‘Abigail’ Takes a Few Bites, and It Sure Gets Messy

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Isn’t she lovely! (CREDIT: Bernard Walsh/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Alisha Weir, Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Kathryn Newton, William Catlett, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud, Giancarlo Esposito

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R for Buckets of Blood, and Even Some Guts, and All the Attendant F-Bombs

Release Date: April 19, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A ragtag group of criminals who are the best at what they do are assembled for a seemingly simple job: kidnap 12-year-old ballerina Abigail (Alisha Weir) and demand a $50 million ransom from her very powerful father. They hole up in a mansion for what’s meant to be a straightforward babysitting gig and assume Rat Pack-inspired codenames to hide their true identities. But that’s not amore, because it soon becomes clear that they’re in much more than they’ve bargained for when Abigail reveals the full extent of her identity. Could it be that this crew has more in common that they realize and that they might just have the right pop culture-inspired know-how to escape this house of horrors? Considering that Abigail was directed by the savvy team behind Ready or Not and the last couple of Screams, signs point to yes!

What Made an Impression?: Twist Premise: If you’ve ever listened to the podcast Scott Hasn’t Seen, then you may have encountered a pet theory of its co-host Scott Aukerman. The gist is that movies shouldn’t have titles, but instead just be identified by numbers, e.g. “Movie #10,607.” Aukerman’s point is that it’s best for audiences to experience movies with absolutely zero expectations and therefore maximum potential for surprise. If that idea appeals to you, then you should stop reading this review RIGHT NOW if you have any interest in seeing Abigail. But if you already regularly go to the movie theater or watch TV, then chances are you’ve already seen the ubiquitous trailer, which gives away the big twist at the heart of the concept. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing about the title dancer’s bloodsucking tendencies when entering the theater, but it is worth noting that the script doesn’t rush into the reveal. I loved seeing the Abigail trailer as often as I did, but it would’ve been nice to have been able to test out Mr. Aukerman’s theory.
Let’s Make a Deal: When Abigail shows what appears to be its full hand, it turns into a full-bore cat-and-mouse most dangerous game as a little predator nibbles away at her prey. But it actually has another ace or two up its sleeve. You see, Abigail’s father is a notorious gangster businessman whose elimination of his enemies has become a bit of an urban legend. Or it would be a legend, if it weren’t all true. That wrinkle might make it seem like the bloodlust is even more inescapable, but it also opens up some avenues for wheeling and dealing. Abigail may love playing with her food, but there are certain frustrations that come with being a preteen for centuries. And while you’d be wise to be skeptical about her or anyone else of her ilk when they say they’ll let you go, their offers do make for some intriguing negotiation.
Theater of Blood: With her levitational abilities, bone-twisting dance skills, and telepathic manipulation, Abigail’s powers are about as boundless as you could possibly fear they’d be. But it’s essential for vampires to have some vulnerability, and that’s where Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett excel. Let’s just say, if you manage to expose Abigail to sunlight or poke her with a stake, she does not go gently. If you enjoyed the death scenes in Ready or Not, then you’ll lap up Abigail as quite the encore. Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett aren’t reinventing the vampire wheel here (who could at this point?), but they’re certainly pouring all of their blood and guts into it.

Abigail is Recommended If You Like: Ready or Not, And Then There Were None, The blood elevator from The Shining

Grade: 3 out of 5 Tutus

‘Scream VI’ Takes as Many Bites Out of The Big Apple as Possible

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Scream If You Know What You’re Doing March 10 (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Media Group)

Starring: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Courteney Cox, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Hayden Panettiere, Dermot Mulroney, Devyn Nekoda, Liana Liberato, Jack Champion, Josh Segarra, Samara Weaving, Tony Revolori, Henry Czerny, Roger L. Jackson

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 123 Minutes

Rating: R for Sharp Weapons and Blunt Profanity

Release Date: March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Ghostface Killer is a virus that simply refuses to die. After 2022’s Scream rebooted the mayhem in Woodsboro with as much wit and fury as ever, the survivors are finally heading out of California and all the way across the country to New York City. Tara (Jenna Ortega), Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown), and Chad (Mason Gooding) are in college, while Tara’s big sis Sam (Melissa Barrera) has also settled down in the city to keep an eye on everyone. Yes, horror faithful, it’s true, the new kids have finally inherited the franchise. After taking a scaled-back role in the last outing, Sidney Prescott is finally nowhere to be seen (which is perhaps creatively justifiable, but has more to do with Neve Campbell’s financial dissatisfaction with what she was offered). But there are a couple of legacy characters on hand, with Gail Weathers (Courteney Cox) as indefatigable as ever, and Scream 4 breakout Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) re-emerging as a battle-hardened FBI agent. And those youngsters are going to need all the help they can get, because this might just be the most brutal Ghostface yet.

