hamilton, Jorja Fox, Cleo Fraser, Anna Mikami, Al Madrigal

Director: Ian Samuels

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Random, Mostly Harmless Teenage Shenanigans

Release Date: February 12, 2021 (Amazon Prime Video)

Oh wow, another time loop movie already? Is Hollyweird required to release at least one of these per year? (Or does it just feel that way because it seems like all the days in the real world are just reruns?) This time around, the romantic story takes special prominence, as was also the case in the loopy likes of Groundhog Day, Palm Springs, and even Happy Death Day. As with Palm Springs, the main guy and gal in The Map of Tiny Perfect Things are both re-doing the same day, and it’s that commonality from whence their sparks fly (at least initially). And I mean, hey, why not! That’s a pretty significant similarity. If you’re living through a time loop, it’s hard to fully relate to anyone else unless they’re also living through that loop.

When we first meet Mark (Kyle Allen) and Margaret (Kathryn Newton), they appear to be at least dozens – if not hundreds (or thousands) – of loops deep. And quite frankly, they’re totally OVER it all. That’s not to say they’re in Despair Mode, but rather that they have a roll-with-the-punches attitude of teenagers privileged enough to not yet be crushed by the weight of adult responsibilities. In a typical time loop movie, breaking out of the loop requires (or is at least accompanied by) discovering how to be a better person. As for Mark and Margaret, sure, they learn some lessons, but that aspect feels more or less beside the point. Instead, they spend their time experiencing all the titular “tiny perfect things” (like the sunset or a cute lost dog reappearing) that occur in their town on this particular day, because what the heck else are they going to do with all this infinity?

Eventually, we do get an explanation about why this loop started and how it shall end, and your chances of finding it emotionally satisfying will probably depend on whether or not you’re a teenager or if you can at least tap into your inner teen. But before we get there, Tiny Perfect Things is more interested in the minutiae of making the most minute changes while repeating a process over and over. There’s a runner in which Mark explains everything that’s going on to his friend Henry (Jermaine Harris) while Henry plays video games. It’s in these moments when the movie is at its most comfortable, as it posits: what if life were like a video game in which you keep making it to the same point and try something different each time to survive or successfully complete a task? Depending on your inclination, the result would either be mind-numbing or endlessly fascinating (or perhaps both).

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things is Recommended If You Like: Twitch video game streaming, AB testing, Discovering postmodernism for the first time

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Lost Dogs

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Eighth Grade’ is a Rewarding Portrayal of Adolescent Anxiety

July 12, 2018

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CREDIT: A24

This review was originally posted on News Cult in July 2018.

Starring: Elsie Fisher, Josh Hamilton

Director: Bo Burnham

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: R, Because The MPAA is Worried the Target Audience Can’t Handle a Frank Portrayal of Teen Sexuality

Release Date: July 13, 2018 (Limited)

I tend to be careful about recommending any movie that effectively showcases anxiety, because if it is well-made, it will all but guarantee an unpleasant experience for viewers who are prone to anxiety. In the case of Eighth Grade, which unflinchingly portrays the age that is for many the height of discomfort, it would seem to be the peak of a risky proposition. As 13-year-old Kayla, Elsie Fisher thoroughly embodies a state of constant uncertainty. If you have any empathy at all, it is a big ask on the part of the film to watch her story. But the end result is not a transfer of Kayla’s anxiety, but rather invigoration. It is quite the emotional wringer, but I am grateful for the experience, and I imagine you will be, too.

Writer/director Bo Burnham has talked about his own experiences with anxiety in his comedy performances, and he has found that teenage girls related to that side of himself more than any other group. Thus why he made a film about a middle school girl instead of what could have easily been something autobiographical. His understanding of permanent unease is clearly fundamental, which is abundantly clear in his sensory decisions. Kayla’s arrivals at various locations – school, the mall, a pool party – are accompanied by her own internal soundtrack. It tends to be exuberant party music, but overly busy with a staccato rhythm that gives it a jagged edge.

Kayla attempts to lift up herself (as well as anyone who might be out there listening) with YouTube videos offering advice about how to be more confident and adventurous in day-to-day life. Alas, we see her in a seemingly unending struggle to reap the benefits of following her own words. But by the end, she is genuinely excited for high school and in a much warmer place with her doting single father (Josh Hamilton). It seems like there really is a light at the end of the anxiety tunnel, and against all odds, Eighth Grade manages to leave me more hopeful than most movies. I hope that is not due to the randomness of my own shifting emotions, but rather genuine inspiration.

Eighth Grade is Recommended If You Like: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Inside Out, Emotional nakedness

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Guccis