What Made an Impression?: Scream has always been the most successful self-aware horror franchise, and with the fifth edition, it expanded its scope to reboots and toxic film culture at large. So where does that leave Scream VI to possibly go from here? The short answer: it’s the “sequel to the requel,” which could very well mean a remake of sorts of the first sequel. And like Scream 2, VI has the college setting and the potential for a revenge scheme. Other than that, the plot isn’t exactly repeated, but there’s only so much room to navigate if this series wants to proclaim anything that it hasn’t yet declared.

So with those restrictions in place, VI lives or dies by the strength of its kills and mystery. Regarding the former, it’s stunningly braven. The Ghostface murderers have never been shy about wantonly stabbing their way through the entire run time, but it hits a little differently in a setting as crowded as NYC. When a killer chases Tara and Sam into a bodega and proceeds to mutilate everyone in there, I’m mostly wondering how there aren’t immediately thousands of witnesses. Also, there’s a shotgun behind the counter, which I hope isn’t true of the bodegas I frequent, but now I’m a little concerned. On the other hand, a Ghostface attack on the subway hasn’t changed my mind about that mode of transport – it remains a hellhole that I’ll continue to proudly frequent as often as possible.

And in terms of the mystery, the same cardinal rule still applies: literally anyone could be one of the killers! Sure, the heroes from the previous films are probably exempt from suspicion, although Sam’s backstory as the daughter of O.G. Ghostface Billy Loomis at least teases the possibility that that may not be the case. But other than that, suspicion really is cast on everyone, and I continue to be amazed at this series’ knack for keeping us on our toes. As suspects are eliminated or present seemingly airtight alibis, we’re all left wondering who is possibly left to be the culprit. Without giving anything away, the ultimate reveal is thrilling, stylish, and delightfully choreographed.

But while we’re on the subject of spoilers, I’m happy to give away the fact that Josh Segarra, here introduced as a potential love interest for Sam, is just as much of a sweetie pie as he is on the Comedy Central sitcom The Other Two. (And in the interest of avoiding spoilers, I’ll reiterate that that may or may not have nothing or anything to do with whether or not he could be Ghostface.)

So where does Scream go from here? The floor has thus far proved to be incredibly durable, but can it endure indefinitely? The absence of Sidney is sorely felt, and the dialogue isn’t always as sharp as it’s been in the past, but there’s still plenty to love here. I’m reminded a bit of the Fast and Furious franchise, as Scream is showing off a knack for expansiveness and rebooting beloved characters as needed, although without any room (thus far) for resurrections or redemptions. So maybe Campbell could return some day. Maybe Ghostface will eventually go to space. Maybe there’ll be an avenging protector Ghostface who protects everyone from all the evil Ghostfaces. Whatever direction it goes, I’m pretty sure something interesting will happen.

Scream VI is Recommended If You Like: Taking a chance on a new direction while still maintaining a connection to the past

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Unmaskings

‘Scream’ is Still Nailing the Horror Zeitgeist

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Scream 2022 (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Jack Quaid, Mikey Madison, Mason Gooding, Dylan Minnette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Marley Shelton, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Kyle Gallner, Sonia Ben Ammar, Roger L. Jackson

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R for A Lot of Blood, and a Few Chats About Getting It On

Release Date: January 14, 2022 (Theaters)

The latest Scream movie is the fifth in the slasher series, but it’s not called “Scream 5.” Instead, it’s just called “Scream,” exactly like the very first entry. This is the latest example of an annoying trend in which sequels that also work as reboots to long-running franchises have the exact same title as the original, with 2018’s Halloween perhaps the most notorious example. I had convinced myself not to talk about the title in my review, figuring that it would be more interesting to focus on the content of the actual movie. But then I watched the movie, and it turned out that there’s a very good reason for that recycled title. Because this time around, the Woodsboro stabbing crew is aiming its knife at those franchise “requels” and all the other cinema that inspires a certain breed of toxic fandom.

More than 25 years after the first killing spree, you could be forgiven for wondering how there still could possibly be anyone connected to Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) with enough bloodlust to justify another sequel. The answer is that this time around, the motivation is less logical, and therefore more brutal and disturbing. You know the sorts of people who complain about how the likes of latter-day Star Wars and female-led Ghostbusters have destroyed their childhoods? What if they were so upset that they resorted to murder to set things right? That’s a premise that could conceivably stand on its own as an original horror flick, but it feels all too appropriate that instead it has commandeered one of the most beloved scary movie franchises of all time.

In some ways, this latest Scream is like an original effort, insofar as it focuses on the new faces ahead of the legacy characters much more so than any of the other adventures of Woodsboro. But of course, it’s still very much a part of the franchise insomuch as it follows the formula of a killer (or killers) lurking within a friend group of horny young people while terrorizing them with creepy phone calls. (Roger L. Jackson returns once again as the voice of Ghostface, and his deep cadence sounds a lot like the deep, steady tones of original Scream director Wes Craven, to the point that I wondered if Craven had before his 2015 passing recorded some dialogue to be used later.) Don’t worry too much about staleness, though, as there are some zigs when you expect zags, as characters either don’t know – or don’t care – about the rules that supposedly determine who dies and how in a horror movie. Co-directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett have a knack for keeping audiences on their toes like this, which they demonstrated amply in their 2019 bloodbath Ready or Not.

At times, the acting may skew a little more melodramatic than is advisable, but overall, Scream remains as remarkably fun and fresh as it’s ever been. Where originally there were conversations about how blade-wielders patiently stalk their victims, now we have discussions about how the newest generation of horror tastemakers are enthralled by “elevated horror” like The Babadook and Hereditary, and how long-in-the-tooth franchises need to find that sweet spot of “not too different, not too repetitive” to succeed. Scream 2022 finds that sweet spot, and goes in for the kill.

Scream (2022) is Recommended If You Like: Defending all the Scream sequels, Ready or Not, You’re Next, Talking with your fellow movie -obsessed friends, Film Twitter, Listening to and/or hosting movie podcasts

Grade: 4 out of 5 Requels

No Need to Make a Deal with the Devil: Go See ‘Ready or Not’!

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CREDIT: Eric Zachanowich/Twentieth Century Fox

Starring: Samara Weaving, Adam Brody, Mark O’Brien, Henry Czerny, Andie MacDowell, Nicky Guadagni, Kristian Bruun, Melanie Scrofano, Elyse Levesque, John Ralston

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: R for Ridiculous and Bloody Violence, Over-the-Top Profanity, and a Few Bumps of Cocaine

Release Date: August 21, 2019

Rich people are so different from the rest of us (HOW DIFFERENT ARE THEY?!) that some of them think it’s perfectly justifiable to hunt other people for fun. Or at least that’s what the 1924 short story “The Most Dangerous Game” and its many descendants would have us believe. The latest example is Ready or Not, which features the highest-stakes version of hide-and-seek I have ever witnessed. It takes place at the mansion of the Le Domas family, whose black sheep son Alex (Mark O’Brien) has returned home with his new bride Grace (Samara Weaving). The Le Domases made their fortune in the gaming industry, and it is no coincidence that tradition dictates that whenever someone marries into the family, she must play a little game with her in-laws on her wedding night.

As the newbie to all this eccentricity, Grace is of course the hider, which she discovers is quite a frightening position to be in when she learns that everyone is trying to kill her before the sun comes up. This may sound like some sort of twisted sport hunting, but while the Le Domases can be gleeful in their attempted murder, they would rather not have to go through it. And yet they have decided they must, for they believe that something very bad will happen to them if they do not complete the ritual. You see, a few generations ago, when the first Le Domas arrived in America, he made a deal with a strange benefactor who promised – and delivered – great fortune, but with the caveat that his family must perform this wedding night gameplay in perpetuity under penalty of execution. The underlying message is clear: the ultra-rich are prone to some rather offbeat logic to justify their lot in life.

The familial indoctrination on display here is strikingly similar to that of a cult, which has me wondering: is devotion to the principles of the ultra-rich a religious sect unto itself? The religious overtones are certainly there, as the mandatoriness of the lethal hide-and-seek is fashioned as a sort of deal with the devil. But while the Le Domases appear to be allegiant to some sort of dark lord, their loyalty is not all that different than the sort demanded by the God of the Old Testament. While watching Ready or Not, I couldn’t stop thinking of Abraham attempting to sacrifice his son Isaac after God commanded him to do so, with God then rewarding Abraham for his loyalty. Is Alex’s responsibility to kill his new wife just a similar test of faith?

The great satisfaction of Ready or Not is how these weighty issues of generational inheritance fit so seamlessly within the thrills of a relentless and-then-there-were-none-style slasher pic. The performances follow suit. Samara Weaving is like a threatened animal screaming full-bodied howls animated by profound incredulousness, with the survivor’s strength she summons recalling Marilyn Burns in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Sharni Vinson in You’re Next. As the parents and aunt of the groom, Andie MacDowell, Henry Czerny, and Nicky Guadagni are all disturbingly committed to the game, while Adam Brody, as Alex’s brother Daniel, is in eternal negotiations with the legacy he’s inherited. The blood in Ready or Not is disturbing, hilarious, and thought-provoking – what else can you ask for?!

Ready or Not is Recommended If You Like: You’re Next, Clue, The Purge

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Bloody Wedding Dresses